The heart chamber of the Dungeon of Assassins glowed with quiet intensity. The mirrors lining the walls flickered with projected diagrams, energy flows, and arcane calculations. The reflections shimmered with shifting runes, like a dozen classrooms of magical engineering running at once. All from the same mind.

Malvorik's crystal pulsed, steady but alert.

With a soft hum, the dungeon entrance side of the portal opened in a shimmer of light.

Korrm stepped through. The duskgnome tasked with organizing the bathhouse seemed troubled. He tugged his hood back and dusted steam from his sleeves. "Malvorik, we have a problem."

<Are the krigesti attacking the city?> Malvorik asked.

Korrm shook his head grimly. "Not that. It's the bathhouse. We've got a situation. Revenants."

<Go on.>

"They've been loitering across the street for three days now. Four of them, low-level types. Pretending they're on a 'stakeout.' Asking questions. Watching the deliveries. One of them cast a detect illusion spell on the laundry basket. Complete lunatics."

<Do they suspect the portal?>

"They suspect something. One's convinced it's a hidden guild headquarters. Another said it's 'exactly the kind of place a system event would trigger from.' There are things like that happening all over the city. There are too many new revenants. All the good quests are taken and many revenants try to either find an 'exploit' or some get rich quick scheme. The rest are trying to find 'secret' quests. The ones hanging out in libraries and taverns are okay, but some are harassing ordinary citizens, breaking into private homes or government institutions, bribing soldiers and house servants for secrets… "

Malvorik's crystal pulsed dim red. <Of course. They're not wrong, annoyingly. But they're not right either.>

Korrm folded his arms. "Herrgylly is coping with it, but it's getting harder. She served them tea and they tipped her three silvers. That rogue, his name was Vexsteel or something ridiculous, winked and said, 'Nice guild cover.'"

<She played it cool, I assume?>

"Acted as if she thought he asked for an exotic tea brand," Korrm confirmed. "She even offered to ask her vendors about this 'Guild Cover' brand."

<She's enjoying this too much.>

"She lives for it," Korrm muttered. "But they've been starting to test the back doors. I saw one of them check the alley drain for hidden levers."

Malvorik's light grew still. <We'll need to discourage them. Subtly, but publicly.>

Korrm's brow rose. "Publicly?"

<Embarrassment is the best deterrent. If they find nothing and look foolish doing it, they'll leave for good. Anything else will just encourage them.>

"We've still got that broom closet trap you gave us for testing."

<The alchemical Confusion Fog trap?>

"The very same. I still don't get where you got the recipe for that. I am dabbling a bit in alchemy, so I got a few books at the academy. So, I know Confusion Fog is a quite high tier alchemical product."

<Of course, you are dabbling in alchemy. What duskgnome isn't? Well, they don't sell that recipe on the open market, that's for sure. But I still have some choices for traps open, since I usually construct most of them by hand. I chose the Confusion Fog trap and by creating one, then deconstructing it, I got the blueprints for the trap and the recipe for the fog. Took a bit of experimenting to get it right, but since we use it against enemies, side-effects don't matter.> Malvorik pondered the plan, then approved it. <Do it. Bait them to break into the pantry and trigger the trap manually once they're all inside. No real harm. I'll prepare a reversed one-use repair spell artifact. Try to also include some moving parts to increase their confusion. Nothing lethal or serious, just bruises. Time it for when there are guests present to witness their exit.>

Korrm smirked. "I'll prep it tonight."

Malvorik's crystal pulsed once. <Well done, Korrm. And congratulate Herrgylly for her quick thinking.>

Korrm saluted with two fingers and turned to the portal. "I'll make sure they never want to join the imaginary guild again."

* * *

It was just after sunset when the four revenants made their move.

They crossed the narrow lane in a crouched, dramatic line, pressing themselves unnecessarily against the bathhouse wall like seasoned infiltrators, despite being in full view of three tavern-goers and a passing lamplighter.

"Alright," said Vexsteel, the group's self-declared rogue and leader. "It's tonight. "This has to be the entrance to the Thieves' Guild. Maybe even an Assassins Guild. I'd stake my life on it."

ManaWhirl nodded solemnly. "I triangulated the surrounding aura with my resonance crystal. There's definitely a powerful enchantment inside."

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"You licked a wall and said it tasted 'tingly,'" BunnyRage pointed out.

"That's an additional part of the analysis," ManaWhirl replied.

GoblinSlayerRick pointed to the side door where Susi or "Guildmistress Susi," as they called her, had just disappeared pushing a laundry cart.

"There. That's the access corridor. She went down with the tea tray. No one's seen her since."

Vexsteel gave the signal. They moved.

Inside the bathhouse, the air was warm, heavy with lavender and steam. The halls were quiet. Too quiet.

The four slipped through the laundry alcove, pried open an unlocked utility door, and crept down a low, dim passage lit only by a flickering lamp.

At the end: a wooden door with a faded bronze knob. It looked utterly unremarkable. Perfect.

"This is it," Vexsteel whispered. "Final gate."

He glanced back at the others. "Ready?"

BunnyRage flexed. ManaWhirl adjusted her spell rings. GoblinSlayerRick drew his shortbow, not realizing that was quite useless indoors.

Vexsteel turned the knob.

The moment they stepped inside, the door slammed shut behind them with a sharp clang. The room darkened, then filled with mist. Thick, vision-clouding fog surged from unseen vents, glowing faintly green.

A sound like distant chanting began to echo off the tiled walls.

"What is…" ManaWhirl started, then started to giggle uncontrollably.

