"Ready to run, errand bo–"

"HEY!" The shout came in a nasally voice. Every head turned together, including the hundreds of tiny plastic ones that creaked. Even the spelt bread collectible managed a roll to place it's face side toward the caller. The forming crowd turned their phones and surprised faces to join in on the fun.

From the other side of the prone people under Snu's Skill waddled a man wearing a skin-tight anime T-shirt that showed off his veritable paunch. His coal black toupee was thick as a pelt and only loosely affiliated with his scalp. It bounced as he marched towards them. Two goons wearing business casual trench coats and giant swords flanked him. One was holding a clipboard.

"Uh oh…" Alex [Identified] them to see what the heck they were dealing with. His gut, which he was learning to trust, was screaming to fly away. He knew those clipboards. Anyone with any sense in the post System world knew that you avoided the clipboards at all costs.

Not the clipboards…Alex thought as dread descended in his gut.

[Bart Audicticus III - Tax Guild Auditor 6000]

[Reginald Mortifax - Tax Guild Auditor 3000]

[Rex Kawaii-senpai - Professional Rawr Enjoyer]

"Snu!" Alex pulled her arm again. "We need to leave! Those are Tax Guild members! They don't fuck around! All trade is taxed."

"Oh no," The clerk moaned, all glassy eyed. "I'm in so much t-trouble." She added like she was the cause of the destroyed shop and the legion of Familiar Toys watching from the floor.

Snu was facing them like she was considering a fight. Which would have been bold. She would likely come out on top due to her Boss Skills, but no one tangoed with the Tax Guild and got away forever. They didn't just hire muscle, they poached all the top talent. Ex-Adventurers from every clan with a fetish for paperwork and fractions were paid handsomely, handed enchanted clipboards forged in bureaucratic Hell, given swords that would trap your souls, and clicky-pens that bent time and summed rows. All to make sure the Council got their ten percent of legal trade.

The Toy Familiars huddled even closer to Snu. The cat collection whimpered and meowed, while the dinosaurs started crying. Worst of all, Snu's Skill that had temporarily knocked Alex's brain to his good boy mode seemed to not be bringing the newcomers under her Domain. It would affect the shop owner or the Auditors if it was still on. Though Alex wasn't sure Snu's Skills would work at all on the Tax Guild members. How could Desire or Lust based Skills work on those who bathed in receipts and subsisted on dExcel spreadsheets?

"Snu!" Alex yelled again. Was she really considering squaring off?

"You're going to pay for this!" Rex Kawaii-senpai barked, his belly jiggling with fury as he stepped over the prone crowd. "Rare collectibles, with the import tax to top it off! Six figures, easy! Multiple commas! Two commas!"

"Oooooooooh no, my paycheeeck." the clerk moaned again and started shaking while Snu seemed to be weighing her options.

"Cease and desist!" Bart Audicticus III stated, holding forth his clipboard. "I command you to halt for immediate audit procedures or face the full force of frontal lobe and Credit seizure. Please comply with our demands."

Snu flexed her jaw for one last second. Her tail…nope that was just her shadow casting over the Toys, twitched. Then she exhaled.

"Fine," she said as Bart and his clipboard got closer. "Ready to run, erran–"

"Let's go! We have to run! Stop with the line!" Alex interrupted her.

She turned to the moaning crowd and began to cast something. Any by cast, she began some form of interpretive dance. Her arms waved like inflatable car dealership tube guys, and she started muttering what sounded just like "oontz oontz oontz" under her breath. To anyone still under the control of [Domain of Desire] she was probably singing like a siren and promising grape jelly from her legs. But to Alex, she looked like ridiculous.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm casting. Don't make me put you under again." she said with full seriousness.

"Oh. My mistake. Carry on then."

She finished her number with a loud, violent clap. And the world moaned around her. A pink shimmer radiated out and around the kneeling crowd. It swept through their heads, hearts, and prefrontal cortex as her Skill took hold. Like obedient white knights after the woman of their dreams, they rose. Every single person shot up grinning and drooling. The guy who'd been licking the floor rose too, but had also ripped out the cobblestone with his teeth. "For you, wolf master!" someone yelled. "Please, please, please, please," another begged.

