Tarni was practically bouncing with excitement. He'd been the first one out of Lily's class selection room, and now he was stuck waiting for the rest. The moment Lily finally stepped through—last of all—and the glyphs in the door winked out, he shot forward toward the next open archway.

Unfortunately for him, Zane had slipped into what the others often called a "Tarni mood." With perfect timing, he stuck out a foot and ankle-tapped Tarni, sending him stumbling with a flail of arms.

"Oi!" Tarni yelped, just barely catching his balance.

Bell didn't miss a beat, striding smoothly past the stumbling man and into the archway first.

Zane smirked, hands tucked behind his head as if he hadn't done a thing. "Gotta stay sharp, Tarn. Never know when life's gonna trip you up." Tarni shot him a glare, then grinned despite himself. "Yeah, well, when fate trips you, it doesn't have size twelve boots and a smug grin."

Bell waited in the room until the now-grumpy Tarni finally shuffled in after the others. Only then did she tap the glowing DON'T PANIC on the wall. The words dissolved instantly, replaced by her stats.

Isabelle Rider Level: 9 Points to spend: 0

Strength: 18 Dexterity: 18 Constitution: 15 Intelligence: 13 Wisdom: 12 Charisma: 14

Titles Um, remind me to never knock on your door! 25% extra Damage when using a fully powered charge shot on a target that is 10 meters or less away. Splashback damage increased by 25%.

2nd to last . . . it's better than last, trust me. (Fourth to kill a Dungeon Defender on planet Earth) (+1 to all Stats per level until level 5)

Skills

Basic Powered Shot

– Your projectiles will cause explosive damage.

Piercing Shot

– Your projectiles will travel further and/or pierce enemies better.

Deep Think

– Passive. Increases mana regeneration by 5%.

Gear

Leather Vest – +2 Defence

Boomstick Bow

: Glorious Boom-Sting of the Great and Mighty Flame-Sniper Krizzik the Sky-Sunderer, Slayer of Owls and Scorcher of Tall-Folk

(+2 Piercing, +2 Explosive)

Stat requirements: Strength 12, Dexterity 15

Everyone knew the drill by now, and they waited quietly while Lily copied down all the details. Well—almost everyone. Tarni muttered under his breath about having to wait until last for his class selection.

Class Options

Hunter Bow Hunter specialising in dealing high damage to single targets and monstrous foes. +3 Strength, +3 Dexterity Level 1 Skill: Triple Shot – Use a small amount of mana to create two extra arrows in flight. Skill points per level: 4

Ranger Though a ranger might make a living as a hunter, a guide, or a tracker, a ranger's true calling is to defend the outskirts of civilisation from the ravages of monsters pressing in from the wild. In some places, rangers gather in secretive orders or join druidic circles. +3 Strength, +3 Dexterity Level 1 Skill: It's My Trap Card – Use a small amount of stamina and mana to fire an arrow that creates a trap on contact, causing a medium snare effect. 150-second cooldown. Skill points per level: 4

Extra Class: Hunter Ranger Though a Ranger might make a living as a hunter, a guide, or a tracker, the Hunter Ranger looks like they belong in a DOOM computer game—combining long-range precision with devastating close-range damage. +2 Strength, +2 Dexterity, +2 Intelligence Level 1 Skill: Say Hello to My Little Friend! – For a small amount of mana, rapidly fire arrows for 12 seconds. Each arrow gains +2 Piercing damage. Skill points per level: 5

As the choices faded into place, everyone burst into laughter at the over-the-top skill names.

"Triple Shot, It's My Trap Card, and Say Hello to My Little Friend?" Tarni read aloud, already giggling. "Are these classes or bad movie quotes?"

"Or video games," Kai added, pointing at the DOOM reference.

Tarni smirked. "I'm just imagining Bell in the middle of a fight, screaming 'Say hello to my little friend!' every time she fires off arrows."

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Kai said, wiping his eyes. He threw on his best mock announcer voice: 'Tonight on Earth's Next Dungeon Defender—watch Isabelle Rider go full eighties action hero!'

Bell rolled her eyes, but the twitch of a smile betrayed her amusement. "You two are idiots. If I do end up yelling that, it'll be right before I accidentally hit you."

"Worth it," Tarni said solemnly, before dissolving into laughter again.

Even Lily had to bite her lip to keep from laughing outright, though her shoulders shook with quiet amusement. "Honestly, Mum, that class is perfect for you. Overpowered skill, ridiculous flair—you'll look terrifying while making everyone else laugh."

Bell sighed, but her smirk lingered. "Fine. But if I take this class, none of you ever get to complain about dramatic entrances again."

"Deal," Zane said immediately. "As long as you actually say the line once. For me."

"Not happening," Bell shot back, though her eyes glittered in a way that suggested maybe—just maybe—it might.

