We were near the saint's home.

Renn was humming lightly next to me as we walked, no longer sounding or looking worried. I'd blame the weather, since she seemed to like the current light rain that was falling upon us, but I knew it was because of our conversations on the way here.

She was… simply happy. That we were traveling again, together. And she seemed even happier over the fact I'd been a little more open with her.

But why wouldn't I be? I had decided, after all.

I had decided many things.

All I could hope for now was that I'd decided correctly. Only time would tell, though.

"Once we round this lake, there will be another. We'll start seeing signs of their farming and harvesting of trees soon, and then the village will be there! We're almost there," Renn said happily as she pointed at the lake we were walking alongside.

"Hm," I nodded, not really wanting to join her in the strange joy that had filled her.

"I used to fish these lakes… though I'll be honest, they look a little different. Some are bigger than I remember, and others gone entirely. I could have sworn this was half the size, back when I lived here," Renn said as she studied the lake.

"Likely is," I said. And not just because I didn't doubt her memory. Lakes did indeed grow and dry up over the years, especially over hundreds of them.

"And these trees, I used to hide in them. In fact I think that one I used to sleep in," Renn said as she pointed at a larger tree in the distance. One that rested not against the lake, but a few hundred paces from it.

"Sleep?" I asked. Really? So she really was a cat.

She giggled at me, and I turned to look at her. She had to lean a little for our eyes to meet, since she wore a heavy hood upon her head. She hadn't wanted to get her ears and hair wet, since we'd be entering the village soon. She wanted to be able to hug those she was about to meet, and not worry about getting them wet in the process.

A strange kindness and worry, but not one I'd begrudge.

"Witch found a husband. I didn't like sleeping in the house with them during certain nights," she told me.

Ah.

Right.

"Having good hearing is indeed a pain sometimes, huh?" I agreed.

She giggled again, but I knew this time it was at me and not what I'd said. She had likely been hoping to tease me a little, over the topic.

"Oh. Not to change the topic, Vim, but I forgot to tell you. I haven't told anyone in the village who I am, or what I am. They think I'm just a distant friend of the saint, and came to visit," Renn then said.

"What…? Wait what?" I slowed as I tried to understand what she was saying.

Renn slowed too, and smiled up at me from beneath her hood. I liked the way it looked on her, half hiding her. It made her mischievous smile look all the more adorable. "It was Lilly's idea originally. Until we could trust them, really trust them, to keep who and what we are a secret. So only Cat, Elaine and her daughter know who and what I am. The rest just think I'm some random human who came to visit an old friend. She's a saint after all, they know she's odd so odd stuff happening isn't odd…?" Renn's voice became a little odd as she finished speaking, because she wasn't sure if she said what she was trying to say properly. She had though.

"Another reason for this," I said as I reached up to lightly tug on her hood.

She laughed as I covered her whole face with the hood for a moment, before letting it go. She reached up to readjust the hood, and her ears beneath it. She still wore her hat beneath the hood, after all, so it was likely uncomfortable. Or well, maybe it wasn't. She had a nice smile on her face. "Yeah! We're getting close, they fish these lakes and stuff, so didn't want to be caught unaware," she said.

I nodded, understanding well. "I'm glad you've done such a thing… but I'll be honest Renn, I had expected the opposite," I said.

"Hm…? Why? Because they're my friends?" she asked.

I nodded again.

She smiled at me and reached out. She grabbed my wrist, which at first I thought meant she wanted to hold my hand, but instead she simply squeezed my wrist and shook it a little, as if a child. "You're so sweet sometimes, Vim," she said happily.

Sweet…? Was I? Why?

Although I wasn't sure what she meant, I smiled and accepted the compliment all the same. "I'll remember that next time I'm crushing a man's skull beneath my boot," I said.

Renn laughed at me. "What a weird thing to say!"

"Not as weird as you," I said.

"Me…? I'm not very weird, am I?" she asked as we both returned to walking at our normal pace.

"Verily. But it's fine."

She huffed but had a smile on her face as we started walking away from the larger lake, and towards a smaller one.

"Honestly Vim… I do want to tell them. If anything so I can apologize to them. Even though Cat and Elaine both say I have nothing to apologize for," Renn said.

"You mean for killing Witch?" I asked, clarifying what she'd need to apologize for.

She nodded.

"You did it out of mercy, Renn," I said gently, since I knew she was now not as happy. Her hand had slid down into my own, from my wrist, after all.

"I know. And I know they know. But…"

"But it still hurts, yes. I know that feeling well," I agreed.

Renn nodded as she glanced at a large frog staring at us from tall grass. It seemed to be heading for the lake we'd just left, and we were in its way.

"Still… do what you need to Renn, so that you can sleep at night. If that means keeping a distance from them, then do so. If it means opening up and telling them, even at risk of alienating them from you and us, then so be it too," I said.

