The Swinging Donkey

My rolled up sleeping bag, tent and back-pack was poor cushioning for the bumpy road and the bleating of the as yet unnamed goat did little to help issues. Yet as I was pulled in the cart behind the Guild proper, I quickly realized that I was still bone tired. Even the soreness was not enough to keep me from falling asleep within the first five miles of the trip.

I had clearly been left to rest, as when I came to the sun was already moving towards setting and I needed to piss really badly. My body was still sore, but by now it was more like the day after intense exercise after neglecting it for years, than actual torture. I groaned, for the first time in what felt like a long time I hadn't slept in a secluded area where my ability would leave me perfectly rested and recovered, but within sight of Anna, who was intentionally staying back to keep an eye on me. I was about to say good morning to her, when I jumped, as a red and black flying figure zoomed towards me. I yelped before I realized it was Chum- now with wings- tiny, leather bat wings that still somehow kept him floating.

"Mornin', boss! Looks like I hit level ten in that fight back there. Rough shit for you means a bunch of experience for me. Check out these beauties," he said, pointing back over his shoulders.

His flight wasn't exactly elegant, but he moved with more speed and agility than the tiny wings should be able to move him. It also sort of looked like he was being picked up by the scruff of his neck by the little, erratically beating flaps. But even with all that, he zipped back and forth at least as quickly as a bumblebee. Perhaps a fat beetle.

"Nice, how's things?" I said. "We're getting near mountains. Idea is to camp about an hour before we hit sunset, which should be an hour or so from now. Nobody knows when the sun sets here exactly, but it should be 6 PM local time," Chum said.

I looked around until I found the small English woman that'd been my dealer and doctor.

"Emma! Can I heal now?" I shouted. "Fuck it, try it," she said.

I pulled the tarp of my tent over the cart, and I rested. In 25 minutes I was fully restored.

"Fuck, that's better. You really get used to not having those aches and pains, don't you, Anna?" I said. "Dude I jogged daily and did yoga back on Earth. I kept telling you that thirty isn't old, you're just in shit shape," Anna said. "Riot Fest 2022," I said. "I got drunk and then you got everyone shots and then we danced all night. I would have been wrecked even if I'd been 21. Will would have died of alcohol poisoning," Anna said. "Good times," I said. "Hey, speaking of the good old days, is there a reason you haven't checked in on the rest of the Dungeonfuckers like you checked in on me," Anna said. "Well, back in the Halls the pseudoportal spell wasn't finding them, it probably counted them as on a different plane of existence," I said. "And now?" Anna said. "I've been busy," I said. "And in the hotel?" Anna said. "I- I didn't think of it," I said. "Dude, I have the same Mind cap as you do. You thought of it," Anna said. "It's just- It's just that if they don't show up I won't know if it's because they're safe on Earth or if they're dead. And if they do show up I won't know where they are. So, it's not exactly actionable information," I said. "Coward," Anna said. "Fuck you," I said, but then I let out a long sigh, "I know, I know. I was going to check once we found a place to settle, maybe got some landmarks down on a map to show them." "Yeah, because we all know you can only cast spells the one time," Anna said. "I'll do it at camp today. What, it's a complex spell," I said. "Alright, champ, why don't you check your journal? I got a third of a level from my 2% contribution, and from what I saw, you contributed a hell of a lot more," Anna said. "Alright. So, come join me in camp, we'll facecall our friends. It'd be better if they saw you were here too. If we get anything," I said. "Sure. They'll be fine," she said, and we both knew that she had no way of knowing.

So I went to check my Journal. As expected, level 15 had once again increased the experience cost by an arbitrarily huge number, so even though I'd gained

Log The Battle for the Goblin Village successful. Battle contribution- 11%. Experience to level 16: 15 000/ 32 5000

Nemesis killed by ally in combat with you. No penalty for failing to kill your nemesis personally. Bonus experience awarded proportional to your contribution to her death. Experience to level 16: 17 997/ 32 500

Skill Tactics increased from level 2 to level 3

Skill Fear Resistance gained at level 0 Skill Fear Resistance increased from level 1 to level 2

So now that happened? I would have expected facing my fears head-on over and over again would have at least nudged it, if such a skill existed, but beggars can't be choosers. At least now I knew it was an option, and I could raise it as high as I wanted if I figured out how to power-level it somehow.

