Solborn: The Eternal Kaiser

Chapter 99: Moss-Head


Sama swaggered just ahead of Kaiser, hands shoved in her apron pockets. "So," she called back, voice full of cheer, "What's it like waking up in a palace with a squad of maids tripping over themselves to wipe your ass? I'd murder for that kind of morning. Instead, I get to unclog noble hairballs and scrape stains out of the soup pot. Living the dream."

Kaiser kept his gaze forward, eyes sweeping the corridors for exits and vantage points, every sense attuned to the details. The walls were pale blue, veins of crystal pulsing with a gentle light that made even the air feel expensive. "It's not my first time waking up somewhere unfamiliar," he replied, his tone calm but edged, "Though I can't say I've ever had quite this much color. Or company this interesting."

Sama snorted. "Get used to it, chief. This dump's full of company, and most of 'em are a hell of a lot duller than me. If you want quiet, crawl into a broom closet. Or go bother Syra while she pretends she's on patrol, cuz she's got all the personality of wet bread."

She yawned so hard her whole head snapped back, nearly stumbling into the wall. "Gods, I'm so tired I could sleep standing up. No lie, boss, I'm about three yawns from crawling back into my room and letting one of my idiot sisters drag you around instead. You get one stop, so make it worth the effort, alright?"

Kaiser's mouth twitched in a rare smile. "You're quite efficient."

She bared her teeth, cocky. "Damn right. Sleep is a sacred art form. If anyone interrupts me, I'll feed 'em their own socks. Garden's this way, if you're dead set on sightseeing. With any luck, you'll meet the absolute worst bastard in the whole place."

They wandered down the corridor, the crystal veins shimmering underfoot. Kaiser glanced at his own reflection—fractured, scattered across the wall like a puzzle only a madman would finish.

He caught a glimpse out the arched window: a woman in the garden, bearing the same sharp horns as Sama and Syra, moving with a precision that made even hauling water look like a royal ritual. Her straight, gleaming white hair trailed behind her like a silk ribbon, and her horns curved like ink on paper.

Kaiser jerked his chin toward the garden. "How many of you are there?"

Sama rolled her eyes. "Ten. Ten slug-brained sisters, all different flavors. We got stuck here after the Syndicate blew everything up, and now we're all glorified furniture. That one—" she jabbed a thumb at the window, "Is Sina. Head Maid. She could clean a battlefield with a single handkerchief and guilt-trip a grown man into folding his own underwear."

Through the glass, Sina caught their attention and gave the briefest, most no-nonsense nod imaginable, her horns catching the sun like blades. She never missed a step; even the water in her bucket was too scared to slosh.

Sama leaned closer, voice dropping to a low, conspiratorial growl. "She's the only reason the kitchen hasn't burned down or mutated into something that bites back. I swear she's got eyes in her ass. Also, If Sina even looks at you funny, don't blink. That's how she gets you."

Kaiser's dry smile widened, just a touch. "So she's the most dangerous one here."

"You catch on quick boss, good for you." Sama shot back, horns flicking with approval.

Kaiser followed her down the last stretch of the hallway, noting how the blue light made even their shadows seem painted. They soon reached a circular platform at the very end of the hallway, and now there were no more doors nor windows, just polished crystal walls and the faint shimmer of something Kaiser couldn't recognize in the air.

Sama swaggered onto the stone, planting her feet in the center with the confidence of someone who'd never been wrong a day in her life. "Welcome to the grandest dead end in the house," she announced, giving the floor a hard kick with the heel of her boot. Nothing happened except a dull thunk echoing off the blue crystal walls.

Kaiser folded his arms, stepping onto the platform as well. "Impressive secret passage."

"Bite me," Sama grumbled, stomping the platform again, this time with both feet for good measure. Still nothing. "Stupid slab. I swear, it has something against red-heads."

She tried a third time, muttering a string of increasingly creative curses that Kaiser had never heard before "Slime-breath, moss-brained, old fungus ass!" Before, finally, with a faint shudder, the platform rumbled beneath them. Sama's eyes went wide as the stone dropped an inch with a jolt, and she promptly lost her balance, landing square on her rear with a thud.

Kaiser, unmoved, looked down at her with the barest hint of smugness. "Quite elegant for a maid, I must admit."

Sama scowled up at him, crimson hair spiking in all directions. "If you ever tell anyone, I'll suck your eyes out."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Kaiser arched an eyebrow, amused. "I'll take it to my grave. Though you'll owe me a favor for my silence."

She huffed, crossing her arms as the platform finally began its slow descent, crystals in the walls lighting up one by one as they dropped deeper into the manor. "I'm surrounded by blackmailers. This house is hell."

The air grew cooler as they dropped, the crystal veins glowing brighter. Sama kicked at nothing, stubbornly regaining her composure. "For the record, the last guy who laughed at me really got buried without any eyeballs. Consider yourself warned."

Kaiser's tone was lightly mocking, but not unkind. "Does this actually lead somewhere, or are you just showing the manor off?"

Sama smirked, finally standing back up and brushing imaginary dust off her apron. "Both. But mostly, it's the fastest way to the garden. And if you're lucky, you get to see the koi pond without that piss-breath bothering you too much."

