Professor Neuronium stood no taller than Alex's knees. The Dungeon Boss was a mech in the form of an adult iguana. Servos whirred as the robotic body moved in a series of stiff lizard slaps against the laminate, each step a metallic thwap-thwap-thwap-thwap. His arms and body swung as he walked towards Alex, just like a chunky, well fed house pet. At the center of the body, where the lizard head should be, was a simple sealed glass jar attached to the body. And inside that thick jar was yellow-tinged fluid that housed the preserved body of a bearded dragon. Said bearded dragon matched the gait of the mech in the liquid. Alex shook his head and [Identified] the Dungeon Boss because he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

[Professor Neuronium - Ontario Science Center Head Scientist]

The real Professor, a preserved bearded dragon in a jar, had faded gold scales and a frilled neck that somehow looked scholarly. Tiny wire-rimmed glasses sat on the snout and two intelligent eyes looked at Alex. Its little arms moved to mimic the mech's motions perfectly as it approached. The lizard raised a clawed hand inside the jar, and the mech matched the move, offering Alex a machine handshake. Of course he shook it. No, he hadn't said anything yet.

"Any friend of Nino and Nina is a friend of mine," said the Professor, voice coming out clear and distinguished from behind the glass. "How are they? Why, it must have been years since I've seen either."

Alex returned the shake, still analyzing the lizard, before snapping out of it for fear of being rude. "They're–yeah. They're doing good. Said you were an old friend?"

"Old friend, yes! Terrifying people, those two. Ask Nino to tell you about how he secured the parts for Pickles. Nina about how she destroyed a clan for stealing a recipe. Wonderful people."

That surprised Alex. Nino and Nina had once upon a time been Adventurers? Or normal? Before the whole Lich thing?

A small clattering sounded as Pickles scrambled up beside them. Pickles, like Professor Neuronium, was a mech, but in the shape of a chihuahua with tank treads for paws and a jar on the end of its neck that glowed a sickly green. Inside floated a large tadpole, with a contentedly twitching tail. Neuronium pat the side of Pickles' jar with love. "They left me in a drawer, you know! Forgotten for forty seven years! Poor Pickles and I, shoved in a drawer in a forgotten closet. But here I am! And Pickles kept me company – so I gave him legs. With Nino's help."

Is this guy ranting to me like an old guy?

Pickles pattered over to Alex and headbutted his shin. Alex looked between the pair and then back at the collapsed DeLorean monster.

"Weirdest Dungeon yet, I'd say."

Professor Neuronium's lizard gaze followed Alex's and landed on the collapsed DeLorean monster. He froze, and then yelped. "Marty! I completely forgot you were on patrol–he was supposed to escort you! Not engage! I should have–"

The lizard and tadpole took off towards the monster. Pickles poked the fallen transformer with his glass jar, and Professor Neuronium clapped his hands together with a loud clang. He looked back at Alex. "My deepest apologies, young man. I get distracted with projects, you see. Even though Pickles over here is supposed to REMIND ME!"

"Wait–," Alex jogged over and pointed at the DeLorean monster. "You named the DeLorean monster Marty?"

"Yes, of course. After my favorite documentary about time travel," the Professor said while waving his hands. Before Alex could respond, Neuronium snapped his little claw fingers.

WHOOOOM.

The air suddenly changed in the gift shop. Metal from everywhere groaned and the walls vibrated. Suddenly, hundreds of wires, screws, panels, disassembled parts, and bolts came flying out from the vents, shelves, and the cafeteria. They coalesced around Marty, the DeLorean monster with a silly name, and spun violently. Pickles backed up as the parts flew toward Marty. The cloud of parts started to fuse into his crushed chassis. Sparks burst as Marty's metal body began to knit back together. The DeLorean monster's headlight eyes flashed on, and as the metal stopped fusing, it stood slowly. Still scratched, but definitely better. Then Marty roared its engine. Professor Neuronium wiped his metal hands together and Pickles leapt into Marty's waiting hands.

He fixed that thing with a snap! How strong is this guy?

"There. Good as new. Now say sorry Marty," Neuronium looked back at Alex and gave him a thumbs up.

Marty rumbled out, "Sorry. There have been…a lot of Adventurers. Killing us. Over and over. I do not like time loops."

"Uhh-oh yeah," Alex nodded like it was totally normal to have a monster apologizing. "No problem?"

"Perfect!" Professor Neuronium chipped in. "Now come! Let's get you a tip."

He turned and ran off towards the cafeteria. Pickles rode shotgun in Marty's restored arms. The trio darted towards the cafeteria double doors like it was just another Tuesday. Which to them, it likely was. That's what Alex got a reminder notification about his delivery.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining: 0:29]

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"Professor!" he yelled. He still had the crushed but steaming pizza box. "You have to take the pizza! TAKE THE DAMN PIZZA!" He sprinted after them. Alex skidded into the Dungeon Boss Lair and stopped. It looked like a hybrid between a bachelor pad, a nerd's haven, and a science lab.

There were well worn lobby couches surrounding a wall of TVs playing different animes on varying degrees of volume. He was pretty sure he even spotted Sailor Moon, and was that Vinland Saga? Those files were supposedly lost in the System collapse. Colourful rugs hung on the wall between vintage movie posters. A real punching bag hung near the cluttered electronics workbench that was filled with gadgets and gizmos. A massive empty mech in the shape of a dragon with four legs stood in the corner. Potted plants lined shelves and were kept healthy by dangling lights. He snapped his jaw shut and remembered he was about to fail a delivery. And then face Nina's wrath.