Bell placed her palm against the wall, and the words dissolved into glittering motes that swirled toward her chest. She stiffened as the magic sank in—her breath catching, shoulders tightening, then loosening again as if invisible bowstrings had been drawn taut and released inside her. Power settled through her frame like a familiar weight, sharp and focused. For a moment, she felt like every arrow she loosed would already know where it needed to land.

Tarni, practically bouncing on his heels, couldn't take it anymore. "Great, awesome, you're deadly now—move, move, move!" He started herding everyone toward the door like a sheepdog on too much coffee.

"Careful, Tarni," Lily teased as she was shoved along. "You'll sprain something rushing like that."

"Yeah," Bell added dryly, "mostly our patience."

Tarni ignored them, eyes locked on the next archway. "This is my moment, people. Don't ruin it."

As soon as the glyphs on Bell's archway dimmed, he darted forward—only to nearly crash into Zane, who deliberately slowed to a lazy stroll.

"Zane," Tarni growled, his eye twitching. "You're doing this on purpose."

"Me?" Zane said innocently, dragging his boots like they weighed a hundred kilos each. "Just stretching my legs. Gotta savour the atmosphere."

Tarni threw his hands up. "Unbelievable. The System should give me a debuff just for dealing with you."

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"Pretty sure it already did," Bell said with a smirk.

By the time Zane finally let him pass, Tarni stormed into the archway like a man walking into destiny—muttered curses about "bloody ankle-taps and smug tanks" trailing behind him.

As Tarni strode into the room, chest puffed out like he was about to headline his own heroic saga, his gaze went straight to the far wall. His smirk froze.

Instead of the familiar DON'T PANIC, there was only one glowing word:

PANIC

"WHAT!?" Tarni yelped, throwing his arms out. "Why does my wall only say PANIC?"

The others shuffled in behind him, every eye landing on the ominous single word. For once, Tarni's bluster cracked; he actually took a step back, glancing at the ceiling like the System itself might drop on him.

"Uh, mate," Zane said, lips twitching. "Maybe it just knows you too well."

"Not helping!" Tarni snapped, his voice climbing a little higher than usual.

The glowing letters shimmered, then the word DON'T slowly bled into existence above PANIC, as if mocking him for losing his cool.

Tarni froze, then jabbed a finger skyward. "HA, HA! Very funny, System. Pick on poor old Tarni day, is it? What's next, a debuff called 'Perpetually Annoyed by Friends'?"

"Pretty sure you already rolled that one at birth," Lily said sweetly, scribbling notes without even looking up.

Tarni groaned, dragging his hands down his face. "Why do I even hang out with you people…"

Tarni Walker

points to spend: 0

level 9.

Strength: 20

Dexterity: 30

Constitution: 16

Intelligence: 17

Wisdom: 13

Charisma: 15

Titles

Well, you were almost first

(You are the SECOND to kill a Dungeon Defender on planet EARTH. You will receive +1 bonus XP (Experience Point) for all stats at each level until level 8.)

Skills

Medium Poison Resistance

(This skill is passive.)

Back Stab

always do critical Damage when landing an unexpected melee hit.

Deep Think

Passive. Increases mana regeneration by 5%.

Gear

Leather Vest

+2 Defence

Crude Hobgoblin Short Sword +1 Slash Damage

Tarni tried to help Lily as she was writing down all the info into her notebook, as he read it out loud, making Lily frustrated and making her take longer. As before as the last word was copied down. The Stats changed.

Class Options

Class: Adventurer Adventurer, specialising in Adventuring +1 Strength, +1 Dexterity, +1 Constitution, +1 Intelligence, +1 Wisdom, +1 Charisma Level 1 Skill: Geocaching – Use a small amount of mana to add 1 unknown point of interest onto personal Map. Skill points per level: 4

Class: Rogue Description: A rogue is a versatile character, capable of sneaky combat and nimble tricks. The rogue is stealthy and dexterous

+3 Wisdom, and + 3 Dexterity

Level 1 Skill: Shadow Walk

Description: Use a Small Amount of Mana to reduce your visibility by 30%

Skill points per level: 4

Extra Class: Ozzy Assassin Description: A class that focuses on lethal precision, specialising in stealth, poison, disguise, and high-damage ambushes

+3 Charisma, and +3 Wisdom Level 1 Skill: No Need to worry, Mate, we are all friends here. – For a medium amount of mana, affect a pre-selected being's mental stat to trust you more than it should. Skill points per level: 5

Tarni leaned back with a grin as the three glowing class options settled on the wall. "Alright, System, let's see what you've got for good ol' Tarni."

Bell tilted her head. "...Adventurer? That's not even a real class. That's just… existing."

"Oi!" Tarni pointed at the description. "Specialising in adventuring. That's, like, peak versatility. You need someone to climb a mountain, fight a troll, charm a tavern wench, and cook dinner after? Boom. Adventurer."

Kai snorted. "Or it's the System's way of saying, 'You couldn't decide, so here's a sampler plate.'"

