4:55 PM

December 22nd

Ripley

"End… things?" Elsa hammered from her breath, tears alighting as a mad swirl of darkness swirled around her violet eyes. "I- I don't understand…"

"I don't mean…" I struggled to understand what even I meant by those words. "I don't mean breaking up, I don't think so."

"You don't… think so?" Her voice got a little louder, but she quieted down as her gaze flicked to my sleeping mother. "You're not making any sense, Ripley."

"I… I'm not… happy with the way things have been going." I tried to explain things the way I saw it. "I've been… drowning for a long time. I thought the Personality Matrix would be my lifeline, and then… I thought it was you. And you told me to accept it, the Matrix, the endless depth beneath my feet, and it made me feel powerful, but it… hurts. Not just me, but everyone else I know…"

I remembered something I desperately wished wasn't true. "Topaz is dead."

"I know…" She put a hand on my shoulder. "But he- he knew what he was going into. You don't have to blame yourself for it, he chose to break silence and got himself into trouble."

"It's only because we used Quartz."

"Being noticed is what Quartz does — he knew the risk too! They both did!" Her hold on me turned more desperate. "We did what was necessary to survive, to win. I… I'm sad too, but…"

"Elsa, they were our friends." I looked her in the eye. "Diana was my friend. Starlight is my daughter. And I betrayed them all… and I… hurt all of them just to win. I got the Implants for my mother, and I'm beyond… thankful to you for giving me this opportunity, but… I'm tired of exchanging lives."

"That's the only way we can survive." She said, and it was true.

But it wasn't what I wanted to believe in, it was far from the life I wanted my mother to be built on. "Then what will it take for us to be able to live?"

"Only by accepting the darkness." She said, her arms moving to embrace me. "No matter what you do, who you hurt, I'll always be there for you. We promised that to each other."

"I know." I accepted her embrace, I could feel in her trembles that she was just as broken as I was about this. "But… remember that drowning analogy?"

"What about it?"

"I never learned to swim." I rubbed her back for the comfort it gave me, much as a part of my wisdom told me that... it was a dangerous game. "The only reason I'm drowning is because I refuse to learn how to swim… and I don't think you did either."

"I… actually haven't." She said, confused.

"My Personality Matrix, your Personas… they were born from the darkness we've gone through. Our lives have sucked ass, and without them… we'd probably have been found dead in a gutter." I sputtered my thoughts out. "But we can't… rely on them forever. At some point, we have to stop drowning in the darkness where we were born in and swim to the light… the things we've been dreaming of."

She stayed still in my arms. "I can't."

"I know you feel that way, I understand…" I held her tighter, knowing I was asking her to let go of everything she'd built her identity on. "I… was there. I saw the Bladefather's memories."

"You did?" She jerked back.

"It was a whole lot of nonsense, the guy is batshit insane, but… I'll tell you the full details later." Especially the shit I'd seen about The Sin, but right now… "He'd been through a lot, a man who lived eternally in the darkness he was born into, but towards the end… I think… the closer he got to what he knew would be his end, he began regretting things. Didn't change all the bad things he did, Founders was he deranged, but… there was a part of him that wished he had changed."

I took a deep breath. "But it was too late for him, the scythe was on his neck, and to change would mean to throw away the core tenets he'd lived on a century for. I guess what I'm saying is… I don't want to end up like that, so stuck in my ways of accepting only what I know that I never dare to look at what's shining on me. A world where we don't need to be… Dreadwire and The Dogwhistler."

I wiped the tears on her eyes. "Where you don't even need to be Mirage. A world where we can just be… Ripley and Elsa."

"That's impossible." She whispered

"But can you choose to imagine it, just for a second?" I closed my eyes, hoping she would do the same.

"I'll try."

"What do you see?" I asked.

"A beach."

"What are we doing?"

She stayed quiet, before chuckling. "Playing in the sand. Then, swimming. Or trying to — Diamante's fishing us out and Topaz is…."

Her hands tightened on my arms, but I only leaned into it. "Accepting the darkness is… easy. It's everything we know we are, the hate and the guilt and the bad things we can't help but be… I'm a greedy motherfucker, got a whole lot of unresolved trauma and a damn psycho killer to a whole lot of people. I've betrayed the trust of good and bad people to get where I am."

"I'm a manipulator." She admitted. "I was born an algorithm… determining the value of those under me, how to make the most use out of them before I disposed of them. I shape events and minds, unravel them and witness their most depraved secrets… delicate hopes, then I take it all away for my own gain."

"But… the light is uncomfortable. It's blinding, it's scary even when we don't think so. And that's because it's so… delicate. It's so easy to break them and make us retreat back into the darkness and believe those aspirations are worthless because it's so hard to make them happen. I… I want to fix things, this city, my life, our future. I want to use my skills and make a difference to people, to give them… the chance to be the thing they wanted. That's what Shard Operating is, it was never about weapons to me. It was the art of creation, of making something from your own two hands — or six, in my case — that has a meaning to… whoever decides it so."