Her hand tightened its grip as she nodded. "Mhm."

"Hey at least you haven't killed their god," I teased.

Renn snickered as she finally looked at me, doing so with a weird glare. "Vim!" she said as she started to laugh.

"What? It's true."

"It is…! But still!" she continued to laugh for a moment and I basked in it. It made this cold, rainy day, feel warm.

Listening and watching her, I studied the way she covered her mouth with her other hand. As if to contain her laughter, and hide it away. A sad thing, but what I noticed more importantly was her neck and face.

She was bundled up rather well, considering, but even with the large jacket and thick hood it was clear she likely still felt the chilly wind and air thanks to how unprotected her neck and face were.

Maybe I should make her some kind of muffler, or face covering.

As I thought about that, while Renn calmed her laughter, I glanced around at the dense forest… and realized I was in the perfect place to make such a thing.

Yes. I'll do so.

A nice fox would do. It'd work as a scarf, something she could wrap around her under that hood. It'd keep her warmer when we eventually encountered the harsher colds of not just winter but the higher elevations of the north we would soon be traveling to.

Liking the idea, I decided to keep an eye out for a suitable fox. Maybe I'll get lucky and find one that's started to get its winter coat. They looked prettier when they were silver or white. It'd suit her. Very well.

It's been some time since I'd made her anything. I make her those pins for her hat every so often, and she saw them as gifts, but I didn't. Those were almost a necessity for her, so not something precious to be cherished.

Though a muffler or something like it would be a necessity too…

"Vim."

I blinked and glanced at my companion, who smirked at me.

"In my defense I had been thinking of you," I said, defending my lack of paying attention to her.

"Of that I've no doubt," she teased, and then pointed upward, as if to the dark sky above us. "When we leave, heading north to find Lilly's daughter, will we pass Twin Hills?" she asked.

Oh. "Not really… but if you want you can head there instead, and I can come pick you up after I find her," I offered.

Renn smiled at me, a little sadly, as she shook her head. "No… If you'll forgive me Vim, I don't want to leave you so soon. I'm tired of being apart, it really bothers me," she said.

Oh…? "Does it?" I asked.

She nodded and sighed. "Very. I know to you we've only been together for a short time, a blink really, but to me it almost feels like it's been forever. The only reason I can even consider it is thanks to the fact I've been with people I love, like Lilly and Oplar, or Cat," Renn said.

Feeling strangely humbled, I wondered what to say to such a declaration of devotion. It made me feel… almost inadequate, to not just outright tell her I had been feeling empty without her too.

"Plus, whenever we separate, I feel like I miss out on something important. Though… I did enjoy staying with Lilly and them. Root was worth it, and I'd probably have regretted not spending more time with her had I gone with you instead of coming north myself with Cat," Renn said as she pondered her own emotions.

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"Children, particularly babies, do sometimes make a difference," I agreed.

"Mhm…! She's adorable. Lilly says if she's anything like her siblings it will take years before she can walk or talk, far longer than a human would. It makes me hopeful, that I'll be able to hold her again as long as we don't spend too long away," Renn said.

Right… Lilly and her flock did grow up slower than most others. Even their weaker members had taken some time to grow to full height.

Maybe if I was lucky Lilly's child would be enough for Renn, for now. So far she hasn't really hinted or brought up anything lately, concerning my lack of progressing our relationship, but I worried it was soon to come.

If we had been normal humans, it would have come a long time ago, so it wasn't like Renn didn't have ground to stand on.

Glancing to our left, I studied some of the trees around us. Only a few had been recently cut down, and I could tell many of the trees nearby were younger. Ones cut a decade or so ago, roughly. Typical of a northern village. They only took what they needed, from the places that could survive it. They were good caretakers of the forest.

A poor distraction from my own disgust with myself.

"She's the first, you know," Renn then whispered.

"Hm…?" I glanced at her and wondered if I had ignored her again. Surely not, right? I had been lost in my mind, but not to the point I would have not noticed her talking, even with that whisper of a voice.

"Root. She's the first non-human baby I've ever met. Ever held," she said.

Oh.

"Did you not have a younger sister?" I asked, surely she had said so, right? One with a long name, like herself. Fellisee.

"I didn't meet Fellisee until she was able to walk on her own. My mother had children away from everyone, and then brought them home with her once they were strong enough. I think she did it to keep them, us, safe," Renn said.

I blinked at that, and was forced to remember her parents… her family, had been like those from the beginning. So long ago.

More primitive than not.

It was so strange today to hear of such people. So few existed anymore. That family Fly and I had visited on the way here were similar, but they weren't primitive in a cruel sense. Not like Renn's family.

