"Dao? Is that the Chinese level up novel thing? I'm somewhat familiar, yeah? But for the longest time I thought it's Tao… You know, Taoism?"

Even when snuggling inside a half-naked woman lap, I was still very capable of being insufferably autistic.

"It's interchangable, Daoism is also a word." She held me closer, embracing me in her arms as she reached for the remote in front on the table where my phone is, and started clicking at her wall-mounted TV.

"Mmmm" I groaned a bit by my throat, "I'm not too familiar, why do you ask?"

Tanya, as per usual, kept her calm, relaxed eyes with a faint smile, some kind of piano music started playing from the TV… I couldn't see what it was, because my eyes were fixated on the woman who might start cannibalize me any second now.

"A direct translation of Dao would be Path, it is the concept of your destiny, and your personal code of conducts as you live and go through life."

Tanya took a deep breath, her left hand carressed my hair as she continued.

"A little guy once told me… A man without path is a very strange entity. And you sure are one strange entity, Cory."

"I don't- What are you even trying to say? That I need to assimilate myself to Taoism?" I got defensive, "What do you reckon I do? How am I strange? You're the freakiest person I know and you're calling me strange, dude?"

The tunes of piano was accompanied with flute and some kind of string instruments that was close to a viola, but not it, which flustered me.

"I think you need to find yourself a path, a purpose that you find fulfilling, even if it's out of reach and unobtainable."

"I have one!" I almost jumped, "To finish the game!"

We both paused.

"Look into my eyes, Cory."

I was, but when she said that, I looked away, buried my eyes into her waist.

"Cory?" She said, dragging her voice as if scolding me.

"Nuh uh…" I deflected.

"Are you sure that is your true path?"

"... I guess…" I paused, "Not."

Once again she went quiet, leaving me room to admit my primordial sin.

"I want to be loved."

Perhaps she was satisfied with that answer. Tanya leaned down and gave me a little kiss on my cheek.

I closed my eyes, and let go of my muscles, which was enough for me to lose my position started rolling down to the floor, but Tanya scooped me up and held me tighter in her arms. My rear were positioned between her legs, my knees and shoulder on her thighs while she held me head up. Surprised me how much she can spread.

"Am I like… Your pet now?" I whispered, "I won't be mind if I rot here."

"Wouldn't living with the Sonders be more fulfilling?" Tanya asked.

Before giving her an answer, I got irritated at the position which put a slight strain on my neck, so I sat upright again and turned to the front, still sitting between her legs. I leaned backwards and let Tanya hugged me, her legs closed in and rubbed against mine, somewhat entrapping me in place, though very loosely and I could just stand up at any time.

"You ask a very hard question…" I sighed, "It's like… Life seems meaningless now that all my primal needs are fulfilled. I'm fed, I have shelter, and I have sex more than once a month with all these new weird quacky relationships I have… In-game and offline."

I continued.

"But like… I feel stuck between wanting more and wanting less… God I am horrible, I feel terrible, I feel like an asshole, an ungrateful brat, a… What's the Filipino word? Kulit, I felt like a fucking kulit."

"Kulit?" Tanya tilted her head, resting it on my shoulder.

"It's untranslatable, I play video games a lot of so I know a lot of Asian and Northern European slurs… It's like [brat] or [gremlin] or [annoying]... Fucking wo-ai–ni-ma Cory."

She nodded, and this time, I felt the need to turn over to her and placed my lips on her cheek, though I did not feel the urge to give her that kiss I should.

Then, she spoke.

"Is love the achievement you yearn for, Cory?"

"That's the only thing I could think of right now… I don't trust therapists enough to figure out my brain and find my happiness." I answered, slowly but surely returning to my non-newtonian state, "What about you, Tanya? You asked a lot but I don't know anything about you, what is your Dao? What do you yearn for?"

"It's complicated." She answered.

"Hit me with it, I'm smart, do say." I said lazily.

She paused for a second, just as the music from the TV stopped.

"My Dao is to be pathless…" Tanya said.

Her Dao is to be pathless…?

"Your Dao is to be pathless?" I said with a confused tone, "If you may, please elaborate."

"Maybe not today, my friend, maybe not today."

And just like that, we sat there for a long while.

Then we cuddled on her bed, just like we did last time, skin to skin, a blanket to cover the cold, just like how she liked it.

Midnight came and Tanya taught me how to make a whole chicken soup pot with every and any leftovers vegetable… That one can refridgerate and store for a week or two. Nothing but water, chopped up stuff, raw chicken, spices, and heat, that was it.

We stood out in the balcony, fully naked, both of us, feeling the wind smashed through our flesh. I tried a cigarette; it tasted horrible, just like how I remembered it, can never get into these stuff.

When the washer was finished with my dress, Tanya went and hang it to dry—though I doubt it will by morning, since it's cold out—while I approached her from behind, wrapped my hand around her waist, and pressed my cheek against her shoulder blades, a very non-committing hug.

I slept as well as a baby that night.

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