"Geocaching?" Lily read aloud, brow furrowed. "That's… a map marker skill. You'd spend mana to add mystery locations to your map."

"That's not bad," Zane admitted, rubbing his chin. "Could reveal hidden loot or shortcuts."

"Or it could just point you to the nearest outhouse," Bell said dryly. "Adventurer's too vague. I don't like it."

Tarni pressed a hand over his heart, feigning injury. "Et tu, Bellsy?"

Lily tapped her notebook. "Next up: Rogue. Classic stealth-and-dex build. The stat boosts alone—Dex and Wisdom—would really amplify what you already do best."

"And Shadow Walk would make him harder to spot," Zane added. "Thirty percent invisibility is nothing to sneeze at."

"Yeah, but it's not invisible, it's just… fuzzy." Tarni squinted at the text. "Like… when you've had one too many and your mate suddenly looks like they've got three heads. That's me in a fight now?"

"Still better than you faceplanting into traps," Kai muttered.

Tarni wagged a finger. "You wound me. I only sometimes faceplant into traps."

Bell smirked. "Only because you set them off before anyone else can."

"See? That's me protecting the team," Tarni shot back smugly.

Lily ignored the back-and-forth and pointed at the last glowing option. "Extra Class: Ozzy Assassin."

Everyone leaned in.

"Ozzy Assassin?" Zane repeated, incredulous. "What even is that? Sounds like a metal band."

"Or a pub special," Kai said. "Comes with chips and a schooner of beer."

Tarni was already grinning ear-to-ear. "Ohhh, I like this one. Look—stat boosts to Charisma and Wisdom, perfect for my natural charm."

Bell arched a brow. "Natural?"

"Don't be jealous." Tarni cleared his throat and read dramatically. "No Need to Worry, Mate, We Are All Friends Here." He paused. "Tell me that's not the most Australian assassination skill ever."

Zane chuckled. "It's literally a trust spell. You burn mana and make someone like you more than they should. That's… terrifying."

"Imagine," Lily mused, "you sneak up to the enemy captain, drop that skill, and suddenly he's telling you troop movements like you've been best mates since kindergarten."

"Or giving me the keys to his wine cellar," Tarni added. "Don't forget the important things."

Kai frowned. "But it's not direct combat. It's social manipulation. What if you need raw damage?"

"That's what daggers are for, mate," Tarni said, patting his short sword. "Besides, five skill points per level. Five. I'm not missing out on that when the rest of you have it."

Zane nodded slowly. "He's right. That's a big deal. More points means more flexibility long-term."

"Yeah," Bell admitted reluctantly. "The System basically wants you in that class."

Tarni puffed his chest. "Finally! Recognition! Took it long enough."

"Just don't abuse it," Lily warned, scribbling notes. "You're enough of a menace without magical persuasion."

"Oh, I'm absolutely abusing it," Tarni said cheerfully. "First target: free pie from every bakery in town."

"Second target: me punching you in the face," Bell muttered.

Tarni winked at her. "See? You already trust me enough to follow through."

Everyone groaned at once.

Tarni planted his hands on his hips, looking at the three options with mock gravity. "Well, as much as I'd love to be known forever as Tarni the Adventurer, or Tarni the Discount Rogue, I think we all know where my destiny lies."

Kai groaned. "Please don't—"

"—with the glorious, mysterious, dangerously handsome—" Tarni spun on his heel, finger-gunning the glowing wall. "—Ozzy Assassin!"

The word pulsed bright gold as the choice locked in. Light burst from the wall and rushed toward him, slamming into his chest like a tidal wave. Tarni staggered backward, laughing as if it tickled. "Oi, this feels like downing three Red Bulls and a kebab at two a.m.!"

Wisps of shadow and smoke curled up from his boots, swirling around him. The crude hobgoblin shortsword in his hand shimmered, just for an instant, like it wanted to be something more. His grin widened until it was almost manic.

Then came the weight—not crushing, but sly. A hum in his veins, like whispers just out of earshot, secrets waiting to be told if he leaned the right way. His breathing slowed, his heartbeat steadied, and for the briefest moment, he knew he could talk anyone into trusting him. Even Bell.

The glow faded, and Tarni looked down at himself with mock disappointment. "Huh. I was hoping for at least a dramatic cloak. Maybe some eyeliner. System really missed a trick there."

Zane snorted. "Trust me, mate, you don't need eyeliner to look like trouble."

Bell crossed her arms. "Or a cloak to stab us in the back."

"Excuse you," Tarni said, finger wagging. "I only stab other people in the back. You lot get hugs. Mostly."

Lily scribbled the last notes into her book, sighing. "I can't believe the System actually gave you a class that makes you more chaotic."

Kai rubbed his face. "This is going to end badly."

"Or brilliantly," Tarni countered, flashing a toothy grin. "C'mon, admit it—you're all a little excited to see what I do with this."

No one admitted it, but no one disagreed either.

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