—Therick PoV—

I was alone. All by myself. Haell and Moonwash were doing their creepy experiments with that creepy blurry shepherd guy, and the rest of us just had to go adrift, aimless in this alien land.

But maybe I wasn't giving it enough of a chance. Everyone else seemed to like it here so much better. It was like there was something wrong with me for wanting to go back. So I searched for it, the beauty of this place. I visited different cities and towns and found it to be a truly varied mix. Some had different specialties, others were there for the beauty of nature, and many were built on top of a good natural resource like a river, a lake, or a wonderzone. New Grandera, at least this southern part of it, only had the one, and I didn't dare visit it all by myself.

A lot of places admittedly favored one species over the others. The smaller villages were the most likely to be like this, and while they rarely got violent, I easily received the message that I wasn't welcome in many of these settlements, especially not in any permanent capacity.

I saw much the same problems that Edengar had. We had run away from there, only to find a place that had even worse wealth inequality in the big cities. I knew that a big part of that was because of how my homeland was so quick to exile people, and all the mind control, I'd heard about that from my friends way too much already. But the problems of this place were just so apparent. It could be so chaotic. The moment I stepped into the wrong part of town, I ran the risk of getting robbed. I never got treated this way back in Edengar.

I sighed. I finished my fifth glass of beer, and I found that it was finally starting to work a little. The things in this part of town were just especially ineffective and watered down. I signaled the bartender for another drink when someone suddenly appeared right next to me.

I nearly jumped in my seat in surprise. The stranger was a human who was simultaneously so beautiful, yet so unremarkable you would hardly notice she was even there. Her attire was a revealing dress that I thought was too fashionable and expensive for this part of town, but nothing I wasn't used to with the places I'd been dragged along. And she was only a level 10 nobody, so I questioned how she could have possibly gotten the jump on me like that. I wasn't the best, but I must really be slipping to be snuck up on by any random civilian who had never seen a fight in their lives.

"Therick, am I correct?" the stranger said with a disarming smile, and I narrowed my eyes.

"What do you want?"

"Oh! I'm sorry," she reflexively apologized. "I'm a big fan, you see. So I couldn't help but say hi when I saw you sitting here by yourself, all alone on this beautiful night."

"Haell's not here, you know? It's just me as you said, and I've no plans to meet back up with them for a while."

She blinked. "Uhmm, who said anything about Haell? It's you I wanted to meet! You were one of those people who saved us from that swarm of Ardbats just a few months ago! You were so cool back then, so it's an honor to meet you here now, like this!"

"I… think remember that. But Haell did most of the fighting there. I can't even fly."

"And yet you fought valiantly anyway, when the monsters actually dipped low to your reach. And you had that stab that could somehow shoot out as a sort of arrow!" she was talking about my anatomic mastery, which was really nothing compared to the destruction Haell could unleash. "It was just so amazing. And maybe I'm just someone who doesn't understand how any of the fighting works at all, but everyone else seemed so boorish in comparison, like they were just swinging around their weapons, you know?"

"You're right," I nodded, and the woman perked up. "You don't understand how fighting works at all."

"...Oh." She sat quietly after that. An awkward silence stretched between us. Fuck, why was I such an asshole? She was just trying to compliment me! I should be happy… and I hated that I actually was for a second there, because I knew just how wrong her assessment was.

"I'm sorry if I offended you…" she said once our drinks finally arrived.

"You didn't," I shook my head.

Another awkward silence passed as we gulped down our drinks. You should just leave! You're the one who came here! I let none of that show on my face.

"Umm, if it's alright, can you teach me then?"

"Huh? About what?"

"Can you tell me more about your adventures?" She leaned forward, way too close to my own face. She looked so nervous, like her heart might just explode out of her chest. "I'd love to hear it!"

I paused for a second. I really did not expect this tonight. I just wanted a good drink.

But… it was one way to pass the time.

I talked about my battles as she had requested, especially ones where Haell, or most of my friends, weren't present. She oo'ed and aah'ed at all the appropriate times, and asked relevant questions which I answered to the best of my ability. There was no one else here, and only I could satisfy her curiosities.

Before I knew it, we'd ordered a round of beer, then another. I looked at her flushed face for a moment too long, and realized I hadn't asked an all-too-important question.

"What's your name anyway? You know who I am, but I have not gotten yours at all."

"Oh, I'm Ana," she giggled happily before extending out a hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you!"

"Likewise," I chuckled, just as amused.

~~~

I breathed in deeply in satisfaction as I laid back down on the pillow.

Ana was panting and sweating heavily beside me, but with a big droopy smile on her face.

"That was…" she breathed, "amazing!"

"I try," I smiled.

"Is that… is that what lead to you discovering this… Ana…tomic Mastery?"

I laughed. Super long and hard. "Absolutely not!"

"Oh! Well don't laugh at me! I don't know these things!"

I only laughed harder.

We talked for a bit more as the night grew deeper, until we eventually fell asleep in each other's embrace.

