This is so cool this is so cool this is so cool. The thought had been on a constant replay in Olivia's brain for like, the last five hours or something. It was real. They'd been isekai'd. Okay yeah it sucked that it was dangerous and that they'd have to make a new life in this world and start all over and stuff, but like, come on.

They'd been Isekai'd!

It was like all her Christmases had come all at the same time, and brought her birthdays and graduation presents along just to make it a party!

Kind of a bummer that it looked like they were still stuck in their same boring old bodies, though. Why couldn't this be one of those isekais where you got cool new beautiful and strong bodies? Or at least where you got to do character creation? She had some thoughts about her calves. And maybe she could have subtracted a couple inches from her height? Because really, what girl in their right mind wanted to be over six feet tall? At fifteen? The boys all looked at you like you were a freak.

Well, or they thought you'd be fun to try and 'climb'. Bobby McCoy had tried that line on her once in study hall.

Yuck.

Focus, Liv! She shook herself free of her thoughts and brought herself back to the here and now. Her family and Dinah were all around her, sitting on rocks or leaning against trees, all looking at her. Because she was the expert here, right? She knew how these worlds worked. She'd read all the books. So now she got to educate her loved ones in the ways of the Isekai.

Awesome!

"Okay," Olivia said, clapping her hands together. "So here's what I think I've figured out so far."

This world wasn't like your usual Isekai. The game mechanics were there, she could see that from the class that her dad got. And the system messages were basically the same–despite being all dressed up in that flowery text.

Why did the game system have to be from one of those games, she lamented.

But it was weird. The animals delivering the system messages wasn't like anything she had ever read about. And her parents getting scrolls that told them about their classes and boons and stuff was way different than the standard 'blue menu white text' stuff she'd read about.

But at least there was a system. She was certain about that. And she could work with that. It would govern the whole world, giving powers and skills in exchange for… Something. Usually 'experience', but sometimes for tokens or for money. Basically it would have something that a person could exchange for greater power–either in levels or skills or powers.

"I think that's what those coin things were," she said, frowning. "The ones that appeared when you killed the crab? Oh! Which reminds me, dad, where's that scroll you got?"

"It disappeared," Dad said, frowning as well. "One minute it was there, the next it was gone."

"The same thing happened to me," Mom added. "When I received that coin and the boon, the scroll disappeared almost immediately afterwards."

"Okay, but it said something like 'reach out your hand and to open the scroll', right?" Olivia asked. "So try that."

Both her parents gave her a Confused Older Person look, but did as she asked. They both held their hands straight out in front of them, arms fully extended.

Adults. What did they teach them in school?

"No no," Olivia huffed. "Not like that. Just like… Okay, imagine that you know exactly where the scroll is, and it's just out of sight, but you know it's there, so when you reach out for it your hand is gonna close right on it and pick it up. Okay?"

More Confused Adult stares.

"Look, just try it okay?"

Her parents exchanged a glance, then a shrug. Dad screwed up his face like he did when he was thinking about houses, then reached out to the side, right about nose-height and a little to the left. His hand moved to pick something up…

And there was the scroll.

Dad gave a yelp of surprise and dropped the scroll like it was red-hot, and it disappeared the instant it left his fingers.

"It worked!" Lucas laughed. "That was so cool!"

So cool so cool so cool, Olivia clamped down on the cheering wiggling part of her brain.

"Awesome! Okay do that again, just like you did this time, only don't drop it when you grab it."

"How did you know that would work?" Bel asked, sounding like someone had just whacked her with a two-by-four.

"I think it works a lot like some of the inventory systems in my books," Olivia replied, trying not to sound smug and kinda succeeding. "Sometimes heroes can stash stuff just by acting like they're putting it in a bag or something, and can retrieve it the same way. Since the scroll said 'put out your hand', I figured it was probably something like that. Okay, Mom, Dad, try again."

This time they both managed to bring out their scrolls on the first try, and maintain their grip on them. Olivia grinned, fighting not to wriggle and cheer, and did allow herself a giggle at the looks of wonder on her parents' faces.

"Okay, now let's open them up. I want to see what they say again."

The scrolls were a little more than a foot long, and like those old scrolls you saw in the Illustrated Bibles, with wooden handles at the top and bottom that you could use to unroll or roll up to specific sections without having to open the entire scroll. Dad unfurled his first, and Olivia came over to read over his shoulder.

The words were different this time around.

