Stena

"So? What's up?"

Stena sat at the table in the little lunch alcove in the center of the training room, across from Cierra. The two were entirely alone at Stena's request, as she really felt like she needed to talk to her sister. She just really had to build up her courage to actually speak.

After her bath, Stena had asked Vyne to not tell anyone about her breakthrough. He had agreed, saying that she was lucky he had a feeling she might ask for such a thing, given he had already contacted Vale about a change of clothes. Apparently, Vyne had lied and said that they got burned while training, and thankfully Vale hadn't asked any further.

But, still, it meant that there was no great uproar when she arrived at the training cavern with everyone else. She kept her Qi locked up tight so no one would notice anything without actively probing her, which was unlikely. She went through a fairly normal routine of morning greetings, and then just blurted out that she wanted to talk to Cierra before they got to training for the day.

The relief after asking had hit her like a charging boar, and she rode that feeling until they were seated across from one another at the table alone.

And now that she was staring her older sister in the face, her courage was fighting tooth and nail to not vanish altogether.

"Stena?" Cierra asked, looking only mildly concerned.

Stena drew in a deep, deep breath and let it out slowly. Cierra immediately recognized the calming technique that they were all taught as kids, and her expression went serious.

"Is everything ok?" She asked, more seriously this time.

Stena met her eyes for a long, quiet moment, then couldn't help but flee. She looked down, hiding her face by leaning her forehead against her hands, elbows on the table.

At least she felt like she could talk like this. Probably.

"Everything is good." She said, finally. "Really good, probably. But before anything else, I felt like I needed to talk to you properly, Cierra."

Stena could imagine Cierra's eyebrow going up in question, but she remained silent. Stena took a moment to compose herself again. Then, harnessing that little bit of courage that had helped her blurt out the need to speak in the first place, she said, "I've been jealous of you for a long time."

She didn't want to look up and see whatever expression was on Cierra's face, but now having said something at all found the potential for silence even worse - which allowed her to just blindly barrel ahead.

"I don't know when it started, exactly. But I have been so, so jealous of you for so long, Cierra. I'm sure you've noticed, too. But you're…well, you're just better than me. At everything. I know you're a couple years older or whatever, but still. I don't think I'm genuinely better than you at anything."

Now that she had started, she could feel the rambling begin and she couldn't even stop it. "Cultivation, games, writing, music, dance, cooking, husbandry, gardening, farming - it doesn't even matter. You're better than me at everything. And it's been eating at me for so long that it…"

Stena stopped just short of actually saying the words that she had been reluctant to acknowledge out loud for so long. But at the same time, she had been talking about it openly and mostly honestly with Vyne for months now, and even more than that, she had resolved to be forthright about it now.

"...that it gave me a full blown inferiority complex."

Saying the words aloud brought her short-lived rambling to a halt. Her eyes were closed as she leaned on her arms for support, unwilling to look up and meet her sister's eyes. She wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling, but it wasn't fear. She would have been shocked if she had looked up to find Cierra looking at her with genuine pity, or scorn, or disgust. She was almost positive that Cierra would only look concerned. Maybe relieved that Stena had finally said something, if she had known all along.

Her whole body jolted when she felt Cierra's finger brush along her forearm, then the other, before Cierra grasped her wrists to pull her arms down. It was a gentle tug, and Stena could have fought against it if she really wanted to. The light touch made her eyes tingle, but she was at least adamant that she would not cry.

She let Cierra pull her arms away, making Stena face her sister. The expression on Cierra's face was complicated, but still within the realm of what Stena expected; concern was definitely there. But so was the soft, warm smile of what Stena could only believe was acceptance.

"Thank you for telling me?" Cierra said, her voice soft, tilting up at the end as if she was unsure. "I'm not sure what else to say, though," she continued. "Like you said, I had already mostly put it together a long time ago. I'm sorry if I've given you a hard time, Stena."

Stena tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

Cierra's smile turned a little wistful. "Do you remember when we were…I don't know, six and eight, maybe? We were playing a card game and I let you win."

Honestly, Stena didn't recall anything specifically matching Cierra's description. "You realized it after I conceded the game, and you got so, so upset. You threw some of the cards at me, and one of them even cut my cheek. Mom and Momri had to come in and calm you down afterward, but you were so upset at me for letting you win."

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Cierra pushed Stena's hands together in front of them both on the table, then rested her own forehead against their combined hands. "I had never seen you so upset. And you were yelling for a while, too. For a while after that, any time we played a game you kept going on about me not letting you win. So I didn't. I never have, since."

"If we're being honest now, Stena," Cierra continued, "I should confess as well. I watched that discontent grow over the years quietly. I didn't recognize it for what it was then, and may not have known the full extent of it, but I knew. Every time you joked about losing, or mentioned how you couldn't beat me with a big smile on your face, I could tell it was a lie. That it bothered you. But the more you put that face forward, the more convinced I was that if I ever let up you would explode worse than the first time."

"I-" Stena almost responded on reflex to deny it, but she stopped herself. She wasn't sure she could deny it. And worse, if she had ever noticed Cierra letting her win on purpose, things might have gotten even worse. She may not have gotten angry, but it could have easily gone in the other direction, leading her straight into a depressive episode instead.

That thought made her mouth go dry. "I think you made the right choice," she said. "No matter what it led to."