"Please! Just take it! Nina doesn't play. I've heard about the slipper!" Professor Neuronium turned and calmly reached out and took the pizza box from Alex's hands.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Complete]

[CREDITS: 123 -> 173]

Alex sagged, relieved. He'd made it. He'd delivered the damn pizza in time again. Made it through the scientist's Dungeon, learned something new about Nina and Nino, pushed his Skills to the maximum…and hopefully was about to get some fantastic loot for a tip.

Marty, with Pickles still in his giant arms, crushed an already very collapsed couch as he sat on it. Neuronium unscrewed the lid on his jar with a little pop, and with his metal hands, tore off a slice, ripped a bite sized piece, and dropped the pepperoni and pepper pizza into his formaldehyde like he was his own koi fish. Inside the jar, the preserved lizard's jaws opened, and he grabbed the piece. Bubbles rose as he munched. Still eating, Neuronium tossed Pickles and Marty their own slice. Marty pressed a slice against his grill and the pizza started to be absorbed into the metal. The giant robot also unscrewed Pickles' lid and tossed in a little bite for the tadpole, who happily munched as well.

Alex just watched.

Ew? Cool? You know what? Pretty neat.

"Do you know what it's like to be farmed, Alex? Me? Me! An arbiter of knowledge. Curator of these halls. And those…those Krushers-KRUSHERS!--they come in here like I'm just going to wait to be harvested." The professor began pacing and tossing pizza chunks to munch on.

"It used to be Adventurers respected the Dungeon Bosses. Yes – we would get killed and respawn. Earn your loot, and all that. But they'd have us cultivate our strength again. After all, the longer we're alive, the better the loot. Why, another time or two and I'll be downgraded to Bronze. No, no, that musn't happen."

That was news to Alex. He didn't know that little tidbit. Neuronium spun and flailed his arms.

"Yesterday, they bring a new Adventurer on a leash! A leash! Like they could barely control her. Do you know what her Skill does? Hmmm? I can see Skills you know, like all Dungeon Bosses. Nice [Illusory Copy] by the way, it'll get you far. This…woman…this beast!--tried to Familiar bind me. Me! Turn me into a pet they could unleash!"

Alex coughed as the Professor munched on a pepperoni slice. "Wait. Wait. You're saying that Dungeon Bosses can be turned into Familiars? You can be turned into a Familiar?" His heart practically dropped out of his chest. The Krushers had an Adventurer that could turn Bosses into Familiars? That was…well that was terrible.

I need to warn Snu.

Neuronium pointed a hand at him. "Exactly! Oh–they'll keep coming back. Because every time they kill me, I get weaker. And weaker. Soon, I don't know if I can push off that Skill. Do you know how many times they've farmed Marty? Eight. And Pickles?" He wheeled back to the pizza to pull another slice. Alex's guts were churning. He needed to warn Snu…and what kind of Adventurer needed to be kept on a leash?

Britanii?

"If they can bind you…what happens if they succeed?"

Neuronium stopped pacing and tapped his grease covered metal hand on his glass jar with a clink-clink-clink. "I don't know. It's never been done, as far as the annals tell. And by annals, I mean Dungeon Boss chats. Maybe I'm a pet? Maybe they use me outside of the Dungeon? I can't be sure. But I can't have it."

He looked away, clutching the edge of a desk full of old radios for support. Pickles jumped out of Marty's arm and headbutted the Professor's ankle with another clink.

Alex took it all in. The Krusher's were looting Dungeons. Farming them, and also trying to make Dungeon Bosses Familiars. Turning them into tools for some unknown purpose. And it seemed that nobody gave a damn.

Neuronium turned back. "Council? Silent. I've messaged them! Tax Guild? Hah! They're probably in on it. And they get a cut for every sale of a Familiar." He looked up at Alex with fiery eyes.

"But this is too big for you, Alex. I'm sorry for ranting. It's just…you know Nino and Nina. And if they vouch for you? Well, then I consider you a friend," The Professor tossed another bite of pizza into his jar and then another slice to Marty.

"This pizza though? Once I'm done eating every last bit of this delicious pie? Extra pepperoni and peppers? Oh…when they come back tonight. And they will come back tonight. They have no idea what's going to hit them. Right boys?" Neuronium looked at Marty and Pickles. Marty just gave a thumbs up and absorbed his second slice.

Alex sat back on his heels as the Dungeon Boss and his monsters munched. He wanted to help. No part of him thought Dungeon Bosses being turned into Familiars was a good thing. Sure, the whole Adventurer getting murdered in them wasn't great. But the alternative was far more grim. Krushers turning Dungeon Bosses, who were stuck for the most part in their little domains, into personal slaves? Unleashing them outside under Krusher control?

And then there was SNu. His chest tightened. And Britanii. She was a Dungeon Boss now. What if the Krusher's went after Snu? What if that collar wearing Adventurer was sent to bind her? Britanii hated her. Would that psycho really pass up the chance to drag her out in chains?

He needed to warn her, and needed to tell someone. Mary, Jemin, Emilio, someone. But what was he supposed to say? "Hey, Dungeon Bosses are being enslaved by a really slimy Clan, heads up?" A text wouldn't cut it. This wasn't good, or fair. And regardless, right now, he couldn't do anything about it. He needed to finish his shift.

Neuronium tossed another chunk of pizza into his jar and turned back to Alex. "And now, your tip. Let me get you something good, since I owe Nino and Nina…"

In Alex's head, a little idea sparked.

"Actually," he said, standing straighter. "Can I make a request, Professor?"

"Request? Yes of course. Anything," Neuronium said then immediately backtracked. "No, you can't have Marty or Pickles."

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