~~~

"I still think you're the best adventurer of them all," Ana said the next day as we had breakfast in the inn's lobby. "And no one can tell me otherwise!"

"There are plenty greater than me," I laughed. "Though I'm not sure if being the best adventurer is a good thing at all."

"Eh? Why not?" she asked, a hint of disappointment in her tone.

"Well…" I scratched my head. "They're loud, they're obnoxious, they're braggadocious, and you have no idea how much of that is exaggeration if not outright lies. It's hilarious how that has not changed even after crossing through the border of two countries that absolutely hate each other."

"Oh… Do you also do that? Lie about your adventures?"

"Ahh. N-no. I don't," I denied. "But that's just how it is generally."

"What does it mean for you then?" she stared into my eyes. "To be an adventurer."

I opened my mouth to answer, but found myself drawing a blank. It was just a place to get quests and make money, at least for me. And then Haell returned and we truly started to make a name for ourselves. I hadn't really thought much about what it meant to me, other than my job… and the place to be, so that I could stay with my friends.

"It's an organization," I shrugged. "In function, they give us quests. They help us organize. It points us to where the problems are, where the dangerous monsters have been spotted too close to civilization. And then we risk our lives to take them out before they could hurt anyone else."

That was the ideal, anyway.

"Ah, so it's not the guild that's important, but what any individual adventurer does with it?"

"...Something like that."

"Well, it sounds like you are doing amazing and important work then! No need to be modest, Therick."

"Ehhhh…" I scratched my head and smiled. "I'm still nothing compared to the others though."

"You're not nothing," she insisted, and I saw a fire in her eyes that I had not seen before. "You have heart! You have spirit! And that's what matters!"

I could think of no response, so I acted instead.

Our lips met, and we spent the rest of the day together again.

~~~

"What would you do if you could go back to Edengar?" Ana asked me a week later as we sat by a peaceful pond. We were inside the walls of a different town, and I was happy to be able to show her places that she couldn't readily visit before. We discovered it together.

"I am part of Haell's party. I would definitely not be welcome there."

"Oh… But what if you were welcome, somehow?"

"...I'm not. And, I don't know. Maybe I'd visit for a while. But I'll come back here. Everyone's here."

"What if I'm there, though? What would you do?"

I glanced down at her.

"Well… Then maybe it might be worth staying there after all."

Ana turned red. She bumped her shoulder into mine and squealed.

~~~

"Why?" I asked after Ana had suggested moving back to Edengar again. It had been a month since we started dating, and the subject kept coming back.

"Why what?" she tilted her head cutely.

"Why ask that again," I shrugged. "You seem very interested in Edengar."

"Oh, nothing much," she looked away. "I was just curious. I've never been there. Never been anywhere but here. And the way you talk about your adventures there… you don't seem to outright hate the experience."

"...I bet no one else talks about the place like me, huh?"

"Not no one…" she looked out the window of our room, "but it will definitely earn you some stares..."

"Could be worse than that," I wrapped my arm around her. "Let me tell you then. What I honestly think. But promise me you won't stare?"

"No!" she looked right at my face. "I definitely will."

~~~

"What if we just eloped to Edengar?" Ana one day asked in the afterglow of sex.

It took a moment for my mind to catch up. "This again? I've told you about how the place has its many problems too, didn't I?"

"I know… but I want to see it for myself. It's a different set of problems. And I can… tell that you want to go back home too. You don't really fit in anymore with your party, right? So why stay here at all, where you feel like you belong?"

"They're… alright." I shook my head, then said more sharply, "They're fine. They're nice. And I already told you that it'd be suicide for me."

"Oh! I didn't mean to insult your friends at all!" she realized her mistake. "I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," I sighed and pulled her closer. "It's fine."

~~~

"Ummm, Therick…" Ana said shakily after she'd been gone for most of the day. We had only arrived at Clearshore City, but already we had split apart to do our own things. That might just be how relationships were, but I feared that we might be drifting further and further away. "I think I might have found some people."

"Huh?" I furrowed my brows. "What kind of people?"

"Well… you remember when we talked about like, moving back to Edengar?"

"Many times…" I answered suspiciously.

"Well, I think I might know someone who can do it…"

I immediately grabbed her shoulder and she yelped. My eyes scanned the room to make sure that the privacy enchantments were up.

"Ana! You can't just say that!"

"S-sorry!"

I let her go. "And you shouldn't involve yourself with those types. It's dangerous."

"B-but… I've been thinking. Maybe we can just go to a remote village there. Not draw attention. Live a normal life…"

"No," I shook my head, not bothering to elaborate again. "Please, Ana. You can't do this. I know I have some homesickness. I'm sure everyone does. But I don't intend to actually go, okay? It's just not worth the risk."

"Oh…"

I took her hand into my own. "But hey. If you want to settle down somewhere, then… I was just thinking that I'd have to retire sometime. Perhaps sooner."

