Ain't no cure for regret, but that don't mean you gotta wallow in it.

A lesson I'm learning in the here and now, while up top the mesa inside the shack where I was born. This is where I done lost my mama, and about 8 meters out the front door is where I watched my daddy bleed out. On that same day, I killed my first man along the south east corner at the back of the shack. A fanatical Qin Vanguard who threw up a salute and looked me dead in the eyes as I held my gun on him, a big and chunky Sturm and Kitiara Squire that I needed both hands to shoot. Didn't fire right away even though he done shot my daddy, but I didn't hesitate long, not when I saw that look in his eyes. He wasn't scared or concerned, as he barely paid my weapon any mind. No, he met my gaze with a look of pride, his back straight and head held high with nose to the sky because he'd done what he set out to do and had made his peace with the price.

"Mínguó wànsuì!" Those were his last words, ones which ignited a rage within my belly that ain't ever died down since. 'Long live the Republic' essentially, though the direct translation would be closer to

'10,000 years of prosperity to the Republic'. Which he said because even though he knew he was about to die, he'd done his piece for his nation and was proud of it. So I shot him right in his smug fucking face, and my greatest regret is not teaching him the meaning of the same. The other two men, they didn't die so stoic and reassured, and I think it's because they'd seen me kill their friend. It's silly really, because up until that moment, I wager they were pretty confident I wouldn't kill them for killing my daddy. They all truly believed he was doing me a disservice by keeping me away from the Republic, that I would see that for truth once my daddy was dead and just… go along with them. I dunno.

Well, I sure proved them wrong, didn't I? Now they ain't nothing but angry spirits inhabiting mostly rotted corpses that about to be walked home like puppets in a play. As for my daddy, he already home, laid out to rest next to my mama in the impromptu graveyard that don't really need no maintaining since don't nothing grow out here. Would've loved to bring Josie out here one day, and I like think she would've wanted to spruce the place up, the way she planted flowers and left little bits and bobs by her parent's graves because she figured there was no reason why a gravestone should look all sombre and sad. Noora is far more pragmatic, as she knows it's just bones and stones and nothing to really care about, but I loved that about her, the same way I loved Josie's streak of romance and whimsy both.

All of which is my past, and ain't nothing I can do about it, but that don't mean I should focus solely on it. Instead, I should work harder to appreciate what I still have, namely a family that ain't bound to me by blood or nation, and yet is the best family a man could ask for. I got Aunty Ray who's pleased as punch having gotten one over on me by having smuggled a whole meal's worth of extra food in lieu of packing enough clothes for the trip all so we could have ourselves a nice meal on my birthday. It's all stuff that would've had to last 8 days without spoiling and she couldn't really cook even with the hot plate, so it's mostly warmed canned pasta, cold cured meats, and raw root veggies, but it's the thought that counts.

Ain't just saying that either. The cold, stale honey cakes she brung along to stand in for the birthday cake was hard enough to hurt while chewing, but I tell you what, it was the best damn honey cake I done tasted in years.

As for Tina, she wasn't in the know and was just as surprised as I was, as they done kept it a secret from her for fear that she'd give the game away. Which is fair, as she can't keep a secret to save her life, though I'm hoping she'll prove me wrong when it comes to the Condenser we got stashed underneath the house. Getting left out of the planning didn't dim her enthusiasm down none though, as Tina ain't ever been one to let much ruffle her feathers, so she jumped right onto the bandwagon soon as she figured things out.

Then there's Chrissy who's so delighted she's been wearing a soft smile for hours now as we sing songs and play games all the livelong night. It's a subtle smile that most folks wouldn't even call as such, and yet for her, it's the equivalent of beaming from ear to ear just because she got to celebrate my birthday on the day of. While birthdays might not mean much of anything to me, to Chrissy, it's a significant milestone she remembers every year, and considering how spacey and distracted she gets, that's saying a lot. I'm not just talking about her birthday or mine either. She remembers everybody's birthdays so long as she celebrates it even once, and she'll make sure to check in with her mama every year to see if they gonna go celebrate. Brings Uncle Art, his wife Aunty Rita, and the Marshal a cake every year on their birthdays, one she helps decorate even because she wants to do something for them.

Not Tim though, because he refuses to tell anyone when his birthday actually is. Knowing what I know now about him and why he signed on to the Rangers, I can see why he don't much like celebrating birthdays either. Can't imagine what he went through that convinced him his best shot in life was to lie about his age at seventeen years young just so he can sign on to the army and learn how to kill his own daddy.

