A slightly younger Lee Sihyun is smiling.A face that looks like happiness.All he had left in his memory was the face that cried, so seeing a face smile that brightly made him, in a way, feel relieved. If he had started crying again, this time he really was going to throw him. Turning that reaction over in his head, Lee Hajin realized all at once that he was dreaming.He was never the sort of person who slept much to begin with; if anything, he slept so little you could call it a mild case of insomnia. Maybe that was why. These moments of dreaming felt unfamiliar, and the dream itself felt like a dream. He clicked his tongue that the time spent dreaming seemed longer than in reality, but he didn’t take his eyes off Sihyun.Like a clip playing back in slow motion, the slightly younger Sihyun was with someone. Maybe that smile was entirely because of that someone; the way the corners of his lips curved softly as he looked to the side flashed, for a second, like something dazzling.A face in love, thought Hajin, who didn’t know what love was. That sweet and blind look and expression. That specific light that shows on a face even if you try to hide it. A face he didn’t have but had seen from time to time.Sihyun had that face.— I might be debuting soon.A white hand lightly pinched the collar of the person beside him and he spoke with guileless innocence. The other said nothing, but it still felt like a good thing.— You’ll cheer me on, right?The answer came a little belatedly this time. Yeah, a short voice. Even that crackled with a mechanical buzz, and at the odd feeling Hajin tilted his head a little farther, trying to see the person beside Sihyun. But the instant that person came into view, he couldn’t help but knit his brows.A face that looked as if it had been slashed to pieces and wasn’t there.As if carefully carved with a box cutter, the entire face portion was missing; that was how the someone beside Sihyun appeared.It felt like the genre had shifted from romance into horror, but Hajin didn’t particularly open his mouth. It was a dream, so what did it matter, and maybe it was someone he didn’t want to show. His detached eyes closed lazily and opened again. Sihyun looked nothing but happy.Time passed for the two of them like that. Tender moments like a movie.They kissed, and they joined their bodies. Even as he flushed bright red at the eyes and struggled to suck the other’s sex, Sihyun smiled a little. Even when his back was taken with a touch that was anything but considerate, he cried, It hurts, it hurts, but in the end he looped his arms around the other’s neck as if it were something lovely. Because it’s you, everything’s fine. He didn’t say it out loud, but the devoted look soaked out of his eyes. Sihyun was in love.But Hajin, watching it with a blank face, noticed in an instant.This was only, and entirely, Sihyun going one way.He couldn’t see the other’s face as that hand stroked Sihyun’s cheek with a sickly air of tenderness, but he could tell—the emotions seeping in between, the kind that resembled the bottom of a pit. The dank stink peculiar to twisted people was vibrating even this far, but the other craftily acted as if he loved Sihyun. As if he really were in love.— I love you.The other’s words, blended with that buzzing mechanical noise, rang out grotesque and dark.But Sihyun smiled radiantly like he knew nothing. As if happiness were there, as if eternity were here. Like that.“— Hyun, hey!”The hand stroking his cheek was careful. At the same time, a voice rang by his ear and grated on him; he tried to open his eyes, but the sunlight spilling in dazzled him and he had to close them again. He tilted his head to the side and rubbed his sore eyelids against the pillow; when that made it feel a little better, he opened them again. Familiar shapes swam into his blurred vision, and only then did he realize he’d woken from the dream.“Did you have a bad dream?”Sanyu spoke, gaze worried. He wondered what he meant, and then he felt that Chan’s fingertips—still stroking his cheek—were wet. Wow, he really was doing the most. The damp sensation on his cheeks felt unfamiliar. “My eyes hurt,” he said in a slightly hoarse voice, and the hand that had been cupping his cheek slowly slid up and gently stroked his hot eyelids. It didn’t feel bad, so he kept his eyes closed, and he heard Kang Euihyeon’s voice like a sigh. “Hey, you—doing that with that face is a crime.”Even so, he tugged the curtains shut.“Hyung, did… something come back?”The small, mumbling question came carefully. The air tightened in an instant; he opened his closed eyes slowly and spoke.“Lee Sihyun…”Did he have a lover?He almost asked that without thinking and hurriedly swallowed his tongue and shut his mouth. Just because he’d had that dream didn’t mean it was really Sihyun’s memory, and his sense was that even if there had been one, he probably wouldn’t have told the members. Also, it felt a little too unpleasant to be called a lover. He swallowed his next words, but the members were watching him with faces gone tense, as if that wasn’t it. Ah, great.