She returned my squeeze, just a little. "M-maybe I'd like that."

~~~

"I talked to them again," Ana revealed a week later, just as we were having dinner.

"Ana…"

"No, no, listen! They made a good offer! They can get us in there with ready-made identities. We'll be mister and missus Altaurs. You just have to do one thing!"

I ran my fingers through my head, further dismayed the more she continued. But she did not stop.

"They want you to lead Haell someplace. That's it. And then they'll take care of everything–"

"ANA!" I snapped and she flinched, causing me to almost wince as well, but I couldn't stop myself from shouting. "Are you asking me to betray my friend!? Is that what you think of me!?"

"W-what? What do you mean betray? They just want you to take her somewhere. It's not that big of a deal–"

"BUT IT IS! Do you not think it shady at all!? Why the fuck do you think they would want to lure her, the new hero of New Grandera, somewhere for!? Are you really that fucking dumb?!"

"I-I-I'm sorry." She shrank away. "I just wanted to help. I thought you really wanted to leave."

"I told you so many times that I don't."

"But you also said that you do… and now you can. You said it yourself, right? That Haell is unpredictable and dangerous–"

There was a loud crashing sound, followed by more. I'd smashed my fists into the table strong enough for it to crack, and for the tableware to scatter and fall. My hands bled, but I barely registered the pain.

"Do not… Do not insinuate that I meant she should die, or that I meant to betray her. She's my friend of fucking decades, Ana. I barely know you."

She was on the other side of the room now, crying and curled against herself.

The agonizing silence stretched on.

"I just wanted a way out of here… " she eventually said.

"And is that why you fucking approached me at all?" I responded.

"No–"

I did not get to hear the rest of what she had to say for herself as I opened the door, and slammed it shut on my way out.

~~~

"Therick! I finally found you!" I looked up from my dozenth bottle when I heard a familiar voice.

It was a crustecar woman, missing one whole arm, and then another hand.

"Berry…" I groaned and pushed myself up. The actually expensive bars were a different beast entirely to my addled mind. It had been a month since I broke up with Ana, and I'd hopped to a different city to drown out my suffering since.

"You look…" she searched for the right word, and I finished it.

"Terrible? Like absolute shit? Like a stain on your big claw after a particularly nasty kill."

"In… so many words," she winced then shook her head. "I'll call for a healer."

"Fuck you. I don't need it."

"Yes you do," she harrumphed and tapped her eight legs irritably on the floor. "How badly did she fuck you up?"

"Who……..?"

"That new woman you're seeing."

"I'm I'm I'm seeing no one."

"Uhuh. Well, maybe. You can tell me more about it later. But for now let's get you fixed up."

~~~

"I'm telling you. It's nothing. We were never serious. And I was just trying to have fun back there, alright? That's why I was… blackout drunk."

"Okay," Berry accepted my explanation. I wasn't sure she actually believed me, but she accepted it.

"And please don't tell the others. It's embarrassing."

I didn't want her to know. I didn't want any of them to know. I should probably tell Haell about forces in the dark aiming for her… but shouldn't she already know anyway? She's hanging out with that creepy shepherd spy after shitting on the shepherds for so long. And of course people wanted her dead. It was no big revelation.

I… didn't want to lead them to Ana. That could only end one way.

"Of course," Berry smiled kindly, in that way I'd learned to recognize.

Of course she would keep my secrets, even if she suspected that I was lying to her face. Berry had always been nice like that. Too nice.

I was glad that she came to visit.

~~~

Berry stayed for a few weeks, and in that time we hung out, went clubbing, and did some volunteer work which I helped with because it couldn't just be all about me. I was feeling better by the time she left, and the amount of times she checked on me to see if I was okay showed that she really did not buy my story that the woman I'd been seen with across all of New Grandera was just some casual nothing fling.

I was grateful to have friends like her. This was why Ana never should've tried to get me to betray them. I would never do such a thing. She was right there.

She was… right… here…???

"Ana?"

She did not acknowledge me, but instead grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the alley. A sound barrier had snapped into place around us by the time I'd shaken her off. I was breathing hard the next time I looked up to see her face to confirm that it was really her. But it couldn't be Ana. That grip was way too fucking strong!

Also, she was wearing some real high-quality light armor. Where would she even get that?

"Who the fuck are you?"

"You just called my name, Therick," she chuckled, and that vaguely familiar but so much colder laugh felt like a gold-ranked snake constricted around my throat. "It's Ana. It's been a while."

"B-but… what?"

"I was waiting for you, you know?" she continued, completely ignoring my own confusion. "I was hoping you'd come back to me and I could still convince you."

My eyes widened. "So I was right, then! You really did approach me from the very beginning just to get me to be your ticket to Edengar!"

"That approach has run its course. So I have come here to be direct. I am here to negotiate."

"You didn't answer my question. Was our relationship just a joke to you!?"

"It's not a joke," she sighed. "I'm sorry, Therick. It's just business. But…" she looked far out into the stars. "Sometimes I do truly enjoy my job."