That's what I'm talking about though, that wallowing in regret. Same as Tim, I never much liked celebrating my birthday on account of how it's also the anniversary of my mama's death and the day after my daddy's. Today though? Seeing how much effort Aunty Ray put in and how happy Chrissy is just to celebrate on the day of is telling. To them, it ain't about my birthday per se, but rather an opportunity for them to show how much they care; to tell me they love me and are happy to have me around for another year yet, and that means a lot to them. Makes me feel downright sheepish for missing out on Aunty Ray's birthday that's also in December, but in my defense, she don't much care to celebrate it either.

Least, that's what she says, but now I know it ain't about the birthday per se, but about sharing that day with family. Just having them here with me today means life ain't as bleak as it has been in past weeks, months, and years. Which is ironic considering this might well be the most dangerous trip I've ever made up to the mesa, what with the ambush from the one burrowed Razorscythe that we done camped out on top of, the dust-up with them Abby chasing down them Qinks, and the three more Razorscythes we done killed earlier today. Trip's only half over too, so there still plenty more that could go wrong, though I'm feeling optimistic that things are gonna die down soon enough as Abby either deal with whatever it is that's got their knickers in a twist or them Proggies crunch the numbers and decide they've lost too much biomass to whatever disturbance is out there and call everyone back to hide until spring. They're far from dumb, Proggies that is, and they understand their limitations better than most, so if they can't beat their in the here and now, they know good and well to get gone while the going is still good. They're a patient bunch too, meaning they'll likely send some Razorscythes to tail whoever bothering them this time of year and hit back when circumstances are more favourable towards them.

Still got no earthly idea who's out in the badlands getting Abby all riled up. Could be Jinfeng's cadre, but she says she gave them orders to head home asap with her purple squid-faced Mentor in command. Can't take anything she says at face value because she's a lying and conniving Vanguard Daughter of the Republic who likely feels justified in saying or doing anything and everything so long as it serves the interest of a nation she ain't ever seen hide nor hair of. Still, she did seem genuinely confused as to why Abby would be acting this way, and she was right to point out that she ain't exactly benefitting from it either. Soon as we run short of food, she'd be the first to go hungry, and there wouldn't be much she could do about it seeing how she still needs me to see her safely out of the badlands.

Yeah, a Scout's skillset ain't all that useful in battle, mostly spotting Abby and making callouts. That's why most take up non-combat secondary and tertiary roles, or specialized ones that work well alone. Support, Disrupter, and Medic are the big ones, or Sharpshooter and Infiltrator for them lone wulf types. Me, I ain't much for Support or Medic, and while I got a great shot, a Sharpshooter is about more than just landing your Bolts on target. It's about battlefield control in a manner different from just laying down area denial Spells, and while I got a decent grasp on the general gist of the matter, soon as my blood gets hot and the Bolts start flying, I tend to play things by ear without paying much mind to what my allies are up to.

Which is why Jinfeng almost got her ticket punched by that Razorscythe earlier today. Truth be told, I was playing when I asked if she thought she could take it down quick and quiet all by her lonesome. Wanted to see the fear in her eyes or at least shake her some, but that there is a girl without fear. Just blinked once, turned to study her foe for a second, then launched herself into the fray before I could tell her I was just kidding.

The scariest part? She done almost took it down herself. If not for a slip of the foot on the Razorscythe's slimy carapace, she'd have hit it in the back with a two-handed strike that I suspect would've put it down for good. Sure, them mantis Abby have shown they can live without their heads for a bit, but if she hit it in the upper back like she was aiming for, she'd have broken open a good third of its upper torso which is comparable to what Cowie done with a big ol' headbutt. I ain't exaggerating either, as I seen what her hits had done to the Razorscythe already. A casual kick to its knee cracked the armored joint, and straight on punches were popping bones out of their joints, while her big wind-up attacks hit hard enough to shift the larger Abby's weight. Spindly looking though Razorscythes might be, they're still pretty big as far as Abby go, standing tall at six feet easy and maybe nine feet in length. Three of them were almost too heavy for my Floating Disc, which puts their hollow corpses round about 160 pounds a piece. Ain't a whole lot all things considered, especially considering their size, it's still probably a good thirty to forty pounds more than Jinfeng herself.

So to see this slim and slender stick of a girlie shift all that weight with her tree-trunk legs was a sight to be sure, one that redoubles my conviction to never let my guard down around her ever again. Much as I hate to admit it, she got me sorely outclassed in terms of unarmed combat, and having seen how quick she is when she goes on the attack, I ain't so sure if I can draw and shoot faster than she can kick or punch. She might not kill me in a single blow, but she rarely ever throws just the one, always striking repeatedly like she gets extra power from chaining them together, though I would think a single powerful kick would be better than two mediocre ones. Granted, that powerful kick gotta land to do any damage, and throwing out all them kicks and punches keeps her foe on their back foot allowing her to build up to that single, powerful blow, so I suppose there's a method to her madness. One I can't rightly see any way around for myself, short of shooting her before she get in close enough to rearrange my organs from the inside out.