These are the records and deeds of Sir Matthew Aloycious Albright.

[Tiny Boat] Accomplishments:

Thy current Renown is: [Gerbil]

Thy current [mesquite barbecue] is: Unworthy Worm

Thy current rank in the world is: Lowly Peasant.

[Large Boat] Accomplishments:

Thy Calling is: Warden Of The Hearth

Thy Class is: [Hatchback]

Thou hast the following profession(s): [Hatchback]

[Steamboat Willy] Accomplishments:

Thou hast completed [hatchback] imperial requests.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Thou hast slain 1 enemy.

Thou hast added [hatchback] to the imperial treasury Thou hast claimed [hatchback] lands for the Empire

Of coin, thou hast: [Hatchback]

Of [Slap-Funk], thou hast: [Hatchback]

Thy active requests are:

[Hatchback]

"So, I'm just going to guess that this thing is glitching somehow," Dad said after he'd finished reading through the scroll.

"Either that or it has a real thing for station wagons," Bel said in a wry tone. "What's with all the 'hatchback' stuff?"

"I think it means 'zero'," Olivia said, re-reading the scroll. "Or maybe 'none'. Something like that."

"Then why not just say 'none'?" Lucas asked, crowding in on her other side.

"I think Dad's right," she said after a moment's thought. "I think something's busted with it. Like in that Iron Man movie when Jarvis exploded and came back?"

"'I say the wrong cranberry'," Dinah said, nodding. "I get it. It's trying to translate so we can understand it, but something's screwed up."

"Yeah. Exactly. I wonder if that's why it's using scrolls and animals, too," she added thoughtfully.

"Huh?" Lucas blinked. "What do you mean?"

So then she had to explain how menu systems in litRPGs usually worked, by basically projecting some kind of screen in front of the 'player's eyes, and how it was usually blue with white borders and could be used to navigate through all the 'player's skills and experience and stats and stuff.

"But this one I guess doesn't work like that, maybe because it's busted somehow," she finished, nodding at the scroll. "So maybe it's figured out different ways to get the information to us?"

"So what advantage do these things give us?" Mom asked as she looked over her own scroll. It read almost the same as Dad's, except instead of [Warden Of The Hearth] it just said [hatchback]. Which meant, Olivia guessed, that Mom hadn't earned her class yet. Which was, she guessed again, what 'calling' meant. Or maybe it was more like a Prestige Class or something, because now that she looked at it, the scroll did have a spot for 'class' on it. Neither of her parents had one.

"Well, if it were a regular system, we'd be able to level up and gain strength and skills and powers and stuff," Olivia said. "Like if someone had a magic class, they could learn how to shoot fireballs or heal people or stuff–"

"Dibs!" Lucas called, his hand shooting up. "I call dibs on the fireball!"

"Not a chance, mijo," Mom said, patting Lucas on the head.

"Aww. You never let me have any fun."

"Healing would be useful," Dad said, frowning at his scroll. "But I don't see anything like that on here."

"Maybe your class information is kept on a different scroll?" Olivia said. "Or maybe if you unroll more of it, or get to a different section?"

Dad tried, and nothing seemed to happen. He shrugged. "Doesn't look like it."

"Weird," Olivia frowned. "There should be some way to access your abilities. I mean, we know they do something, because… Well…" She lifted her arm, on which the gold bracer still was worn. It was actually really comfortable, like she didn't even realize it was there half the time."I mean, it'd be kinda nice to know what these do–"

No sooner had she said the word than there was a soft 'caw' noise from above them. Olivia looked up to see what looked like a regular Earth-type raven perched on a tree limb… Except it was blue as a robin's egg and was about twice the size of the largest bird she had ever seen. The raven-thing 'caw'd again, then hopped into a gentle glide that took it right past Olivia's shoulder… And dropped a scroll directly into her hand before beating its wings once and soaring back up and disappearing into the trees.

"Okay," Dinah said, staring after the raven-thing, "I am never going to get used to that."

"It uses animal messengers for all the system messages," Olivia practically squealed. "Oh that is so cool!"

"What does the scroll say?" Bel asked.

Hastily, Olivia tore away the seal and unfurled the scroll. This one wasn't like Mom and Dad's, it was just a small piece of paper–or something like paper–that had been rolled up and sealed with a ribbon. The words on it were the same archaic font and phrasing, though.