Cierra didn't respond to that, instead choosing to simply sit with Stena quietly for a while, holding her hands. Stena took the chance to breathe and try to calm herself down. Despite everything else, she found sitting with Cierra soothing. Cierra's thumb lightly traced a pattern over the back of Strena's hand, and that too was calming.

Never, not once, did Stena ever consider any of her vitriolic feelings being actively pointed at her sister. Or anyone else, for that matter. It was never Cierra's fault; none of it was. If Stena was going to be mad at anyone, it would be herself. But even that had rung hollow after a while. Once she was able to recognize how she felt, she just felt drained and pathetic.

In the last few years, whenever she felt rage building because of what she felt were her inadequacies, it didn't really have an outlet. There were things about herself that she got mad at; the way she could never bring herself to say something about it, or sometimes even sillier things like the way her hair was sitting that day. Mostly, her anger was directed at the fact that no matter how much she recognized her situation logically, she couldn't seem to do anything about the feelings bubbling up anyway.

But she had moved past blaming any one for it, even herself. It was just the way she had turned out. And like her mother had told her as a kid, if there's nothing you can do to change something, it's better to not dwell on it. And that was the advice she had lived by for years.

"So…Stena. Why, exactly, did you want to talk to me today? Is everything alright?"

Cierra's voice eventually pulled Stena from her thoughts. She blinked, once again focused on her surroundings. "Oh, right. Yeah, everything is fine."

Stena got a look in return that she hadn't seen on Cierra's face in a while; that clear expression that said 'You're lying and we both know it'. Stena supposed, given their conversation thus far, the expression was fair.

"You can't honestly tell me you just randomly decided to pull me aside to tell me that you've been struggling with a complex and literally nothing else."

"Hey. That could have been it. Admitting this to you is a big deal for me." Stena muttered.

Cierra's tone softened again. "I'm not saying it's not. But I refuse to believe you just decided to tell me all of a sudden because you could." She sighed. "And putting that aside, you look like you're about to cry. There must be something else, Stena."

Stena inwardly cursed at herself. Crying was the last thing she wanted to do. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Can I - Stena, you realize that Mom still believes that Momri is the one that accidentally broke that turtle shell comb she loved and still holds it against her. Yes, I can keep a secret." Cierra's smile was a genuine one, and that helped Stena push forward.

"It was my Sky Realm trial." Stena muttered.

Cierra nodded. "That's why you've been talking with Vyne so much, right? Because he's trying to help you through it?"

"Well, yes, but…" Stena sighed. She'd been blunt a few times already, it was time to keep it up. "Last night. I was meditating after I slept and…I broke through."

Cierra seemed to freeze up at that. Stena watched her face carefully for any sort of reaction, and the combination of shock and confusion that showed up was not what she expected.

"What do you mean you broke through last night?"

"Exactly that. I'm in the Sky Realm now." Stena explained again.

Still, Cierra's expression was one of disbelief. Stena wasn't sure what she expected to come from her sister next. There was a moment where she was worried that Cierra was going to get angry that Stena had beaten her to the next Realm.

"You're in the Sky Realm." Cierra said flatly.

Stena just nodded mutely.

"Why aren't we throwing a party or something?"

Stena blinked as Cierra continued, "I mean, I know we didn't do anything ridiculous for Kord, but he went through the Bonding ceremony to break through, and would never want to celebrate anyway. But you did it the normal way! And you kept it a secret?"

Cierra gasped suddenly. "Wait, did you tell Mom and Momri? Vale? They're probably already planning something, aren't they? Maybe for at home tonight?"

Stena shook her head. "Right now, it's only you and Vyne. Maybe the other Elders, I guess?"

"What? Why are you keeping it a secret?"

"Because. Before we celebrate, after the trial I had…I felt like I needed to talk to you. And Mom and Momri, too, I think. After that…after that we can do something."

Cierra stared at her for a long time after that, but must have eventually found whatever it was she was looking for, because she nodded. "Alright then. I won't say anything."

"Thank you."

"So? Do you feel okay? What's Sky Realm feel like? What's your Domain do? Did you test it yet?"

Stena blinked at the sudden deluge of questions and Cierra's sudden heel turn away from what Stena had imagined would be a rough, serious conversation. Thinking about it afterward, though, she wasn't exactly sure what she had expected out of telling Cierra about her problems. Maybe her sister would be openly supportive of her from here on, now that they had both cleared the air in a way, but the conversation that she had been dreading for years had really amounted to very little.

She took the first steady, normal breath she had in a while as her mind moved to process Cierra's questions. "Um. I feel okay - Vyne had me take a long bath afterward and that helped. For the moment, I feel about the same. I don't know what my Domain does, because I haven't used it yet."

"Well? What are you waiting for?" Cierra prodded, her grip on Stena's hands tightening with excitement and support.

"Cici, if I test it here, literally everyone in attendance will feel it. My Qi is locked up for a reason."

"Oh. Right." Cierra all but deflated.

"Once I have my talk with our moms, I'll make sure you're around when I test things." Stena said.

"Promise?"

The earnest excitement on Cierra's face shocked Stena a little; it was a perfect example of the guileless glow of childish excitement.

Stena felt a warm smile overtake her face as she nodded. "Promise."

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