Difficult to do when you invite fists of fury to sit down for a meal, but I couldn't rightly send her off back to the shed after she done almost died trying to save Tina's Echo.

Stupid girl. I figured she was down and out for the count, so she ought to get gone, but instead she jumped right back into the fray and got in the way of my Fireball. Which ain't exactly silent or stealthy by any means, but you can throw one out without alerting too many Abby in the area so long as they all ain't looking your way. With how injured that there Razorscythe was, almost any Second Order Damage Spell could've done it in. Problem is, Fireball is the only direct damage Spell I got prepped, so it was that or nothing. Thought it'd be easy seeing how Jinfeng had all but crippled its legs smacking them one after the other with her boots and shins, but then she done jumped right in to smack it some more because she thought Tina was standing around with her mouth wide open while that there Razorscythe rampaged about.

A better leader would've said something first, told Jinfeng to stay put or called out what he was doing, because it ain't like Abby understand English. I didn't though, just assumed she'd stay put and almost hit her with a Fireball which I only just managed to hold back. It's one thing to cast a Spell with the intent to ready rather than throw it out right quick, and another thing altogether to do the reverse. Like grabbing onto a rope attached to a horse at full gallop and expecting it to stop on a dime. It won't, so you best get running fast enough to keep up for at least a little bit until the horsie realizes you there and decides to come to a standstill quick as it can. That there is what it's like to ready a Spell you wasn't intending to ready until you was just about to throw it out, and I for one would not like to try it again any time soon.

Was a close thing there, and even though I don't like the girl much, I do respect her, so I can't imagine I'd've slept well if I accidently killed her myself. That's why I let Aunty Ray convince me not to send Jinfeng away first thing in the morning, because I never really intended to do as much myself. Stupid that, making threats I ain't willing to follow through on just to see her sweat. Warned Tina about doing as much back in Pleasant Dunes, and now here I am spouting off all manner of empty threats every time I get heated and upset. My temper has always been a problem, but I've managed to keep it mostly in check until just this year it seems. Got a lot to be angry about after all, and lost a whole lot too. My hand, Marcus, Josie, my home, my relationship with Uncle Teddy and other old friends, and most recently Noora among so very many things, so I'd say I've kept a lid on my temper well enough so far.

Or maybe I haven't. Maybe it's always been a problem, and I've only gotten lucky before this year. Just look at Errol. We was all happy go lucky and ready to crew up, then I lost my temper and now we frosty as can be. Wasn't right for me to shove his face in his mistakes like that, especially considering that was the first time he seen a man killed dead. Don't matter what he might've done wrong; lashing out like that wasn't no way to treat a friend, and even though I apologized after the fact, I don't think that was enough. Can't rightly blame him for souring on me after that, though if I'm being honest, I ain't all that broken up about losing him as a friend, as he got a right prickly sort of pride and a real holier than thou sort of attitude. Like he somehow better than me just because he's had it rough and suffers in silent passive aggressiveness instead of just doing something about it.

So I made a mistake, but I can live with the results, same as I can live with losing a hand. Thing is, both of these problems were caused by my temper, while there's probably plenty more examples to draw on too. All the fights I used to get into didn't help me none when it came to getting Exiled, and I suppose my temper might've gotten the better of me when I tortured them mafiosos and left Francis the Phantom's body on display at the gates. The killing and fighting though? That had to be done, because the old ways did worse than just not work. It got Josie killed, and she deserved better, and since I couldn't give her that, I done what I could and made sure those responsible didn't get to live much longer. Still working on one last culprit, and then I can tell Josie I done got them all, though I doubt she'd care all that much and would rather see me happy.

Because that's how she was. Much as she admired me for my skills, that wasn't what drew her to me. She liked my smile and how sweet I was with Chrissy, and that's the Howie she fell for. Not the Firstborn I was trying so hard to be, but the person I already was, and I can't help but think she wouldn't much care for the man that I am today. Can't blame her for it either, as I don't much like myself these days, but no matter how angry and depressed I may be, my family still loves me all the same. That's what today's been all about, or rather most of this trip really, reminding me that even though I've lost so much, I still got plenty going for me here around me. Three people don't seem like much, but one is all I really need, so when you look at it from that perspective, I got more love than I know what to do with.

