[Would you like to view the log?]Yes[Day 233]What kind of expression should I wear when I meet Jin Muhae?This morning I woke up in the grass and for the first time in ages I found my reason. The very first thought I had was: when I meet Jin Muhae, after all this waiting, what face will I look at that one?Day 233… The intervals between my moments of clarity are getting longer.When was the last entry? I could flip back through the log and find out in seconds, but I don’t have the energy. Not that I physically lack strength—on the contrary, I feel lively, and my belly is full.Apparently I tore into something yesterday and ate my fill. If I’d been starving, I wouldn’t have managed coherent thought like this.Until my hunger returned and my mind fled again, I decided to spend the next few hours staring at the sky.Kirrung-.I know exactly how many years and days have passed, but I don’t want to count. Time feels distant and hazy. Maybe because every day is the same: rampaging through this game world as a monster.Last time I came to my senses, I was trying to compare the game’s timeline to the real-world date. I wanted to know which era I fell into that kept me from meeting Jin Muhae.I tried to find land with traces of humans—unfortunately my memory cut off there. I’m not too curious about what happened after. There must be a reason my mind erased it.I already realized that living as a monster is easier to endure.Kirrung.I decided to focus on only one thing.Someday, when Jin Muhae appears, I will meet him. I’ll stick right by the hero I’ve craved and survive to the end.I don’t know if I’ll be sane when that moment comes, but no matter how twisted and filthy I become, I won’t attack Jin Muhae. If even he didn’t remain, there’d be no reason for me to exist here.That’s how I’ve always felt.It’s not unusual for Joo-o to get upset over trivial matters. When I kept him from eating something he shouldn’t, his eyebrows twitched; when I stopped him from doing something strange, he looked wronged.Still, it was the first time I’d seen him openly scowl, so I was a bit taken aback. Jin Muhae sat on the couch watching TV after Joo-o went into the study.The evening TV shows are flashy, but none of it registered in his eyes.“It’s not interference. It’s care.”For a flip-flopping kid, that’s a pretty plausible phrase. I nearly refuted him as usual, then stopped myself.Honestly, I didn’t understand it. How is pointing out mistakes and scolding someone “care”? I was just surprised he interpreted it that way.Well, it’s even a little admirable.Anyway, since Joo-o slammed the door, Muhae’s mood has been foul. The guy who can’t bear to leave my sight for a moment suddenly had the nerve to give me attitude.Two hours have passed with me waiting on the couch to see when he’d come out—and surprisingly, Joo-o was still holed up in the study.I strained to hear what he was doing, but it was eerily silent. No stomping, no muttering—quiet as a mouse.“Damn.”Looking back, I was harsh to him. I can’t shake the thought that I needlessly clamped down on someone who’d perk up at the slightest pet.Even if it’s for his own good, from his perspective the sudden change in treatment must have felt unfair.He’s not me. I can’t expect him to react like I would.“He’s not exactly sane, either.”In the end, Muhae grudgingly paid the price for his anger. He pressed his palm to his eyes, sighed deeply, and stood up.Yeah. It’s ridiculous to duel wits with that guy. Even if he sulked longer than usual, a few jabs and he’d come back.If I can just stomach going in first, I won’t have to see that pig’s resentful eyes again.Murmuring encouragement to himself, Muhae strode to the study door and knocked lightly. Still no sign of movement inside.“I know you’re not asleep.”No answer, though he must have heard it. Muhae raised an eyebrow and opened the door.The light was off, and the room was dark and quiet. Joo-o lay on the mattress in the center, buried under the blanket.“Hey.”No flinch. The lump of blankets didn’t move.That pissed Muhae off again, and he stepped inside. The reprimand on his tongue vanished the moment he saw…The floor was warm. The uninsulated wooden boards radiated heat.Muhae slid his foot to another spot and felt the temperature drop sharply. It was as if someone had sat there for a long while, leaning against the door.