One hundred and forty-eight. Mercifully few? Harrowingly many? I can make excuses and weigh projections against one another, content at this optimal outcome, but I will always see this as a failure. Each one would gladly give their life again, wouldn't they? No matter which side they were on. Would they be angry at me for thinking of this as a failure? Why do I see their victory as a failure? Do I think myself so much better than them, so much more special, that I cannot make a single mistake? That I always have to be flawless, because anything else would reduce me. No. I do not. Not anymore. I am not better. And I am not less. My involvement has nudged the dwarven people forward. They— ...We won. We won. Now, I shall stand by them. And soon, they will know. They will decide.

I warp inside Elisa's office. She's waiting for me, seated on one of the couches. The short table in front of her is stacked with a variety of alcohol. I sit down next to her.

"Hey," Elisa greets me. She regards my human shell. "That's better." She reaches for some of Ulorn's cider, but I motion to the harder liquor. She pours me a glass and offers it. "Here." I take the glass. Elisa fills another for herself. She looks at her own drink in thought. "Do you think this will help?"

"Closure," I say, unsure of my own statement. I continue in a slow voice, "To all that have fallen, and to those I left behind. I won't ask for your forgiveness." We both take a small sip, placing our glasses on the table right after, unwilling to drink any more.

Elisa leans against me and wraps me in a hug. I start to weep.

***

"I believe I'm okay now," I say.

"Two more hours," Elisa mumbles in response, still holding me tight.

"I think you mixed up your units there." Contrary to my protests, her letting go is the last thing I want to happen.

***

Erysis looks me up and down. "Why do you somehow look even worse than before your vacation?"

"It's good to see you too, Erysis. Yes, I had a very pleasant time. Thank you for asking," I say.

Nexen chimes in, trying to hide the concern in his voice, "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, forcing a smile. "Home's changed a lot. My expectations and reality differed. Now that I'm back, I've realized something. This is my home. And everything is perfect."

"Of course this is your home, Lucius," Erysis says. For a brief moment, flames lick at her form. "Nothing will change that."

I chuckle. "I hope so. What about you? Do anything fun while I was away?"

The two share a glance and then turn to me.

Erysis beams with pride. She looks me in the eyes and starts snickering. The laugh slowly changes into downright malevolent. I throw a confused glance at a resigned Nexen. He just shakes his head, looking at the ground.

Erysis finishes off her cackling and says, "Guess who's also D-rank?"

"Did Pemik get demoted or something?" I ask.

Erysis quickly responds, "What? No! Us. Ugh... You already knew, didn't you?"

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"Obviously," I answer. "Congrats. Wanna go delve? I feel like punching some monsters in the face."

Erysis stares at me silently for a long moment, but then sighs out, "Yeah, sure, whatever." She begins walking away from me and Nexen, mumbling to herself, "I swear, I'll surprise that jerk someday..."

"I can hear you," I say.

She shouts behind, "I wanted you to, you... jerk!" As she faces away from us again, I detect her smiling from ear to ear.

I turn to Nexen. We bump shoulders and grin at each other. When we catch up to Erysis, the two start telling me about their first D-grade delve in great detail.

***

Ren and I are playing a local board game called 'Delve'. I am the 'Dungeon', while he is the 'Party'. Quite fascinating. And quite surprising. Due to how the game is designed, I am unable to solve it. How fun.

Not like I am cheating, of course. That would be unsportsmanlike. But can one blame me for taking a quick peek?

"You're looking better, kiddo," Ren says.

I move a monster piece. "I think my future vacations will be at a different destination."

"Uncomfortable memories?"

I think for a moment, waiting for his move. When he repositions one of his mages, I answer, "Memories, realizations, choices, consequences. Take your pick."

Ren rumbles out a laugh. "You are too young for problems that real. Leave those to us that are getting up there. You should be concerned with fashion and... weapons? Is that what you kids are into right now?"

I quirk a brow at him. "Maybe adventurers? Wrong person to ask. I am an old soul."

"Ha! Good one," he says. A suboptimal move on my part lets Ren gain the advantage.

"But if I go by my friends, that seems pretty close actually. Erysis likes a quality outfit. And Nexen, while more a fan of armor, does enjoy learning about prominent blacksmiths and their creations."

"This marvelous insight I possess scares me sometimes." I spring a trap. He falls for it completely, flipping the advantage to me. "I even let you do that so we could make the game more interesting."

We both nod seriously, but after a few moments, start laughing loudly.

***

Sini and Erysis are sniping monsters from atop a looming pillar of ice. Miv and Nexen are guarding the base, occasionally dispatching a curious visitor.

Pemik and I are resting some distance away but still close enough to intervene in case of an emergency.

"I'm waiting," Pemik says.

"You're gonna wait for a while then, Pem Pem."

"Please?"

I turn to him in genuine shock. "...That surprised me." My shock is met by a pissed off glare. "If you feel that strongly about it..."

"Don't care anymore." Pemik humphs and turns away from me. Would giving him a hug be weird? Probably.

"Yes," I say.

"Yes?"

"That's what I said."

"Why change your mind?"

"Many factors. You were one of them."

Pemik asks in surprise, "Me? Why me?"

"Apologies, but you've used up your questions for today."

"We are sparring after the dungeon," he grumbles out and focuses back on the rest of the party.

"One day, you will know. But when that time comes, I hope you will remain the same as you have always been."

"Oh Goddess, don't start talking like my brother. It's bad enough I have to deal with him..."

***

Elisa and I have just finished up the dinner I cooked. We are sitting on a couch with a documentary playing in front of us. The theme is penguins.

"Would it be okay if we visited Alcia and Ulorn sometime?" I ask.

"Yeah. Of course it'd be okay. I'm surprised they haven't invited you back already."

"They did. That's why I am asking. We talk a lot."

"...If my mother and father didn't shower me with affection every single time, I would be thinking they like you more than they like me." She leans against me. "Next week?"

"Works for me. What did you think of the roast?"

"Can you cook for me every day?"

"Yes."

She laughs softly. "I'm joking. What you are doing right now is more than enough."

"I don't mind." She pushes into me, rocking me slightly. "Ouch. Deal's off."

"These {penguins} are really cute. Pity we don't have anything similar. Can you make me a blanket that has a bunch of them on it?" After a few seconds, a neatly folded piece of cloth drops in her lap. Stitched into the fabric are little penguins in various dynamic poses. Elisa rubs the fluffy blanket against her cheek and hums in approval. Then she lowers the covering and looks at it with a frown. "Feels like I'm overstepping."

"Huh? Oh, the blanket. ...Hmm. The effort it took for me to make that was less than it took for you to blink."

"I don't think that makes it better."

"Sorry. All sales are final."

"Smartass... Thanks." She unfolds the blanket and covers us both. Fine, I'll endure the scorching heat.

With a weak swirl of mana, a dial I can only classify as a thermostat moves, lowering the temperature control enchantment of the room a few degrees.

We sit together in silence, closer than we've ever been.

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