She shifted in my hold, but I steadied her. "I… I don't know what I want to be."

"Really?" I chuckled. "Then why do you do all the things you do?"

"Because I love you." She whispered… "Because, I'm feeling all these things that are so new to me, so… alien. They're scary as they are beautiful. I understand the mind in a way so few do, even when my own is such a mess. I do things because I like that I'm good at them, weaving Data and finding secrets in the Net so few know."

"That's a gift only you have." I made sure she knew that. "And I think… the world deserves to know how beautiful that gift is. Only you can share how."

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She sighed, mumbling something under her breath before her voice ached with meaning. "I… I would want to share with them the movies I've watched with you. I… they're what I spent so long of my life uncovering, all to be sold to corporate douchebags who covet them for their antique novelty. When I was alone, I'd watch them with my Personas, see how they'd react and study those emotions rigorously to be more… human. I wanted to know why people back in the old day loved them so much, but it wasn't until I watched them with you that I… understood why. The movies were nice, but it was… sharing that experience with others you loved that made them so special."

I opened my eyes, and she was crying shamelessly. And so was I. She leaned her head into my chest and I cradled my hands around her, as we both broke down. I don't know for how long we stayed like that, needing each other's warmth as we bared our souls to the world.

But we embraced the light within each other, that was the least either of us could do.

Steadily, her voice broke out. "But… how? We've done so many bad things."

"I know, we can never change that…" I swept her the hair away from her wet eyes. "So we fix what we can, and what we can't… we double the good to make up for it. Maybe even that's not enough, so we don't stop… we do all we can to not let this city, this world… break us down into the monsters we could be."

She gulped for air, taking a look over to my mother, then back at me — and nodded. "One step at a time."

———

I took a breather in the washroom, wiping the snot and tears away from my face… things had gone better than I expected. I'd been afraid of confronting her, even more scared of confronting myself. Opening the washroom cabinet, I reached for my toothbrush to wipe away the bitterness in my mouth. But I stopped, next to it was a Dreadwire mask…

I looked deeply into the pattern engraved on it, those six golden spider limbs.

"So you've made your choice, then? I'll be discarded like yet another tool." The mask seemed to say. I laughed to myself. So this was what Psyche's newest update let happen? Auditory hallucinations?

"It's not because you lost to Diana. Don't worry." I whispered.

"I know… but you can't deny all those weapons inside your head. Dreadwire Mark 3, Goliath-enhanced." The mask whispered. "Have you already thought of a name for that new black blood of yours?"

I nodded, not willing to hide that from myself. "Neolymph. Lots of ways to use that thing inside of me… and out of me."

"Will you do it?"

"I'll keep it ready for when the Swarm comes or… I dunno, if Skeleton or Soul Killer get a bit rowdy and if… she decides to ask me. Diana."

"It's remarkable how you continue to respect your would-be killer." The mask's deep reverberation chilled me.

"I know. But you do too." I smirked. "We're just reflections of each other."

"Are we?"

"I thought you didn't ask philosophical questions."

"You're right. I don't… I may be a reflection, but only of your desire to win, that tool to achieve all you long for." Dreadwire spoke to me. "Closing this cabinet will not erase me, and I will be waiting within."

"Then do me a favor, will you?" I sighed.

"I can only do what you long for."

"Right…" I leaned my weight on the sink. "Next time I wear the mask, make sure it's for the right reason. If not… then remove it — force me to face it instead."

The Dreadwire mask stayed silent, but I sensed an imperceptible shift in me. Almost like a nod. That was enough. I grabbed my toothbrush, and closed the cabinet door on Dreadwire.

Unfortunately… I had a lot more of those masks lying around. And spare goggles, last thing I wanted was an educational philosophical discourse with The Ripper. As I exited the washroom, I put on a winter coat as Elsa fluffed up her sweater and scarf, her lips pressed into a thin line as Twilight poured out of her.

"We've talked." Elsa said, nodding to her Persona to speak further.

"Starting… today…" Twilight took a deep breath even though she didn't need it. "...I'll be going my own way."

"Your own way?" I said, slightly confused.

"She'll no longer be… a Persona." Elsa said, her face blank in expression. "I'm not going to ask her to return to me for adjustments. She'll change over time and be… different from who I am, no longer a reflection of me but instead… her own person."

"I… it's made me make a difficult decision." Twilight settled her arms over my shoulders. "I want to know what the world has out there for me, as Twilight. I love you, Ripley Donovick… but that's only because Elsa would have fallen for you anyway, I stand by that. And… you began dating all of us as though we're one person — and we love you for that. But things have changed and… ironically, polyamorism isn't a thing neither me nor Elsa likes. We're possessive."

