I could only wallow in uncertainty for so long before practicality took over. I walked the shadows to the one closest to Mishtaw's home and slipped inside without drawing further attention to myself. The dress got shoved into the farthest recesses of my sleeping nook, where it was unlikely to see the light of day ever again. Ziek had done good work, but showing off all my marks had pushed me to take my story farther than I otherwise would have gone. Repeating the experience would be more dangerous than smart, and I had drawn enough attention to myself already.

My hand drifted to where Prevna normally slept. I wasn't sure if things would be easier if she was around, but at least, if she was, I'd feel more grounded. A solid point to work from when everything else kept rapidly changing, both by my own volition and others'. Someone to talk things through on the rare instances when that seemed better than thinking it through myself.

I almost sent her a whisper on the wind, but the late hour and lack of good words kept my mouth shut. Was I supposed to say? That in the process of trying to warn everyone off I likely gave them even more reason to believe in the Little Love? She'd find it amusing, but even Prevna's words could fail her when she was reminded that others were trying to slot me into our land's mythology—and at that level there wasn't room for a fourth. There wasn't even really room for a third. It was always the goddess and Her Beloved. Everything else paled before that relationship; if I joined that highest rank it begged the question if everything else in my life would have to be set aside too.

I wasn't eager to find out, but as I recently discovered trying to fight the rumors could do more harm than good. The best thing I could now was stick to my routine or perhaps find some quiet mission to get away from the Seedling Palace for awhile. At least then if they chose to gossip and talk about things they shouldn't I wouldn't have to hear it.

Sleep came slow and fitfully that night as my mind struggled to accept what the more practical parts of me already knew. I couldn't control the situation anymore than I already had and I wasn't about to come up with a solution here in my sleeping nook anymore than I had while I was pacing.

In the morning, I was reminded that, lacking a solution to a problem, distraction could be the next best thing. Specifically, with a new problem or another left unresolved.

Esie was waiting outside the hut when I stepped out of the doorway. She was leaning against the wall of the balcony as if she had every right to be there. Which was her general state of being, but my mood soured even further upon seeing her so comfortable after I had already told her I wanted nothing to do with her.

She raised her hands in a conciliatory gesture when she saw me frown. Esie said, "I know you said never to speak to you again, but the Lady of Calm Waters doesn't speak through anyone else."

"Then I guess we have nothing to say." I started to walk past her.

"She's willing to meet you."

I stopped and silently cursed myself for it. Always, Esie always had another gambit she could play and somehow they tended to be winning ones.

I kept my gaze trained ahead. "Why now?"

"You told quite the story last night—and she doesn't like us fighting."

"Perhaps you shouldn't meddle so much then."

"I like to help."

Now I cut my gaze to the side to meet her eyes. "Help elsewhere then. If you can't give me space, then don't expect your help to be welcome ever again." She started to say something, so I cut her off. "Your way isn't always best and I don't want to be a camp dog performing tricks."

She smiled as if I had made a joke. It was the kind of smile that could immediately put even put a grouchy elder at ease, it was so welcoming, but I didn't let it sway me like it had in the past. I knew her priorities now. Just like I knew that sometimes she smiled to distract from giving a real answer.

She wasn't Jin, who wanted to tear me down just for how I was born and raised, but she wasn't as benign as she pretended to be. I wanted to like her; I knew she could make a good ally and mentor, but I also knew that she could easily become an indifferent bystander or send me into harm's way if she thought the benefit to the Lady of Calm Waters outweighed any harm that might come to me. In a way, she was as frustrating as the rumors, because I had little control how any of it went and her words could help as much as hinder me.

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In her own way, I could recognize that she was likely trying to help, if for no other reason than that we shared a patron, but I didn't want do anything she said just because she decided it was best.

I stared her down in a silent contest of wills. Her smile, my glare. Her smile faltered first with a hint of hesitation so quick I wasn't sure I actually saw it, but I took the win for what it was.

She found her voice. "Are you willing to see her?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I wasn't aware there was a choice."

Esie rolled her eyes at that snide comment. "Of course there is. Are you willing?"

"Of course. That way I can tell her about getting a new intermediary."

Esie bolted up right, all relaxation gone. "The Lady of Calm Waters enjoys honest conversation, but don't say unnecessary things just to get a rise out of her. She's been through enough and, if we must have a problem, it can stay between us."

