With the Power of Alcohol, the Hairpin is Yours

Ning Zhuoru grumbled, “What sort of host shows up later than the invitees?”

Lang Qing shook his head. “We have ordered a table of food. We can’t run even if he is late.”

Yuan Kou, who clearly had a bit too much to drink already based on him drumming the table with his drumsticks, said, “Sir, you are too stingy. You do not need to be so late even if you do not want to treat us. You have to have three drinks as punishment.”

Teng: “Welcome.”

Ever since they started hanging around me, all of them had grown more shameless.

“There seems to be a misunderstanding.” I sat down, had two drinks, finished a drumstick and then continued, “I did not come to treat you.”

Once they looked confused, I stated, “I shall be frank with your judgements.”

Though the five of them were bouncing off walls at the moment, they were still criminals who were only released temporarily thanks to me. They, however, seemed to forget the fact since they stayed put in the capital. Actually, they sounded as if they were ready to become residents of the capital.

Gu Xianxian and his wife started crying.

“Our poor unborn child.”

“You, too, my dear wife! All three of us!”

Lang Qing and Teng exchanged eye contact, both planning to jump out the building and speed off, but Yuan Kou grabbed them and said, “Relax! We don’t even know what they’ll do with us yet. What’s the hurry? Sir, what is going to be done with us?”

I shrugged. “Exile.”

Gu Xianxian and his wife cried louder. Lang Qing and Teng no longer had any hesitations. Yuan Kou was ready to run, too, but the trio couldn’t move. Gu Xianxian and Ning Zhuoru freaked out as they watched the three shiver as they were pulled back to their seaks.𝐛𝗲𝐝𝐧𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹.𝗼𝐫𝗴

Lang Qing: “Y-you…”

I removed my celestial spider silk, then helped myself to another cup of wine. It wouldn’t have been possible to pull all three of them back using a vacuum from a single palm strike, so the silk saved me the trouble of striking twice.

“What are you all panicking for? I did say exile, but I never said suffering. Relax.”

Yuan Kou, catching on fast, even gave up on resisting the cold energy. “Sir, just tell it to us straight. Stop toying with us.”

“So, about this meal?”

“We will pay for it.”

“Deal.” I tossed a peanut into my mouth. “Your crimes were supposed to have been swept under the rug. Unfortunately, you know about Fiends’ Genesis’ and Jiang Chen’s recent activities. Jiang Chen assaulted the imperial city. That’s treason at the highest level. Therefore, it goes without saying that Fiends’ Genesis are heinous criminals. Everyone in the imperial court unanimously supports annihilating Fiends’ Genesis. Thing is, Fiends’ Genesis isn’t easy to locate. What are they going to do if they can’t find the culprits? Would you be able to let the offence go if you were in the imperial court’s shoes?”

They had a think and then painfully shook their heads – except for Yuan Kou, who mumbled, “I could. I could. The imperial court is tolerant. They only killed a couple of people and set a few fires.” I glared Yuan Kou into shaking his head.

“Right? Who could take it lying?” I gently tapped the table, then resumed, “What else could be done if you didn’t want to take it lying?” I swept my gaze over them before elaborating, “Venting.”

Gu Xianxian replied, “But they can’t find Fiends’ Genesis.”

“Exactly. Precisely. Since they can’t find the culprit, they’ll have to vent on the culprit’s associates, right? Brother Gu, since you’re so clever, how about taking a guess as to who that would be.”

Gu Xianxian stopped to think, then responded, “There only seems to be the five of us, then… Wait, what?! They’re going to take it out on us?!”

I flicked up a thumb. “You really are a genius, Brother Gu. I’ll go and give them the feedback. I promise you’ll have your way.”

Gu Xianxian nearly collapsed.

Lang Qing questioned, “It sounds like they haven’t decided to kill us yet, correct?”