Spell Upgraded: Bind Familiar: Rank 1 to Rank 2, choice pending

Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. Spell Upgraded: Conjure Fog: Rank 1 to Rank 2, choice pending

Spells

Bind Familiar, Tier 1, Rank 2 Below is the sigil for the Binding spell Bind Familiar. To cast, touch a friendly creature with the Familiar class and perform the basic casting procedure. The incantation is Aiu-Nn-Kva. Upon casting this spell you enter a magical contract with a creature that has the following terms by default:

#1: neither party can intentionally harm the other;

#2: The Binder may not order the Familiar to perform actions that put the Familiar in unreasonable or deadly danger, except in situations where the lives of both parties are in danger;

#3: The Parties shall remain in each other's proximity (no further than 300ft apart) for the duration of the spell. If either party attempts to move further, the Familiar will be magically dragged towards the Binder via the closest safe path. If there is no safe or possible path, the Familiar will instead be teleported next to the Binder.

#4: The front page of both parties character sheets shall appear at the back of each parties character sheets.

Further terms may be added by creating a physical contract on paper signed by both parties.

Rank up! Choose one of the options below:

Bind Familiars

The spell now allows for binding up to 5 familiars at the same time. The requirement for the Familiar class is replaced by the following requirements: the target must have a Mind capacity of at least 2, must be able to freely communicate with the caster, and must be able to survive on land. A Journal will be generated for each familiar bound this way.

Requirements to Rank 3: Familiars of level 15 0/5

Familiar Bond

You gain the Familiar Bond skill. This skill advances like any other skill and is gained at level 0. At level 0 your bond is as strong as a bond to a party member, allowing you to always know the direction and distance to your familiar. As the skill increases, you gain the ability to communicate with your familiar telepathically.

Requirements to Rank 3: Raise Familiar Bond skill to 0/10

"Hey, Chum, mind if I take the familiar bond skill?" I said. "Aw, shucks, boss, thanks. What's the other option?" Chum said. "More familiars," I said. "I don't know boss, the other one might be real powerful," Chum said. "I don't want more people to be responsible and keep track of," I said. "Suit yourself, the skill's good," Chum said, and so I picked it.

Conjure Fog, Tier 1, Rank 2 Below is the sigil for the Conjuration spell Conjure Fog. This spell conjures 10 x Arcana cubic feet of mist through a pseudoportal from the Elemental Depths. The fog lasts for 10 minutes or until dispersed by wind. Cast using the standard casting procedure. The incantation is Pos-Illy-Cor

Rank up! Choose one of the following options

Stinking Fog

The fog is imbued with strong, unpleasant scent by adding the syllable fah at the end of the standard casting procedure. This syllable may be foregone to cast the normal version of the fog. The smell is bad enough to distract, nauseate and even disable enemies of a weak constitution.

Requirements to Rank 3: Kill 0/100 enemies distracted or disabled by the fog

Mage's Fog

The fog is now slightly more transparent for only the caster. In the fog you can see twice as far as any other creatures inside the fog.

Requirements to Rank 3: Bypass 0/25 enemies before they see you in the fog and avoid combat with them for the next hour

I had plenty of control spells already, so I leaned in the direction of the one that would allow me visibility. The spell advancement recommended using it for stealth, but just thinking of the tactical applications I picked the Mage's Fog variant without having to think too hard about it.

"Guy's, you're really going to want to see this," Ajit's voice came from far ahead in the caravan and I snapped up from the Journal.

"Doesn't sound like he's screaming for help," Anna said, "Might not be a nightmare horror." "Uh-uh," I said. "Hey, there's a first time for everything," Anna said.

And now that I was fully healed I really didn't need to be jostling around in a goat-drawn cart, much as I appreciated the Goblin Monarch's gift. As everyone else around us was also rushing towards the front, and most of them were faster than us squishy wizard types, I barely saw what we were approaching. With Anna looking at me judgily with a raised eyebrow I cast the pseudoportal spell to see what we were looking at by casting it above the crowd.

It was a building- white washed and thatch roofed with quaint uneven wooden square glass windows. It was three stories tall and had a dozen windows on every floor. Next to it there was a stable too. A path split off from the road, leading towards it, and there was a wooden double door decorated with flower garlands of purple, white and red. The flowers of these same colors were also growing in little plots by the walls of the building. Above the wall there was a hanging wooden sign of a quite well painted donkey, swinging from a gallows and the name "The Swinging Donkey Inn" written in renaissance fair type.

The door creaked open, slowly at first, but upon seeing customers, the proprietor swung it wide open. Several Guild members jumped back and even drew swords as they saw him. The innkeep was towering over all of us at something like 10 feet tall, and at least six feet wide. He had the face of an ogre, or a troll or some such creature- large, bulbous nose, wide mouth full of large teeth and arms of bulging muscle with an absolutely massive beer belly. He wore a clean, white linen shirt the size of a tent and stood in clean but plain brown trousers which were held up by suspenders. And as he greeted us with a wide smile and a hearty welcome that put the jumpy Guild members at ease, or, at the least confused them long enough to think it through.

"Customers!" He roared, with a voice loud and deep enough to be felt as physical vibrations in the air, "Come on in, weary travelers! Welcome to my fine inn!"

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