There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns.

225: Objection


Delta hadn't expected to wake up to find herself on trial for a crime against humanity.

Though the horrors she had locked between levels might have some ethical dilemmas if they came to light, like a metaphorical Tartarus she was in charge of, she was nailing that door shut as long as possible.

"You'll be judged by Wollom, he's a good guy and I can buy you like ten minutes if you need to run from him, but not much more than that," Ruli explained quietly and Delta blinked at the giant woman. She seemed stiff, worn down by a previous battle and still somewhat demonic. Being near the man being seen with respect caused some of her hair to smoke and veins to pulse painfully under her skin as if proximity to the Saint was uncomfortable to her.

"Is he that strong?" she asked and Ruli shared a look with Isanella, Deo's mother pursed her lips as if not willing to say a bad word about anyone without good reason.

"Yes, but he also just makes you feel guilty with a disappointed expression," Ruli admitted. This was going too fast. All Delta wanted to do was help Alpha and the others by reaching out and stopping the Echo. She hadn't meant to cause a panic.

Delta needed back up, she needed Nu and Prim to help her understand her side in all this and she had no clue how-

'Install Menu systems Nu and Prim as Demi-gods of your pantheon?'

Delta perked up as this had potential. Usually, when Sis offered a solution to a problem, it tended to work in Delta's favor. Still, this brought up a question.

What sort of demi-gods?

'Nu may gain the title of Demi-God, allowing him to manifest as your immediate aide. Please assign a title for Nu. What is Nu the Demi-God of in your pantheon?' the system beeped. That was a good question.

What was Nu good at?

Delta could list a dozen things.

"Can I change it later?" she asked aloud, getting looks from the others, her gift from Sis invisible to all aside from Alpha who still looked haunted by his experience with the Echo to notice.

'Yes, at a c-'

"Random title, I just need him here," Delta insisted. Energy flowed out of her and back into the dungeon where someone began to yell and scream for freedom, demanding the 'faith-mittens' get their 'mitts' off his refined self before he showed them true pain.

"Delta, what did you do?" Ruli asked as something manifested next to Delta in a swirl of dark blue energy that was a heavy mix of Faith and Dungeon mana.

"Nothing... much," she promised as a new screen appeared.

'Nu, the Demi-God of Love has been recruited'

"I am not happy," Nu declared as he was less of a screen and more a slender figure in a sensual robe and with pouty lips that looked like they had some creative words to share with the world.

Delta quickly recruited Prim as well.

'Prim, Demi-God of Doom has been recruited'

"Why do I hear music?" Isanella whispered as a second form appeared in a swirl of green with a drumming thrum.

Prim looked like a ten-year old girl that also had a giant bloody double-headed war axe in one hand. Her tiara looked suspiciously like it was made out of bone.

"She's reproducing!" Caline screamed and Delta held up her hand.

"Recruiting!" she corrected.

Without a word, Prim held up a hand, marveling at the digits, before she forced the ambient mana into a rectangular screen which showed the imprint of a loaded shotgun being moved to chase down demons.

"This world will run with doom," the little girl whispered.

"Brat, switch domains with me!" Nu ordered frantically.

"No." Prim said, the word so heavy with a smirk that it was worth a thousand other words that also meant 'no'.

"Come now, i don't love anything and thus this domain is useless," Nu complained and Delta subtly erased the 'random' log out of her purchases.

"You love signs," Delta pointed out.

"And watching idiots break bones," Prim added.

"Oh... yes that is true. But can I weaponize that love?" Nu mumbled.

"Dungeon Delta, will you approach the table and agree to be bound to the rules of diplomacy?" Wollom called from the middle of the field with a dire tone. He watched for a moment as a table was brought with enough distance between both sides that neither party could reach across the table and throttle one another.

Delta wasn't sure what was more impressive. The fact Wollom had this table on hand for such an occasion or the fact he could have carried it from Durence so quickly.

Delta opened her mouth before something left her Dungeon, pulling itself forward with desperation.

"Not until... we read... the terms..." Lawyergon panted as he was partially dried out due to the lack of mana. It only took a little effort to refill her third-floor boss' mana pool, making his briefcase reform and his energy to rise.

"And who are you?" someone called.

"Lawyer, boss, monster, child, and defense attorney of law!" Lawyergon declared as he rose a foot to appear intimidating.

"He shouldn't have been able to leave the third floor... no matter what," Nu muttered and Delta blinked as in the mix of green and blue of Jellagon's usual body, there was a small round orange orb that was foreign, not something from the dungeon, which was acting like a battery for Jellagon. It wasn't something Delta had created, but it felt familiar, like someone she had seen before but didn't know personally.

