Lucian looked to the side at Caius then.

"You lost control because you've always lived a lie," he said, "You know that, don't you?"

Caius smiled lightly.

"It's essential for my survival actually," Caius said, "But yes, I do."

The Feral nature he had slipped into is actually 'normal' for a Vampire. It's essentially a Vampire's most basal instincts, given free rein. This usually happens during feeding so one can be focused on their target and be efficient in the hunt.

A Vampire can keep up the 'Feral' nature indefinitely. In fact, it's supposed to become a part of them. It only robs one of control when it has been starved for long. When it has been suppressed but hardly any Vampire bothers with suppressing their nature. For a couple of reasons.

One, they just don't hate what they have become;

Caius wouldn't assume to be the first Vampire to experience self-hatred and detest that they have become a Monster but he was likely the first who was allowed to wallow in that misery for five years, never once tasting evolution or reveling in the power he had gained. He didn't have his creator around to prod him to accept his nature and was suffering from a depressive state even before the Vampirism came to play.

Two, they have little to no interest in mingling with humans;

Vampires are actually quite a cooperative monster race. They seek community with their fellows, creating covens usually all under a single creator, and sometimes multiple Vampires just find a shared home with one another.

In any case, once one is turned, they are immediately overcome with thirst and once that thirst is sated which usually leads to their first kill, their empathy for humans/humanoids is snuffed and they see them as no more than walking bags of blood to be siphoned.

As such, if a Vampire doesn't seek community with humans and only sees them as food, they hardly ever bother to not be shifted. Besides, because of the sun, they avoid the daytime and only appear at night to hunt anyway.

The ability to shift that a Vampire has is really just the trickery. Once turned, your Vampiric appearance—the vampire red eyes the fangs, and the claws—is actually your true appearance. The human look is a mirage to convince humans/humanoids you are one of them before you get the opportunity to strike.

That was what Lucian meant when he said 'any appearance of normalcy merely hides the truth' because he had made a career of looking past the trickery and sniffing out Vampires even when they pose to be normal.

Lucian let out a breath.

"Is it?" He asked, "Is it essential for your survival?"

"What do you mean?" Caius asked.

"I urged you to school at Lochxen— to have a normal life but I've at times wondered if that's what is best. Maybe it would be better if you were free to be what you really are," Lucian said, sounding choked up.

"And what life would that be?" Caius asked with a little laugh that didn't have any mirth in it, "A Life being hunted. Probably by my own Family…

… By you."

"I would never—" Lucian started in agitation and then stopped to recollect himself but his voice still shook with the gravity of the topic,

"I would never hunt you down."

"That's a dangerous promise to make," Caius said in a dark tone, "You know what I could become. What if—?"

"There is no 'What if?'" Lucian said in a hard voice and his beard quivered, "No matter what happens, I would never raise my weapons or call my forces on you. You are my son."

"Many would call that hypocrisy," Caius said.

"Let them," Lucian said, "For five years I've called myself the same. Every time I receive news of a possible monster rampage and go after it, I've second-guessed myself.

But, while that bitch Athenodora brought it so close to home, Caius, I've never been of the misconception that Vampires are mindless creatures.

You cannot have hunted and killed as many of them as I have and think such a thing. I've long known that they are largely calculative. Methodical in their hunts and their thinking. I have seen they are capable of feeling joy, sadness, love, pain— the emotional kind as well as the physical."

"And still you hunt them," Caius said.

He wasn't being accusatory. He had no sympathy for Vampires as a whole. Just as he had no sympathy for humans as a whole. Only those he knew and cared about mattered to him. And regardless of the difference in the number of kills, it would still be hypocritical of him to be against his father killing vampires when he had actively caused the death of a couple of them himself.

Lucian nodded.

"Yes, I do," he said, "Because I've also seen that their very nature is to prey on us. Humans and Vampires cannot coexist. Not without sacrifices. And the sacrifices would be made by humans to satisfy the Vampires and keep them… amicable.

Unfortunately, I don't like the thought of that sacrifice so when I learn of rampages and villages, towns and cities being turned into hunting grounds, it is my duty to safeguard the humans and hunt the creatures that would do them harm. Vampires or otherwise."

There was a heaviness in Lucian's tone that Caius could just use to posit just how much this had been a topic that had run over and over in his father's head.

This level of conflict and justification for what he did had not been explored in [To Kill A Demon Lord…] where even then a few readers at the time had called him a hypocrite when he killed Vampires that became fan favorites. The most notable of these was Athenodora whom Lucian eventually beheaded.

Lucian let out a sigh.

"At first, I thought the decision to leave you alive was because your vampiric nature was still being tempered by the Beast blood I sourced for you. After all, how dangerous would you be to humans if you didn't even have or need a taste of their blood?

That ended up being nonsense when you clearly evolved. Something impossible without human blood. Still, I could have then justified my decision to leave you alive and train you by claiming you have not killed anyone yet but I've decided it's all pointless.

Those were not the reasons because I 'spared' you long before I could ascertain any of that and before they even happened. You could still kill and my decision will not change.

That is because the reason you're alive has been there from the start and will always be there; You are my son. You are your mother's son. I could never dare to raise my hand to harm you.

So yes, I have wrestled with my hypocrisy and I have now accepted it. We both changed that day, Caius. And you might as well have changed for the better compared to me."

Caius smiled lightly. He was quite touched by those words and an obvious disregard for one's principles just to let him live. Especially when he was technically not even the Caius whom Lucian felt he had wronged. But he was also aware of how heavy this topic was.

"Well, at least you're self-aware," Caius said in jest.

Lucian smiled as well, doing as Caius did which was to subvert a serious conversation and atmosphere with some levity.

"Yes," he said, "At least there's that."

A minute or so passed then with neither saying a word and then Lucian said,

"Of course, I hope you're aware that nothing I have said thus far means I will be turning a blind eye to all you do. My duty as your father remains to steer you right and I can still do that without having to hunt you down."

"Naturally," Caius said lightly, already knowing where this was headed. It was that damn dreaded conversation.

And sure enough…

"So, why don't you tell me, son, what the Leopold Coven wants with you?"

"Father, just as I told the Captain, it was just a—" Caius started and then paused as a word Lucian had used registered in his brain and he raised a brow, looking taken aback and asked,

"Wait— Coven?"

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