Alex teleported into his clone's smug body, and immediately realized there was no solid ground beneath his feet. The platform his clone had been striking a pose on had rotated away the instant before he activated the Skill, leaving him to plummet toward the Olympic pool of rainbow-hued, popping, exploding acid below.
"Nooo!" He flailed and dropped while still holding the pizza box and his Stone Sword. If he hit the liquid, he'd detonate like the rock he'd tested. The pizza would be burnt alongside him. No more Alex, no more pepper pizza, just goo. Professor Neuronium would likely be putting in a complaint to Nino. All in all, not a great situation.
He snapped off a desperate, eyes closed [Phantom Step], trying to blink upwards to the platform and catch himself. Through the underspace he teleported in a flash ten feet higher. The rotating metal box was still just out of reach. He kicked his legs wildly and caught nothing but air before dropping back towards the exploding pool again.
He squeezed his Core again, firing off another [Phantom Step]. His body ripped through the underspace and this time, he hit. And by hit, he literally slammed his shoulder into the underside of the platform with a bit of a crunch, knocking the air out of him. He managed to fling his arm up and latch onto the lip of the metal platform through his wheezing.
"GHhhhhh–YES!" he wheezed.
The pizza box, miraculously still gripped, was crushed on one side, and his shoulder hurt like hell, but he was being slowly dragged upward by the platform that was righting itself. He faced the entrance of the room, from where he had first leapt. It rotated slowly, dragging Alex up like a twisted claw machine. He dangled from the edge, pizza box smooshed, and legs swinging uselessly above the acid jacuzzi.
Bit by bit, he rose. Bit by bit…he saw it.
The DeLorean monster stood in the room's entrance. Steam rose from its chassis. Torn vines dangled around it. There were bite marks where metal plating should have been. It was dented, and cracked, and Alex could see its car guts. Its grill head tilted, straw hat still on and cocked sideways. Apparently, the dinos had gotten a taste of metal. Its headlight eyes just stared at Alex, and Alex stared back.
For a few seconds, the pair just stared at each other. Alex dangling above the pool, the monster staring at him like an old pal. The bubble of rainbow acid popped and made a sound like a grunt. Delivery boy and murderous Dungeon car monster just watched each other. A full five seconds passed and Alex could almost scramble up the platform.
"So, uh," Alex said to the monster, still kicking his feet. "You come here often or something?"
The DeLorean monster didn't twitch, but it did launch itself towards the wall of the room. It slammed its fists into the stone wall beside the entrance. Metal fingers punched into the wall like climbing picks, and the whole cat transformer began scaling sideways, crablike, its straw hat somehow still on and angled just right.
"Of course," Alex groaned and hauled himself up onto the still turning platform. "The elusive time traveling murder crab car. How could I have forgotten?"
Alex flopped onto the platform, mouth breathing loudly to catch his breath. The pizza box was crushed on one side, but it was still warm and sealed. Which meant deliverable. He gave his shoulder a little test roll. "Yep. That's going to suck in the morning. No fastballs for me." The DeLorean monster was wall-climbing furiously. It slipped once, with sparks flying as its claws tore deep grooves into the wall, but it scrambled back up.
Alex stood and stared across the rest of the room. Dozens of moving platforms, some rotating, some flipping, a few snapping shut like a book just for a dash of murder flavour. He plotted his route as best as he could. Jump there, [Phantom Step] that one. Drop to that level, over to spinning one.
Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Right? Right.
He jumped, and it was smooth. A parkour style launch that even the internet trolls would updoot. The second was less so. He slid across and banged his shin hard enough to feel the bruise appear. He didn't stop, though, and the pizza rode above, steady in one hand. He [Phantom Stepped], blinking forward to a narrow beam, balancing like a tightrope walker. He smiled. It was fun to get grooving through a murder room.
SCREEEEECH.
The DeLorean monster was halfway across the wall now. It slipped and skidded down five more feet towards the fun death soup. One wheel almost got too close and started to melt before it scrambled itself back up with renewed turbo energy. Alex took a final leap, threw his legs forward, and landed on the other side with a tuck and roll that seriously tweaked his shoulder. The pizza however, remained sealed and toasty.
He stood there for a second to pant, until he heard the DeLorean monster let out a shriek. One of its wheel rim feet was smoking and it was clearly struggling to be all crablike. For just half a second, Alex felt bad. It was, after all, a semi sentient DeLorean. To Alex, it was part of history. Then he checked the delivery time.
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[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining: 17:20]
"Right," he said to himself while watching the DeLorean monster enter full on panic mode. The poor monster didn't even care that its hat fell and exploded. "No sympathy for things that try to murder me. Gotta get my act together."
Alex ran out of the modern physics death trap with one last look over his shoulder. The DeLorean monster was clawing at the wall. He winced. He almost felt bad for the monster, but he still had a delivery to make. And any nut job who took care of this Dungeon would surely have some good loot in place of Credit tips. So he bolted, holding the slightly compromised pizza box firmly.