Like a person you saw at your grocery store occasionally but forgot about not long after.

"You shall be the judge, sir Wollom?" Lawyergon asked and the Saint nodded without batting an eye. It was likely he had seen stranger things in his time as a Saint but Delta couldn't think of what that might be.

"We shall then... need..." Lawyergon inhaled, then his goopy body slammed the lawyer briefcase down dramatically, "a panel of jurors!" he demanded. The statement rippled outwards like a wave, making people shiver with the impending doom of being summoned to serve the hastily put together court.

"I offer myself as tribute," Ruli said gravely as she walked forward, ready to fall on some metaphorical sword.

"She's too close and biased," Caline interjected and Ruli sent him a rude gesture that made Delta think the man might have a point.

"Be partial to this," she warned but Quiss pulled her back before Ruli could stomp over and break the man's back like a glow stick.

"I'm not partial and I'm honest," Grim said and there was a pause as people talked for a moment. One of the Fairplay men held up a weird Seed Weapon that made Delta wince at its appearance. They all looked grotesque to her vision, like people who had cut off their fingers and were using them as candles or pencils.

"No lies," a Fairplay man admitted aloud as his staff flashed green and Caline visibly ground his teeth in annoyance. The statement threw Delta as Grim had been in her dungeon more than most and benefited immensely each time with wisdom, experience, and actual treasure. Grim should love her!

"How are you not partial?!" Delta demanded and the kid shot her a grin.

"You set Merry on me," he said stubbornly. Delta opened her mouth then closed it. The mouse on the first floor wasn't that terrible. It just... got carried away and Grim made it really easy to get carried away in an effort to pop his smug balloon.

"That isn't... the worst reason," she admitted, getting a surprised look from the boy before he coughed.

"Besides, this is a great opportunity to improve the guild's prestige, it's like that saying, 'you gotta cheese the day!'" he boasted then paused before covering his orange tongue.

"And also because of that!" he snapped, flushing red as more terrible jokes tried to escape but Grim managed to choke them back like tears.

Delta didn't see the issue honestly, those jokes redeemed Grim in her eyes. After all, it wasn't like he was spitting out tongue twisters. Delta smiled a little and Grim shot her a nervous look.

"I will also be fair," someone spoke and Delta blinked at the sight of Kemy walking into sight, holding her 'regal' staff and looking worried.

"I am a priestess for the Goddess of Truth, I literally cannot lie about what I know," she said and the title made her instantly accepted by Fairplay. Delta supposed if there was any benefit to being allergic to lies, instant court access would be one.

"This sounds like it'll keep me from doing any actual work. I'll join," said a voice Delta had never heard before and she paused a man with a seed so developed it was basically a flower walked into the circle and he looked like a mercenary with some official Verluan medals and outfit to make him look important. His appearance was scruffy with the barest effort of not looking completely wild. His body, while muscular, didn't convey the sheer power the man could bring to bear if he so chose.

His appearance made Delta a little unwell. This man danced between the line of a powerful fighter and verging on the edge of becoming a new Echo. The only thing keeping him bound to humanity and secure was a golden band around his seed and his sheer sense of self.

"Damn, is he still here?" Ruli muttered as the man looked around for any complaint, finding none from the Fairplay side.

"Who is that?" Delta asked Isanella.

"Zane of the Royal Knights," the woman whispered back, clenching her hand as if the title was a dirty word to her. "He arrived to check your dungeon out a short while ago but the village has been doing its best to keep him out of the way. He's a criminal who has the royal family's seal to act as a knight. His power makes him... undeniable as a fighter, but the only thing keeping him from being a monster is the oath he swore so he could have unfettered access to dungeons around the world. The dungeons are the only thing the Royal Knights can still be challenged by on a regular basis," Isanella explained, her words lyrical, but her tone dark.

Delta didn't want this guy in her dungeon at all.

"He arrived with Serma?" Delta blinked. Ruli grinned darkly.

"Way before, they arrived with Alpha," she said in a sort of boastful manner and Delta wondered how long they had been running interference?

"Any time he would leave a bar or some establishment, the village's streets would reroute him to a new one. The man's attention span seems to be shorter than most... or he really doesn't care for his job," Isanella agreed with a frown.

'Thank you, Mimi!' Delta thought with gratitude.

"Zane, I order you to be truthful to the best of your ability," Serma ordered, appearing from the crowd in a sudden rush, looking pale at the figure's appearance. Lawyergon shivered as the orange ball giving him energy reacted to her upset state. The man grinned as if he saw Serma like an expensive breed of tiny dog he didn't like but didn't have the cash to replace if he kicked it off a cliff.

It made Delta not like him at all.

