A pained smirk curved across Gideon's face the moment he realized he was back and standing in front of Vera's door. As he stood there staring at her door again, he thought that it was funny how his body just seemed to move to where she was like this without him even realizing. 

He had to disappear from Kione's view because he could feel himself getting crazily provoked by him again. Thinking of how Kione was fighting with him for Vera was enough to get him riled up and he could not believe he actually felt an intense bloodlust towards his friend. Therefore, all he could do was to only leave, afraid that he would do something that he regrets later on as his mind was a complete mess right now. He could feel himself wavering so badly. 

Leaning his back against the door and lightly slamming his head back, Gideon shut his eyes tiredly and then he slid down to sit on the floor. He could not believe all these things were happening now, especially during this crucial moment. He should not have… brought her back here with him… he should have listened to his inner voice that had been clanging non-stop in its warning to him. Why? Why did he have to meet with her that night? 

Now he understood what was behind the crazy warning bells that had rung so ferociously within him the moment he had laid eyes on her. Now he realized why his mind, his darkness seemed hellbent in making him believe that taking her with him was a very bad idea. If things were to continue like this, she… she was going to ruin everything… everything he had been working so hard for so many years. All his intricate plans and sweat and blood invested in it, it might all come crashing down in shambles due to her influence in his life right now. 

He shook his head and then bumped the back of his head against the door again in agitation. No… he must not allow anyone to ruin his well made plans, not even her. He had tightly shut his heart closed to almost everyone for such a long time, even going to the extent of cutting himself off from all those that he cared for. For years, his heart had been as dead as driftwood and as cold as ice. And he did not mind it one bit at all, comforting himself in the knowledge that for him to succeed with his plans, he must remove all the distractions in his life, even if that involves his very own heart and emotions, he was fully willing to kill them all off for the success of his plan being carried out.

Everything was originally going perfectly according to his plan, smoothly and without hiccups, until… until she appeared out of nowhere. Why? Why did he have to set his eyes on her that fateful night? Why did he ever allowed her to touch him in the first place? Thinking back now, he had never allowed any women to touch him before this. So why did he allow her to? He did not know how she had done it, but before he had realized it, he found himself being clutched by those little frail fingers. 

Shaking his head again, Gideon tugged at his hair in frustration. No, he could not allow this lady to hold any more control over him. He must not allow this madness to continue on any longer. This madness, it must stop now. Before… before everything unravels, and it was too late for regrets and turning back. 

And besides, as he further thought on it, he realised that what Kione said was right. No, it was right to say that he knew it all along. She would be much better off with someone else rather than him. Someone like her… an angel like her… she should not be subjected to fly through hell with him. She had already suffered enough in the short duration of her young life. Her being with him would only bring on more pain to herself and invite on more suffering. And that was one thing that he was sure of – she must not be allowed to suffer anymore. Not now after being rescued by him, and definitely not because of him. She is one woman who deserves someone better, someone who does not have such massive baggage to carry, and someone who can stay with her, loving her, forever until the end of their lives together. 

Staring at the floor, Gideon tugged at his hair harder, a little absentmindedly. A shaky breath escaped from his lips and when he finally opened his eyes from his deep contemplation, they were once again calm. The wisp of darkness that was quietly swirling around him like they were trying to comfort or protect him also settled down and silently entered his body again, disappearing as though it was never there in the first place. 

He stood up from his slumped over position on the floor, his fists unclenched now as he reached out for the door handle. 

The sight that greeted him when she swung the door open was one of Vera, who was still sitting on the bed, hugging her knees tightly to herself. Curled up in that position, she looked so small and so alone. 

Seeing her always disorient him no matter how strong his resolve was. She could be described as a wildfire coming at him with full force, with the intention of melting all the walls he had erected and built for so long. But Gideon now no longer plan to just stand there and allow her to do as she wished to him. He had a stronger grasp on himself now. No matter how devastating her effect was on him, he was going to try his best to withstand it. Because this was all for her sake as well. He knew that if she were to get entangled with him, it would spell nothing but trouble and more heartache for her. And for him as well, but that was not the point here.

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[Mass release 1/8]

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