"Were you coming or going buddy?" He asked, looking down at the skeletal remains.

"Did you fall coming down," he said, sweeping down both hands from high, "or did you fall going up?" finishing with an upward motion.

Kopius brought both arms down in frustration. Pacing, he kept an eye on the ladder trying to formulate a plan that didn't involve him getting picked over by whatever the next creature was that wandered down here. The thought of being gnawed on meant that he would have died, which in the gaming world had its merits.

Death might set things straight, Kopius thought to himself.

He considered that a respawn might jar the game into allowing functionality of his user interface. A functional interface meant a logout. A logout meant an exit and then a sternly worded v-mail to whichever person, company or entity that could cause such a cataclysmic failure.

Not allowing himself to go completely off the rails, envisioning his inner Karen wreaking havoc on an undervalued and underpaid manager, Kopius returned to the possible benefits of dying.

"I die, I respawn and can logout." Kopius said aloud. "I die, I respawn, I can't logout," he weighed.

Would I go back to the room of mirrors?... Wouldn't matter if I can logout... Might matter if you can't logout. Why would that matter, we'd still be stuck! Yes, but we have already cleared this cave. You don't know whether that thing will respawn too! We know where it will be if it does!

"Fair enough!" Kopius exclaimed, ending his internal debate before it came down to blows.

The idea of dying to respawn and then hopefully logout had value. Cory, having had an old tech job, knew how restarting a faulty program or machine could resolve an issue. "Have you turned it off and on again?" is a very important question! Yet that "it" was attached or otherwise influencing his brain.

"Ok Grandpa," Kopius said, "Whatcha got for me?"

He began to pace again, muttering to himself, "What do we know? What don't we know" on repeat. The pacing helped Kopius to keep his mind on track. Wishing he didn't have to turn so often, he kept this up until he started listing off items, counting on his hands.

"I am alive," Kopius paused mid step. "I'm...alive, right?"

Sometimes Cory would have to start with the most basic of 'what do we know' answers. He had actually had to refer back to this 'I am alive' statement to jump start the process quite often; it was motivating to get the first few answers correct. This was usually followed by 'I am breathing' and other obvious 'I know's' until the momentum could be directed to the problem at hand.

There were time's Cory would chuckle at the 'I am alive' beginning yet Kopius, using it for the first time, felt a chill stretch through his body and squeeze his heart.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"I have to be!" Kopius blurted out to the cave. "I'm right here!" he yelled.

He started to pace as if his thumping heart just needed to walk it out. When all manner of breathing techniques did not calm his nerves, he squatted against a large boulder, defeat taking ahold of his mind.

"I'm breathing," he sputtered, his eyes beginning to swell.

"I can see," Kopius urged, fighting the urge to cry.

"I–feel…"

And then his will broke.

Years of avoided conflicts and unresolved personal trauma were waiting on the other side of a dam Kopius had just—unintentionally—broken wide open. He was not prepared.

Tears that he would normally fight off or push down fell to his palms and then patted on the floor of the cave. He slummed to the ground as a knot suffocated his stomach and squeezed on his mind; feelings usually reserved for the death of a pet or a beloved relative. His breaths came in quick gasps or not at all, as if he were being waterboarded by his emotions.

It wasn't the cave, or the ladder or even the fact that he was stuck in a game. Long ago, well before he knew it, Cory had given up. Not on life but on living.

At some point Cory's hubris collided with his naivety and the dust storm that erupted engulfed him. By the time that Cory could see the mess he had created, maintaining the status quo was the easiest way forward. Forward he went. Odd jobs and odd women kept his life interesting but at the end of the day, he was empty.

"The easy way." Kopius laughed admonishingly, swaying in place. "More like the 'let everyone down' way," he managed to get out between the sniffling.

He rocked, internally mulling at himself for every misstep and mistake that he could remember.

His wasted potential or every teacher's 'if you just applied yourself' conversation. His parents hoped for better times while he consistently gave them reasons to believe otherwise. Ruining his one joy of coaching baseball because of a run in with the law. Just a spiral of over ambitious, poorly thought through schemes and ventures.

These breakdowns would happen from time to time in the real world. Some innocuous question would catch him off guard and he would be hit with the emotional equivalent of a surprise slap 'cup check'.

Generally, after some time, the feelings would abate and he would push on, learning nothing from it. As he got older, the peace of mind he craved often fell victim to the shortcomings of his past. Overthinking and under planning became common pitfalls in an already clouded world.

With more gloom charging across his mental horizon, Kopius had come to a crossroad. He could continue to wallow in his own contrived, self-fulfilling, self-loathing prophecies or accept his mistakes, learned from them, and create a better path forward.

To his credit, he rarely made the same mistake twice.

"Find a way or make one, man," Kopius recited under his breath.

He cleared his throat and repeated the mantra louder and louder, until the words to a hold and he believed he could.

Kopius started the arduous process of pulling himself out of his muck. Choosing, for possibly the first time, to accept his role in creating the madness and give himself some grace. He wouldn't blame himself for all of it but he bore the responsibility to make better, more informed decisions.

After wiping away the residual tears and snot, Kopius took a few deep breaths closing his eyes to ensure he had, indeed, backed away from that ledge. Though the weight still pressed on him, he felt a sliver of peace within.

A blank window appeared even with his eyes closed. He shut it.

If you find any errors ( broken links, non-standard content, etc.. ), Please let us know < report chapter > so we can fix it as soon as possible.