Then the simps charged straight at the Tax Guild Auditors and Rex.

"Ooooooh nooo," the clerk moaned.

A moshpit of raw desire smashed into Bart, Reginald, and Rex. It was a scene out of the Notebook. One man sacrificed his body on the clipboard while sobbing. Another went straight for Rex's waist and rugby tackled him perfectly. Bart screeched as three girls tackled him and were yelling about being "waifus for life."

"CEASE! CEASE THIS!" Bart screamed as he fought for his clipboard. Reginald's sword was being licked. Rex's wig was torn off and shoved down his throat.

Snu looked back at Alex and raised a sassy eyebrow. Alex cackled like a mad man. The toys joined in too, realizing they were allowed.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

"Ooooooooooooohh no–"

"Will you shut the fuck up!?" They snapped at the clerk together. Then Snu threw out her hand and something heavy flashed through the air and hit the desk with a thunk. The entire thing wobbled, and the clerk squealed. A gold sized bar the size of a soda can spun to a stop. It had an unnatural gleam, as it was somehow more than just gold. Alex [identified] it.

[Dungeon Gold Chunk]

Snu was already turning back to Alex and the Toy Familiars. "This'll cover the phone, and your job for…uh…like a year. You'll probably have to get a new one…sorry."

"Ooooh….ooookkk," the clerk whimpered and vanished in slow motion under the desk. "Thank you…" came her muffled voice as her hand came up and snatched the loot payment.

Alex's mouth was open. Of course she had a [Dimensional Space], one of the rarest Skills around. Of course she was loaded up the whazoos. She should have been paying for the date, now that he was thinking about it! She was a rich Dungeon Boss!

Is that where she put the shirt she stole?...

He shook his head just in time to process that it was still chaos around him. People were watching the fighting crowd of worshippers, Tax Guilders, and Rex. Bart was screeching about 'violations of Code 2319," someone had Reginald in a headlock while another was singing him a lullaby, and Rex was…it's probably best to not talk about what was happening with Rex from the waifus and his toupee. Snu was crouched and talking to the Familiar Toy legion. Petting a piece of spelt bread while the Toys were jumping all over her. The rest of the horde surrounded her, quivering and awaiting what to do. She looked up at Alex and gave him the most mischievous smile he'd ever seen.

Guh. I think I'm in love. Saving Familiars and about to leg it with me?

"Let's get out of here. See who's faster." She bolted for the back, short legs somehow moving fast. "Let's go, errand boy!" She finally rattled off. The toy army squeaked, roared, howled, sizzled, and scampered after her in a wave of perfected adorable chaos. The tiny plastic dog that had been on Alex's shoulder bared and launched itself with plastic legs. There were pink dragons flapping stubby wings, a toaster set complete with real ceramic plates with faces, monkeys with bowler hat variety, an octopus and all their aquatic friends, at least two dozen gundams using working rockets, action figures in plastic spandex, and instruments playing. They poured out of the back after Snu. Sure they tripped over each other in their desperation. Forgivable, as they were running for their unbonded lives.

Cue the run away montage.

They ran through the back alleys. Alex was in the lead as he knew every nook, cranny, and slip through Toronto. He didn't use his movement Skills, because clearly their chasers were occupied. Snu barely kept up, and he was definitely faster, but she did pinch him when he let her. The Familiar toys flopped, bounced, and blasted down the alleys behind them. The monkeys swung from everything, most of the Toys hobbled as best as they could, and the dogs and animals slinked. At one point, the sentient cheese group began shouting in french about revolution, but Snu shut them up with a glare. They zipped through Dundas East. Dodging around around vitamin stores and foodcarts as they ran and hid at the same time. Snu howled and cackled and Alex kept it mostly under control. Hopefully the people under Snu's Skill had finally stopped. Alex didn't worry too much, since Snu didn't seem bothered. If anything, she looked to be having a blast running through the city with him and the Toys.