"We're not going to ask you to choose between us." Elsa explained.

"I…" Tears dropped down Twilight's face. "Yeah, I'm going to break up with you."

"Oh." I mouthed, not expecting this at all.

"I love you, don't get that wrong! And I'm sure we'll coparent Starlight amazingly and we will be incredible friends, even if we're we're exes and you're technically still dating a version of me… but…" Twilight shook her head.

I reached for her, mimicking a Dataweaving Implant as Warpcode left my fingers to form a rough-shaped Avatar that touched her cheek. She felt so warm.

"You deserve to know who you are, and… this whole situation was complicated from the get-go. I love you too, Twilight. And I'm proud of you… I know this isn't easy for you. It's… very brave of you." I wiped her star-filled tears away. "I know this will be… difficult for Starlight to understand, but… I trust you."

"We'll share custody." Twilight noted off. "And I won't even have you pay child support!"

I laughed. "As long as you agree to keep her away from the Abyssnet."

"Oh, yeah, totally." She said, I didn't believe her. But I could trust her, maybe when she first bonded to my mind… I couldn't, but how couldn't I.

She leaned in closer to me, hugging me. "I'll miss taking control of your body when you're unconscious."

"Oh, I'm sure at some point I'll need you to do that again." I held her closely.

She remained in the embrace, speaking slowly. "I'll explain all this to Starlight, she'll be… disappointed, but she'll also be happy to know that you're trying to make a difference for her."

"I won't… I can't let her down." I made sure Twilight knew that.

"I know you won't." She pulled away, fingers still fumbling with my hands. "And… take good care of Elsa. She'll offer Daylight and Midnight the same thing once they're back."

I nodded. "So… where will you go?"

She turned away, looking a bit embarrassed. "I… have an idea, but you're not going to like it."

That only piqued my curiosity "…What is it?"

"I'll tell you if I get hired first." She skirted away from the topic. "But rest assured, it's something good."

"Anyplace with you is bound to be great." I smiled, and she reciprocated… until, silence came between us, and our grins struggled to keep up.

"See you later?" I raised my hand up.

"We'll keep in contact, we share a daughter after all." She nodded, before turning to Elsa and hugging her. She whispered something to Elsa, but all I heard was: 'thank you'.

Looking at both of us, Twilight clapped her hands and gave us one final look as purple light began to swirl around her. As she began to dissolve away from Elsa and my own sight, all I saw in her face was… relief and fear.

I thought those two emotions were paradoxical, but I couldn't deny that they could co-exist.

Because I felt the exact same.

———

Making my way to my clinic, Retrofitters, we sat at the top of the lounge where me and Diana had first opened the box. It was here where our lives changed, our futures unravelling to be taken into a tapestry of MALtitans and Uncaged shenanigans. Life had been shitty before then, but simpler.

Our actions since then have had consequences, and it was about time we made them have good consequences. Looking at the mindless people filing into the clinic, I was astounded at the sheer amount of people flowing in with blank expressions on their face. Each of them wore barely anything, their bodies frozen in the cold December snow and panging with hunger. There must have been over thirty.

"Is this… all of them?" I asked Elsa.

She shrugged with a look of shame and embarrassment. "About… ten-percent?"

I sighed, as she ordered those with dog tags tattooed on their skin to line up and order themselves. Likely, I'd need to make use of Maiden's shelter too to operate on a scale like this… and… the Dreamframed children were still recovering there as well. I had a lot of mistakes to make up for, even if they weren't my own.

Looking down at the six Silver Implants on my desk, I stored them inside the hidden compartment of the desk as Elsa held a Gold one. We'd agreed she'd only use it once she'd proved stable without Twilight, but increasing herself to Gold would give her a greater control over her Dogwhistler capabilities.

"One step at a time." For me to have any chance at improving healthy Implants like those Silver ones, I first needed to understand the nature of broken Implants. I didn't have Topaz or Quartz's blood to help me anymore, not that I deserved any… for me to truly help these people didn't mean sending them back out on the streets as soon as their Implant's modifications from the Revenant Serum were removed. I would overwrite all the damage done to them, and more.

I'd give them the functionality to carve out a life for themselves, while Elsa would use her connections to build a platform for them to rejoin society.

And I had to trust Diana to build a society where those rejected for so long could be welcomed in. We wouldn't be on speaking terms for a long time, but… hopefully this was a start.

And I had one more thing to do for her. Lifting up a vial… I put all the remaining blood I gathered from the twins into it. On Christmas Eve tomorrow, I'd make a visit to a man I mocked. A man who only ever wanted to help Diana, and had suffered to do so… it was what I hoped could be a bridge to create peace between us, but I'd be patient.

Loading up the chemical mixture, I looked at the vial of black blood I'd extracted from myself… hoping it would be the final key.

Anthony Grazhe deserved better, like so many others had.

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