[Vegemite] Name: Bracer Of The Hearth

Uncommon Magic Accessory

Born of a pledge and sealed with a deed, this enchanted [aromatic cheese] shalt allow thee to summon the pledged creator to your location in time of great need.

Activation: Speak thee the name of thy pledged and tap the gem once.

Effect: Shall summon the Pledged to within fifteen feet of thy immediate location, assuming safe footing may be had.

Restrictions: May only be used once per day.

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh it's a magic item it's a real magic item not like the stage magic at Luc's tenth birthday but like real magic just like in the books and it's mine and on my arm oh my gosh oh my gosh.

Olivia fought to keep from wriggling like a schoolgirl at a Taylor Swift concert. Real magic. It was the coolest thing–Okay the ponies her dad had rented for her 11th birthday was still the coolest thing that had ever happened to her, but this was a close second.

She looked around to see her siblings and Dinah were all holding their own scrolls, delivered to them by something she hadn't been paying attention to see, and reading through the same description. Lucas finished his first, and looked up with round eyes.

"So wait, you mean we can just say Dad's name and poke this glowing part and he'll just show up next to us?"

"That could come in useful," Mom said, reading over Isabel's shoulder.

"We should test it out, just to make sure," Dad added. He was reading over Dinah's shoulder. "And to see how it works. It's a little unspecific about how it brings me and where I wind up."

"I'll do it!" Olivia blurted out before she even had time to think about it. Both her parents looked at her, then Dad chuckled and stepped back from Dinah.

"Okay Shortstop," he said, using her most hated nickname but she didn't get mad because she was about to do magic. "Let 'er rip."

"Wait," Mom held up a hand, then turned and darted into the Mrs. Dilligaf. There was a couple minutes of rummaging noises before she reappeared holding the yacht's big first-aid kit.

"Just in case," she said, marching up and plonking the big white case down on the ground next to her.

"Right." Dad nodded and turned back to her. "Okay Liv, let's give it a try."

I'm gonna do magic I'm gonna do magic! Olivia took a deep breath and raised the arm with the bracelet on it. The sun's rays made the gold shine and the gem sparkle.

"Dad," she said, and tapped the gemstone with her free hand.

Instantly the gem flashed, and a deep thrumming noise rose up from nearby. Everyone turned to see Dad glow brightly for a split second before he vanished with a pop of displaced air. And just as swiftly he was next to Olivia, stumbling slightly as he was deposited on the ground a couple inches above the turf.

"Ohmygoditworked!" Olivia squealed as Dad regained his balance and started patting himself down.

"That was a trip," Dad said, laughing. "It felt like that time I rode that mechanical bull in Houston. One big buck, and suddenly I was here!"

"Isabel, you try!" Olivia said, grinning like an idiot and she knew it but she couldn't help it because she had done magic baby!

"Dad," Isabel said, and tapped her gemstone like it was the most boring thing in the world. Another thrum, another flash of light, and Dad poofed into existence… About twenty feet away and closer to the Dilligaf than to Isabel.

"Huh, that's weird." Olivia frowned. "Maybe it needs time to recalibrate between uses or something? Or maybe–"

"My turn!" shouted Lucas. He called out Dad and slapped his gemstone before anyone could think about it.

This time the thrum sounded more like something grinding together, and the light Dad disappeared into was flickery and pulsing instead of the brilliant flash. Olivia felt her eyes go wide as a bad feeling rose up in her gut. It took almost a five-count for Dad to reappear, and when he did there was a sound like something snapping in half and splintering.

And the sound was over her head. Way over her head.

Every eye snapped skywards as Dad popped back into existence like a hundred feet above the ground.

"Matty!"

Mom's scream was something out of a nightmare, full of fear and desperation. Olivia felt her mouth drop open and her eyes bug out. She heard Dad scream, a deep involuntary howl as he started to plummet back earthward.

"Mister Albright!" Dinah shouted, and Olivia whipped around just as her friend slapped the gem on her own bracelet.

There came a great ripping sound, and this time Dad appeared right next to Dinah, but at speed. He plowed into the sand like he'd just been fired out of a slingshot, skipping over the terrain, rolling, and finally slamming to a halt when he hit the trunk of a tree.

Everyone was yelling and running over to him, and Olivia's heart unclenched just a little bit when she heard him groan and saw him start to move to sit up.

Okay, she thought as Mom dropped to her knees beside Dad and pressed a palm against his chest to keep him from moving. Maybe it's not as cool as I thought it was.

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