426 WAS IT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS PAINFUL?

SNOW froze on the spot when he heard Ash’s question. He wanted to quickly answer that that’s not the case, that was far from it. But the moment he tried to speak, his throat closed up and he couldn’t even mutter a single thing. His expression completely closed off as well. Even if he couldn’t see himself right now, he knew that he must be frowning.

This wasn’t what he wanted. But from the moment Ash suddenly appeared at the cafe earlier, he couldn’t properly express his emotions. He wanted to smile at the other but it’s like his face muscles cramped up every time he did. He couldn’t even talk to Ash without sounding like an arrogant prick.

He was on the verge of seriously banging his head to whatever hard object near him just so he could get a grip. But, of course, he couldn’t do that. Well, it’s not like anyone could blame him in this situation. It’s because Snow was so surprised by Ash’s sudden appearance that he couldn’t react properly.

He knew about the connection between Ash and Reas because of Astrid. It came as a huge shock to him when he found out about it. He couldn’t believe that the universe could actually be this small. He felt like asking fate, ‘of all the person Ash could be roommates with, why does it have to be the brother of my friend?’.

Snow didn’t think that he would see the other again this soon. It felt so surreal that he had been pinching his arm since earlier just to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming. But this was indeed reality. And right now, Ash was having a misunderstanding about him.

“Fine. I won’t bother you again,” the other added after not hearing his response. “Just… don’t make it so obvious that you don’t like me. I don’t want to worry my friend or his brother. Then.”

Ash made a slight nod before turning around and running towards where Reas was. Snow could hear the other’s bright voice as he asked Reas to play with him. But he knew Ash well enough to know that he was a bit hurt because of his ‘disregard’.

Snow bit his lower lip. He so wanted to turn around and tell the other that it was all a misunderstanding. But he couldn’t. It felt like his feet were chained to the floor and he couldn’t move at all.

He truly felt like crying at that moment.

…..

He had already hurt Ash by suddenly disappearing, not telling him how they could meet again. And now, as a stranger, he hurt him again.

He could feel his eyes watering. He had to take a deep breath and close his eyes just so he wouldn’t really cry. He was inwardly convincing himself that this was for the better.

Because if they get along right off the bat, Ash would surely recognize him. It’s almost like telling him directly that he was his ‘Snow’. And that would contradict the deal he made with his father.

Yes, a deal.

A year ago, when his father told him that he could now finally regain his real identity, the first thing he thought of was that he could now reveal his real face and voice to Ash. He had always felt guilty that he had to use a disguise when meeting the other. It’s like, the one who became friends with Ash was not really him but another person.

Snow didn’t mind it at first. Because he knew that hiding his real identity was important for his safety. And it was the only way his father could spend time with him openly. But as he grew older and he slowly realized how important those three months he spent in Alluna every year, the urge to show his real face to Ash also became stronger.

His father must have noticed that his feelings for Ash was no longer that of a mere friend. And that just like him, Ash also felt the same way. That’s why his father proposed that deal.

At first, the other showed that he was not in favor of any romantic relationship that might form between him and Ash. Saying things like how Ash didn’t have the ability to protect him. Or how their social status was too different from each other. And the most classic one, that he was still too young to know what he really felt.

The two of them quarrelled for the first time that day. Snow probably said some things out of anger that he really didn’t mean. Like how could his father care about status when that’s the reason why he couldn’t be with his other father and now he was stuck with some vile woman and their children.

When he saw the pain that crossed his father’s face after he said that, he knew that he had crossed the line. He apologized, of course. But because of feeling guilty, he could no longer directly argue with him regarding Ash’s matter.

His father might have how depressed he was at that time so he proposed that deal to him. His father said that if Ash recognized him without him telling the other who he was, then he would not interfere if the two of them ever wanted to be in a relationship with each other in the future.

The most important condition for that was Snow not directly approaching Ash in any way. The other should recognize him purely by his own accord and without any hint from Snow. If not, then everything would be invalid.

It might sound unfair. But Snow thought that it was doable. And maybe, in his subconscious, he also wanted to know if Ash could really recognize him without the disguise and the voice changer. If the other could recognize him as his summer snow.

That first meeting when they passed by each other on the elevator was more than disappointing. But this one today was even more so. Honestly, he didn’t know if he could continue to experience more of this.

Really, was it supposed to be this painful?

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