"So you enjoyed tricking me, is that it?"

Her gaze landed back onto mine, and there was a terrifying strength there that I never saw in her.

"No, Therick. You know that's not what I meant."

I furrowed my brows. I wanted to cry. I was angry. So angry. I thought I might've understood how Haell always felt, in this one moment.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

"Fuck this." I shouldered past her. "Fuck you! Don't talk to me ever again!"

I was stopped by her hand on my arm.

"No, Therick," she squeezed and I began to grow truly nervous as I felt the pain. "You will stay here and you will listen to me if nothing else."

She let go, and I nursed the arm that now sported a bright red mark. "What the fuck? What the fuck are you? How?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is what I need you for. What your homeland needs you for. I need you to betray Haell Zharignan, the greatest traitor to the empire."

My face twisted into a rictus of rage and I gnashed my teeth. "Well too bad for you then, because my answer is fucking no! I won't betray my friend! Never!"

She smiled, unfazed by my shouting. It was a completely different reaction from how our last interaction had gone. "I know you, Therick."

"And I don't know you, Ana. If that's even your real name."

"You're right," she shrugged. "You don't know. But you're not the one trying to convince me of anything here. I know how you envy her. I know how you resent her. I know how you fear her. You know how dangerous she is, how evil she could be."

"She's also helped a lot of people."

"And yet you don't deny my claims." Her smile widened. "This is war, and I'm sure that you know that there are people out there who would have a justifiable reason for taking her out."

"...I'm sure they do. But so would Haell have a valid reason to take out any of these factions."

"Theoretically," she allowed. "But that's where my pitch comes in. Because I have something that you want. I can get you back to Edengar. That at least is no lie. You can come back as a hero."

"That's bullshit. I may have understood when I thought you were just someone normal. But someone… someone… who lives on this side of the world… You know exactly why that would never work."

"Ah, but you would consider it if I can indeed accomplish what I claim and make you a hero," she smiled at another victory, and I gnashed my teeth in embarrassment. "The thing is, I can do it. I can have you start anew. I can have people shield you from scrutiny. You could come back a hero, and the kingdom would fully back you, as a story of redemption. Of he who has slain the demon for he saw just what kind of evil she truly was! You were merely tricked, for how could you not be, when she is the granddaughter of Golex, someone that everyone naturally looks up to."

No, no! She was wrong! No! I was not the kind of person who would ever betray my friends like this!

"If that is too much for you," she made another offer, "then I can give you another name, another life. I can make sure that anyone important looks the other way, and your true identity never comes to light."

"Who… who is going to do all these things? Who are you working with!?"

She shrugged and stepped back. "It should be obvious by now. I work for Edengar, of course. And I can convince my backers to do all these things. So what do you say?" she extended out her hand. "Do you want to come back home?"

I reached out to her hand… and then slapped it away! "No! NO! You fucking tricked me and played with my emotions and now you want me to go with your harebrained plan!? Well fuck you! Fucking die, Ana! You're a fucking asshole bitch!"

Her expression fell cold, and her posture changed to one more… antagonistic. I had never seen that from her before. "I expected as much. Of course you wouldn't be able to just let that go. But come find me, Therick, if you change your mind. You will never be happy here. Only by working with me will you ever find your way home."

She disappeared into the rooftops, and I fell to my knees, crying and screaming.

~~~

The weeks passed, and I got an invitation to some speech that Haell was hosting. It looked like the whole gang was assembling once again. I welcomed the change of pace and left the inn room that I had finally tidied up. The revelations about Ana had been tough, but I had not let myself spiral again. I wanted to move on for real.

~~~

Haell's speech was great, as was the entire event. I was happy to see that there was at least some progress happening with how the shepherds were treated, though I was also beginning to get glares just because of my proximity to it.

It was easier to deal with than all the adoration I never earned, even if this enmity wasn't quite deserved either. They were just assholes, and that I was more than accustomed to.

I made my way to the restaurant, and I smiled as the six of us finally officially reunited again. The food was good, the company was good, and I was just looking for the right opportunity to tell them about what had happened with Ana, and the dangerous movements that they should be aware of.

That opportunity never came.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words remained unsaid.

"What's the matter? Still hungry?" Haell laughed, continuing to stuff her face.

"No, I…" I hesitated, then gulped down an entire slice of meat. "I guess I am."

Fuck! I really should've just told them. But how would they react? I'd waited too long. And I really just wanted to leave this all behind.

