Sam

Sam left the farmhouse holding hands with Will, taking it slow so he could keep up with his bad leg and everything. He looked a little queasy, maybe from the pain, but other than that he was very handsome in his fancy clothes. She whispered as much into his ear, and he replied with a stoic grunt, the effect of which was somewhat ruined by the pink blush creeping up his cheeks.

The yard looked beautiful. The weather was perfect, sunny and warm and cloudless. Streamers and ribbons of every color imaginable hung from gables and posts and clotheslines drawn between the roofs of the farm buildings. The countless colored strips fluttered in the mild breeze, making the place feel active and alive and imparting a bit of a country fair vibe.

Already, music was being played by a group of Entertainers. Lord Buck himself was the lead singer, draped lazily in the grass on one elbow and absently picking blades of grass as he carried on a slow, melodic tune. The man had a good set of lungs on him, she had to admit.

Will's friend Joe had conscripted a squad of militiamen to act as his assistants, bringing large snack platters out to the main table for people to pick at while they wandered, as well as refilling drinks. Already, many had begun diligently working on getting themselves sauced.

I hope Serene will be okay around all this alcohol. I'll have to ask her at some point.

There were a good deal more guests at the party than Will had invited—evidently brought along by Buck—and Sam guessed there might have been as many as fifty people milling about the yard in total.

Gug seemed to be having a good time by the liberally decorated maypole, dancing circles around it with a small group of women all cheering him on, clapping to the music and laughing good-naturedly. The troll wore a special suit—colored a rather loud electric blue—that Lord Buck must have commissioned for him, along with a pair of shiny brown dress shoes. He wasn't much of a dancer, mostly going around the pole with clumsy sidling hops while flapping his big arms about, but what he lacked in technique he made up for in spades with unbridled enthusiasm.

Fella looks like he's having the time of his life, bless him.

Since he was the host of the party, Will had to do a lot of small talk as soon as they entered the yard, introducing them to various strangers. The newly instated Outrider Captain Ferry was there with Garrison Captain Jawara and a few uniformed lieutenants and such. Most of the other names escaped her. Some people were visibly uncomfortable when interacting with Will, while others engaged in aggressive ass-kissing since they gathered that he was a friend of Buck's.

They were talking to some rich merchant whose name was like Gunty or Spunty or something when ADAM came in to interrupt the conversation by physically stepping between Will and the other man. Sunny was sitting on his steel-plated shoulders, still badly playing that fancy new flute of hers hands-free while using her hands to pose her ugly stuffed toy monkey on top of the robot's head.

"Will," ADAM said flatly. Though his smooth mask of a face was the same as always, displeasure radiated from him through his twitchy body language and the fact that steam was literally shooting out of him in hissing spurts like some sort of cartoon character.

"Is this about something important?" Will replied with equal dullness. "I was actually having a conversation with—"

"Yes, it is important." The blue glow in the robot's gemstone eyes shifted like he was looking around. He half-turned to regard the merchant, standing a head and a half taller than him, and the poor fellow suddenly decided he had more important matters to attend to and scampered off with a mumbled excuse. Turning back to Will, ADAM continued. "There are too many people here. At least half of them will need to leave so that I can properly ensure the child's safety."

"That's not happening, I'm afraid," Will said, "but I have full confidence that you will be able to protect her from any and all threats. Besides, I have other people keeping an eye out to make sure the evening goes smoothly."

"Other people cannot be trusted. I am the only one capable of keeping the child safe."

"Maybe I'm not the best person to be saying this, but I think you're being slightly paranoid."

"Thank you."

"I see you subscribe to the Sam Darling school of turning insults into compliments through sheer delusion."

ADAM shot out three jets of steam from his arm, thigh, and side. "Extreme vigilance is required for me to perform my function optimally. What you said is objectively flattering. Are you too stupid to understand simple concepts?"

Will laughed. "All right, ADAM—don't go blowing a gasket on me."

"Humorous. I will not."

"Humorous!" Sunny repeated through the flute mouthpiece clenched between her teeth.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

"Regardless," ADAM continued, "I must insist that you find a solution to the problem I presented you with. Of course, I could simply kill half the guests, but I believe Sunny would find this distasteful."

"Let's maybe shoot for something slightly less traumatic, yeah," Will said. "Well, I guess I could see if Mongrel would loan you a couple of his chimps to use as protection. They're pretty good at Barriers, so they'd be able to shield her if anything does go down."

"Again, these animals cannot be trusted." The lights in his eyes flitted rapidly in sudden thought. "Wait. Yes. Bring me one of the creatures immediately."

Will sighed. Instead of going himself, though, he called for Oatmeal who was standing around doing nothing much except for looking generally awkward. The young man ran over like his life depended on it, and carried out the task without any hesitation.

