...

Hah, I barely remember what just happened. Well, I'll just go back inside and let the day fade out.

So what now? Oh, right, I need a new game console, because I gifted my old one to an adolescent god.

I should get myself a new one. Though my powers aren't all that great with electrical devices. Okay, I somehow managed to make this console indestructible with eternal batteries and also created Chiaki's headset, but this goes rather in the direction of squeezing a paranormal anomaly into a specific shape. I don't really want my video game reactors to come to life for real if I were to use a console my powers created.

No, I need the real deal. But those things are so hella expensive! Do I really have to go jobbing as Chiaki suggested? There may be some way to circumvent this with my powers, but I wouldn't know a safe way that doesn't lead to me having to deal with the consequences down the line.

Anyway, it has gotten late. I should figure out what to do now. After all, there is so much I can do to occupy my mind. Right, there was something about a cult. Maybe I should focus on this. Yes, this sounds good.

But first, back into the living room and report that we successfully got Chiaki out.

"So, I did the deed. Our home is now officially Chiaki-free!" (Iori)

"That's not a nice thing to say, Iori." (Chr)

"Yes, yes, I know. Wasn't meant as harsh." (I)

"Is something not okay, Iori? You're looking... uh, a bit cataclysmic." (S)

"No! Everything is alright! Nothing happened! I'm fine and would like to depart now to my room!!" (I)

"Ehm, okay. But you know-" (S)

"I know I can talk to you about everything, Mum! Thank you very much! I will make use of this if it's necessary! But I'd like to go to bed now! It was a long day! My best regards!!" (I)

"O-okay..." (S)

Seems like I got this convincingly through. Now I can finally get into my room and probably scream into my cushion or something. I mean, I have to suppress several apocalypses right now. Yet I think I can handle this. I mean, why wouldn't I? Everything is alright. There's no reason to freak out.

I decide to jump back into my dream. Yet this time, I thought of something. My earlier musing about my bodily condition brought me to this idea. If I already am formwise a more or less undefined tentacle monster, and this body is nothing but a mere tentacle I stuck into this foreign dimension, then why can't I just let the tentacle stick around here? In practice, this means that I'm keeping my body as is on the bed. It will simply stay here. All I need is a bit of detachment.

So I execute the idea. My consciousness reaches the dream, but my body remains. I can even feel it still. Just not really as my own body, but as I wanted to. Something that belongs to me without quite being me. I can even tell that I could assume control at a moment's notice. Either as a form of remote control or personally. Though, with the latter, I have to be careful not to split my personalities. I already got enough me's around. There's no need to make this even more confusing.

Instead, I proceed and am promptly back at Soraja's temple. Apparently, the goddess in question is already back at her job again.

"Are these visits now going to become a regular thing? I could do without you always plopping up within my sanctuary." (So)

"That was kinda what the plan was originally. As much as I'm sorry for the time dilation thing, I never intended to completely abandon you." (I)

"Well, if I hadn't already been used to the passing of the epochs, this probably would've upset me more. Yet, as things are, I'd like to set some boundaries. One being that you at least don't enter my inner sanctuary without forward notice. This is just basic courtesy. The same goes for the kind of voyeurism you tend to constantly do when you think your observation wouldn't be perceived." (So)

"Ehm, we can agree on the former, but the second is quite hard not to do. I mean, we are basically inside me here, you know?" (I)

"Of course I do. Yet it is certainly something to be worked on. However, I can't force you on that matter. Ultimately, you define yourself and this does include the boundaries you decide to abide to." (So)

She does have a point. Only because it's difficult and I'm intimately familiar with every part within my realm, I should still decide whether to gaze or not. Just like when someone is in front of me, I'm the one responsible if I wanna stare or not.

Also, if she knew, she seriously could've said something. Zika too. I don't believe for a second that she wasn't aware. She literally clawed herself out of my body after we made that pact, and when she died. ...Another moment when I should take a step back and look objectively at what has become of my life.

"Fine, I'll do my best. Just don't expect me to have full control from scratch." (I)

"Hm. That's more commitment than I expected. Seems like I can at least assume minimal expectation towards you." (So)

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

"I keep telling ya, I'm not nearly as bad as you make me out to be." (I)

"I suppose. Yet on the other side, your capability of corruption and ruination shouldn't be underestimated." (So)

"That... was an accident." (I)

Can I really claim this? Isn't it still my responsibility?

"And I'm very sure that will be a consolation to all your present and future victims." (So)

She's right. I killed them. It isn't even like I could shift all the blame away from me. I lost control. All these lost lives and people I caused to suffer. I could... I should have kept my cool. That I didn't, that I allowed myself to be pulled away by my own emotions, was my fault, and mine alone. Even now, the guilt threatens to overwhelm me. Hah, I thought I got over it, but I'm getting all depressed again.

It seems like Soraja noticed that I'm in a delicate state. Huh, her expression even softened a bit. That's novel.

"I meant... Damn, alright. I guess everyone would be fairly at risk of such things happening if they were in your position." (So)

"Sniff. Sorry." (I)

"Argh, please stop this. It might not be a full excuse, but I suppose you can't be fully held responsible for your own state of mind." (So)

"But I should've done better! I did such terrible things to all these People!" (I)

"That's not what I meant! Sure, it was certainly not a positive act of yours to put this realm to ruin, however, given what you are, you can't be fully held accountable for your state of mind." (So)

Is... Is Soraja really trying to console me? Did I enter the right dimension?