So it don't take much to keep the smile on my face today, which is good because I ain't the only one in need of reassurance. Aunty Ray apologized no less than three times about maybe wasting food on this one meal when we might have our backs to the wall soon enough, as she's worried we gonna get stuck here with all the hubbub going about. Takes some doing, but I convince her that things'll settle down in the next day or two. Abby is currently running rampant for reasons unknown, whether it be Jinfeng's cadre making trouble, an incursion from competing Abby striking while the bugs are at their weakest, or maybe some other government agency here to see things for themselves. Whatever the issue might be, a Proggie will step in soon enough and sort things out, because it costs goop and biomass to keep their Feral bugs going in sub-zero weather, especially when the days are shorter and mostly overcast which limits Abby's ability to photosynthesize.

That's why I ain't all that worried. Even if the worst should come to pass and we gotta abandon the horses and mesa both to leg it back home, we stand a good chance of making it out alive thanks to winter's cold bite. Can't make something of nothing after all, meaning Abby gotta eat to keep their energy up, so there'll only be so many running about to keep them from cleaning out all their reserves. All that goop is earmarked for Proggies, so the more that Abby eats, the less they get in the end. Which is bad because much like the Condenser I got stored under the floorboards, Proggies need biomass to convert ambient Aether into crystal, as that don't come free. They also need it to grow and create more Abby among other things, but that ain't for me to say. I don't care much for how or why Proggies do what they do; all I know is the only good Proggie is a dead Proggie, and the same goes for Proggie adjacent Deviants too.

Don't much like knowing I had a hand in creating what might well be the first Deviant of the Frontier, but ain't much I can do about it. Same as Mia, I couldn't track down where Luisa and her coven of cultists have gone to, and I'm not even sure which direction they went. All I know is that they was headed north, but not towards Brightpick. They got right off the beaten track soon after they left me behind, and I didn't look much further because I was conflicted about how I felt about all that went down.

Still am if I'm being honest, though if Matías is true to his nature and I come across him again, then I'll open up with guns blazing and take him out for good. Would be poetic that, the Firstborn Son against the Firstborn Deviant of the Frontier, but I'd much rather never see hide nor hair of him again. He was fresh born this past summer after all, and Deviants need a lot of time to grow and get strong, meaning he'll be a fat prize for any Abby or soldier who crosses their path. Chances are Luisa and her ilk will hunker down for a good number of years before coming out with a full-grown Deviant and probably a few Deviant babies too, and maybe even a Lord of the Night, though I still ain't entirely clear on what that actually is.

No one is, or at least no one who's talking. Folks been working real hard to stamp out the Cult of Aberrations over the last three or four hundred years, so anyone who knows anything knows they won't be treated well if they speak up. The Deviant worship and Abby feeding aside, the Cult is pretty much a religion same as any other, and if history has taught us anything, it's that religious persecution makes for a whole lot of extremists. Yeah, anyone who understands what Lusia, Mr. Mueller, and the rest are trying to do will keep their mouths shut to be sure, because there ain't nothing to be gained from speaking up.

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

The festivities are nice and all, even with the frosty Jinfeng watching us all like a hawk while I do the same but try not to show it. Girl makes me nervous, and not just because she could beat me bloody in a boxing match. It's her faith that's got me all twitchy, because that there is a true believer of the Republic who won't stop at nothing to further the cause. "Mínguó wànsuì," is how it goes after all, meaning that the death of the individual don't matter so long as it serves the Republic. She's a fanatic in a different sort of way, but no less dangerous for it. More so in fact, because Luisa while wanted revenge on the Puglianos, it seemed like Mr. Mueller and the rest of them just wanted to live in peace and safety, two things which the Federation couldn't provide.

Jinfeng though? She follows the will of the Council, who supposedly interpret the will of the people and figure out how to best go about it, but if I know politicians, the Council is as self-serving as any politician of any other nation. Far as I can tell, the Council's stance on the Frontier is that it belongs to the Republic, and the rest of us here ain't nothing but thieves and interlopers who done bullied them into letting us come along. And truth be told, there might be some truth to that, seeing how the Gate leading to the Frontier was sat deep in Qin borders, with evidence that old Tian Zi might well have known about the Gate as far back as the early 1400's. The Qin themselves got a saying for this though: treasuring a jade ring becomes a crime, which is to say that possessing anything of value will arouse the envy of others. It's a real backwards way of looking at things in my opinion, because it's pretty much victim blaming all over again. If you didn't want to be robbed, you shouldn't have had so much wealth, that's the takeaway from the idiom, so if the Qin didn't want to share the Frontier, well then they shouldn't have let it sit inside their borders.

All's fair in love and war, or so they say, though in my experience, there are far too many rules of war that say otherwise.

