Mom watches TV dramas online, and every episode starts with a long commercial, so she takes out a little notebook and writes things down. I asked her, "Why are you writing down the commercials?"

Mom: "I need to remember which products are wasting my time watching dramas, so I won't buy them in the future!"

I...

2. Today, I joked with my mom, "If I get married and have kids next year, will you help take care of the child?"

Mom straight-out said, "Did you help me take care of you when I had a kid? Why should I help you?"

Uh, I...

3. Me: "Dad, you should learn to use WeChat Pay."

Dad: "Why bother learning that? I find spending money just fine the way I do."

Me: "This way, when I transfer money to you, you can spend it however you like without asking mom."

Dad rushed over with his phone and said, "Quick, tell me how to use this!"

4. Ran into my dad's first love, and mom was very jealous and said to me, "Your dad almost married that lady."

Curiously, I asked, "Why didn't he marry her?"

Mom said, "He went to buy her a ring but realized her fingers were too thick and wasted gold, mine were slim, so he married me."

I...

5. The moment my wife starts talking, I can tell how our daughter did in kindergarten.

If my wife starts with, "Our daughter this and that," it means our daughter did something impressive!

But if it starts with "Your daughter..." no need to ask, our daughter did something wrong again!

1. "Why do characters in movies and stories always forgive their enemies?"

"Very simple, the author makes that decision for them."

2. "Why do some people always like to say 'win-win'?"

"It means there's not much money for you."

3. What is happiness?

Happiness is Labor Day, without labor!

What is unhappiness?

Unhappiness is after Labor Day, and you can't find work!

4. I asked a High Monk: "A fishing rod or a basket of fish, which do you choose?"

The High Monk said: "I want a fishing rod."

I smiled and said, "I get it. Teaching a man to fish is better than giving him fish. Once you eat the fish, it's gone, but with a fishing rod, you can fish for a lifetime! Is that the principle?"

The High Monk said, "Buddhist monks are vegetarians, why would you give me a basket of fish?"

I asked, "Then why do you want a fishing rod?"

The High Monk said, "To beat you with it, you idiot. Stop asking dumb questions!"

5. "I read the news that if you like pandas, although adopting them is impossible, you can sponsor them. You just regularly send money and food to the zoo, then the funds are used on your sponsored panda, and the food you send is given to it. You're its nominal guardian and can visit it regularly. I honestly think this method is amazing, warm, environmentally friendly, and loving."

"Do you also want to sponsor one?"

"No, what I mean is, if everyone is willing, I'm also open to being sponsored."

1. The adaptability and compatibility of the human body are strong, for example: gas, liquids, solids, semi-liquids, and semi-solids can all be expelled from your rear end.

2. Today, I encountered a very philosophical doctor, who told me: There's no such thing as having a long foreskin, it's just that your little buddy hasn't grown to its full length.

3. Last night, dad drank a little too much, and I saw him using something to pick his teeth exaggeratedly and coarsely. I asked him what he was using to pick his teeth?

He said he couldn't find a toothpick, so he was using a fishbone!

I said: We didn't have fish tonight!

Then I heard a slight clicking sound, and when I looked over, I saw mom trimming her toenails...

4. The little dung beetle asked dad: "Just now mom told me to practice flying more when I have time, but we can't fly high at all!"

Dad: "You fool! She meant learning how to roll dung! (熬翔 means to cook or brew, and 翱翔 means to fly high)"

5. On a business trip with a female colleague, chatting with her while driving.

Me: "The person who took your first time, how is he now?"

She shyly smiled, "He's doing great! I apply hand cream every day..."

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