I was bent over with my hands braced on my knees, absolutely losing it.

Laughing.

Like, full-body shaking, stomach-cramping, lungs-wheezing laughing.

Tears clung to the corners of my eyes.

My ribs hurt.

My soul hurt.

It was beautiful.

Because right next to me, Kent was sprawled on the ground like someone had unplugged him from reality.

He kept scooting backwards one pathetic shuffle at a time.

His palms scrambled against the forest floor like a newborn deer trying to moonwalk.

And towering over him was the source of all this divine entertainment:

Lillith.

Purple hair.

Violet eyes blazing with righteous fury.

Bow in hand.

Pointing at Kent as if he had personally offended her ancestors.

"You...You attacked me!" she screamed, voice echoing through the trees like a divine accusation.

Kent squeaked.

Actually squeaked.

Like a chew toy stepped on by God.

"I-I didn't. You shot first!"

Lillith's eyes snapped to him.

Sharp.

Glowing.

Terrifying.

Kent froze mid-word.

Then whimpered.

He actually whimpered.

Curled in on himself like a guilty armadillo.

I lost it again.

I tried to stop laughing, I really did, but his expression, his wide, terrified, puppy dog stare, was too much.

Lillith jabbed a finger at him like she was delivering judgment."You two burst out of the bushes like lunatics! What was I supposed to do?!"

"You shot at us," I wheezed between breaths. "You literally shot at us first."

Kent nodded so fast I thought his head might fall off.

"Yes! Yes, that! Exactly that!" he said, pointing at me as if I were divine scripture.

Lillith turned her glare on him again.

Kent shrank instantly.

It was fascinating.

Like watching a balloon deflate at high speed.

He slid backwards another inch.

Then another.

"No...no, wait, I didn't mean it like that," he stammered. "I meant-uh Sebastian meant I mean uh—"

I patted him on the shoulder.

"Buddy," I whispered, loud enough for Lillith to hear, "you're doing amazing. Keep going."

He looked like he wanted to cry.

But he also wanted my approval.

Which was such a mistake.

So he did it.

With fear in his eyes and doom in his soul, he repeated exactly what I told him.

"Well, you're the one who tried to murder us first!"

Lillith's face darkened.

Kent instantly regretted everything he had ever said, done, or thought.

I could practically feel the moment his soul left his body.

Her voice dropped an octave."Oh? Murder, you say?"

Kent shook his head violently.

"N-No! Not murder! H-harm! Mild harm! Maybe slighty inconvenience! That's all!"

I leaned closer to him with the worst possible timing and whispered, "Tell her she's being irrational."

He looked at me like I had asked him to drink poison. But I raised a brow, and his survival instincts lost to pure peer pressure.

He croaked,"Y-You're being irrational."

Silence.

Even the trees were like: damn, he's dead.

Lillith inhaled slowly.

Deeply.

Kent curled into a defensive ball. I think he prayed.

And I...

I finally stopped laughing.

Mostly because it hurt too much to keep going.

Partially because watching Kent die of fear wasn't as funny if I wasn't paying attention.

"Lillith," I said, wiping tears from the corner of my eye, "he's not attacking you."

She snapped her glare to me.

It hit like a physical force.

"Oh? Then what do you call this?" she demanded, gesturing wildly at Kent's fetal position.

I shrugged.

"A logical response to being threatened by a small, angry archer with questionable aim."

Her jaw dropped.

Kent gasped dramatically and pointed at me."Yes! That! That is also what I think! Very strongly! Deeply! Spiritually!"

Her glare shifted back to him.

He shrank again.

If he got any smaller, he'd turn into a single-cell organism.

(A/N: Those bio classes are taking their toll on me...)

Lillith's hands curled around her bow as she stepped closer, eyes glowing brighter.

Kent squeaked one final time.

And I…

I smiled.

This was going to be fun.

The bushes behind us rustled.

I didn't even turn.

I already knew what was coming.

Nora stepped out first, brushing a leaf off her shoulder like it had personally offended her. Annalise followed, composed as always, adjusting her gloves as though she hadn't just sprinted through a forest at breakneck speed after hearing Kent scream like a wounded soprano.

Both of them glanced at Kent.

Just once.

A single, bored, unimpressed glance.

Then they kept walking.

Not a single word.

Not a question.

Not even pity.

They treated Kent collapsing on the ground, trembling under the wrath of an angry archer, like they expected it.

