CLACK

Cæ opened the door to his dorm room, locking it behind him as he stumbled all the way to his bedroom, crashing into his bed with a groan of relief and exhaustion. The silence and solitude were relaxing and soothing, bringing him great respite as he took a moment to simply recuperate some energy to even stand.

"I won." A light murmur escaped him.

The result of the match began sinking as he processed what the past two days had been like.

Just ten days had passed since the academic year had begun, and it already felt like more than a month had passed, strangely enough. There was so much excitement in this particular magicademic year that each passing day was taxing and draining. In particular, he himself was burdened with a lot of items on his daily docket that pushed him close to his limits each day.

"Still… it was fun."

Magic was one of the few things that brought him joy. Using magic and especially learning about magic was something that he truly enjoyed with pure delight, devoid of any agenda or goal.

It was one of the things that kept him going after Lilia died. From the very moment that Mr. Selvig offered him an old book on the foundations of magic, he found himself developing a passion for magic unlike anything he had ever experienced in the past.

Pushing himself to the very limit and extracting victory in a battle that should have been hopeless from the perspective of any outsider was extremely satisfying to him. He rolled on his bed, turning on his back as he gazed at his ceiling with a tired expression, before closing his eyes.

He fell asleep almost immediately after closing his heavy eyelids.

"Is magic that fun?"

When he opened his eyes, he found himself looking at a different ceiling.

One that had undergone some discoloration from seeping rainwater during Elendir's annual heavy monsoons.

A light floral scent brushed by his nose.

One he was very familiar with.

The bed he was in was rough with a less luxurious cloth and feel to it than the one he had gotten accustomed to in the Elendir Institute of Magic. Its rough fabric brushed against his bare body as did the warm, soft skin of another person.

He turned to his right as he gazed at Lilia resting her head on his chest.

Her curly, dark hair was spread about messily across the entire bed while her arms wrapped around him as she snuggled with him.

She could feel her heartbeat through her soft, warm chest.

She raised her head a bit as she gazed into his stormy, gray eyes with a mischievous twinkle in her sea-green eyes. Her crooked smile relaxed as her hand gently brushed past his body and the many scars that he had.

"Magic is fun."

Cæ's tone was uncharacteristically gentle and warm.

He nuzzled her head softly.

"I've almost never had a passion for any activity quite like it," Cæ remarked thoughtfully as he gazed at her. "Everything I've ever done for most of my life has been to survive, subsist, and live a better life. And to an extent, the same is true with magic, but I would still learn magic even if it weren't for my ultimate objective."

She smiled at him with a hint of relief.

"I'm happy to hear that. I'm happy that you found magic. I'm happy that you have found something that will give you joy and happiness."

A hint of melancholy appeared in her smile.

"Perhaps you will come to love it so much that you might one day stop seeing me in your dreams."

Cæ's stormy, gray eyes darkened.

"That will never happen."

"…"

She gazed at him with a hint of sorrow in her eyes as she gazed at him deeply.

"Cæ…"

Her tone was uncharacteristically serious.

"…I am dead."

"…"

"I'm not real."

Her tone was a little bit more insistent.

Her clear eyes bore deep into his.

"You will need to accept that."

He could hear a hint of pain in her voice.

"You will need to move on."

Cæ's expression hardened.

"Never."

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His tone contained an edge to it.

Her expression grew hurt as her gaze turned to his body.

He was muscular, yet lean.

His skin was rough from all the Martial Magic training he had undergone with Professor Zymshire.

It was also riddled with scars.

The accident that had killed Lilia and had ravaged his body left more than just a mark or two on him.

"Does it still hurt?"

Her tone contained a hint of sadness as she ran her hand across his chest.

Right above his heart.

Cæ gazed deep into her with a gentle affection.

"The pain comes from inside."

His voice was no more than a whisper.

Her gaze shifted to his loving eyes. "…It won't heal if you don't allow it to."

"…The pain keeps me going."

His tone contained a hint of the boundless rage and hatred he contained within his heart.

"If pain is the only thing that keeps you going, then it is all the more reason for you to stop." Her voice grew a little shaky. "I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to see your pain push on the path of madness."

Cæ's expression darkened.

She gazed at him with a pleading expression.

"You need to stop."

Her eyes were desperate.

"This madness of wanting to burn the world and build a better one. You will burn yourself out long before you can set the world ablaze."

Cæ remained silent.

He simply gazed into her eyes with soft eyes.

"If I had known that you would suffer this much after I died." Her voice grew shaky. "Then… it might have been better for you to die with me that day. Then we would be together and you wouldn't have to suffer anymore."

A bitter smile uncharacteristically emerged on Cæ's face.

"…Had I been given a choice, perhaps I would have chosen that."

She wiped away a tear as she heaved a shaky breath before her usual mirthful smile cracked at the edge of her mouth.

"You definitely would have chosen that. Your attachment to life, to this world… is too shallow. Where would you be if you hadn't met me?"

Cæ didn't need to think about the question.

"Dead."

"…I can see it, unfortunately."