"Scared?" I knew I shouldn't push her. Not on this, not about the Lady of Calm Waters, but I was tired and frustrated and I wanted to get under her skin like she was constantly getting under mine. She always had the right thing to say and I wanted to trip her up, make her make a mistake.

"No." Esie carefully flattened her hand on the top of the wall she had been leaning against. "We shouldn't be scared of our friends, and I intend to keep my friendship with you." She frowned and it was disturbing to see something other than a smile on her face. "But don't make things difficult for our mistress just because you want to make things difficult for me. We are not the same. Nor can I allow you to meet with her if you are going to waste the opportunity."

"Then I guess I won't be meeting with her." It pained me to say it, especially after the years I'd spent wanting to meet the Lady of Calm Waters, but I had decided not to dance to Esie's whims and this was certainly one of them. She'd already proven that for every inch she was given, she'd take a mile and so I couldn't give her another inch. Even in this conversation she'd proven that she wasn't really hearing why I was angry with her. That I needed the space and time to make my own decisions but she never gave me either, not when she had her own agenda.

Esie's face slackened with surprise and I bit back my own smile at getting her to react in such a way. She blinked and spoke slowly, as if testing out the words, "You don't want to go see the Lady of Calm Waters?"

"No."

"But—"

"This is the problem. You don't listen to what I'm telling you. You don't respect my answers. So, no, I will not be going to see the Lady of Calm Waters because that's what you want me to do."

Her hand slipped off the wall. "Gimley—"

"The more you push, the less I'll listen." I started to walk away again before stopping and turning back to face her. "Leave me alone for two weeks. No whispers on the wind, no surprise meetings, no hovering in the distance to remind me of this conversation or otherwise getting my attention. Leave me completely alone and then I'll reconsider my decision."

"You would keep the Lady of Calm Waters waiting?" she asked.

"If she wants to know what happened feel free to tell her I'm keeping you waiting. However, break the two week promise, and I can guarantee you that I will never trust you again. I will never do anything you ask even if its from our mistress's own lips. Break it and she will need to find a new intermediary if she wants to keep me in this group."

Esie looked like she wanted to say something else but I walked away before she could. She didn't stop me. I didn't like turning down what could be my once chance to meet my patron in person, but I also knew that this was my one chance to get through to Esie. If I didn't tie her failure to leave me alone to the Lady of Calm Waters it was practically guaranteed that I'd see her before the two weeks were up. She couldn't help herself.

And, honestly, part of me wanted to make them wait after the years they had strung the possibility of this meeting in front of my nose. I didn't think it should be so difficult for me to meet my own patron, but apparently my thinking was incorrect. Now that Esie was offering it up just because I had acted on my own terms, I figured I could continue in that vein for now and see how things ended up.

At least in terms in unexpected interactions, Esie had filled that quota for the day. I checked in on Deamar, just to see if there was any surprises from him as well, but he was still protesting by impersonating a rock. I was a bit surprised he had the patience for that kind of stillness, but I left him to it. If he wanted to waste his time, I saw no reason to stop him. Not when I had no need for him—and part of me shuddered to think that might change at some point.

I kept from crowded places and ate at odd times to avoid any questions about my performance the night before. Elaborating on it would do me no good and I had no desire to dodge around questions from anyone entitled enough to think they deserved an answer. Next time, I'd focus on my new hobby with less fanfare.

I spent the day in the Third Ear again, eavesdropping on prayers and collecting information. Sometimes, the inanity of people's prayers dragged on me, but it made me appreciate, in a twisted way, that my problems had to do with being too highly revered and a mentor that didn't know how to take "no" for an answer, and not that someone wanted the goddess to help with their gangrenous foot because they didn't want to go to their tribe's healer. As if the goddess was likely to help at all with such a situation, unless you counted sending the whole person off to the Silver Forest as help, so that they were fully dead rather than just having a dying foot.

Even as I worked, I knew I couldn't just listen to prayers day in and day out. Not if I didn't want to drive myself crazy from the tedium it could entail and because I still wanted to improve my skills in other areas. But staying around the Seedling Palace was also likely to become more tedious, now that the rumors were likely spreading from tree branch to root all over again, so I mentally moved up my tentative plans to surprise Prevna. Perhaps being elsewhere for a time, doing nothing exciting except meeting up with her, would give time for someone else to capture everyone's attention.

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