Actually, scratch that, they did expect it.

Nora even stepped over him.

Like he was a mildly problematic log.

Annalise didn't even break stride. She just floated around him like he was a puddle she refused to get her shoes dirty in.

Kent stared up at them in pure betrayal.

"H-Help?" he croaked.

Nora waved a hand dismissively. "Mhm, later."

Later.

She said later.

As if his soul wasn't actively trying to flee his body.

I very nearly burst out laughing again.

But before I could enjoy Kent's suffering to its fullest, the bushes rustled on the opposite side of the clearing.

Two figures stepped through the foliage.

Blonde hair and red eyes.

Black hair and red eyes.

Xavier and Page.

The Explosion and The Assassin.

I raised a brow. "You two took your time."

Xavier held up a finger, looking solemn.

"I was praying."

"For what?" I asked, even though I already knew.

He glanced at Kent with deep, holy pity.

"For him."

Kent whimpered.

Lillith's shadow loomed over him like a divine punishment.

It felt… appropriate.

Page didn't speak.

She simply looked at Kent for a long, silent second.

Then she nodded.

Not to him, just... in general.

The nod of a professional assassin acknowledging a natural selection outcome.

Then she ignored him completely and walked past him like he was ornamental terrain.

Kent looked between the four of them, Nora, Annalise, Page, Xavier, mouth hanging open.

"I-I'm dying," he protested weakly.

Nora shrugged. "You'll get over it."

Xavier knelt, closed his eyes, and whispered a soft farewell prayer over Kent's trembling body.

He even did the hand gesture.

The complicated one.

The kind priests save for special occasions.

I wheezed.

"Oh my gods, Xavier, stop he's not dying."

Xavier looked up at me, eyes glowing with that dramatic, holy sincerity he loved to weaponise.

"No," he whispered, "but his dignity has passed on."

Kent made a strangled noise.

Lillith, still fuming, pointed at him again.

"Did I mention he attacked me?"

Kent screamed, "YOU SHOT FIRST!"

Everyone ignored him again.

Everyone.

Even Page, who technically didn't ignore anything ever.

Xavier sighed and patted Kent's forehead like he was consoling an elderly man on his deathbed.

"Go in peace, brother."

Kent tried to slap his hand away.

Missed.

Hit the dirt instead.

I couldn't help it.

I bent over laughing again.

Lillith was still yelling, Kent was begging for divine intervention, Xavier was offering funeral rites, Nora was casually stretching, Annalise was adjusting her strings, and Page was standing behind all of us like a shadow that might kill someone if they breathed wrong.

And somehow…

Somehow…

This was still the most normal interaction our group had all week.

I straightened, wiped my eyes, and grinned.

"Well," I said cheerfully, "now that introductions are out of the way—"

Kent screeched, "THEY ARE NOT—!"

I talked over him.

"—let's talk about why you all decided to shoot at us."

Lillith lifted her bow.

Kent screamed... again.

Eventually, after enough shouting, glaring, screaming, and praying, Lillith calmed down enough to stop threatening Kent's life. She didn't apologise, obviously, but she stopped looking like she wanted to mount his head on a pike, which was progress by her standards.

So we regrouped and started heading toward her team's campsite. The forest around us was quiet, the air thick with damp moss and old pine, and our footsteps crunched over fallen leaves as we walked.

Kent, however, was in no condition to walk; the man was half-conscious, half-traumatised, and wholly useless.

Annalise ended up wrapping a string around his ankle in the most half-hearted, poorly done tether I'd ever seen from her.

Seriously, I've seen toddlers tie their shoes with more structural integrity, and she simply dragged him along the forest floor like he was a sack of overly whiny potatoes.

He made noises every few seconds, but they weren't words, just little groans that sounded like he was questioning all his life choices.

Nora walked ahead, humming to herself like she wasn't stepping over branches and Kent's pride. Lillith walked beside me, still fuming, muttering things under her breath that I pretended not to hear.

Xavier followed with his hands clasped like he was escorting sinners to a shrine, while Page casually walked a little behind him, her expression flat enough to qualify as legally dead.

The entire walk had this bizarre combination of tension, exhaustion, and comedy so natural to us that I honestly didn't even question it.

I just kept walking, hands in my pockets, enjoying the rustle of the wind and the occasional sound of Kent lightly hitting his head on a root.

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