Either way, when the festivities wind down and it's almost time for bed, I escort Jinfeng back to the shed outside all the same. Ain't no way I can sleep soundly with her in the same room, and even with the door locked and windows bolted I don't feel all that assured of my safety. All the guns and weapons are inside the shack with us though, as well as the ammo for the Big Stick, which I don't much like having to do since that could set us back in a pinch. Then again, if it comes to needing the Big Stick in a big hurry, then we're better off quaffing our Potions of Gaseous Form and getting gone right quick. Won't save the horses or Cowie if it comes to that, so I'm in a bit of a rush to get Jinfeng settled in for the night. Gotta prep Featherfall and store an instance of the Spell in my boot so I at least got a chance of getting Cowie out of here in one piece.

Grab him and run, that's the plan, to jump on down the side of the mesa and leg it away from whatever's chasing us. Not much of a plan, but it's the best we got, and I can only hope it won't ever come to that. Can't do much for the horses except mourn their passing though, and I blame Errol for naming them despite me telling them not to. Truth is, I still kinda miss big Bruno at times, even though we was only together for a few weeks. He was a big old giant of a horsie, and damned well trained too, so I'd already been thinking of breeding him to recoup some of the extra cash I doled out for him.

Ain't gonna happen though, because I had to put him down. Bad way to go, getting downed by a stray shot like that, but at least I got him calm enough to not see the kill shot coming. Can only hope someone does the same for me, because I'd hate to go out in pain and panic.

"Thank you for allowing me the courtesy of joining the festivities," Jinfeng says, pulling me out of my morose musings with an actual factual bow, though only a small one, maybe 30 degrees from ramrod straight. "It was very enjoyable."

The stiff and overly formal delivery almost makes her sound sarcastic, but her big brown eyes are clear and innocent when she straightens back up. She seems sincere enough, so I respond in kind as best I can with a half-hearted shrug. "Wasn't much really. Just a bit of food and some games and music." Which she did not partake in, making it real difficult to unwind, but I guess she was just shy or something. To make a bit of small talk, I ask, "So what's a Qinese birthday celebration like then? Y'all do anything different?"

"We collectively celebrate our birthdays with the coming of the New Year," Jinfeng replies, which I recall only after she said it. Not that it really ever came up more than once or twice, so I can be forgiven for having forgotten. "In the old world, the Republic went by the Lunar Calendar, but as that was no longer an option here on the Frontier, we switched over to the Gregorian calendar the western -ers use." That minor hitch don't seem like much, but I reckon it was her catching herself before calling them Western Devils instead, as the Qin ain't shy about sharing their views of the rest of the known world. Odd that they consider everyone westerners though, save for the Nipponese who they got all sorts of unsavoury words for. Even my daddy had to struggle with getting over his hatred of the Nipponese, because he'd been taught about all the atrocities they committed back during the Second World War.

Course, the Republic conveniently leaves out all the atrocities they themselves committed, and I'm betting the Feds are the same. Me, I know I done some terrible things, but if given the chance, I'd go back and do them all over again, because some things need to be said, and actions speak louder than words.

Jinfeng ain't done talking just yet, though it takes her a hot minute to find her words. "Since we all celebrate on the same day, much of what we do leading up to the new year is a collaborative effort." Though I wasn't counting on a full-blown lesson on Qin customs, Jinfeng appears to have taken my innocuous question as genuine interest in the Qin and has latched on to this chance to show me the light, I suppose. "It begins with a thorough cleaning of the home to clear away the foul luck of the previous year," she says, waving a hand before her in a sweeping motion. "Then we decorate our homes and streets with red to symbolize good fortune and prosperity. Red lanterns, red fireworks, red paint on doors and couplets written in red ink, accented with streaks of yellow or even golden ink where we can. Red clothes as well, always a new set to represent a fresh start to the new year as we gather with family for a festive dinner shared in togetherness and harmony."

It's the droop of her shoulders when she says it that clues me in, because even though her tone and expression don't change, her emotions still shine through all the same. "And what about those who don't have family?" I ask, quickly adding, "I imagine there are plenty of orphans about."

"All orphans are adopted by the Republic," she replies, bolting upright like she just been caught sneaking snacks out of the kitchen in the middle of the night. "As the leader of the Vanguard within the region, we become wards of the General, who organizes a dinner for all the sons and daughters of the Republic under his care with all the traditional dishes you would expect." Ain't much else said about it, meaning there ain't much to this dinner then, else she'd be gushing about how it's a wonderful affair and how she's sad to miss out on it this year. Instead, she continues telling me all about how the Qin celebrate their new year by handing out Red Pockets full of money, and doing lion and dragon dances to bring good luck and ward off evil spirits. Lot of what they do seems to be about luck and evil spirits, from the things they do like cleaning and fireworks to what they wear in the form of new red clothes each and every year.