The platform shuddered to a halt, and a faint blue glow signaled the opening of a hidden door at the edge. Sama gestured with a flourish, suddenly back to her brash, unflappable self. "After you, boss."

Kaiser stepped off the platform, offering her a look that was half challenge, half genuine respect. "Next time, show me the kitchen. I want to see if that Sina girl is as terrifying as you imply."

Sama grinned, falling in at his side as they walked out into the secret garden, the faintest blush of embarrassment still lingering on her cheeks, though her swagger was already back in place. "Deal. But if she makes you mop the floors, you're on your own."

The doors slid open, and they stepped straight into a garden so vast and vibrant it felt like stumbling onto another world. A vaulted canopy of thick vines arched overhead, woven tightly together and studded with pale blossoms, their tendrils winding all the way up to the house's walls. Dappled sunlight filtered through a hundred shades of green, casting shifting mosaics across marble walkways, flowerbeds, and glassy koi ponds below.

Kaiser slowed his stride, eyes sweeping the arching roof. "Is that safe?" he asked, eyebrow arching. "First time I've seen a roof held up by a tangle of plants."

Sama snorted. "Not my problem. Lady Celestine says it gets the nobles hard and makes negotiations go smoother. I guess nothing says 'trust me' like a ceiling that could drop a bushel of apples on your head."

Kaiser let out a real laugh—loud, sharp, and unguarded, echoing off the stone. Even he seemed faintly surprised by it. Sama blinked, her grin stretching wider, pride and mischief flickering across her face.

Kaiser shook his head, amusement still lingering. "Did she really say that?"

"Word for word," Sama replied, then leaned in, voice dropping to a conspiratorial growl. "Except she added something about 'if they're going to screw each other, it may as well be somewhere that smells like jasmine instead of old money and horse sweat.'" She paused. "And a few things I'm not allowed to repeat in front of the swans."

Kaiser almost doubled over, the laughter rolling through him again—so genuine and loud that a flock of birds took flight from a nearby bush.

At that moment, a new figure approached: a woman moving with an easy, barefoot confidence through the beds of moss and stone. Her hair was a living cascade of leaf-green, trailing behind her in gentle vines speckled with tiny wildflowers and dewdrops, the sort that belonged more in a forest than on a person's head. Short, forward-facing horns peeked out through her bangs, catching the sunlight with a subtle shimmer. Her skin had the healthy sheen of someone who spent every day outdoors, and even her apron bore fresh smudges of soil and petal.

She paused in front of them, tucking a stray flower back into her hair as she eyed Kaiser with frank curiosity, then flicked her gaze to Sama. "You're late," she said, her voice cool and unhurried. "And you tracked dust onto the moss again. Do I have to plant you in the compost, or will you apologize like a civilized slug?"

Sama rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sorry sis. Blame our guest, he's got royal dirt on his nose."

The new maid paused in front of Kaiser, brushing a leaf from her tangled green hair and giving him a slow, deliberate once-over. She dipped her head in a small, almost regal nod. "I'm Sila—the gardener. Welcome to my little kingdom."

She turned, fixing Sama with a knowing stare. "And you're late. Again. At this rate, the moss will have claimed your room by sundown."

Sama blew a raspberry, flicking a loose pebble at her sister's foot. "Relax, flower-brain. Some of us actually have important people to guide around."

Sila just rolled her eyes, her smile never slipping. "Also, next time, try walking on the path. It's what the pretty stones are for." She flicked a speck of dirt off Sama's shoulder, the gesture half fond, half chiding.

Sama snorted. "Yeah, yeah, next time I'll wear my Sunday best and float. You done embarrassing me in front of the boss?"

Sila glanced at Kaiser with a smirk, then back at Sama. "Not even close. But I've got roses to trim. Don't kill anything while you're here."

She turned, ready to melt away into the sea of greenery, her leaf-dotted hair trailing behind her like a living vine. But before she vanished completely, Sila paused, cocking her head at the faint rustle from a tangle of flowering bushes. Her eyes narrowed, sharp and knowing.

"Sama, be a dear and keep an eye on the young man who just barged into my azaleas, will you?" she said, her tone as gentle as dew but as firm as roots. It was not a request.

Sama blinked, then squinted in the direction Sila had indicated. "What young man? You inviting ghosts into your garden again, moss-head?"

Sila's brow furrowed, genuine confusion flickering across her usually composed features. "You don't know who that is?" she asked, crossing her arms. "You're the one playing tour guide. You should keep track of your strays."

Sama put her hands on her hips and blew out an exasperated breath. "First off, piss-breath, if I wanted to babysit the whole manor, I'd charge double. Second, hell nah, I don't know everyone who crawls in here. This is your jungle, not mine."

Kaiser, who had been quietly watching the exchange, raised an eyebrow and leaned toward the direction of the rustling. "Would that happen to be Ivan?"

Sama shrugged, already starting to move forward. "Could be. Or it's some lost noble's brat sniffing around for snacks. If it's that kid, I thought he was passed out in a guest room, not digging up your flower beds."

Sila glanced at Sama, her confusion mirrored now. "I thought so too..."

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