Dear Diary,

Yesterday showed me I'm really glad I've got my ladies backing me up. Not just in the emotional sense, and definitely not just in the 'shoving Mana up my ass via Worship until my hair glows', either. Nah, aside from being glad they're all there to make up for any failings I have as a parent, the most important thing my ladies do for me is remember things I forget about, or figure things out that would just never occur to me. Yeah, I'm a mass of tentacles big enough to dwarf some moons, but I'm still just a dumbass who stumbled into power. I do my best, but so much of the stuff that's left to me is stuff that 'doing my best' isn't anywhere good enough.

Okay, it's not so much that doing my best isn't good enough, it's that, much like the whole parenting thing, any time somebody falls short and nobody picks up the slack, somebody's getting a free delivery of trauma. On the one hand, I'm learning, by repeating it to myself on every occasion I remember to, that by definition doing the best I can do is literally the best I can do, and I shouldn't feel guilty for that. But on the other hand, some things are important enough, have a big enough impact, that I have to be willing to put my big girl panties on and ask for help, because they're way fuckin' more important than my ego.

So I'm glad that I've got Saffron to remind me that I am not the only shitkicker in the employ of the Alliance. Not just that, but morale is a huge component of being able to fight successfully. Even when it comes to modern or semi modern naval warfare, where weapons take a minute to reload, and shots can take nearly that long to get to their targets, that still applies. I think some of it is related to that old saying about 'deciding not to decide is a decision in and of itself', and the more military version of 'any decision is better than no decision'.

I remember reading about something called the OODA Loop back in ROTC. Not a lot, mind you, although from the one book report I did, there's more commentary on the original dude's writing than there is writing. But the whole reason the DI gave us the assignment to do a book report on it was because it was all about getting inside the other guy's decision process. Not even any woo about being telepathic or dumbass CIA shit like that, either. Just acting while they're still deciding what to do, which makes them have to either react or spend more time deciding; either way they're doing what you want them to do or doing nothing, and both of those are death in a life-or-death combat situation.

Marshall duBois never said it in those words, but he definitely pushed us in that direction as well. To make decisions and follow through. Yeah, he told us to keep our brains functioning and be ready to adapt, but the thing he trained out of us was hesitation. Waiting for a shot is one thing, not being able to take the shot is something else. I dunno what else I am for sure, but time and time again I've shown that in that kind of situation, I take the shot.

Shit, I've even gotten to the point where I can take the diplomatic shot. Where I can make the decision to talk instead of punching. Which can be all the more effective when punching is clearly an option, and is likely to be a nuclear one for the other side. Fuck, at some point maybe some asshole who otherwise would be doing damnable shit will see me coming and choose a life of making amends rather than throwing down with me.

Nah, none of them are that smart.

But my point here, and I did have one, even if I dropped it, lost it, forgot about it, remembered it, Scried on it, found it, picked it up, and dusted it off like nothing happened, is that morale is what lets soldiers on a battlefield make those decisions. Take those shots. Do shit that might, maybe, get them or someone else killed, but has better survival odds all around than doing jack squat while the enemy is taking actions.

Nothing boosts morale like your side winning battles. The more guys you have who have won, who have that sense of knowing that battles in fact can be won, the more likely your guys are to act, to get inside the enemy's decision loops, to win more battles. There's nothing magical or mystical about it, just ordinary psychology. Okay, there might be some mystical Skill shit involved here and now alongside that, but at its core, like duBois said, Skills are just things we've learned to do so well that we don't think about them any more, we just do them. I think maybe folks here and now subconsciously throw some Mana at that shit or something, because some of them do shit that just seems cray cray, but still, the entire 'my side is winning, so I'm gonna act, which leaves the other side on their back foot until they die or give up' functions pretty well at any time you actually have weapons that can hurt the enemy.

Not sure if the Tentacles qualify, but my Black Dragon sure as shit does. Pew pew, motherfucker.