Which I bring up as an observation, because that do seem mighty suspect, to which Jinfeng blinks with both eyes and stares at me like I just done grown an extra head. "The Soulless are the true threat among the Yao Guai," she says, speaking slowly as if afraid I won't understand. "The… I do not know your word for it. The Xiao Yao Jing you find in the desert to the north who make a mockery of humankind."

"Gobbos," I supply, then correct myself and say it right. "Goblins that is."

"Yes," she says with a nod. "Goblins. They are but slaves and laborers, crafty, canny, but lowly workers in the end, while Ferals are even less, the beasts of burden of the Yao Guai. It is the Soulless who lord over them all though, and their ways are more alien and insidious than any human mind can imagine. They attack not the body, but the spirit, seeking to devour your soul and inhabit your rotting flesh so that it might lead your loved ones to feed its Soulless kin. In the days of old, when Magic was not so widespread, the best way to deal with the Soulless was to scare them with light and noise, forcing them out of a stolen host to reveal themselves to those who could see them. Using the I Ching."

Which to my ears sounds a lot like the Yijin Jing with one less syllable, which is her whole Sinew Transformation Methods schtick, but soon as I stop and think about it, I realize she's talking about something else. "The Ee Ching?" I ask, butchering the pronunciation even though I just heard her say it, and she can't help but wince to hear it. "What's that?"

Not to be polite or anything. Truth is, she's got me by the shorthairs since she's talking about Soulless Abby, which I don't know much about, and what sounds to me like a Divination Spell, which I would love to learn about. Always wanted to see the Deadlands and find out what all the fuss is about, and doubly so since they still can't confirm or deny the existence of a Synapse Abby up that way. Been thinking about heading down river to Thunder Bay then up north to see how Edward Elton is doing come spring. I done burned so many bridges this past year, I figured I ought to cling on to as many as I can, even one as tenuous and irrational as Lord Edward as he likes to be called. Or The Jack the Ripper, as others whisper when out of earshot, as he's the Protectorate's Big Stick here on the Frontier, an Innate so powerful it takes two Protectorate Knights on the level of a Ranger Captain working 24/7 to keep him in line.

That'd be the Warden and the Sentinel, Aaron Bailey and Luther Rawlings respectively. They was there in camp when my daddy brung me in some eighteen years ago, and I remember them both fondly. They felt the same last I checked, but don't know if that's changed in light of this last year. Better to find out sooner rather than later though, and I got other business in the deadlands besides sightseeing and catching up with old friends anyways.

Like tracking down Mia Pugliano who could well be hiding there, or possibly finding Luisa and Mr. Mueller before they do something stupid like make a pact with a Soulless and become akin to the walking dead.

So yeah, the deadlands seems like a great place to check out come spring, especially with how unenthusiastic Uncle Rigsby was about me finding work with the Catholic Church. Could go north to see Sam Horne too, but seeing how he's pretty much the Marshal's Métis counterpart in more ways that one, I get the feeling he won't be all too happy to see me. As such, I'm stood here with bated breath waiting on Jinfeng to say more about the Soulless, which takes some doing since she ain't all that familiar with the terms involved.

"The I Ching is best translated as the Classics of Changes," Jinfeng begins, settling into a cross-legged seat on the cold ground and gesturing in invitation for me to do the same. Can't say I much like sitting down on the ground in front of her, because I seen how fast she can get back up and I'll be at a disadvantage even with my guns. Would seem real impolite to draw one while we chatting it up though, so I settle for keeping my left knee up while using another instance of my Wildshaped Hand to keep it close to the Model 10 on my hip. Makes it look like I'm just sitting casually with my arms folded over one knee, but gives me the best chance of getting my gun up and out should Jinfeng try anything funny.

Despite my best attempts to appear casual and relaxed, don't nothing slip by her big, brown eyes, but aside from a quick glance to assess the situation, she don't bring it up. "The Classics of Changes is a Divination Manual," she explains, which gets my eyes to lighting up. "One that was in existence before the Venerable One's time, but developed and refined by his Heavenly ways for use with his famed Magical Artifact, the Book of Changes." Which I'm guessing is probably something similar to the Arcane Grimoire in my pocket, one I have yet to even try to Attune to because I'm still a bit leery about using it. Helps that my Qinese is so out of practice that I need my dictionary back home to have even a hope of deciphering what's written inside, so ain't no reason to Attune until I'm sure it'll be of use. Besides, I kinda want to have it professionally Appraised before I do anything with it, since it'd be all too easy for my mother's brother to slip in an Arcane Bug or something like it into the Artifact's construction, or worse, Enchant it to bring me right to his doorstep without me suspecting a thing.

Yeah, Suggestion is only a Second Order Spell, but like I done told Tina, you can get a whole lot done with the right one.