It was even more shocking when one considered how Renn was. She was so wise, level-headed and gentle. A far cry from such savagery that had birthed her.

She was a good example that the apple could in fact fall far from the tree.

I gave Renn's hand a tiny squeeze. "You'll get to meet many more Renn. Over the years. I think I've mentioned to you before that every trip throughout the Society I usually encounter one or two new children," I told her.

She slowly nodded, and I noted the sound as she did so. Had her hat shifted a little? It almost sounded like her ears were brushing against the thick hood.

"I know… I just…" Renn slowed a bit, so I did too. I hardened my heart as I realized this might be it.

I had just been worrying about it, and here it was, wasn't it?

We both came to a full stop, not far from the next lake, and I kept my heart from leaping into my throat as Renn turned to look up at me. She looked sad all of a sudden, which hurt… since she had just a moment ago been so happy. She had even been humming!

"She reminds me of what I've lost," she then said.

I shifted, and wondered if I should feel relieved or even more distressed. "Lost…?"

She nodded. "Lujic had children. I spent time with the first generation, Ginny and the others… and then of course Witch had children too, so many we're now heading to a village full of them!" Renn said as she glanced away and gestured towards our direction.

Slowly nodding, I watched Renn huff, as the rain grew a tad colder as it started falling a little more heavily. Renn ignored the increased rainfall and shrugged helplessly at me, as I realized what was actually bothering her.

"Life is not always perfect, Renn. You should know this. Your lost time with them, although painful and sad, was just a part of life," I said gently.

"No it wasn't Vim. It wasn't like I spent time away from them because I needed to," Renn said, and I heard her tears. She had started to cry.

"Did you not tell me that you left those human children because the village they had settled in had started to notice your lack of aging?" I pointed out.

"Well… yeah, but…"

I smiled at Renn, who sniffed loudly. "That's a rather important thing, Renn, even if it hurts you to admit. What if by your staying near them for any longer you ended up getting them hurt or killed? They would have been targeted as much as you, had the humans decided you to be dangerous. They don't know mercy when it comes to things like that," I said.

"What about Witch and her family…?" she asked with another gesture at them. At least this time she hadn't shouted.

I nodded slowly. "One could argue you could have remained with them. Being used to the odd, thanks to the saint bloodline, but who's to know or say? Plus did you not tell me you didn't meet Nory or the kids until after you left this village?" I asked.

She nodded, but said nothing as her lips quivered, about to cry some more.

Why'd she look so adorable while on the verge of a full blown breakdown? It wasn't fair. To her, or me.

"It hurts doesn't it?" I then asked, stopping my attempts to convince her otherwise.

She nodded quickly, some snot leaking from a runny nose as she did.

Hopefully that was just her heart acting up and not because she was getting sick. I reached up to wipe her face, which she allowed.

"I have no words, Renn, to act as balm to such a sting. The pain of missing out, of lost time, is one that can't be explained. Even those who have experienced it can never properly put it into words," I said.

"You were trying to stop me from crying, now you sound like you're inviting me to weep in your arms," she said with a small smile.

"Because I am. I know exactly what you're weeping over, Renn. You missed out on watching them grow. Loving them as they grew up, growing old, and having children themselves. As if you were some kind of weird parent of them all, you feel as if you made a terrible mistake… that you failed not just yourself, but them," I said.

She simply nodded.

"Thus why I always worry each time we go to a new location. Or you meet someone neat. How do you think I felt watching you leave with Cat back at Telmik? I can't even begin to describe how stressed I was," I said.

Renn sniffed as I finished cleaning her face and went to wipe it on my pants. Before I could though she gave me a strange smile, one that made me go still in shock.

"I knew you had panicked! What would you have done had I fallen in love with them? Wanting to stay there forever?" she asked as that weird grin grew even wider.

O' Mother, grant me strength to endure.

"I'd weep, but accept it," I said softly… and then smiled at her, though not to convince her. Her own smile was just too lovely to not return the favor. "I'd weep, but survive it. As you have done yourself," I pointed out.

Renn's smile faltered just a tad, and then she sighed. "Here I was expecting you to say that you'd burn their village down and take me back," she said.

"What…? Do you want me to be possessive like that?" I asked. She had almost sounded serious.

"No. But it would have made me smile, even if you said it in jest."

"I hadn't figured this was a moment for jests," I said.

Renn huffed as she reached up to wipe her face off herself. I watched the way she cleaned her eyes of tears, and rubbed her nose against her sleeve. She was like a child sometimes.

"Thanks Vim," she then said.

"For being possessive? No problem."

She laughed and shook her head, then finished cleaning her face off. She gave me that weird smile again, and I once again felt my heart stop for a moment.

Really. What was with that smile? Why did it stun me? Surely I'd seen it before, right? Was that a new smile? One I'd never seen before…?