…What a hilarious bastard. Then he pretends to sleep on the mattress without a sound.Think he’d get away with that? I’ll nudge him awake. Muhae snorted and prodded the round blanket lump with his foot.Thud. Even after a blatant shove, it stubbornly feigned ignorance. Should I call that cunning or stupid?“I know you’re not asleep.”“….”“I hear your breathing change.”“….”“Who told you to hold your breath? Breathe.”When he taunted him directly, the round lump finally stirred. Still, no soft head showed itself.After coming all this way, do I have to set him straight again?“Joo-o.”Just as he was about to give up, the blanket ball moved as if on cue.As if he’d read Muhae’s mind, stray hair peeked out from beneath the blanket.I thought he’d still be frowning, but surprisingly Joo-o’s eyes opened wide, his mouth agape.“…Again.”At that excited voice, Muhae realized this was the first time he’d called his name.Hard to believe, but Muhae could only recall calling him “hey” or “you.” Not out of malice—just habit, and because he’d always come when called.Anyway, Joo-o looked utterly stunned. When Muhae called “Joo-o” again, he forgot his act and crawled out from under the covers.“Who told you to close the door like that? If it breaks, you’ll fix it.”“The wind closed it.”“Your name is Wind?”“It’s Joo-o. Joo-o.”He emphasized his name as if hammering in a nail, still scowling from earlier.“What did you do to deserve being locked out?”“Jin Muhae hasn’t done anything right either.”“Then do I have to feed a grown man?”“I didn’t ask to be fed. Jin Muhae just…”After Muhae ruffled his black hair, Joo-o cut his sentence short and closed his eyes. A faint relief and joy passed over his face.He forgot he’d sulked, pressed his cheek carefully against Muhae’s hand, and drew a short breath before finishing.“You avoided me first.”“Then were all the pettings done by ghosts?”“You acted weird first.”Muhae still couldn’t follow his logic. His father never interfered in Muhae’s affairs, and Dr. Jeong and Boss Gil never meddled in his choices.That doesn’t mean they didn’t care about Muhae. But to Joo-o, their actions must have looked different.Whether Muhae wants to admit it or not, maybe one of them truly didn’t care.“You’re twenty-two, right?”“Right.”“Do I really have to fix your hair too?”“No. But…”His red eyes studied Muhae’s face hesitantly. Taking a deep breath as if resolving something, he whispered like a secret.“Then I can touch you one more time.”Those displeased glances, the rough straightening of his clothes, the reproach—they all felt like care to me.It’s strange to be desired so badly.Muhae pressed his throbbing temples and sat quietly before him.“Joo-o.”At the sound of his name, a remarkably steady look flew back.Realizing beating around the bush didn’t suit him, Muhae cut to the chase.“Aren’t you going to recover your memories?”In an instant, faint unease flickered across his stunned face. He clenched his lips and looked away; Muhae vaguely recognized that denial.“If I remember more, I’ll know more things to do when we’re together.”At those words, the troubled look cleared immediately. Muhae realized too: every time Joo-o wandered alone, every sharp retort, that irritation he felt came from the same place.“Even if you remember, you won’t live alone.”“Who said I was crawling away? We have work to do.”The moment he spoke, Joo-o clenched his fist and rested his head on Muhae’s shoulder. The warm sigh fluttered against Muhae’s neck.Stupid kid. Who knew such a force existed. Even if he recovers his memories, Joo-o is already bound to the crew.I’ll keep him by my side and use him when needed. It’s better for him than drifting into some slaughterhouse.Having justified it to himself, Muhae pushed away the drooping body and stood.“Am I too big?”“No.”“I want to eat meat now.”“I already ate before coming back. Do I look stupid?”“You’re not fooling me.”Tsk, his tongue click was annoyingly sharp.Feeling oddly embarrassed, Muhae left the study without looking back. Joyful footsteps followed as always.

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