Long story short, it sounds like to me that the Classics of Changes is a whole bunch of superstitions crammed together into one book. Ain't all that different from Astrology and horoscopes, which folks here still believe despite knowing that the people who write them ain't seen any of those constellations in almost two decades now. Even if there was something to be gleaned from the stars, you still gotta see them to glean anything from them, or at least that's what I would assume. Lotta folks here buy into that nonsense though, talking about how they're such a Leo or Sagittarius or whatever, and the Classics of Changes sound pretty much the same. With more math of course, as the Qin do love their numbers, and I can't say I don't see the appeal. The idea is that everything that happens in the world can be assigned a value, which is then plugged into a formula that spits out a set of six numbers ranging from 6 to 9. Each one of the possible 64 sets corresponds to a hexagram contained within the Classics, which is then interpreted to reveal the truth of the world around us in a vague and esoteric manner.

So horoscopes pretty much, with numbers instead of stars, and all the nonsense that comes with. 'A great danger approaches so act with caution', or 'An opportunity is just around the corner, so keep an open mind and be ready to seize it', that sort of nonsense that could mean anything and says nothing concrete, but folks just eat it up. It's cognitive bias, where people tend to believe vague statements have some bearing on them, because people like finding patterns in all sorts of things. Why not life too? Would be nice if I could do some math and figure out what to do next to keep me and mine alive, but my daddy never once mentioned the I Ching, so I figure it ain't anything worth learning.

I don't say as much of course, because judging by Jinfeng's impassioned description, she's a true believer who ain't all that proficient with the Classics. "Sifu is one of the foremost experts in the Classics however," she says, and it's clear from the way she says the appellation that she really respects the purple tentacled battle monk who done took her under his… tentacle. Okay fine. I admit it, it ain't kind to judge him by appearances, but I can't help it. He looks more Abby than human, which is another unkind thing to say, but that don't change the facts none. "He read the signs which spoke of action and opportunity both, which led us to you." Seeing that I'm not much of a believer, she's working real hard to convince me that the Classics are really what the Qin Immortal Monarch says they are. "This is the first time you have made this trip with your family, yes? So had we set out to retrieve the ancestors any year before this, I dare say we would have at best returned home in defeat."

She ain't wrong, as I'd probably have denied them out of sheer spite, and I wouldn't have taken the Grimoire either because I was still young, dumb, and overconfident in my Spellslinging prowess. I thought it'd be easy as pie to figure all them Third Order Spell Structures with the Formulas in hand. How wrong I was, but I didn't figure it out until last year, when I would've still been riding the highs of my success with Fireball and probably wouldn't have even looked twice at no Grimoire.

Either way, the timing is an odd coincidence and nothing more. Her Mentor and the General might well have just been giving me time to cool off and maybe grow resentful of the Federation, and seeing how I done been Exiled, they figured now was a good time to give it a shot. Rather than try and disprove her Classics and risk starting an argument, I simply shake my head and say, "We gettin' off track. You done told me about how the Chinese celebrate the New Year and their birthdays at the same time, so how is it you're Second Sister then? Shouldn't you all be equally old?"

Rolling her eyes, she puts a bit of a petulant heat in her tone as she replies, "Though we all celebrate our birthdays on the same day, seniority is still to be respected. Tomorrow morning marks the day of my birth, while Third Brother Ow Tian and Fourth Sister Who Dieh came into this world more than twelve hours later after the midnight bell had tolled." She says it with pride, the same way I used to talk about being the Firstborn, and it strikes a chord in me that is a mixture of anger and sadness. Anger because it's such a silly thing to be proud of, the risk our parents took just to bring us into the world just a few days or weeks faster, and sadness because I miss those days when I was happy being the Firstborn, instead of burdened by it.

Like how she's trying to burden me even now, to make me play my part as the eldest and look after all my younger 'siblings' in the Republic. "Although I was not as you see me now when I last said it, I spoke not a single word of falsehood," she declares, hitting me with her big puppy dog eyes in an overt attempt to play to my emotions, but knowing what she's doing don't make it any less effective. "I am not suited to lead, and will likely soon be replaced by either Third Brother or Fourth Sister who challenge me at every turn. They will fare no better than I have though, and I say this not out of pride. It is a simple fact, for we all lack that which you possess, not just the skills to lead the Republic to glory, but the personality too. You have a domineering way about you, and a calculating mind and commanding presence that demands control and submission, one which I suspect was not taught to you, but comes all too naturally." She smiles, because she can see that she's right, as my daddy was never one to care for command or putting folks in their place.