Cæ had always thought that simply getting out of the slums would make him happy. But now that he had long achieved that and had even lost everything he had gained since, he knew that what brought happiness, satisfaction, and purpose to life was people.

Everything else was temporal.

Everything else was superficial.

The food one ate, the place one lived, the money one made… the absence of these things was undoubtedly something that brought about suffering, but the presence of these things did not necessarily one would lead to a perfectly happy and satisfying life.

What brought meaning, weight, and true satisfaction to his life during the period when he was happy were the people in his life.

Lilia.

The Selvigs.

For someone as starved as of emotional intimacy, he didn't need that many people he trusted and cared for to fill his heart.

Had he not met them, he would have grown nihilistic and depressed.

He would have led a purposeless life.

One driven only by his refusal to return to the slums.

He didn't think he could have handled the despairing realization that leaving the slums would not bring him happiness.

He didn't think he would have been able to continue living life.

"You need to open your heart."

Lilia's voice drew his attention as her hand brushed across his chest.

"You need to let people in… you need to let somebody else in."

His expression hardened at other words.

"There is nobody else."

She turned towards him with a dubious expression. "I am a figment of your subconscious imagination. I know that you're lying. There are so many wonderful people that you have met in the magicademy that I'm sure you wouldn't regret letting into your heart. For example…"

Her expression grew mischievous.

"What about the student council president? She's beautiful and extremely friendly. Not to mention, the reaction she had when Serulia mentioned spending some time with you in your room. Huhuhu…"

Her smile grew mirthful. "She has a thing for you."

Cæ huffed. "No, she doesn't. She acts that way with everybody. She's generally a very friendly and outgoing person."

"You're just oblivious." She shook her head. "Though the fact that I have noticed it means that you have definitely noticed it, because I'm just a figment of your subconscious mind."

"Or my subconscious mind has accurately represented your hot air and teasing quite accurately," Cæ snorted with an uncharacteristically mirthful smile. "I'd like to think that I have captured your bullshit quite accurately, even if I do say so myself."

"I don't bullshit," she complained. "Ok, if not the student council president, then what about Serulia? That Durmen hottie definitely has something for you, and I'm not even going to let you try and pretend that she doesn't."

Cæ stared at her with a hint of ridicule in his eyes. "Yea,h right, she stood on business entirely. The only reason that she even helped me was because of her self-interest. She wouldn't have come to even talk with me if she had beaten me in our match."

Lilia got up from his chest, turning her head towards him with knitted eyebrows. "Since when were you such a dimwit? You were an awkward flirt when you tried approaching me, but you were capable of reading signals, strangely enough."

Cæ shook his head. "I don't feel the same way with them. They're just friends or acquaintances. I can't love anybody but you."

"That's bullshit," she snorted. "You can't love anybody but me? You think we were made for each other? That's just some fairy tale lovey-dovey nonsense. Nobody is made for another person, and nobody is perfect for another person. You build and cultivate love with a person with great effort and emotional labor; as long as you do it well enough, you can fall in love with anybody. The reason you say you can't is because you don't want to."

Cæ's expression fell as he gazed at her deeply.

"And is that wrong?"

Her expression grew pained.

"Do you think it makes me happy to see you suffer? You think that knowing that you're going through pain because of my death is something that makes me feel good, because it is proof of how much you love me? If I could spare you pain by making you forget about me, then I would."

Cæ silently shook his head.

"I'm not in the mood for love these days. I'm too busy with my ambition. And I can't in good faith start a relationship or a family knowing that they will not be the most important thing in my life."

"Hah, and so you're ok just living your life in pain because of your mad ambition?" Her tone was one of displeasure.

"Yes."

Cæ's tone was one of certainty.

"And you think that will make you happy?" She glared at him. "You think you will be happy after you burn down the world and 'build a better one?'"

His expression darkened.

"…I don't know about happiness, but the rage and hatred in my heart don't allow me to do anything else."

His tone was chilling.

It was also one of unyielding certainty.

"And what if you do burn yourself before you burn the world?" She gazed deep into his eyes.

"Then…" his voice was reduced to a whisper. "Then that will be the end, I suppose."

The air grew tense.

The atmosphere grew electric in their silence.

She simply shook her head. "…I don't want to talk to you anymore, wake up already, and go away."

Before Cæ could even respond to her in his dream, he opened his eyes.

He found himself gazing at the ceiling of his bedroom in his dormitory room in the Elendir Institute of Magic.

He got up slowly as he heaved a deep, shaky breath.

"…Another dream."

It was something that Cæ hadn't told anybody, not even the Selvigs.

He saw Lilia in his dreams frequently.

Not just blurry, unclear dreams that he forgot most of when he woke up.

But extremely high-definition three-dimensional dreams that were absolutely indistinguishable from reality.

Where she was indistinguishable from reality.

The cognitive endowments that he had gotten from his Acquired Savant Syndrome had made his dreams vivid and highly realistic, allowing him to retreat to a phantom world each night where he could soothe himself in the love and affection of a figment of his imagination.

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