“Lee Sihyun… I don’t even know who he is, but he’s telling me to dance.”“What?”“I don’t remember anything—dancing, singing, nothing. I told him I don’t know, but he kept pushing, so I ended up crying.”He said it with a dry face. It sounded like a lie to anyone, but the way he shoved his face back into the pillow with a slightly annoyed look made it not entirely that either, and everyone let out short laughs. The complaint sounded oddly cute. Chan silently patted his shoulder, and Sanyu, worming in between, mussed Sihyun’s hair in play. “Oh wow, did you cry~?” Uihyeon snickered, teasing; with a delighted face he announced that this would be material to tease him with for life.“It’s okay, hyung. Once you actually dance, it might come back… even if it doesn’t, I’ll work hard and teach you right next to you.”“Ha…”“I mean it, really. You were always good—dancing, singing too. So don’t worry!”He felt like he’d become something between the neighborhood dog and a dimwit. “Hands off,” he said, annoyed by the gentle petting. Rajun immediately pulled his hand back, fidgeting, but Sanyu only went, “Huh?” and smiled bright, and touched him even more. He figured dying would be easier than suffering and gave up; when he sat up, the manager—who’d had zero presence, tucked in the corner until then—sidled up to Sihyun with a wary look. He still had yesterday’s aftermath on his face, but Sihyun didn’t remember.“Sihyun, they said you can be discharged now… How about it? Do you just want to rest more?”“Ah. I think I’ve rested enough.”“O—oh? Yeah? Haha, then that’s a relief… But… but, you know…”He had more to say but seemed to be hesitating, hanging back. That face being twenty-eight—Hajin clicked his tongue, recalling the manager’s age he’d learn later. The manager shrank even more at that sight, and in the end shut his mouth; Hajin let out a small sigh and spoke. “Go on.”“Uh, there was this drama where you took a supporting role… You’re not fully back yet, and I was going to turn it down…”“And?”“You… already got the full signing payment up front… Sihyun, you didn’t happen to… spend it all, did you? You don’t remember that either, right?”He said it like that, but his face was begging him to please remember. No matter how hard he tried, it wasn’t within what he could recall. When he shook his head, the manager’s face went ashen like he might drop dead any minute. “Sihyun, what do we do? Our agency pulled a lot of strings to land this part, so the contract money was pretty huge. Luckily your scenes come a little later, so they’re shooting the early parts first, but still, with you like this…”“So. If I can’t appear, I have to pay back the signing money and the penalty on top? A huge amount?”“That… yeah…”“Haha.”Lee Sihyun really left a colossal mess.Hajin, who had turned Sihyun into a deadbeat in a heartbeat, fell into thought for a moment, but within a few minutes he sighed. Even if he thought about it, he already knew there was no real way in this situation.“Okay, I’ll do it.”“Huh? Oh? Oh? Really? For real? Are you sure…?”“Well, what else can I do. At my age, if I end up being a debtor on the run, that’d be a little pitiful.”“It won’t go that far…”“It’s fine. It’s not like they’re going to cut off my fingers.”He said it lightly, remembering how, back when he’d been Lee Hajin, his little finger had been cut. Everyone else shook their heads like, Why would you say something like that. “Don’t joke about scary things, hyung—why would your fingers get cut.” Rajun muttered on the verge of tears, and Sihyun just closed his mouth and shrugged, wrapping sincerity in the shape of a joke.Thinking about it, that was how it was. Time that was too peaceful. It did feel like the calm before the storm, but to be honest, Hajin liked the hours in the hospital room. He didn’t have to claw to keep from dying by force, he didn’t have to cruelly shake off the ones clinging at his feet. With no mother’s face chattering like a maw, he could even think this was a sort of paradise. They were a little annoying sometimes, but they were pretty cute. It was the first time he’d done nothing, and his body did itch.There wasn’t much to pack, so maybe he could go straight to the dorm; watching the manager scurrying around in a panic, he asked the most important question that had been nagging him.“By the way, what’s the role? In that drama.”The instant he asked it, the manager’s bustling shoulders went stiff as a board. A bad feeling crept back up, and he frowned as he watched; the manager stared back, unable to open his mouth. If it was some zesty, cutesy part, maybe he’d just choose being a debtor. That kind of thing might be unexpectedly thrilling and fun. He guessed one role after another that might suit Lee Sihyun’s face, and the picture got bleaker. Ah, seriously…“So—Sihyun, the role you took is… it’s…”“…”“A loan shark.”And—“Cold and gloomy.”…?That’s me.

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