Saturday morning arrived with the same 5:30 am alarm, but the exhaustion that had been clinging to me all week felt different.

It was sharper, laced with the familiar pre-match anxiety that was both a torment and a comfort. I pulled on my running gear, the fabric cool against my skin, and headed out into the darkness.

The past two days, Thursday and Friday, had been a relentless cycle of work, the kind that left you physically drained but mentally wired.

We'd drilled the pressing system until the lads were sick of hearing the word "trigger," run through tactical patterns against Brighton's 4-3-3 until they could do it in their sleep, and spent hours in the video analysis room breaking down every weakness in their defensive shape.

Eze had been in the gym with Rebecca every morning at 7 am sharp, his commitment to the strength program unwavering even when I could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

I'd had two more one-on-one sessions with Semenyo on Thursday and Friday afternoons, breaking down his positioning with a patience I didn't know I possessed, using cones and video footage and endless repetition until something, anything, started to click.

There had been small improvements, tiny glimmers of progress: Eze holding up under pressure in a drill on Friday, Semenyo making the right decision twice in a row on Thursday. Still, it was like trying to fill a bucket with a leaky thimble. Today, we'd find out if any of it had made a difference.

The 6k run was a blur of burning lungs and aching muscles, my mind a thousand miles away, replaying tactical scenarios and worrying about things I couldn't control. I finished in 33:02, the system flashing the numbers in my vision... Fitness 50/100, Mental Fatigue: Very High, but my thoughts were on a different set of data entirely.

Brighton.

The name itself carried a weight that had nothing to do with their U18s or their tactical setup. It was the club that had signed JJ, my star player from Railway Arms and Moss Side, the kid I'd poured my heart and soul into developing, the first player who'd made me believe I could actually do this job.

He was in their first team now, a proper professional at nineteen, living the dream we'd both talked about in that dusty changing room back in Manchester when the world had seemed both impossibly big and impossibly small.

He was training with their first team now, a proper professional at nineteen, living the dream we'd both talked about.

I'd watched their first team's preseason match against Portsmouth on a dodgy stream a week ago, seen him come off the bench in the 60th minute, and felt a pride so fierce it had brought tears to my eyes.

Seeing that blue and white striped shirt today, even on their U18s, would be a reminder of what was possible, a measure of success, and a painful reminder of how far we still had to go with Eze and Semenyo.

Back in my flat, coffee in hand, I stood on the balcony and watched the sun rise over London, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink that were almost too beautiful for how I was feeling.

The city was a sprawling, indifferent beast, a world away from the small-town pitches where I'd started, from the Railway Arms pub team and the Moss Side community center.

I thought about JJ, about his raw talent and his fierce determination, about the way he'd looked at me when I'd told him Brighton wanted to sign him, like I'd just handed him the keys to the universe.

I'd been proud, of course, desperately proud, but there had been a part of me that felt like I was losing a piece of myself, like I was being left behind while he moved forward into the life I'd always wanted for him.

He was the first player I'd truly developed from scratch (even with his high potential), the first one who'd made me believe that maybe, just maybe, I had something to offer this game beyond my own failed playing career. Now, I had two more.

Two more futures in my hands. Eze, with his 175 potential and his four rejections. Semenyo, with his 165 potential, and his five weeks of showing nothing. The weight of it felt heavier than ever, pressing down on my shoulders like a physical thing.

The players arrived at Copers Cope at noon for the 2 pm kickoff, and the mood was tense, a mixture of nerves and anticipation that crackled in the air like static electricity.

I gathered them in the changing room, the smell of liniment and nervous sweat thick enough to taste. I announced the starting XI, my voice steady even though my heart was hammering: Eze would be starting in the number ten role, his first proper start for us, the first real test of whether all that gym work with Rebecca had made any difference.

Semenyo would be on the bench, a decision that had taken me an hour to make last night, weighing his tiny improvement against the risk of throwing him into a match he wasn't ready for.

Connor would lead the line, with Nya, Jake, and Sam in midfield behind him. The rest of the team was the same as the Millwall match: Reece and Lewis at center-back, Ryan in goal, and Tom on the wing.

I looked at Eze, saw the tension in his shoulders, the way he was clenching and unclenching his fists, the same nervous energy I'd seen before in the Millwall match but amplified now because this was his first start, his first real chance to prove himself.

"Play your game," I said, my voice quiet but firm, trying to project a confidence I didn't entirely feel.

"Find the pockets, receive between the lines, create. But be strong. Don't let them bully you off the ball. You've been working on it all week. Trust the work." He nodded, his eyes focused, his jaw set with determination.

***

Thank you to nameyelus and chisum_lane for the gifts.

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