It didn't matter to me who won the war anyway, and I was confident that Haell would survive anything thrown her way.

~~~

We fought in an offensive war. It was horrible, and several times I thought about just backing out, but I wouldn't leave my friends high and dry in the middle of all that carnage.

Finally, however, it was over. We took the fortified town, and marched to our victory. We heard of a celebration happening in the manor, and our group went ahead to take a look at what all of that was.

I learned that the screaming was not all from joy, and I retched. People were burned alive. Children among them too! And the soldiers were just celebrating this? My side was glorifying this? And I helped to make it happen?

I did this, and I was horrified.

I was glad to see that I was, at least, not the only one. In this terrible and horrific moment, Haell was like a bastion of righteous rage. She asked for directions, Angerly got it for her, and soon we were marching somewhere. I just followed after her, trusting that she knew what to do. We made our way into a tavern, and Haell unflinchingly trespassed upon those halls.

She found who she was looking for, and immediately started an all-out brawl.

"Eradicationers, was it? FUCK OFF. I reject all that you are. You are a stain on New Grandera. A reminder that nothing will ever change, for anyone who gets a crumb of power will always be terrible and corrupt. Fuck you. Die. Go kill yourself."

It was enough

It had to be enough.

~~~

It was not enough. I went to the bar that had already opened to drown out the images and the smell of people having been burnt alive and the cheers that followed. But those cheers followed me even here, as the soldiers had quickly swarmed to the bar like moths drawn to a flame, and they glorified all that had happened today. The adventurers then came to talk about their own exploits, and I was out by that point. We were so annoying.

"Therick," I heard a voice I never wanted to hear again, just after I exited the tavern. I tried to hold myself back, I knew I should not look, I should just keep going on my merry way, but I could not defeat the impulse. I looked at her, and saw a face that I never wanted to see again.

"Ana…"

"That's me. Let's talk."

Against my better judgment, I followed her into the alley. I was just so done with this day.

"What do you want?" I asked, in a tone that was so defeated, like I just wanted it to end.

"Oh, Therick… I'm so sorry."

"Like you care."

"I did. I still do. But you know just as well as I do how people can have their loyalties beyond what the heart screams."

I did not deign to give that an answer.

"On to business then," she sighed. She didn't seem quite as cold as the last time we met. But I did not trust it. She and her people were no saints either, when they claimed for all the world that they were. "Same offer as before. Betray Haell. Return to your home. In whatever form you choose."

"I refuse. Same as before."

She did not look fazed. "It is your choice. But I did notice that you have not given me up."

"I could shout right now. Tell everyone that there's a spy right here. You think you can survive an entire army?"

"There's a sound barrier around us." She emphasized and shook the enchanted ball in her hands.

"...I know that. But I meant I'll pop my head out and shout."

She giggled, and for a moment I felt myself transported back to a time long past, when we could spend days in each other's arms, and everything would be right in the world.

"Why haven't you then?" Her voice oh so cruelly pulled me out of that fantasy.

I chickened out of giving an answer again. Even I wasn't sure.

"You're wavering, aren't you? You're not stupid. You see what's happening. And I know just how much you care."

"How about you? What about the atrocities Edengar has committed? Do you think they've not done anything comparable!?"

"...I do not," she admitted. "But it's my home, and you know just how much more peaceful it is than here."

"Paid in blood."

"But peace nonetheless." She held my hand, just like old times, and I didn't know why I let her. "I know this war weighs on your soul. You're fighting against your home. I can arrange for you to go far far away from any conflict.

"...Why not just give me that then? Why have me betray a friend that I've had for years?"

She sighed. "That is an incredibly selfish thing to ask, Therick. You're asking me to do so much for nothing. And even then, I want to. I do desperately want to. For both of us to retire, and one day have that family that we wanted. But I am a part of this war, and I will continue to be. What you ask for will be incredibly difficult, not just for me. It will require a lot more people, and will involve cruel and pragmatic machinations. Resources, in other words. Favors called, and favors owed. I cannot justify wasting so much just because of my emotions."

She was so close to me now, that I could touch her, embrace her. And I did. I could not help it. I still missed her warmth right beside my bed. No one else compared.

"I… I can't," I sobbed.

"I understand." And she did. She did not try to convince me any further.

I continued to hold her there, like she would disappear and we would never meet again once I let go.

I was probably correct.

"Maybe…" I began, and Ana stirred. "Maybe I could do it… But I still have to think. I can't… I can't right now…"

"That's okay," she pulled away from me. "I'll… I think it's good that I watch over your group anyway. For my own mission and my own goals."

I smiled, even as my heart continued to break with such deep profound sadness.

I leaned even closer to her, and we gave each other one final kiss.

~~~

I looked around shiftily as we entered the adventurer's guild. My eyes immediately glanced over to the quest board, and I gulped at the one thing I had to do. Soon we were making our way over there, and the world felt like I was trying to swim my way through thick mud.

Time had crawled to a stop as I stood on the precipice. My friends were discussing the various quests on offer but I could barely hear them. My ears almost rang from the stress of this moment. This was the crossroads, and from here on out, there would be no turning back.

"What about this?" I asked. I quivered, but no one paid it any mind.

Haell grabbed the goblin subjugation quest from me and gave it a once-over.

"Goblins. They're not the most pleasant of enemies to fight."

I had a chance. Unexpectedly, I still had a chance to turn this around. There were dozens of quests I could instead turn their attention to. I could forget this ever happened. That I ever tried to betray them.

"I think we should take it." It was my mouth that betrayed me instead. "Because, well, you know."

"...Fine. It's got my vote." Haell agreed after a moment of thought, because she did feel bad about what had happened. How she had catalyzed the use of goblins in this war. And now I had used that guilt and earnest desire to make things right to help lay a trap for her. If she was a monster, then I was no better.

The cold dread only settled further as we walked towards the reception. I stared in horror when the people previously in line actually parted to make way for our party. The receptionists processed our quest all too quickly, and that final stamp and signature felt like the final nail, to collapse a coffin.