Grand theft…That's a good date, right?

At one point, Alex hoped to see Petal Gravewhistle whistling them into a secret Garden Gnome tunnel like a city pied piper, but no such luck. Emilio and the Gnomes were probably doing something cultish or violent. Mary, Jemin, and the boys were likely having a blast.

Finally, after many back alleys, and one stern talking to from Snu to the dogs about city garbage, they arrived into the alley that led to Snu's Dungeon. She was wild eyed and laughing, covered in a dozen Familiar Toys that hung onto her like koala babies. They had made it. Scott free.

She led the way, past the bald security guard from 'SPANKTUARY', who just stared and dropped his sandwich, around the mouse market, over the multi-colored puddle, and she even stopped a second to pet the slinky chain for a moment. Alex was having a blast. But the sinking feeling in his gut wasn't totally gone.

He was worried about the Tax Guild Auditors using some identifying Skill on Snu. What if they discovered she was a Dungeon Boss? Tracked her down to her Dungeon and raided it brutally? He could at least change his Title out, and just go back to [Alex - Iron Rank]. What if the people under her Skill didn't stop, and Rex's poor skull was licked raw straight to his brain? His toupee definitely wasn't supposed to go there. Were they able to [Identify] Snu? And know that a Dungeon Boss had just stolen…freed a bunch of Familiar Toys? He threw an [Identify] on her.

[Snu Johnson - Totally Human]

"What to hell…"

Snu snorted and looked over her shoulder. "Checking me out? Haven't you ogled enough already?" she teased.

Alex nearly choked, but he wanted some answers. "How-how do you hide who you really are? How are you not displayed as a Dungeon Boss?"

She winked. "Learned a few tricks from my sister. We do share some things, you know. Not everything. Definitely not you."

Alex swallowed, shoved the thoughts of two Snu's down, and tried to wrap his head around how powerful she was. Domain skills, dimensional storage, lust based skills, ordering crowds of people to do her bidding. With loving Familiars to boot, and not in the weird bonded ownership way. They arrived at the entrance to the Leather Spires, where the gargoyles were picking at their stone scalps.

"Larry," She greeted the one with a nod. "Barry." They gave her a little half salute before freezing back into inert stone. "Thanks for watching the place."

Crowded around the door were the hundreds of Familiar Toys. They waited with plastic wide eyes and seemed hopeful. A small baguette shaped one did bang what was supposed to be its face on the door, but they were by and large a well behaved bunch.

"And your Skill? Aren't I immune to Lust based Skills? If I carry…" He patted his pocket and felt the warm pair of underwear inside. He hadn't forgotten it before leaving for the date. Needed your wits about you on a first date. That was the thought, at least. He did however, forget that his car was parked on the street, and definitely out of time. Not that he thought to check his notifications.

"Oh, Alex. The crowd will be done some time ago. No one will be permanently hurt, save for that shop." She laughed before continuing. "Besides, Lust is different than Desire. You should know that. Don't be such a boy." She shoved open her Dungeon doors. The perfume wafted out, and from inside, low jazz spilled out.

"That Skill was called Dominion of Desire. Not lust."

The Toys screeched in delight and charged inside like eager children.

"Vrshkeuc is going to be pissed, because she's taking care of them." She said and started walking into the Leather Spires without looking back. She was definitely swaying her hips.

"Aren't you coming in?" she said over her shoulder. "Don't you desire me, Alex? And after that fantastic date? I know I do."

"Damn. Good date then?" one of the gargoyles asked. He wasn't sure if it was Larry or Barry.

He stepped through the door, eyes locked on her backside. He could already hear Vrshkeuc swearing about where they were supposed to sleep. Not with the Gremlin, apparently.

"Yeah," Alex said with flushed cheeks as the doors to the Leather Spires closed behind him. "Decent date, I'd say."

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