By the time he returned with Number One, ADAM had set Sunny down, fetched a red silken ribbon from a clothesline, and traded the little girl's monkey toy for a honey cake filched from the table.

"What are we doing?" Will asked, tilting his head curiously this way and that, making it clear he was watching with great interest even though his face wasn't pointed toward the crouched robot at all.

"Ensuring the child's protection," ADAM replied. Tying the ribbon around the neck of the monkey laid out on the ground into a neat bow, he said: "Enchant."

There was a brief flash of light as he tied the bow closed, then nothing. Evidently, though, ADAM was pleased. He nodded once. "A masterwork. Good."

Will's blind eye twitched open for a moment in surprise before he squeezed it shut again. "A masterwork Enchantment? Really? Just like that?"

ADAM gave an offended huff of steam from several body parts. "Of course. It is only natural—after all, I am a master of my craft." He looked up at Number One, who was looking generally confused about why he had been summoned. "You. Creature. Place your hand on the toy and cast Barrier when I say so."

The old chimp looked at Will doubtfully. When Will made a small gesture to proceed, he sighed and bent low to touch his thick, leathery fingers to the monkey's fuzzy chest.

ADAM touched the monkey as well and said: "Now."

Number One made signs with his free hand. There was another flash. ADAM dismissed the chimp. "Animate," he said, followed by a third flash. As the robot pulled his hand back, the stuffed animal began to spasm and shake in the fresh-cut grass, arms flailing.

After a few seconds, it went completely still. Then, suddenly, it leapt to its stumpy feet, arms thrown up over its head in jubilation. "I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!" the toy squealed in an odd, tinny voice.

"He's alive!" Sunny echoed. She picked the monkey up and held him at arm's length. "Scrungleberry, you're alive!"

"Yes!" Scrungleberry replied.

"How do you feel?"

"I feel… alive!" The monkey paused. "Scrungleberry. That's… me?"

"Mmhmm."

Kicking his legs contentedly, Scrungleberry looked to ADAM, who was just standing up. "Father!"

"Yes?" ADAM asked.

"Why am I here?"

"Your primary function is to ensure the child's physical and emotional safety. Your secondary function is to ensure the child's happiness. If you allow her to be harmed, I will disassemble you myself."

The monkey paused, stroking his somewhat lumpy chin. "Protect the child. I understand." He turned back to Sunny. "Child!"

"Sunny," the little girl corrected.

"Sunny! How do I keep you safe?"

She gave a high shrug. "Dunno."

The monkey gaped its fabric pocket of a mouth open-shut, open-shut. "How do I make you happy?"

"Do you know how to dance?"

"I have no idea!"

"Why don't you give it a try? Here, I'll give you some music." Setting the toy down on tottering, stiff legs, the girl picked up the apparently very valuable instrument she had left discarded in the grass and put it to her lips.

"Just one moment," ADAM said. "I must confirm that the toy's features operate as intended."

Sunny reluctantly held back her rendition, with only a long, sad whine escaping her flute.

ADAM bent to flick a finger in the general vicinity of Scrungleberry's head. Before it could connect, a little hexagonal grid of blue hardlight appeared a few inches from the toy's face that stopped the finger from connecting. ADAM nodded, pleased, and had Sunny pick Scrungleberry up so he could repeat the process, this time aiming his flick at the girl. Again, a miniature Barrier flickered into existence, this time protecting her instead of the toy, then promptly vanished once the robot took his hand away.

He stood aside. "Good. You appear to be an adequate toy, Scrungleberry. Do not disappoint me."

"Yes, Father!"

Sunny let the monkey down and played very badly for him while he tried to dance just as badly, doing an even worse job than Gug as he ended up tripping on both his ass and his face more than once. When Sunny got tired of that, she said: "I wanna go draw with Scrungleberry now. Uncle Will, can we use some of your paper?"

"You can have one sheet," Will said in a stern tone, holding up a finger for emphasis. "Use the back if you run out."

"'Kay!"

Off she went toward the farmhouse, the monkey stumbling behind her. ADAM quickly outpaced them both and was first through the door, as though there might be assassins waiting behind every corner inside.

Will turned away with a small sigh. "That was interesting."

They clasped hands again and began making their way through the crowds of people. "Did he just… create a living being?" Sam asked. "Just like that?"

Will thought about it for a second, face upturned to the sun. "Hmm. Living, maybe, but I don't think that thing is sentient. It's just doing a good job pretending."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. For it to be truly alive, it would need to have a soul, and generating one of those spontaneously doesn't seem like an easy feat. Based on the conversations I've had with ADAM before, it doesn't sound like he's ever managed it. So yeah, it's still just a toy, only it walks and talks now."

"Right. I think I get it."

She didn't really get it.

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