“Not far off, though. In short, the imperial court isn’t taking this lightly. You all know who Secretary Lie is, right? He’s in charge of the Ministry of War. Fiends’ Genesis inflamed him. He’s been warming up his hands to go hack some fiends.”

Secretary Lie truly was busy, and his department was also busy enough for citizens to have noticed. The five of them also seemed to have heard or seen something related.

“You can relax, though. While the imperial court is united in the decision, you have me, right?”

Yuan Kou: “What did you say, Sir?”

“I tried to dissuade them! I poured my heart out to His Majesty; I had to drink three barrels of tea a day to rehydrate. I spoke to everyone involved to convince them to finally reduce your sentences to exile.”

“Exile is still too much.” Teary, Ning Zhuoru sobbed, “I’m pregnant. I can’t stand that much stress. Besides, my child would be… would be…”

“Don’t worry. You still have me. Who am I? I wouldn’t leave you to your fates after all that you five helped me with, right? I kept pushing. I said that exile was fine, but that I would have to make the decision on how that was implemented. You know how close His Majesty and I are. He gave me the nod.”

“S-so how will you exile us, Sir?” questioned Yuan Kou.

“Simple. Our boss at Liu Shan Men has been relocated away from the capital, so I suggested bringing you five along. Since you must travel a long distance, it counts as exile. Helping Liu Shan Men out at the office and taking care of affairs in the pugilistic world counts as serving your sentence.”

Even Teng and Lang Qing relaxed after hearing that.

Considering their skills, they would have had to have their martial arts deleted before they were exiled. That wasn’t a concern if they were travelling with Liu Shan Men. Plus, they were used to the freedom of the pugilistic world, so asking them to perform manual labour as servants was no different to a death sentence. Allowing them to deal with problems in the martial world granted them a degree of freedom. Yuan Kou, in particular, was obsessed with employment under the imperial court, so what complaint could he have possibly had?

After thanking me, enjoying a relaxing meal, then bidding me goodbye, they headed off to pack up and prepare to report in to Boss at Liu Shan Men.

Honestly, they would’ve been helpful to Liu Shan Men. And honestly, the story I told them was absolutely fictitious. The imperial court forgot about them long ago. Long Zaitian erased their records to save his own rear for losing them, so they were never arrested. My date of departure hadn’t been decided; how could I let Boss leave the capital without a single bodyguard? The five of them were more than qualified to be door guards, so I saw no reason to waste their abilities? Moreover, why not maximise free labour when Boss was strapped for money? Well, it wasn’t as if I could pay them even if they asked for it.

As I cleaned my teeth with a toothpick, Proprietor Shi came to sit down opposite me. “Want a drink?”

Proprietor Shi gave me a nod. “No.”

“What do you want then?”

“Your owed money.”

…

While I was recovering at Liu Shan Men, I had my subordinates go buy me take-away from Eight Deities so that I wouldn’t have to get out of bed. Accordingly, I had to put all of it on my tab.

“I owe payment for the last seven days already?”

Proprietor Shi shook his head.

Thought so.

“You haven’t paid for any of your meals.”

“… Brother, this is for your sake. What do you think would happen if I cleared all my tabs? You’d lose a frequent customer. I can’t sabotage you like that, right? I won’t pay anything for now.”

“What?! Is he not paying again?! Say something!” Proprietor Shi’s wife thundered from the kitchen.

“H-he is,” replied Proprietor Shi, then turning back to me haplessly.

“… Okay, on account of you being in hard times, I’ll pay today.”

Ol’ Shi stared at me – confused.

“What? Why would I bring money when I want to eat out?”

“…” Proprietor Shi turned to call for his employees to block the exit.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. Wait here. Someone will bring the money.”

“Your foresight is truly impressive, Brother Ming.” A man slowly ascended the stairs and came over to me. He set down a heavy box on the table and conveyed, “I hope you have been well, Brother Ming.”

I smiled. “You seem to be doing well, too, Brother Gou.”

See? I told you there would be money coming.

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