~~~

We reached the goblin horde, and so very quickly the battle began. Haell jumped into the fray, always eager to put herself in the most danger. Everyone else followed suit, in proper formation, and I did my best just as always to fulfill my own role and cover their blindspots so that we may all return home safely once everything was over.

Even though I had already betrayed them all.

I fought with them for one last time. I committed to memory how we coordinated as one. The powerful blasts from Moonwash, the accurate ones from Granuel, how Angerly brought to bear her strength and bulk, and how Berry put her life and body on the line to protect us all. Haell was at the forefront of it all, fighting more savagely than all the monsters I'd borne witness to. And I was here with them, doing my best. They were my best friends, and the history we shared created for a party that was whole and beautiful.

I felt nothing but grief for the decision I had made.

~~~

Hours passed, and no attack came. I could not detect any sign of them. I was beginning to suspect that they might have backed out at the last second, or maybe some complications had arisen. It meant that Haell might not be killed here after all.

I didn't know if I dreaded or hoped for the possibility.

Haell suggested a plan for her to fly alone in the skies. She was full of confidence, and an ugly part of me wished to see the moment where that smirk was twisted into terror.

I immediately shook my head. It was not like that. That wasn't why I betrayed her! It was because of war, my peace, and my own loyalties. But I understood, I knew, that Haell too was trying her best, no matter what mistakes she'd made in the past.

"I'll go give them hell," Haell announced and unfurled her massive wings. I reached out a hand to warn her, but quickly retracted it back. My open mouth closed shut without uttering a single word. I only watched her disappear into the canopy, and towards her potential doom.

I couldn't tell her. I couldn't chicken out now. Ana was counting on this plan, and I did not want to die. It was selfish and stupid, but I knew exactly how Haell would react. That demon did not forgive.

~~~

Haell was down. She was knocked out of the air, and thrown past the goblin clearing to crash against the thick blanket of trees around us. My friends immediately rushed to her aid, for what else would they do other than that? I followed after them, desperately thinking of what my move in this situation would be. It depended on what their forces had prepared, but I really did not see Haell just dying instantly without a fight.

I was right. Of course I was. Haell had shot down a level 40 monster bird of some kind, and she was currently wrestling a similarly powerful belfegor who had been lying in wait. She sliced off her own wing and then killed the hidden man before dropping back down to our level.

Did they just… fail?

"What happened?" I asked as I struggled to comprehend what was happening. Haell might not die today, but that did not change the fact that I had betrayed her. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't stay with them any longer. I just knew that I would break someday, and I would not be forgiven. Haell would kill me if she ever found out, and I began to breathe harder as I stared at the blood already covering her form. I had seen that it wasn't only hers.

Thankfully, another crisis arrived. This was not everything Edengar had sent to kill their greatest enemy. A powerful templar soon came into view, and I fought with my party, though I tried to mostly stay out of it. What I could do was ensure that everyone else at least survived this.

Haell then noticed that they were trying to capture her, and I was surprised too. That was not the plan!

But I was hopeless to stop it. I was hopeless to change anything. The situation continued to develop, with me almost being a bystander. The templar could apparently enhance her body like Haell, but still my former friend held on. Granuel spotted new forces arriving, and I grew concerned about how we were about to be surrounded. I had led them here to kill Haell, not get everyone killed!

That was when Haell did something unexpected.

She chose to sacrifice herself, so we could escape.

I didn't know what to say. She was the woman I had just betrayed. She was supposed to be this great danger, who would continue to cause great tragedies if left to further grow in power. I had thrown away our friendship, without ever knowing that it went this deep. I would've sooner expected her to make a run for it by herself. She had the highest chance of success out of all of us by far. Haell was fast.

"TAKE THEM!" she commanded, and I could only nod. "LEAVE!"

If nothing else, I would respect her wishes and see to it that the people she cared about didn't die. The same good people I had endangered.

I cried as I made a run for it with everyone else, and I wasn't the only one.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

And then she screamed. I felt as if a clawed hand had just squeezed my heart. Fear like no other, like blades digging through my lungs and robbing me of all the air. My legs continued to move, but I did not know who I was running away from anymore.

