He looked at me with a curious expression. Carl introduced me to them.“Meet Raymond. From today, he’s joining our club with us.”“Hi, Raymond.”The boy lounging on the armrest of the sofa tossed me a tennis ball. I caught it and threw it back, greeting him in return.“Hi.”For a while I was able to hang out with the boys there. I sat on the balcony with Carl and his roommate Eric, chatting a bit about the exam and hearing about the parties planned afterward. Soon Eric said he needed to study and got up, so I did the same. We said good night and headed for the stairs.Out of curiosity, I peeked out again when I reached the third floor. It was just like the second floor: the lounge and balcony were packed with boys, noisy and bursting with laughter. Every door stood wide open. I climbed on to the fourth floor, the top floor.I faced an utterly different, impenetrable silence from the lower levels. All the doors on both sides were firmly shut, and the sofas in the lounge looked untouched. The carpet lay flat without a wrinkle, and though the balcony doors were open, it felt purely formal. An unnatural stillness, almost eerie, brooded over the entire fourth floor.I walked slowly down the left corridor. The closer I got to one door, the more uneasy I felt in my stomach. My spine grew cold as a bad premonition rose in my throat, tingling even at my fingertips.When I laid my hand on the cold doorknob, every hair on my neck stood on end. Despite its ice-like chill, I jerked my hand away as if it had burned me. I stared at the heavy walnut door. Beyond it, they waited for me. Their palpable hostility and rage pressed against the wood.Suddenly I laughed.“Ha ha ha–ha, ha ha ha!”They must have heard it beyond the door. It was—sweet fury. I laughed like a madman in front of the door, then turned away. In the past, I would have opened it and walked in. But now I knew: cowardice at an unwinnable moment was the final victor’s true virtue.Leaving the door closed, I descended the stairs without a backward glance. That night, I stayed up late on the second floor with Carl, and eventually fell asleep under a blanket on his living-room sofa.The next morning, I woke to a scene unlike any dawn I’d experienced. The boys ran around in their underwear, one hand clutching a toothbrush smeared with toothpaste, the other carrying toast, all while searching frantically for socks and ties. One boy, muttering and reciting notes, tripped over a pair of trousers left by someone the night before. Meanwhile another pounded on the bathroom door, urging someone out, adding to the chaos.I emerged from that crowd with bedhead, a wrinkled uniform shirt, and a tie hastily knotted. I hadn’t even tied my shoes or washed my face. Bleary-eyed, I trudged down to breakfast with Carl, snatching a quick meal in the dining hall.It all felt astonishingly fresh—so different from the top floor. My dear top-floor roommates coordinated bathroom time every morning to avoid any door-knocking. Except for Hugh, they were all neat and quiet; even Hugh, despite his bright sociability, wasn’t one for commotion.Looking back, it was odd: four vigorous boys in their early twenties living together without a single fight. It was eerily orderly, their lives governed by strict routine.Why hadn’t I found it strange? Why hadn’t I even looked at the other students? It was clear now: they’d subtly controlled even my view of the school. It felt like waking up anew.After breakfast, I mixed in with Carl and a few of his friends as we headed to class. The sky was impossibly blue, and the crisp morning air filled my lungs. We grumbled about the exam as we walked onto campus, then scattered to our respective tests: I to German literature, Carl to history, and the others to their own exams or paper submissions. The school buzzed with students.As I climbed to the second-floor classroom, I suddenly felt a piercing gaze. I turned at once. Simon stood beyond the crowd, staring at me with those quiet, somber black eyes. Our conversation from yesterday with George flashed through my mind: Simon’s getting impatient. A choice will come. Pressed forward by the students behind me, I had to look away. When I reached the second floor and glanced back down, Simon had vanished like a ghost.I sat for the exam, but I hardly cared about the questions. School tests, university entrance—none of it interested me. Judy was busy building her art-school portfolio; Hugh studied for Cambridge. I’d never cared for school. My only burning purpose had been revenge on Julia, and it would remain so. Entangled with Jérôme’s gang now, I knew this fight wouldn’t last—never more than a season, as the predecessors had shown.When summer ended, my ordeal with Jérôme’s gang would end, whether I surrendered and left or they finally broke me. After that, I’d return to my revenge on Julia.Still, I wouldn’t ignore George’s warning. Simon’s face before the exam lingered in my mind. George had said Simon only engages when the other is asleep. It explained several of Simon’s puzzling actions. For instance, after I learned I’d been raped while unconscious, I’d dared Simon to rape me right then and there. He’d refused. When Jérôme and Hugh first raped me, Simon did nothing—only brushed my hair aside. At the second rape with George, Simon only held my legs open.Simon’s behavior chilled me more with each thought. Did he truly only connect with unconscious partners? They gave no response—how could that be called a relationship? No. Simon’s acts were unilateral: playing with a living person like a doll.If responses weren’t important to him, perhaps his partner didn’t even need to be alive.In that moment I realized: being with a sleeping person was little different from being with the dead. Once I thought it, every word Simon had spoken nagged at me. Whenever Jérôme nearly killed me, he’d ask Simon: “Is this okay? Is he still alive?” As though Simon knew best where the line between life and death lay.The bell marking the end of the exam startled me so much I nearly jumped. Cold sweat poured down my back. I handed in my paper and left the classroom in a daze. When Judy grabbed my shoulder from behind, I gasped and shook her off. She blinked in surprise.“You okay, Raymond? You look pale.”