So after the battle yesterday my ladies, mostly Madeline and Karen, did a bunch of Translocating along the coast making sure nobody got fucked over too bad by the Titans hitting the water. Especially Big Bird, who hit the water from pretty high up. Turns out Boltophsberg not only has some shit going on that's designed to mitigate the damage from heavy weather coming from the northeast that broke the wave early, which wound up with it being more 'flash flood' than 'Tsunami' when it hit. What with them having half a dozen Deities in residence, and their brand spanking new Constitution both empowering and requiring them to respond to 'threats of a Deific nature', and 'Titan falling into the ocean' qualified, they wound up really fuckin' damp, but they survived with a minimum of casualties.

In New Amsterdam the newly minted Heroes got warned by Murder Mittens herself, and managed to get a similar effect from some well placed placed Wards. Nobody drowned, nobody washed out to sea, and the fact that the City is walled other than the waterfront came in surprisingly handy.

That meant most of the S and R came in with all the little fishing villages. My two ladies couldn't do all of that shit, so they pretty much dropped a couple units of Volunteers and a couple Heroes in each spot. Okay, in a couple of them they didn't even need to do that, because they already had a Watch Tower in place, with Heroes and Troops in residence.

Still so fuckin' weird to me, as a kid from the hood, that armed government folks could actually be there to help out, rather than the source of most of the problems. Then again, when the Head of State has more or less made it clear that the options are 'get your ass in gear and help people' and 'die screaming', I guess the folks who joined up with the idea that they'd be helping people get to call the shots.

Speaking of said Head of State, after we got done dinner, which wound up being paninis made by our older girls, and soaked away the worst of the tension in the Bath, my Kitten absconded with me to the Bedroom, where she knelt on the bed looking all cute and demure.

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"What's up, Kitten?"

She glanced up at me, then back down at the bed. "I thought I heard you thinking about my punishment earlier."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, no."

"You're not mad at me?"

I shrugged. "I mean, yeah, kinda. I get how you being there is the right kind of morale boost. I also get why you wanted to stand on the mast. I'd have been there my own fucking self, but I got your point about the Navy's morale needing the shot in the arm. But I'm still annoyed you put yourself at risk rather than staying in the armored bridge."

"Do you really think I'd be safer there if one of those rocks hit the Black Dragon?"

"Let me think... YES!" I stopped, shook my head. "Look, I'm mad at you, but even knowing you'd have been safer inside, or even safer back at headquarters, I get why you did it. I'm trying not to let my irrational anger drive me to do stupid shit any more."

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I do not understand my Kitten sometimes. Love her, yes, understand her, no. She managed to simultaneously look proud, turned on, and pouting. "But..."

"But what?"

"What if I was looking forward to you doing just that?"

I shook my head in unfeigned confusion. "Uh, doing just what?"

"Venting your wrath upon my poor fragile form, leaving me utterly incapable of movement tomorrow." I raised an eyebrow and held up two fingers. She just laughed at me. I added two more. "I meant with your flogger, Goof."

I shook my head, and her pout got deeper. "Nope. Not gonna do anything hurtful or harmful to you because I'm angry at you. I don't like where that could wind up." She sighed and slumped, then perked up as I slid the drawer open and pulled out my flogger. "On the other hand, if a certain Kitten asked very nicely for that particular kind of celebration of our victory at sea, I think I could oblige her."

She asked very, very nicely. I don't think she exactly expected the handle to see as much use as the tails, but she didn't complain. And she could have, despite the gag. Fuck it, she was purring nearly loud enough to wake the kits when I slipped us both back into bed.

Of course my ladies made their approval of our activities clear when they showed up on the wide screen next to my Maw. Weird, I've never thought of myself as any kind of exhibitionist, but not only am I doing semi-public shows a few times a month at Revels, even my private time with my Wife is now a thing consumed as nocturnal entertainment by my Clergy, and I'm completely sanguine about it. I think maybe the Worship helps when it comes to that. It's not like I had some big hang up about it anyhow, and the repeated positive feedback has turned it from 'not my kink' to 'I am absolutely down for that'.

Also, it's kind of weird to me to realize that while Saffron and I both have our masochistic streaks, they're actually different, and not just in terms of why we like it. Honestly, that's probably the biggest commonality, our reasons for wanting and enjoying it, which when all the trauma and negative bullshit is stripped away, comes down to 'pain tolerable, endorphins good'. But that aside, apparently she's more into 'thuddy' pain and I'm more into the 'pokey / slashy' variety. Like, she enjoyed the acupuncture, but I literally got off on it. Meanwhile my flogger apparently holds a special place in my Kitten's hindbrain, in that 'she sees it in my hand and needs new panties' sort of way.

