I didn't bother to let Esie know about my travel plans since she was supposed to keep her distance from me and would likely find out on her own, anyway, but I still felt obligated to let Mishtaw and Ingrasia know.

For Mishtaw, all it took was a simple wind whisper to let her know her home was her own again. She understood my desire to get away from the Seedling Palace well since she never spent too long there between chasing after different relics, though she said I was welcome to stay again if I couldn't find another place that suited me when I got back. Esie could learn a thing or two from her remote support.

Ingrasia was also easy enough to inform. I found her on the viewing platform where we first met and, like always, she was perched on the rail without a care in the world for the long drop at her back. Often this was where we'd end up having my language lessons as well since it was one of her favorite spots. Today strands of gray clouds marred the otherwise blue expanse of sky above and water below. The air tasted like a storm might slowly be rolling in, but if my preparations went well enough I'd likely be halfway across the territory by the time it arrived. Weathering a storm in the Seedling Palace was the easiest thing in the world as the entire grove was protected in a similar manner to the dome the shamble men had created for the whisper women during the first storm of the season in the Statue Garden, so most people would opt to stay put if they could. A storm could rage all round and the long pine needles of the Palace would barely flutter from the light breeze the goddess allowed through. It was like experiencing a storm while swimming through a lake. You knew it was happening above you, but the rain was hardly going to reach you below the surface of the water. Most would appreciate that kind of shelter, but I was learning it had no protection for a storm I created on the inside.

Approaching Ingrasia as she sat on her railing and enjoyed the the weak sunlight, I wondered if I was a bit like that storm for her. I could hardly hurt her given everything she knew and did for the whisper women, but my presence didn't tend to be a calming thing. Chaos at a distance was still disorienting and I still wasn't entirely sure how I'd already gotten to the point that random fire starters were lowering their gaze in my presence.

"I'm going to surprise Prevna."

"I liked the story you told the other night." She leaned back and I had to fight the urge to grab her and haul her forward. "A few words changed the entire world you said."

I tucked away the frown that wanted to form and gave her a puzzled look instead. Normally, she didn't circle around what she wanted to say unless she was in the mood to purposely get on the other person's nerves and that didn't seem like the case today. Her eyes weren't watching and mischievous; instead, she actually seemed more serious than normal, like the time she told me about the Succession War.

I wasn't sure if she was warning me against surprising Prevna or if this was about my new nickname. I knew she knew without me saying what I had been driving at with that story. However, we hadn't ever broached the topic of the new nickname directly yet. I wasn't sure if she was waiting for me to bring it up or if she didn't approve or didn't want to make me uncomfortable, but I was content to leave it to the rumors if I couldn't make it go away completely. Whispering about it with Prevna was one thing, but bringing it up directly with one of my mentors? That felt like giving the stupid thing a pair of wings.

"You don't think I should surprise her?" Best to lead with the safest option and see her reaction.

Ingrasia shook her head lightly with a slight smile. "Oh, no, I think she'll appreciate the gesture once she gets over being surprised. But I thought we might have a few words about another topic you've been neglecting."

I clenched my jaw. "I thought I said plenty with my story."

She rose back up into a proper sitting position. "You did and now you're disappearing at a rather interesting time." She let that sink in for a moment before continuing, "And before you told off half the Seedling Palace all you did was train and listen to prayers. No one spends that much time in the Third Ear unless they're trying to avoid something."

I shrugged and glanced away. "I don't appreciate the rumors."

She laughed. "No, I imagine not. Bad assumptions can be worse to shake than outright lies."

"You don't think it's true?" I got caught somewhere between relief and indignation. Relief because I didn't need another person bowing their head to some fake perception they had of me, and indignation because did that mean she was doubting my capabilities?

"They could have picked a better name. The Little Love?" She huffed. "Still, there's something more immediate we need to discuss."

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This time I did frown.

Ingrasia saw my expression and gave me long look in return. One full of long suffering patience. "Forget the rumors and the nickname for a minute. I know Esie dragged you into this mess, but you did well in the delta. Yet now you're doing everything but participate in proxy wars and there isn't long before Talitha goes to the Silver Forest. Do you have any interest in becoming one of the Chosen?"

I opened my mouth only to close it. If I told her the truth—if I told her that the Beloved said I had no chance at becoming one of the Chosen—this could easily become the situation with Esie all over again. She had only dragged me into the proxy war once she learned the goddess spoke to me. Ingrasia learning that the Beloved had essentially said I'd be her companion or nothing could push her in the same fanatic direction.