“Yeah… the test was tougher than I thought. I’m fine.”I forced a smile, and Judy exhaled.“Right. That was hard. I think I only wrote about eight hundred words on the last question…”We walked out listening to Judy’s chit-chat. As I descended the stairs, I felt watched—an eerie sensation down my spine—but I didn’t look back. If I let myself be carried away, I’d be overwhelmed by illusions. Simon wasn’t an illusion. None of them were.They were all real, with hot blood in their veins—and real things could be destroyed. Catching my breath, I joined Judy in the garden, where warm sunlight poured down. There was nothing to worry about. Not yet, anyway.We naturally made our way back to the annex with the ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) club studio. Stepping inside, a chill ran through me. Jérôme, perched on a workbench examining a carving knife, looked up and greeted us with a bright smile.“Hey, Raymond! How was your exam?”The game had begun.Judy flushed at seeing Jérôme. Standing beside her, I noticed right away and turned her way. Jérôme returned my gaze with that perfectly painted smile. Seeing it brought to mind details I’d barely considered: he was British royalty, as tall as I was, with a rider’s built physique and, above all, handsomeness.Jérôme sat on the workbench, brushing his hair back to reveal his smooth forehead, watching us with that gentle face. Judy looked shyly at me, waiting for an introduction. I said,“I’ve been waiting for you, Jérôme.”Jérôme grinned. Ignoring me, I continued, “This is Judy. Judy, this is Jérôme.”“Oh, Judy,” he said, leaping down from the bench. He strode over to her. “Nice to meet you.”He bowed his waist, pressing cheeks against hers in greeting. Judy reddened noticeably.“Hi, Jérôme…”Judy was useless to him. I could tell the moment I saw her shy eyes meet his.Yesterday’s gloomy-faced Jérôme was gone. He smiled warmly at me, then lightly strolled with Judy toward the workbench. As he asked if the busts there were her pieces, a commotion rose at the studio entrance.A moment later, Carl and a few club members filed in. They spotted Jérôme and froze in surprise. Jérôme regarded the boys with a face calculated to inspire affection, then shifted his gaze back to me, as if daring me to make introductions.But there was something odd about his look. Beneath that calm demeanor lay a cold fury.No—Jérôme was definitely angry. Angry that I’d made a new friend without permission and stayed out overnight. He must have been gnashing his teeth, waiting for me in this empty studio.It was ridiculous. That childish pettiness and rage made me laugh. Could he really be so transparent?I strode over to Carl, who stood awkwardly at the door. Clapping him on the shoulder and linking my arm through his, I said brightly,“This is Jérôme. He lives with me on the top floor of Building B.”My loud introduction broke the tension. The boys swarmed to welcome Jérôme. Carl and I strolled over, arm in arm. He playfully jabbed my side and asked,“You’ve already invited a friend? You like the club that much?”“They’re all great. Even your roommate.”I answered Carl affectionately.“If it’s okay, I’d like to crash in your room again tonight.”Jérôme shook hands and exchanged greetings with the boys. Feigning to look away, he glanced past them at me. Those crocodile eyes. So what will you do now, Jérôme? What’s your next move? Carl—completely oblivious to the tension—wrapped an arm around my neck, pretending to squeeze me.“Make it out in ten seconds and I’ll let you sleep in my bed tonight!”Laughing, I hugged Carl’s side. Pulling my head free, I joked loudly, reveling in the gaze burning the back of my skull.The weather was too perfect, so we soon left the annex and fetched the farm dogs to play frisbee on the lawn. Surprisingly, Jérôme fit right in, too. He was suitably humorous, laughed easily, and showed real wit.In other words, nobody would have guessed he was the madman who whipped people with a riding crop, threw them into the bog for fun, or casually raped a dormmate.But I wasn’t fooled by his friendly face. We were like a cheetah hidden in the grass and the gazelle that caught its eyes. If he attacked, I was ready to bolt—but until he moved, I acted as boldly as if he weren’t there.We tossed frisbees to the dogs, then to each other. I made a point of being especially close to Carl. He seemed to like me, too, and treated me without reserve.As our noisy play continued, more boys joined in. They tripped each other, grabbed waists to send someone sprawling, or snatched frisbees and flung them recklessly, all in boisterous fun. I rolled around in the grass with Carl, our uniforms and hair plastered with grass, our shirts stained with dirt—and nobody cared.All the while, I felt eyes boring into me. Whenever I noticed, I would look back and deliberately meet Jérôme’s gaze. He wore a bright smile, but I knew he longed to break my neck or lash my cheek with his crop. So each time our eyes met, I smiled back and draped my arm over Carl’s shoulder.After burning off energy, we all headed to the dining hall for lunch. I stuck close to Carl, arm in arm or leaning on his back as we chatted with the others. Jérôme and I didn’t sit together; I deliberately ate at a different table, making a ruckus.Leaving the hall, I ran into Simon. Even though our eyes met, he passed by as if he didn’t know me. Something about him smelled off.We each went to our afternoon exams, scattering to different subjects. I was uneasy wandering alone, but it was still school, and teachers stood beyond every classroom door. That was reassuring enough as I walked on.Some classrooms were already in session, and a hush settled over the school. As I crisscrossed hallways, people thinned out and my anxiety swelled, quickening my pace. Just as I set foot on the stairs to run up two steps at a time,“Math exam, Raymond?”It was Jérôme’s voice. I twisted around so fast my neck hurt. I hadn’t known he was following me. He came up behind me without a sound. Startled, I nearly tumbled down the stairs, but Jérôme’s arm shot out to steady me.“Be careful,” he said softly.“There’s still grass stuck in your hair.”

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