Why? When? Where? And how did I make sure to get it again, every day, for the rest of my life?

"For not mentioning I had killed Witch. Even though you could have… for using it as a reason for me to not return or stay here," she then said, a little somberly.

"I mentioned it earlier though?" I reminded her. Hadn't I?

She nodded. "You did. But not in this context. I'm just saying… well… I'm not sure why I'm thanking you. I just liked how you hadn't used that as a reason, I guess," she said as she frowned at herself, as if unsure of what she was saying.

Hm…

For a long moment we stood quietly, listening to the rain falling around us and the wind in the trees. Every so often I heard a frog croak, or a splash from the nearby lakes. Although cold, it wasn't so cold that life had gone to a standstill just yet.

Though the world around me was noisy… I focused my whole attention on the woman before me. She had reached up to her face again, to mess with her nose. It must still be running, maybe she was getting sick.

"I'm sorry I'm unable to let you enjoy all life has to offer, Renn," I said softly to her.

Renn tilted her head as she glanced up at me, and then smiled at me. "That's an odd thing to hear from you, Vim. Considering all the joys in my life right now only exist thanks to you," she said.

I blinked and shifted, and ignored the sound of a distant rock breaking beneath us. Renn's eyebrows twitched, as likely did her ears, as she glanced around.

She had heard the rock snap in two, but had no idea where the sound had originated from.

Before she could ask about it, I reached out to grab her. My first instinct was to wrap an arm around her, to kiss her or something, but I stopped myself from falling that deeply here in this moment. Instead I simply grabbed her forearm, as if she was an old comrade of mine from the army. I slinked my other hand out of hers and repeated the motion with her other arm, and smiled at her as she shifted and glanced down at our now locked arms.

How did I say it? How could I say it?

I had so much to say, really. About me. About who, and what I was.

I had decided to tell her. Just as I had made a decision about the vote, the Society, I had made a decision about her too.

Yet here I was, unable to say a word… even as I fell ever deeper for her.

"I meant it Vim," Renn said, before I could find my own heart amongst the chaos within me.

I took a small breath as she squeezed my forearms, and I felt her warmth even from beneath the thick layer I wore. She was strong, but even in that strength there was a gentleness. As if she could squeeze me strongly enough to break bone, yet no bones ever even cracked.

"My life has been a wonder lately. Thanks to you. The Society. Everyone. And all of them only exist, or I've only met them, because of you. My relationship with you has granted me all of this… Yes, even the stress and worries too," she said, adding the last bit with a quirky smile.

"I am stressful I'm sure," I said with a nod.

"You are!" she agreed happily.

Yet…

Feeling tiny, almost as tiny as that gleam in her eye, I bit back my miserable excuses I wanted to give her.

She was happy. She really was.

But she didn't realize that her happiness was… well…

Normal.

She was happy over a family. Friends. A place to belong. A community. Me, Lilly and her family, Cat and her friend's descendants. All of those shes met along the way here, from Oplar to Merit, and every little place we'd visited too.

Things most of even the Society took for granted nowadays, were the things that made Renn so happy. So full of joy and love.

Yet, although precious and what I struggled and killed to protect… they were all also simple things.

All of those things were normal. They were expected. Everyone had such things. Everyone.

She was bliss itself for simply having what so many others are born into. Something most took matter of fact.

So although her happiness was joy itself, and made me so happy and proud to hear it…

I couldn't help but be sickened all the same.

Because it meant her long life all this time… hundreds of years, had been full of nothing.

Empty and void.

In her hundreds of years she had only four names. Four that she ever spoke aloud, or went to, when telling me of her past and the experiences within.

Witch. The kids, Lujic and Ginny. Nory.

Wonderful moments for her. Painful or no, they had defined her. To become the woman she was today. Guided her here, before me.

Yet she should have so much more. It was as if her story had just begun, yet she was as old as most of our elders. She was possibly as old as Lilly and Merit, if not far off.

I had so much more to show her. She had so much more to enjoy. The world was full of wonders, and not just of the Society either. How come I haven't been taking her to the unique places I've found throughout the world? Did I not too long ago think about taking her to those crystal caverns? We weren't far from there now. She'd love those beyond reason, likely.

But would she love them more than spending the simple days with this saint and her human friends…? Or with Lilly and her children?

I'd love to see the look on Renn's face when she walked into the Owl's Nest and found the whole flock there. They were a noisier bunch than she likely realized, when all gathered together. She'd likely fall even deeper in love with the owl family once she saw such a thing.

Squeezing her arms back, just as gently, I smiled at the woman who was smiling happily at me.

I may lose everything else…

But I swear, upon the graves of my parents, that I'll not lose her… not just she herself, but that smile. That happiness. That simple joy and love she so cherished.

I'll find a way to protect it all… even from myself.

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