When will I ever throw away my anxiety and open up about my mistakes to you, Liohime Kitagami?

***

Jolene Aurora ran away from home when she was sixteen. Her household was not in the best state, after all.

With her father being an abusive alcoholic and her mother letting out her frustrations on her with her own abuse, she had been carrying this turmoil for years.

However, as she thought that she was finally at an age where she could have survived on her own, she fled, and decided to run far into the outskirts of the neighboring country, called Polar Town.

However, she immediately found herself struggling to take care of herself, and just when she had thought that she was finally in the clear, he had been attacked by a creepy old man in an isolated space while returning to her apartment.

On the brink of death while struggling to fight off the person who had tried to pin her down, she raged, and with the disgusting dread that had latched onto her body due to her past trauma, she bashed his head into a wall without mercy…

And she did it again…

And again…

And again.

Until, finally, she calmed down, staring at the lifeless body in a pool of blood that drew from its exposed brain matter.

At the same time, that man had arrived, and stumbling onto the scene by accident, he merely watched on, gazing upon her terrified, but aggressive state.

With tears in her eyes, Jolene spat on the corpse and kicked it, before turning around, and then stopped.

She exchanged glances with that man for the first time.

--And that would be the beginning of Jolene's tenure under the Shinigami Soldiers, as Matsuo Yamamoto had dragged her into the fray via blackmail.

The introductory process was a bit awkward and nerve-wracking, but he had successfully introduced herself as the new member to all of the other current members (which were only three others at the time). Her eyes inspected each person until it stopped at the young man with a shy expression.

Black hair, and light brown eyes. A boy who barely stood out. Someone who seemed like a quiet individual, but wore a serious, firm expression.

What an interesting individual, she thought.

And as his eyes met hers, the teenager quickly shifted his eyes away, but then slowly returned his gaze before waving shyly, to which Jolene returned a wave.

That was when she met Liohime Kitagami.

After some time and various missions resulting in some accidental meetups on the job, Both Liohime and Jolene slowly but surely began to get closer to each other.

"W-Woah, you actually fucking did it, Lio!"

"Well, I lost the bet, didn't I? So, I have to stick to my word."

She had met up with him at the theatre to watch a movie, but was flabbergasted by his yellow gradient dyed hair, and his light yellow colored contacts.

"I don't necessarily hate this, you know," he stated, "but this will definitely make me stand out more, so I'll have to get used to this."

They both were having lots of fun spending time together, until-

"Lio, I'm sorry."

"H-Huh?"

"I can't…be your girlfriend."

Jolene had rejected Liohime's proposal shortly after leaving the theater while returning home.

Although she knew that Liohime wasn't like him, she still had a fear of getting into a relationship with men after seeing her dad's behavior and actions with her mother, as well as her bad experiences with other men.

She just couldn't, which hurt both of them, and their relationship had become a bit tense.

More time passed, and although the duo were still friends in a sense, their friendship was slowly becoming merely a formal recognition.

Liohime had got himself a girlfriend named Tisha Marsey, and Jolene had spotted them walking home together while being hidden from their sight.

The stress from the brutality of her job and other factors, along with seeing Liohime being genuinely happy with someone else was overwhelming, which led to her first real breakdown.

Then, she finally called Liohime to meet her, and then seduced and coerced him into sex, despite her initially rejecting him a long time ago, signalling one of many mistakes that she regretted.

"Why…would you do that, Jolene, when you said that you had no interest in me?"

"..."

They both had their backs faced to each other, as they both sat on the edges of the bed a few minutes after, and Liohime was rightfully troubled, as he had his own girlfriend to worry about.

"You took my virginity. You know that? And you simply decided to use me for sex, anyway, just to relieve yourself of stress. You don't really fucking care about me, huh?"

"I-I'm…sorr-"

"Forget it. I'm out of here."

Liohime cleaned himself up and left, leaving Jolene to curse herself with guilt, knowing that she did something stupid and that their relationship was now most likely broken completely.

Then, about a month later, Tisha had found out about Liohime's connection to the Shinigami Soldiers, and after a heated argument, they broke up.

Jolene opened her door as she heard knocks, and was completely baffled by Liohime's presence.

"Lio…?"

"Can I come in?"

"S-Sure."

Despite their rough past, Jolene was still pretty much still the closest person to Liohime due to his extremely small social group, and as he poured out his heart to her, mentioning how he and Tisha broke up and that he had no clue what to do, she really listened, until Liohime was about to leave.

"Lio, about what happened between us-"

"Don't remind me-"

"No, we really have to talk about it-"

"No!!"

He tried to move away from her, but she pulled him back and tripped, and Liohime fell on top of her on the living room floor.

He had held down her wrists tightly, and Jolene's eyes wavered, before averting her eyes and showing no signs of restraint.

"You can get payback if you want, you know. I won't be mad, and I won't fight it."

"What…are you-"

"You know what I'm talking about. It's fine, Lio."

She pulled him in closer.

"We both have nobody, and you clearly still don't like me to get into a relationship with me, so…how about we just use each other to get the stress out, huh?"

Using each other…that was what Jolene had proposed…

…Beginning the complex connection between the two that continued for a long while until Matsuo Yamamoto found out and put an end to it.

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