I knelt down and stared at her. Not the teapot, her. It was still Azuki, no matter how cute and ceramic she looked.

Then I put my hand on the side.

She was warm to the touch, somehow. Not hot. Not cold. Just… gently warm, like a mug that had been held a little too long.

"Wow, that feels strange," she said.

I sighed.

"Azuki, could you not make this any weirder than it already is?" I asked.

The teapot tanuki shifted back and forth.

"I just turned into ceramic," she said. "And you're about to fill me with water and then brew tea inside of me. What about this isn't weird?"

Damn. That's some humiliating logic from a kettle.

I picked her up by the handle, and her voice rang out again—crisp, cheerful, like she was just lying on the couch instead of being a literal kitchen implement.

"Oooh! Gentle," she cooed.

And I could hear the playful flirting in it.

"Try not to yank me, okay?" she complained.

"I try not to yank my friends," I muttered.

"Ahh, see?" she said, delighted. "That's what I like about you, Inego-kun. Such a gentleman. So tell me, where we headed?"

"Sink," I said.

"Ah, good choice! I'm parched."

I carried her carefully with both hands—one on the handle, one under the base—like a teapot-shaped bomb with a personality disorder. As I reached the sink, I glanced down at Teapot Azuki and paused.

I didn't want to ask, but I needed to.

"…Azuki?"

"Yes?"

Entirely too chipper.

"What part of you is this?"

A pause. Then she giggled.

"What do you mean?"

"The handle," I said. "And the… your… bottom. What part of you was this? Before."

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She giggled some more. The ceramic trembled in my hands.

"Oh, Inego… you really wanna know?"

"No," I said, too fast.

"Thought so," she said. "I don't think you could handle it."

I groaned. Out loud. She squealed with laughter.

"Was that a pun?" I asked.

"I dunno, my British magician. Was it inappropriate body horror, or flirty tanuki nonsense? Could be both!"

"Majesty, help me," I muttered.

I turned the faucet on and positioned her under the stream.

"Psst," she whispered.

I hesitated.

"Hey, Inego," she said louder.

"What?" I asked, afraid.

"Guess what you're doing," she teased.

I froze. The faucet kept running.

"Azuki, don't you even make a single joke about you being wet," I said.

Too late I realized what slipped out of my mouth.

She burst out laughing so hard I almost dropped her.

"Oh! You went there!" she howled.

I felt my face turning scarlet and I wished I were anywhere else at that moment.

Water poured into her slowly, and I felt the porcelain grow heavier in my hands. She sighed—a soft, satisfied sound that somehow came from inside the water.

"Mmmm… that's an interesting feeling," she purred. "You wanna see if I can blow bubbles, Inego-san?"

I looked down at the tanuki smile painted on her face.

"Don't… say things like that while I'm filling you."

"Too late!" she sang. "I bet you're loving this! We've gotta hang out more often."

Okay, that made me smile.

I sat Teapot Tanuki on the counter beside the oven.

"Time for the moment of truth," I told Azuki.

The teapot nudged itself slightly in my direction.

"I didn't hear you disagree earlier when I said we should hang out," she teased.

Inside, I could feel Flintwick grinning.

Damn it, down boy.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?" I asked.

I imagined the grin on the painted tanuki face on the front of the teapot turning into a smirk.

"Guess what?" said Teapot Azuki. "This isn't even my final form!"

Flintwick would hear more of this.

"Just think about that," she said.

I sighed.

"Fine," I said. "Indulge me."

A wise decision. Flintwick's laughter echoed in my mind like a wine glass cracking in slow motion.

"You ever wonder what I'd look like if I were a little taller? Or maybe, with red hair?"

Straight away, I knew where this was going.

"You're playing a dangerous game, here, teapot," I said.

She made an ahhhhhhh sound, mock-pleased and entirely too satisfied.

"Somebody's interested!" she teased.

I refused to dignify that with an answer. Especially not while holding a cursed, animated kettle with a painted tanuki face and a soul I maybe had a crush on.

Instead, my fingers fumbled with the buttons on the front of the stove. I tried several knobs, trying to get the range to heat so we could finally finish this whole 'tea' business.

"You know what that means, right?" Azuki asked.

Oh no. She was still trying to press the issue.

"Why don't you shapeshift into a paperweight?" I asked.

She was quiet for a second. But then:

"All the lingerie," she said. "Ever."

And my fingers froze as my mind whirled with a thousand possibilities.

"Say that again."

Flintwick beamed.

"You heard me, Mr. Fallensworth," the teapot purred. "The only limitation is your own imagination. I mean… you don't even have to buy any cause I can just… you know…"

Please stop. There's only so much I can take.

"You think it and poof! It'll appear on yours truly! Hey, you wanna find out?"

YES!

"Tea!" I blurted out. "We're making tea, right?"

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