Surely, they wouldn't be stupid enough to still try and capture her, right?

~~~

We had escaped. My party immediately went to the nearest military fortress, and I went with them because I had not yet found the perfect time to disappear. We were very close to the borders here, so it didn't take long until we found just the kind of settlement we were looking for. Those thick walls felt so oppressive now that I was firmly a traitor.

We met with the leadership, and they were quickly incensed upon learning of what happened. Haell was well-loved here, and several search parties were immediately dispatched upon the mention of her potential capture… or to confirm her death in the event that she was killed.

I watched on with shame as my friends processed their grief. Most were able to keep moving despite it, as Moonwash immediately locked herself inside a workshop, Granuel was already working deals, Angerly was spreading the word and rallying the soldiers, and only Berry was left with me in the penthouse we rented. She was sobbing deeply and shaking, and I felt such deep remorse for being the one to cause the kindest of us all this kind of pain.

Not that my guilt mattered, when it didn't stop me from doing what I did.

"I… think I'll go out."

"M…mhmmm," Berry barely got out, and it broke my heart even more.

I rushed out of the building before I could start crying. Tears were flowing by the time I reached the street where I had last seen Ana. She had somehow followed us here, and I didn't know where else to go than where I had spotted her earlier. I briefly caught another sight of her in an alleyway a few minutes later, and then I allowed myself to be led through the darkness, before being stuffed uncomfortably into a crate.

~~~

The wind whipped against my face as I stared sadly out the window of the wagon. My grip on my sword tightened when the city of Laslow came into view. It was the home of the swordreaper, whom I would be apprenticing under for the next many years. Ana had not only fulfilled my request of starting a new life under a new identity, but she had even gone so far as to grant my wish of learning under a true master. 'Perhaps the swordreaper,' I had offhandedly suggested, and here she had delivered.

It warmed my heart. I smiled. But there was still sadness in the gesture, a guilt that I suspected would never truly leave. I had half-expected Ana to just kill me to tie off any loose ends, and I wondered sometimes if it would've been better if she did. I certainly deserved it.

But no. The woman I once loved had come through, and now here I was with everything I ever wanted. I would not let it go to waste. I would learn the sword, now that I had a true master. And then I would try to take to the field once more. Maybe not as a soldier or anyone in the frontlines, for that life really wasn't for me, but there was plenty I could contribute here at home. I wanted to teach the new generations and help them achieve their full potential. I could return as an adventurer, for there were always monsters, and someone needed to slay them to protect the people of this land.

~~~

Swordreaper Katane.

She was my new mentor, and her movements with the sword were as beautiful as when I had first seen them. They were like a painting come to life, her every stroke artistry in itself. But I couldn't just sit here and watch. I was here to learn, so I tried to copy her. Our styles were different, our anatomic mastery certainly separate, but there were similarities there, and already my swordsmanship had improved just by being able to observe her from so close. I continued to try my hardest to incorporate her techniques into a way of fighting that was ultimately different and my own.

"You're stepping too far forward here," she said, gently if firmly.

I listened to her instructions and then attempted to do as asked. She watched me work for a while longer, and we trained together for hours more to come. Finally, the both of us decided to take a break, and the old woman asked me a question.

"Tharian."

"Yes, Swordreaper?" I responded to my new name.

"No need to call me by my title each time. I notice that you are tense. I can see it in your movements. You're… impatient, and antsy."

I was sure I was. Ever since I'd heard confirmation that they really did capture Haell instead of outright killing her. A part of me still didn't want her to be subjected to whatever they were doing to her now, but more than that, I was afraid. I was stressed. If she ever got out, and it sounded like New Grandera was damn well trying to get her out, then there would be a massive toll to pay in blood. She was close to evolving, last I knew, and I didn't know what she would be capable of then when she was actually gold-ranked. Her raw power already exceeded the swordreaper's, no matter how crude the application.

"I've been stressed lately," I decided on instead. "I know you have told me to be patient many times already, but I have not been able to improve all that much despite your tutelage. And I would hate for you to waste your efforts on me, only for myself to fail."

"Is that so?" she hummed, unconvinced. She knew who I truly was. "You're one of the most promising pupils I have seen to date. You're certainly ahead of me when I was your age. Do not misjudge how strong you truly are."

"Thank you for your kind words and wisdom," I bowed deeply, and then we restarted our lessons anew. Somewhere in the middle of that, a messenger arrived.

"A message for Sir Tharian Illindale!"

I raised a brow, and the human woman continued.

"Royal Executor Zazarian has requested your presence in Astro City post-haste!"

"Astro City… Isn't that where Haell– Zharignan is held?"

"Umm…" the messenger looked around awkwardly. "I believe so, yes…"

"And why am I being called there?" I asked, outwardly calm, but inwardly like a deadly cliff had suddenly opened up beneath my feet.

"It… does not say… Sir!" She hurriedly bowed and left.

I frowned and considered my options. I really did not want to go.

I felt a strong hand clasp me on the shoulder. "I know it's difficult, but we all have our duties. Lessons are postponed until then, but I expect you to immediately make your way back here once yours are over."

"Of course," I bowed to my mentor, and left for my chambers.

That cold dread in my heart did not leave. Perhaps it never did, ever since that fateful day.