The next room was wet. Some kind of aquarium exhibit that reeked of brine and salt. The centerpiece was a giant tank with thousands of fish and visible gold chests in the middle. Alex immediately thought about how much Emilio would love it. The fish were locked in an aquatic battle, dolphin and sharks duking it out while the prize waited in the middle. Seemed like a good trap to get some Adventurers diving in. Surrounding the room were smaller tanks of jacked fish. Giant fish with shredded gill muscles leapt, screamed, and smoked cigarettes. They were smashing through their tanks with pointy weapons. They'd smash the glass, sending chunks everywhere, and try to take his head off. The glass would reform in some never ending flood frenzy of self filling tanks. One came within inches of his face, a flying pike with tattoos, a floppy cigarette, and a bloody butcher knife. It was screaming "GET SOME!"
He popped [Illusory Copy] and directed the smug bastard into the fray. His clone popped into existence, gave the fish a flirty wink, and immediately began getting dogpilled and wisped away by roided-out salmon, an eel with an eyepatch and brass knuckles, and a camo coloured crab wielding a shiv. The faux body of the clone pieced itself back together as it was blown away like light smoke.
Alex used the moment to dash down the slick side and slipped as he schooched by a thicker tanks that weren't exploding. Charging him were dozens of aquatic snails the size of washroom garbage bins, all different bright colours and scarred, spraying globs of mucusy sludge. Alex's foot caught one of the loogies. He almost slipped, but slid matrix-style as a vascular tentacle eyeball whizzed over him and the pizza box. The snails turned as he passed and growled, chasing him. He gave a massive shallow tanked stingray flapping in the corner a wide berth. The thing must have been forty feet across and its tail was like a scorpion. It was also searching for him. The monster tossed out shards of bone and venom and whatever stingrays actually poison people with. A stingray missile left a crater by his foot as he hopped to.
He lept over a bunch of giant moth balls that moved far too fast for plants and sprinted out of the room while his clone poofed to nothing. Of course, the clone gave finger guns till the last final strand of existence. Somewhere up ahead, still deeper in the complex but closer, he could hear Professor Neuromium lamenting something related to science. For a Dungeon Boss, he sounded pretty normal.
"Twelve OHMs, Pickles. Now there's a dear. Not like those other muppets who broke all my bread boards. How am I supposed to build a quantum railgun without a proper breadboard? Do they even know how long those take to spawn? Oh, we're going to show them. Yes. Once that Pizza boy shows up at the Dungeon, I'll make sure he skips it all to bring the pie to papa. Yes, yes, you'll get a slice too."
[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining: 11:07]
Behind him came a mechanical crash, followed by tons of glass shattering. "ALL THINGS MUST BE SEQUENTIAL. WE MUST PROTECT TIME!"
Behind him, the DeLorean monster slammed through hundreds of tanks and body plowed aquatic cigarette smoking monsters. Water blasted out and shorted some of its electronics, and the three headed sharks flopped on the floor before shooting to crowd in an unbroken vat. Its feet were melted, its hat was gone, it was falling apart, but still moving. The DeLorean clunked forward with a broken voice. "We have to go…back…to…the kids…future–" It dragged itself through the Dungeon to catch Alex, but the delivery boy could not be caught.
Alex bolted through the hallway and ripped through the Science Center's gift shop. The shelves had been raided. Apparently that didn't spawn in the Dungeon. However, one display was mostly untouched, if a bit ratty.
"Oh my god," Alex said, skidding to a halt. "It's the Ferris Wheel Kinect kit. I—I need this." There were crumpled posters of vintage space operas, and only one stained t-shirt that read "I <3 Science,". Bit too nerdy for his liking, even if it wasn't literally falling apart. He really wanted to snag one of the posters. Even if it was ripped and crumpled, a vintage science center poster would be badass in his room. He could look at it right before he took a rip of some Terry. Maybe after the pizza.
Ahead, a sign above some normal doors read: "CAFETERIA"
"I'm guessing that's the boss room," Alex said, even though he could hear the Professor mumbling to whoever Pickles was. He jogged up to the metal doors, battered box in hand. On the other side of the gift shop, the DeLorean monster scraped against the floor, glitching and still coming. It even had an engine death rattle that made Alex feel not so great.
He checked the remaining time.
[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining: 5:02]
Oh yeah. Still on time.
Alex banged on the door with the hilt of the Stone Sword and shouted, "I GOT A PIZZA HERE! ONE PIZZA FOR PROFESSOR NEURONIUM! EXTRA PEP, EXTRA PEPAHS!"
Inside, there was a loud crash as something glass shattered.
"Oh Pickles! You didn't tell me he was here! Early! I didn't even have to–oh no, no no no no–"
The cafeteria doors banged open just as the DeLorean monster crashed, engine smoking. His eyebrows shot up as he was finally confronted with Professor Neuronium. And Pickles.
What was most surprising was that Alex had to look down at the Dungeon Boss and his...pet?
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