He wanted to scream.

He wanted to rip the Milf Note in half, to hurl it across Haruka's living room and watch the pages scatter like dead leaves, to burn the fucking thing and everything it had ever promised him.

But he knew it was too precious, too powerful. It was the key to his revenge, and the consequences of harming it terrified him more than anything.

Alright, calm yourself, Renji.

He took deep breaths to do just that, reminding himself that he just had to think.

So far, he had used the rough way and it didn't work. Now, it was better for him to use the honest, nice way. That was the only way to work this out.

This was a fire. He needed to be the water to end it.

So Renji stood in the middle of Haruka's cluttered apartment, hand still tingling from Kaori's slap, cheek throbbing like a second heartbeat.

He kept taking deep breaths. It might be movie logic but it actually helped him calm down and think better.

The forced air tasted like copper and panic, but it didn't stop him from thinking. And that was what he was trying to do.

How could he do this? How could he somehow turn this around?

Think. Think.

'Deep breath.'

In through the nose for four counts, out through the mouth for six.

Again.

Again.

Each breath scraped his throat raw, but the red haze eventually completely receded from the edges of his vision.

Cold. Calm. Extinguishing.

He turned the rage inward, crushed it, folded it smaller and smaller until it was a hard little diamond of pure, icy focus.

And finally, an idea came to mind. It wasn't anything ingenuous or clever. He was simply going to beg her. He was going to find a way, anyway, to convince her, to make her overlook this.

Everyone had their flaws, didn't they? If he could convince her, beg her with the promise that he would never do it again, she could give him a second chance.

Renji might not be a big fan of pity, but when it was in his favor—in a time like this?—he couldn't say no.

With his decision made, he put the Note back in his schoolbag and looked at Haruka. She was scared—more for him than her. There was a look of guilt on her face.

"What are you going to do?" she asked him.

Renji lifted his shoulders and spoke with a voice so calm it startled even him.

"I'm going back to Ms. Katsura's apartment. I'll try to… talk to her."

Haruka's eyes widened, and she walked up to him and gave him a profound hug, her breasts pressing into his chest. "Renji… she's going to be really mad. Are you sure she'll listen…?"

"Maybe not," he said, already slinging his bag over his shoulder. "But I can't just give up, right? I'll send you a text message after and let you know what she said."

The cab ride was twenty-one minutes of hell.

Every red light felt like a personal insult.

Every pothole jolted the bruise on his cheek.

He sat forward on the cracked vinyl seat, fingers drumming against the Milf Note through the fabric of his bag, rehearsing the apology he would deliver, the exact tilt of his head, the exact crack in his voice that would make him sound broken enough for her to let him in.

When the cab finally stopped at Midori Hills Heights, the evening air was cool and damp against his burning face.

He paid with shaking hands, climbed the twelve floors two steps at a time, lungs burning, shoes squeaking on the polished stairs until he finally arrived.

Apartment 1204.

Renji stood in front of the door for a full minute, fist raised, heart hammering so hard he could feel it in his teeth.

Then he knocked (three soft, hesitant taps, exactly like a scared student would).

Silence.

Another knock, slightly louder.

Finally he heard approaching footsteps. She was coming.

Renji prepared himself as he heard the chain rattling on the other side.

But rather than opening fully, the door only opened two inches. He saw a single silver-dark eye peering out, wide and frightened.

"Renji…?" Kaori's voice was barely above a whisper, cracked with fear. "What are you doing here?"

He let his shoulders slump, let his eyes go glassy with unshed tears. But the problem was; Ms Katsura looked more nervous than he was. She looked terrified.

He narrowed his eyes, cracking his voice perfectly on her name.

"Ms Katsura… is everything okay?"

The door opened wider.

She was still in her work clothes, blouse wrinkled now, skirt creased from sitting, long black hair slightly mussed as if she'd been running her hands through it.

But her face was super pale, lips bloodless, eyes red-rimmed.

She looked like someone who had seen a ghost some minutes away and was still waiting for it to come back.

"How…" she started, then swallowed. "How do you know where I live?"

"Miss Haruka told me," he said softly, letting shame drip from every syllable. "Teach… you look terrified. What happened?"

Kaori's fingers tightened on the doorframe as she lowered her eyes nervously, then she looked back up at him with a frightened expression.

"Someone broke in," she whispered. "The lock was forced. I… I found it when I came home. Nothing was taken, but… I called the police. They're on their way."

Renji's stomach lurched so hard he almost doubled over, but he locked his knees and kept the mask in place.

He'd been so focused on getting in and writing her name that he forgot that she would notice someone had broken in.

Fuck.

"That's horrible, Ms Katsura. I'm really sorry about that. Do you have any idea who it could be?"

She shook her head worriedly. "Not yet, but the police could have answers when they show up."

Renji held back a worried frown. Now he felt even more guilty.

Kaori's eyes narrowed at him. "So why did you come here then? You haven't told me that."

His eyes widened, then softened, and then… he let his gaze drop to the floor, his voice shaking with perfectly manufactured guilt.

"I came to apologize, Ms Katsura," he said softly. "What I did… what you saw… I've never been so ashamed in my life. I realize now that my actions have been reprehensible. I have a darker part of me that I do not want affecting my studies. But it did, and I'm truly sorry for all of it. I'm mostly sorry for putting my hands on you too. That was extremely shameful of me. And I'm full of nothing but regret."

He looked up then, met her eyes, let her see the tears he had forced into his own.

"If you're scared they might come back… let me stay. Just until the police have checked everything. Please. Let me do this one thing to start making it right."

Kaori stared at him for a long, long time.

Her breathing was shallow, rapid.

Her fingers trembled against the door.

Suspicion warred with exhaustion, with fear, with the bone-deep loneliness of a woman who had spent years being untouchable and was suddenly, terrifyingly vulnerable.

Finally, she stepped back.

"Come in, Renji," she said, voice small. "At the very least, it's a chance for us to talk about this."

Renji's heart exploded with triumph, but his face stayed perfectly contrite. "Really?" he said with gratitude. "Thank you, Ms Katsura."

Then she made way for him to pass.

Renji stared into her apartment like it was the finish line after a 20 mile marathon. Then he entered.

He crossed the threshold for real this time.

Click. The door closed behind him, and now, it was undeniable that there was nothing honest about this fucker's plan all along.

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A/N:

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