"Sniff. What do you mean?" (I)

"I mean, the fact that all your emotions are in turmoil is not to a small degree because of your current state of being. While I suppose that it's truly 'you' who is governing your own mind, as otherwise the current state of affairs would look already veeery different, you are likely influenced." (So)

"Uh, influenced?" (I)

"Yes. Do you need a definition of the word? It means to be affected by a foreign, not native, factor that isn't linked to your original state of being." (So)

"I know what that word means!" (I)

"Great, then you don't need explanations. I was merely stating that whatever changed you with high likelihood also impacts your mind. Not in an occupying way, but at the very least amplifying or deriving. I'm sure you had things like intrusive thoughts, slopes of mind that dragged you forward, emotional spikes that aren't quite aligning with your original personality. I came to know you as a somewhat meek character, but at times, you're showing outliers, sudden eruptions, and moments of boldness. Therefore, the assumption." (So)

I'm influenced? Can this be true? I thought my state of mind was my own. But if she's right? There's certainly my dark self. That one is convincing me at times of rather extreme measures. Though I always left myself the choice.

Whatever. I also have this unnatural processing ability that makes me get ideas and concepts that are absolutely not for mortal minds. That could play in as well. But what was it back then at the sports day, when I imploded... What did I think there again? I... I'm not quite sure, but I think something was a bit off back then.

"Soraja, you could be right." (I)

"Don't freak out now. Please. As I said, we wouldn't even talk right now like this after all that time if you were at risk of losing yourself. No, I think it's merely some form of amplification. A native effect that makes you prone to follow your initiatives. Maybe even give in to certain instincts." (So)

Amplification? Initiatives? Instincts? But, but when did I get dragged along like this? Right from the start, I had a lot of control. Well, not right from the start. On the first night...

The worms!!! Yes, the worms that turned my body into this! I heard them repeating all my words back then. By now, I'm sure that's what I must've heard. They were echoing every thought I had! I could blend it out, but what... What if it's still there? That, that could be it. The echo. Not a foreign thought, but basically my own that makes itself stronger, together with all that foreign thinking I adopted that could've done the trick. It basically made me go boom the eldritch way. Nonetheless, the initial thoughts came from me.

"Still, I killed People." (I)

That I understand why it happened isn't a complete excuse, and it shouldn't be.

"While it certainly shouldn't repeat, I think you're in the right state of mind to avoid this from happening again. As such, I take the surprisingly low number of casualties as a worthy sacrifice if it helps that you won't cause greater harm down the line. That aside, you have a pretty straightforward soul resurrection system going on here. None of these People stayed dead for long, and I could make sure that they again ended up in lives defined by prosperity." (So)

Huh, I'm convinced now that she's building me up again here. To think so...

"Ehm... I know you don't like me all that much, Soraja, but... Thank you." (I)

"No need for that. I just want to prevent a repeat." (So)

She says so, but her gaze is still compassionate. Soraja is one big tsundere.

"Well, be that as it may, we probably should analyze the cause. So what was it that made you lose control to such a degree?" (So)

Uh, can I tell her this? Well, it's not like I'm in the minor position here.

"I, uh, you see... Chiaki. She kissed me in front of the whole school. Of course, everyone started talking, and it kinda overwhelmed me." (I)

Did her eye just twitch?

"...From all the... Alright, it shouldn't surprise me anymore. It may be better if she awakens again. At least, her clairvoyance may help her in the foresight department." (So)

"And just now she did again." (I)

"... Sigh... No, this isn't your fault. My intimate truly has some peculiar strokes. It was always a winning point for her to just claim what she wants and not to make a secret out of her aspirations and desires. That's what I love her for, but it was also such a mess to deal with." (So)

The more I hear about her, the more I'm convinced that there can't be too much of a difference from this ancient priestess to the regular Chiaki.

"In any case, your personal homework should be to get your emotions better under control, or alternatively, create some form of failsafe that will prevent the particular fallout to your environment. The lack of quakes during this talk leads me to believe you're making progress in this regard." (So)

"I'm giving my best." (I)

"Alright. This ought to be enough consolation. Why did you even show up here in my place?" (So)

"Well, I kinda feel bad that I abandoned you two as I did. It wasn't on purpose, but I can't say I really planned on getting involved. So I wanted to see if I can help in some way." (I)

"I will agree with you that in your current state, the role of a goddess wouldn't suit you. Not only because you lack the necessary experience to govern not just a single domain, but the entirety of existence, a far greater issue would be the emotional strain that it would have on you. We can probably be glad that your breakdown only devastated the realm and not erased its existence. As such, it should be for the better that you stopped creating worlds with souls to avoid further responsibilities. You didn't, did you?" (So)

Not that I'd know of. I mean, I'm out of soul creation since I discovered what happened in my dream. I put a huge seal on any involuntary effects in that regard since then. The only time when something despite all my measures happened was this exotic reaction I got when... Shit. Oh my god, I completely forgot about my demon generals!

"Oh no! Why are you making that face?" (So)

"Ehm, hey, Soraja. You know, stuff happened and I could need your help." (I)

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