At this point, I couldn't be a regular whisper woman. For one, I wasn't getting most of the training I assumed other Hundred Eyes recruits got in subterfuge and a territory wide information network. Most of my training was preparing for leaving the goddess's territory given my mentor's nature. Two, the rumors had spread for so long and so far, ever since I got my Flickermark tattoo, that I doubted I'd ever fully leave the infamy behind even if I managed to have singularly uneventful life going forward.

I also couldn't be one of the Chosen or Sect head. The Beloved had final say on the first and she'd already given her answer. Also, if the Chosen truly were like a Pack, I wouldn't fit with them like I hoped. That much group restriction would chafe at me and becoming a Sect head would similarly go poorly as I'd never been much good at confining myself to societal expectations.

Which left me with the Beloved's options: her companion, something decidedly outside the norm, or nothing. I could rise to the challenges before me, and accept what my blessing might mean and the Little Love, and settle into that role that still felt confining in its own way. Not to mention, daunting and dangerous.

Or I could somehow lose my blessing, die of something like everyone else, and finally be lost to history. I couldn't reconcile myself to that fate either though I knew some people would prefer it.

So, no, I had no interest in becoming of the Chosen, but I couldn't tell Ingrasia that. Everyone wanted that kind of power and prestige. I had wanted it until I learned it wasn't an option. Now I had no good reason to tell her for the sudden change of heart—

My eyes lit up as a valid excuse slid itself onto my tongue. "No. Like you said, Esie dragged me into it and I don't want to do anything that would benefit her right now."

"You'd throw your opportunity away out of spite?"

"Yes." I smiled as I said it. Spite had gotten me far in life.

Ingrasia smiled back even as she shook her head a little in disbelief. "But you also aren't going to embrace your new nickname?"

"No."

She tilted her head slightly and studied me for a long minute while I tried to project as much confidence as possible into the air around me. Ingrasia eventually asked, "Do you know what you want to do?"

I forced my gaze to stay locked on her. "I'm figuring that out."

"Hm." She glanced back at the blue abyss over her shoulder before focusing back on me. "Any interest still in seeing the other territory?"

"Of course." Seeing Azabel's territory with my own eyes? Of course, I wanted that. Curiosity gnawed at me to see how people under the other goddess lived, especially after seeing the Envoy—especially when my time to explore might be limited if I did bow to the Beloved's wish.

She sent off a wind whisper and rose to her feet on the railing. "We'll see how you like it then."

"What do you mean?"

She gestured vaguely in the direction of the Barrier Mountains. "I'm coming with you. I might as well do a little recon since we'll be so close to the border and we'll see how well you like it."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Can't leave you fully on your own since you're still a seedling and I've been getting the itch to test my skills again. We might as well roll it all into one trip since you'll be going near the border, anyway."

"I can handle myself."

She took a few quick, light steps forward. "I don't doubt it, but independence is one of the perks of becoming a whisper woman and you're not there yet, unfortunately. Besides, Dawnli and Rivon like their weekly reports and I can hardly spin them a believable tale if I'm not nearby."

I took a step back. "You're spying on me?"

"It's the nature of thing—what Hundred Eyes do. I told them you had a wonderful time eating a wrap this morning and it was the most exciting thing you've done all week."

"I didn't break my fast this morning. And I warned everyone at the evening meal about saying stupid things this week."

She grinned as her eyes glinted with glee. "I know." Ingrasia waved a dismissive hand. "They know and I know I'm not going to tell them anything helpful, but it's still best to go through the motions. Makes it more difficult for someone to decide some other action needs to be taken because nothing is being done. Besides, if they want to know every tidbit they want about you they can ask that information network their so proud of."

That wasn't exactly comforting to hear but, just like the rumors, there was little I could do about it.

"So when do we leave?" asked Ingrasia.

After briefly debating whether I should treat her like Esie and break off contact for the break of trust, I decided to let it be. I didn't like being secretly reported on, even if the report was all lies, but Ingrasia had never tried to manipulate my movements like Esie had. I'd keep a more careful eye on my trust with her, but her telling lies about my actions to make things more inconvenient for Rivon was in line with what I knew about their mutual dislike.

I told her about my plans and we talked for a bit about how to fit the border crossing into what I had in mind. Then she disappeared into a shadow to go get her things packed while I headed back to Deamar to see if he had made any progress on the supplies I dropped into his hut.

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