"I don't need to accept that order, as you are not the queen, but... why not? Sounds fun," he decided with the whimsical nature of someone who truly had no stakes in the affair but was willing to complicate it for his own entertainment.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"I reject the other Royal Knight present," Mrs Dabberghast declared as she emerged from the shade of a tree and Delta had never seen the woman so... feral and upset looking. Her fingers were clawed into shapes to hurt something while her body heaved with a breathless snarl.

"Perhal? Dunno where she is. She went out hunting to the north and hasn't come back," Zane said with a shrug. Alpha shivered at the name and Delta smiled at him and he seemed stunned then smiled back as if finally noticing how corporeal Delta was now. Delta thought for a moment, someone was standing behind Alpha, a shadow of comfort... someone familiar, but it was gone before she could focus on it.

"I also volunteer," someone spoke and Delta felt like things were crawling down her back, oily eels that traced back to a friendly looking man with his hands covered in clay.

"Japes," Ruli warned and the man covered his mouth which didn't hide his smile as Ruli reached for her sword and Delta had a feeling Ruli would lose no sleep if the man accidentally was cut into tiny pieces by her blade.

"Threatening a productive member of society, for shame, but I'll be completely honest. I simply wish to see the truth of the matter. I want to see if the dungeon is truly more or is nothing but a beast wearing the skin of a woman," the man called Japes said brightly and the way he looked at Delta made her feel like a mouse in a cage, strapped down to a table as the man came towards her with a scalpel.

"You don't do anything unless you benefit," Quiss said, eyes narrowing and the Peacekeeper's fingers produced little sparks of fire with the occasional feather at his agitation.

"Knowledge of a new world order is quite beneficial" Japes promised with a dark tone. Delta felt alarmed by Japes as his form came into her view. Delta had never seen anyone like this man. He wasn't an alien or a god or even anything more than a human but... he was too neat and tidy. Japes' Shape was a pot that looked to once have been a writhing mass of shards and shadow, only to be carefully pieced back together with meticulous care. Japes was an Echo... but not anymore? His seed, what was once a tree of corruption, was simply rooted out and removed with surgical efficiency as if once Japes got bored of the state, he removed it.

The man's soul was a neat patchwork of scars, self-damage, and repairs that made it look too normal until you looked too closely and saw it was a Frankenstein's monster level of stitched together parts of 'normal'.

The strangest thing was there was a 'bond' to his seed, even if it looked carefully hidden. Not even Delta could see where it went.

"I volunteer," someone else offered and Delta blinked at a teen she had never seen before, a nervous looking boy that stood on the side of Fairplay but didn't seem to be screaming in panic like others were. He had a soft appearance with blue eyes so pale they were almost gray.

"Argus," Caline warned the boy with a sharp tone, but Delta wasn't sure if out of concern or annoyance. It was the most subtle Caline had been so far which was odd.

Argus was far away from her Dungeon entrance, but even from where Delta stood, she blinked at the gun-metal gray orb in his chest, replacing his heart. It still beat in a similar manner like a heart, making organs function and blood flow, but it also regulated Argus' mana.

It felt familiar, like Delta had seen that exact orb somewhere.

Unlike Deo's or Grim's orb, this one was producing an immense amount of mana, a surge compared to the trickle of the others.

"You will not, scout," someone said and the tide of silver parted as if some unseen order was given before a group of three people walking down from a teleport beam from the floating island. They all had badges with five-fingers on it, except the man in the middle who had no badge. The woman on the left looked like she dissected slow employees to figure out what was wrong with them, a mix of gray and green hair and glasses that looked sharp enough on the frame to cut through any lies in her way.

The way she walked allowed her lab coat to move and Yattina nearby tensed up, but it seemed to be a mix of relief and concern.

The man on the left looked like someone squished together every definition of 'berserker' and 'barbarian' in media together to form a seven-foot tall mountain of muscles that carried a minimum of three greatswords on his back. The strange thing was that while his seed was also torn like other Fairplay members, Delta couldn't actually see where his Seed-Weapon was, all his tools looked mundane if highly enchanted.

Most of them seemed to actively work against the man, causing them to weigh more than they should or have an extremely dull edge. Delta even spotted a short sword on his hip that would heat up over time as the man held it.

It all conveyed the idea that the man enjoyed a fight so much he needed to hamper himself to find any decent ones.

The one leading the trio looked like a man that used to do a lot of hiking but let age slowly retire him to a CEO's chair to handle business. Short tidy hair and a white suit that made his tanned skin even darker. Despite looking like a normal man against the other two, the man had an aura that was unyielding like steel.

He also didn't have a Seed-Weapon as his own was completely subdued by either the man's own will or some technique that he didn't share with others.