They started hearing screams and incomprehensible voices. Faintly, but quickly getting louder.

Steam blasted from the floor. A mop whirled around driven by a clever mechanism and whacked BunnyRage across the knee. The artifact hidden in a wall activated and bathed them all in reversed repair magic. Not powerful enough to destroy armor or equipment, but clothes shredded and developed holes.

"Trap!" Vexsteel yelled. "Dispel the illusion!"

"There is no illusion!" Rick wailed.

The door didn't budge and no sound escaped the magically sound-proofed door.

When the door finally creaked open on its own, they stumbled out, screaming for help. Everyone had taken some bruises from getting hit in the dark by frantic movement of the others, their clothes were in shambles and they were in complete panic.

Almost a dozen of the bathhouse guests that were just leaving after their booked bathtime, looked at them in amusement and confusion.

Herrgylly, or Susi, as she was known to the guests, was standing there with an unimpressed look and a teapot in one hand.

"Baths are closed for the evening," she said sweetly. "This room's for storage. You boys lost?"

Vexsteel coughed. ManaWhirl was frantically trying to keep his trousers from falling apart. BunnyRage had somehow gotten a bucket stuck on her head. Rick was trying to hide behind a mop.

They fled without a word.

Susi turned, rolled her eyes, and addressed the guests. "Noobs. I've seen one guest getting stuck in the broom closet, but four? If those are the kind of 'heroes' we get to save us… May the gods have mercy on us."

The laughter of the guests followed the embarrassed team out into the street.

* * *

Down in the dungeon, Malvorik pulsed a soft note of approval after getting the report.

<Embarrassment complete. Nicely done.>

Korrm grinned. "Team reputation: successfully shattered."

With a final nod, the duskgnome stepped back through the portal, vanishing in a shimmer of controlled magic.

After the duskgnome left, he turned back to a conversation he had in his dungeon.

<Now, Fluffle, where were we?> His voice echoed with a trace of amusement. <You said you wanted to speak to me.>

The cat-sheep chimera sitting in front of the projection circle could not speak, but Malvorik understood every movement of her ears and twitch of her fluffy tail.

<Yes, I do remember I've not yet given you a magic ability. The lurkers have their chameleon fur, the rat-pigs can explosively self-destruct… You know all of this. So, what do you want?>

The crystal glittered amused at the answer.

<No, you can't have 'Dragon-Lightning-Breath'. That is not a real spell, and even if it were, what would that even look like?>

The chimera fluffed up in protest. Malvorik listened patiently.

<Yes, that is possible. But not for a monster below Journeyman tier and even I would need months of studies to create the spell and on basis of a codified spell the ability. I do not have the time and resources for that right now. Sorry.>

…

<Why would you even need a powerful attack ability? Your job is to care for the children.>

…

<No, I will defend them. And all other monsters will defend them. And if that fails, the adult duskgnomes will defend them. Also, since duskgnomes are now officially restored by the system and we can even have revenants spawning as duskgnomes, they should be back under the protection of Nemesis, as all other children are.>

…

<No, I can't be sure. And I won't test that. But usually, there's no way to harm the child of a revenant race. Nemesis won't allow it.>

…

<You're not allowed to go out to defend the 'weak and innocent'. Weylan and his team aren't weak. And he isn't… well okay, he probably is innocent. Back to topic, you're not going out of the dungeon again.>

Fluffle mewed annoyed. With an irritated huff, she turned away from the noise and padded over to the corner of the room. She circled once, then sat down with a grunt.

<Exactly. Now, I could magically enhance your ability to purr. It would emit a calming magical field that reduces fear, tantrums, and post-nightmare distress in a small radius. It would also help children to sleep, especially those that are still remembering the long time fleeing from the necromancers.>

The cat-sheep pondered the proposition, then nodded.

<Excellent. Now… Wait… I'll be right back. There's a strange noise near my heart chamber I have to investigate.>

The dungeon heart refocused his perception and quickly found the source of the loud clanging. His boss monster sat on the floor in his room and hammered listlessly at the floor.

<Everything okay? You seem annoyed. I did give you a magic ability already, so why are you…>

The rat-minotaur looked at the crystal and raised one eyebrow. He pointed at himself, then made a questioning motion. The gesture seemed quite threatening, considering the two war hammers he held in his hands.

<Oh… I forgot to name you, didn't I? Damn. It was on my to-do list after the last battle, but there was so much to do… Yes. You're right. This is a disgrace. I'll do it right now. I have a list of suggestions somewhere… Here. What about Ratturn? Since you turn away enemies?>

The endboss snorted derisively.

<Okay… well, then maybe Harnak? After the barbarian tribe leader? No?> He thought for a moment, then the crystal lit up. <Brakkhorn? That's another famous warrior. He held the bridge of Nandulin against a hundred enemies. There's even a song about him.>

The monster considered it, then nodded.

<Perfect. So, arise Brakkhorn, the Final Warden. Defender of the Dungeon!>

The endboss stood and raised his war hammers with a triumphant roar. Then blinked, as his weapons disappeared in a sparkle of mist.

<I can't have a named boss walking around with such paltry weapons. I'll enchant them with something appropriate. I don't have the parts for anything truly awesome yet… but a triple-power Shocking Grasp on one hit per day should surprise one of your enemies. It should actually… shock them.>

Brakkhorn seemed content to wait to get his weapons back. But then he shifted unsteady on his feet, as they changed shape from rat-paws to oxen hooves.

<One more thing, since you no longer need the better traction of rat paws due to the enchanted shin bracers, I've gone back to hooves. Much more trample damage if you just run over your enemies.>

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