~~~

That dread was no mere paranoia. It was correct, and now I felt it all the more, the moment the wagon crossed into the boundary of the manor. But I had also felt it long before. The whole complex had given me a foreboding feeling the moment I had laid eyes upon it from afar. A familiar feeling. Like I couldn't move. Under the gaze and aura of true evil.

Hesitantly, I stepped down from the carriage. The courtyard looked normal at first glance, but it was darker than how I remembered the already dreary city to be. And then I realized that the plants were not as healthy as how a ducal household would prefer them. They wouldn't even pass for the much lower-ranked manors that I had been to.

"Sir Tharian," someone called my name, and I yelped in surprise. For a moment, I felt as if a massive cursed greatsword had just pierced me through the heart.

"A-ah! Yes… yes, what is it?" I asked the servant who had called.

The old butler bowed, unfazed, "A room has been prepared for you. And then I was told to expedite a meeting with the Royal Executor the moment you are ready."

"Ah, I see. Very well then." I adjusted my suit. "If someone could deliver my luggage to my room, then I believe that I can meet with the good Royal Executor immediately."

I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I could feel shadows lengthening in the corners of my vision.

The servant smiled. "That is wise, sir. Please, right this way."

~~~

"I'm telling you, she's plotting something," I argued. "I thought you guys were supposed to just kill her!"

"The queen herself has ordered this capture," Zazarian leveled me a steely glare, and I regretted my tone. "Are you saying that our sovereign has made a mistake?"

"N-no, I…" I leaned back on my chair, and glanced at the floor. "Of course not. I was just concerned. This place felt…creepy the moment I got here. Almost as if I could feel… the traitor's presence in the soil."

"And now you insult the dwellings of a duke."

"What? No–"

"Enough," he sighed. A table filled with paperwork separated us both. "We have been under heavy assault for months. Grave diseases had been launched into the entire city by your former party member. And yes, we are aware of the imbalance in the ambient mana. It's like living with goblins. We have the most dangerous red goblin kept in the dungeons. And we're trying to make more of her…" he looked into the distance for a moment. "As we should, because that is our duty, and her offspring will be crucial to finally put an end to this holy war."

"So I do have to meet her again…" I whispered. I really didn't want to. I didn't know if I could see her face and not break down sobbing. I had done a truly terrible thing to her, and now they were going to do worse.

"Yes, you do. I'm aware that this is difficult, but these are desparate times. I'll see to it that all our best shepherds prepare your mind for the trial to come." He stared at me for a moment longer. "We'll kill her after we've gotten what we need. Don't worry."

~~~

The walk down those steps were difficult, but somehow my feet remained steady. The large vault doors opened, to reveal another level to the dungeon below.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I found beyond.

Worms of guilt began from my stomach, and rapidly crawled and spread to the rest of my body. I was wracked with guilt, devoured from the inside out by it. I couldn't look, and yet I stared. Where my friend had once been a beacon of strength, now she had been reduced to such a state. Broken and weak. Except that was wrong. Where her body had become but a husk of her former self, her soul still blazed with the same fury. No, it was even stronger than before. All consuming. Like a creature prepared to burn its own life away, if it meant the end of whatever morsel dared step in front of it.

It was dangerous.

She should be put down.

But that was not my decision to make. It was the shepherds', and the queen's, and they had already decided.

I did my part. I tried to deceive her. That sense of danger only heightened, and my knees buckled from the sheer pressure. I was not even the target.

~~~

Haell had found out.

The demon had found out about my betrayal, yet Zazarian still wanted to bring me down there.

I didn't know what he planned. I didn't know how it could possibly work. And yet here I was, moving through the larger dungeon in view of the despairing prisoners there. But none of their desperation could compare to my own. I wanted to get out of here yesterday. This was such a massively terrible idea.

And yet I must go through with it anyway, for that was what I'd been commanded to do. Tentatively, I took those first steps through the stairs. One by one, I marched to my death, until finally I reached the deepest dungeon.

The walls grew teeth, and a barbed tongue strangled my heart, for I had just willingly walked into the mouth of a beast, and I would now be devoured without ever getting a chance to resist.

I only got to take one glance at Haell's furious face before her words boomed inside my head.

I instantly withered under the pressure and collapsed.

I tried a small token attempt at deceit, and to plead, but what little courage I somehow retained was swiftly blown away as if it were never there.

All I could do was bare it all, and speak from the heart, for the mind was already broken.

It reformed for just one crucial moment, where pieces of the short life I'd lived intersected to accurately predict what was about to happen. But it did not give me any way to stop it. The only forecast I could see was my doom.

"Goodbye, old friend. May you rot in Hell."

I was never allowed the illusion that my final plea may yet be heard. I could only die in harrowing regret, and the deepest agony.

Somehow, I failed at that too.

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