That's all me, a need I can't get away from because I hate not being in control, unless of course I can hand it over to someone I trust. That's just how I am though. I got issues with authority, because most folks in those positions ain't worth a damn, so I gotta push them a bit to find out if they up to snuff. Most ain't, like dearly departed Deputy Juan or Dave the city guard and gravy SEAL, so why should I have to blindly heed everything they say? Just because they got a badge or uniform? That don't mean shit, so I'll show respect when you show me you worthy of it, and that's that.

"The General is the same way," she adds, after I've had some time to mull over what she's said. "It is easy to see every time he strides in to a Council meeting and every Elder present sits up straight as soon as they notice. He takes control of the room as easily as breathing, and I daresay you would do the same among our peers." Eyes glowing with what can only be described as admiration, she looks at me, but sees the General's figure overlapping with mine, so I tell myself not to read too much into it. "Return home with me," she says, which again, got me all out of sorts until I realize she don't mean it like that. "Sit down with the General and speak with him, ask him whatever questions you care to ask and perhaps answer of few of his in turn, and you will see that he only has you best interests in heart."

Hate to even consider it, because I still believe the General was at least partially responsible for my daddy's death, and yet here I am thinking it don't sound like the worst idea ever. I could get the story straight from the horse's mouth, then maybe shoot said horse dead if it sounds like he's lying. Thing is, honest and sincere though Jinfeng may be in this specific instance, she might well just be wrong about all this, the same way my daddy was wrong about the Republic before the Marshal and everyone else opened his eyes to the truth. That's why she can be so convincing, because she believes that everything she's saying is true, but that don't make it fact.

Don't make it untrue either, so the best I can do is say, "I'll consider it." With that, I stand up and back out of the shed, only to pause at the doorway. "It get too cold out here?" I ask, because the thin walls don't do much to block the wind. "I could grab you another blanket if you like."

Jinfeng shakes her head with a smile. "Thank you, but it is unnecessary. Learning to endure the elements is a part of my training, so I could survive even without shed or blanket." Doesn't mean she's comfortable though, but I don't say much else, just give her a look, a real look with this new perspective I've got. The girlie sat on the floor is a highly competent combatant who's fairly easy on the eyes, but her cold and standoffish demeanor sets her back a fair few points. That was my initial impression of Jinfeng, but now I see a little more. I see that she's worried that she'll make a mistake and doom her comrades with her decisions, and is plagued by doubts that she already has. Girl's only a few hours younger than me, and burdened by the same responsibilities I once embraced, longed for even until I realized the juice ain't worth the squeeze. She don't see things that way though, as she yearns to be Second Sister. Put long hours into grueling training, to the point where she sees her current circumstances as an opportunity to train, and yet she don't think she's got what it takes to lead.

My daddy would've wanted me to help, would've stepped in and done something himself if he thought it would be of any use. He was a better man than I am though, because he would've done it just because it was the right thing to do, and all I can think about is how she won't thank me for it. If I step in and take over, she'll only feel grateful for a bit, right up until she gets her confidence back and starts wondering if she can over take me too. That's definitely the sort of person she is, a leader born even if she don't think the same. If she wasn't, she wouldn't be here in place of Who Sheng, ready to throw away her life or give up her body if that's what it takes to complete the mission she was given.

So contrary to what she believes, she's better suited to the role of Firstborn than I am, because she still wants the job and cares enough about other people to really want to help. She's got dreams of joining hands with me to lead the Republic to glory, the Firstborn and Second Sister working in tandem towards the same goal. A dream is all it ever will be though, because I got my hands full taking care of me and mine, so I don't want no part of all that. Federation or Republic, it's all the same really, and the juice ain't worth the squeeze when you give your all just to enrich a nation that don't care much for you as an individual. I'd much rather focus on making my way here in the Frontier, and let the politicians duke it out over lines on a map. "Good night then," I say, and before the door swings shut, I add, "And happy early birthday I guess."

She don't say anything in response, and I don't linger around for one. I got no plans to join the Republic, but that don't mean I ain't thinking about sitting down with my mama's brother to ask him some things. Might not be the worst idea in the world, so why not consider it at the very least? Course, won't matter if none of us make it out of the badlands, because as confident as I might've sounded telling Aunty Ray and the rest that this hubbub will all die out in a day or two, you can't ever be sure about anything out here, so you can't take nothing for granted.

A lesson the Qin taught me when they gunned down my daddy, and one I won't ever forget. Someone in the Vanguard had to have given those orders, and the day I find out who, is the day I start planning my revenge. Maybe Jinfeng is right and the General didn't have nothing to do with it, but I sure bet he knows who did, and if it's a rival he can't deal with himself, then maybe he'll be open to sending his sister's son after the culprit instead.

Like I said, it's worth considering at the very least, and I got nothing but time for the next day or two.

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