I mean, neither of us is Marie's level of 'being torn limb from limb is our happy place', but still, it's interesting to note that even as you go out into the hinterlands of kink, there are still subtleties to learn about and enjoy. Not to mention enjoy learning about, because I've discovered I kind of do. Enjoy learning. Even when it's not entirely about sex. Learning about the sexual preferences of my beloved Wife is just the perfect educational storm for me.

At any rate, we both slept well, and if we woke up a little sore, she could tell herself it was an enjoyable morning after soreness, and I could blame it on my scars, rather than either of us thinking about the concussion of the sixteen inch guns going off, or me getting slapped right into the ocean by Big Bird's wing. Yeah, maybe we were suppressing things, but right now we still had shit to do, most notably figuring out what the fuck was going on with enraged Titans heading our way from the Atlantic.

When we woke up, chuckling as first Anise, then Felicia attempted to nurse from Saffron's magnificent yet presently lactose free boobs, I snagged them both, got them attached and nursing, then said, "so, Marie, you ready to head over to Hades with me?"

"Whenever, Vlickies."

At that point Saffron cleared her throat. I looked over to see her playing patty cake with a bemused Borysthenis. "If I may make a suggestion?"

I may be a dumbass, but I am not completely without clues. "Suggest away, Kitten."

"You are a Goddess of the Sun. Hades is a God of the Underworld. Should you visit at midday, it might be taken as an act of aggression."

I shifted to let my kits nurse a little easier. They were right at the upper edge of the size where I thought I'd want them maybe getting weaned, but honestly I wasn't gonna push it quite yet. "And sending Titans isn't an act of aggression?"

"We don't know he sent them. They may have been stolen away without his knowledge. In fact..."

"Yeah?"

"None of them thus far match any known Titans. They also, as your father noted, bear traits of Jotnar. Which implies..." She trailed off, and when I realized what she was thinking, I understood why.

"Some sick bastard bred them for this." She nodded. "Marie?"

"Yes, Vlickies?"

"If Hades did that, I'm ending him."

"Fair."

I remembered our last meeting with him, knew that Marie and Hades considered each other almost family. If she thought my declaration was out of pocket, she didn't show it in the slightest. I took a deep breath. "Okay then. So if that's what's happening, anybody with any kind of choice who chose to be part of it isn't walking away."

"Tartarus?" Saffron asked.

"Doesn't seem nearly as secure as it used to." She just nodded. "So when do you suggest we visit?"

She nodded. "It's hard to hide your association with the sun, as Sun Deities like Pyevatar have been shown your power. But as even you do not know your own Domain, it is unlikely anyone else will. Might I suggest you visit at dusk??

I looked at her, curious, but not willing to push things right at the moment. "I'd have an edge then, but it wouldn't be obvious?"

She nodded. "Your Domain gives you some influence over liminal times and spaces. Which means that if things come to blows and you need a terrain advantage, try to get to the River Styx."

"Uh... I kinda know what Hades' office looks like. No idea where the river is."

"I Know." confirmed Marie. Saffron just nodded toward her.

"Okay, yeah, she's coming with me then. Dusk?" Saffron nodded, and I sighed. "We've got cleanup to do, don't we?"

"Not You."

When I opened my mouth to argue, Saffron said, "you fought a great battle yesterday. A single day of rest before you might have to fight another is the least we can do for you. Your Clergy, not to mention a substantial portion of the Alliance military, can handle search, rescue, and reconstruction aid."

I took a deep breath, then nodded. Then laughed at myself. "Y'know, I'm the last person I'd think would be upset about not having to do shit like S and R. Or cleanup. Shit, maybe I am growing up."

Saffron just chuckled, then pulled Borysthenis over to me and wrapped both of their arms around me in a hug. "Don't tell Tabitha, but I think she might have grown up when she wasn't looking."

"Okay, Kitten. I'll keep it a secret from her."

She laughed, the kits laughed, the other ladies and kids laughed, I laughed. Nobody felt any particular need to kill the Mimic, for which I was grateful.

Now if only that'll hold true through the visit tonight.

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