"Fath... Director Ripdoy," Argus said, saluting once as he caught his own words. Ripdoy stood there and Delta saw he was a lot older than he should be, but he had the marks of a Dungeon Contract on him, long faded and scarred like he pulled the bonds off himself in a frenzy. The damage was intense, but the man didn't let it slow him down.

"I have an impartial power of Fairplay to add to this court," the man said and stood aside to let a young woman walked into view, looking like she would outgrow Ruli one day with ten times the lack of patience, she wore a mix of dark brown and reds with a giant hammer on her back.

"Oh... oh no," Isanella whispered, seemingly to deflate without energy and become frail looking as she backed away

"The Autumn Maiden of Fairplay shall oversee this farce. My name is Tu'mn and I will see justice done today," the girl warned darkly as she looked over the group and finally landed on Delta. The sudden surprise of sheer dislike, bordering on hatred, the girl had for Delta was concerning.

Delta knew she had never met this girl so it had to involve another dungeon... still, it was upsetting that a potential student hated her out of the gate.

The air between Yattina, Deo, Grim, and this new girl began to crackle and invisible threads of mana began to prickle between them but not Argus' sphere. The connection was strange and Delta stared as a mini-network began to form between the four spheres, mana and power being shared and caused the four to react and it was eerily familiar to the dungeon network.

"I decline, she looks like she has a ten-page back story that can be summed up as 'wah wah parent issues'," Grim snorted and his own orb was glowing in response as if trying to puff up, flashes of green and light filling his body, flickering down his feet, causing the grass to perk up.

"I will break your bones, little boy," Tu'mn warned as her dark red orb pulsed against Grim's green one, the two spheres on opposite side of the tiny network not having a direct 'line' to each other but able to sense one another.

"Just like you'll break the ground walking over it, I bet," Grim agreed and Tu'mn's nostrils flared as she seemed to see red.

"Spring and Autumn are in opposition," Isanella whispered as if she had witnessed this before and Delta didn't see summer and winter acting like this.

"We should just be happy and be friends, no need for a big event," Deo said and Yattina shook her head.

"I wanna see Caline with dirt on his face and with the bosses here, it's going be some real wet mud," she said and Deo blinked as if considering that image

"I heard mud on the face can be good for your skin," he said, sounding thoughtful.

Then again, Yattina was a literal adult and Deo was a teen, they were simply more likely to accept differences while Grim was...

"Watch out for the Tumtum maiden! She's the autumn maiden because we celebrate spooky tales in the autumn! She looks the part!" Grim said as Tu'mn tried to reach him to behead, only for the giant man to hold her back with a finger.

Grim was a real blooming onion.

"Enough," Wollom's voice called out, so heavy with authority that Delta felt like sitting down and getting on her with her class work before remembering she was an adult.

"Grim of Durence, Kemy of the Truth, Zane of the Verluan, Japes of Durence, Tu'mn of Fairplay, and myself will oversee this unique case," Wollom began only for the CEO man, Ripdoy, to interject.

"That runs the risk of a tie. One more should be included to allow for an outcome that won't draw this out," he said and Wollom considered it then nodded.

"Then we have to find one more. Two of Durence, two of other gods, and two of official authority, " Wollom listed as if finding the balance also displeasing before speaking more, "we shall need a wildcard, someone with no loyalty to a god, king, village, or employer," he said with a hum.

"You're also of Durence," Caline said snidely and the man looked over at him and suddenly the sheer power of Wollom was briefly loosened, making the sky crackle with lightning and the earth to shake. Delta felt like Wollom could seriously take Delta in a Faith-off and come out winning.

"I will honor my position and will be impartial," he said before reigning it all back in. Caline stepped back, nodding as if he was too terrified to speak.

"To find someone with no prior history or biases in a short time will be tricky," Lawyergon said with a ripple of his blob-like body.

Everyone turned as a bedraggled group of adventurers emerged from the woods, looking wide-eyed as they saw the event.

Delta knew them!

"The queue to the dungeon means we may have made a grave mistake coming here," the Necromancer said to the others.

"I swear to whatever god is listening, I will break your funny bone," the Gunsmith said with a dark tone before turning back to the gathering of people. "People are saying the Dungeon is an Abomination now? Is that true? We only ran it a week ago and it was fine," she asked and Wollom perked up.

The saint walked over and stood before one of them.

"You, my son, have an aura that has no biases or issues. It's so clean it's like simple cotton or a slight-off shade of white, room temperature water, and plain bread!" he said, beaming at the Warrior.

"Thank you!" the man smiled back.

"Welcome to the most important event in the world right now!"

"...Thank you?"

Delta was doomed.

Doomed by basic.

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