"When I talk with my parents about the past, I don't expect to become like others, but at least... I hope I can let go. Because as I grow older, my parents seem to become more peaceful, especially my father—he started learning calligraphy, painting, and tea-making, and speaks to me slowly."

"When I was studying out of town, he would call me every few days to ask about my situation. But I couldn't talk to him; there's always a thorn in my heart that I want to pull out."

"At first, I thought if they... apologized, I might feel better; then I thought, just take a step back, as long as they acknowledge what they did before, at least I can feel a bit comfortable inside..."

Seeing the visitor fall into silence, Nan Zhubin completed the sentence for him, "But they didn't do it?"

The visitor nodded, "Not only that, the 'hard thorn' from before wasn't pulled out, but the 'soft thorns' now are increasing."

"Sometimes after being away for a while, I forget about the past and call them as if I'm clocking in at work, completing a routine task. I also try to share a bit about my life, to mimic the more normal parent-child relationships I see among classmates and friends."

"But when I tell them about bad things, they say, 'These are nothing,' 'As a boy, you have to be strong,' 'There are more people in the world worse off than you.'

"When I tell them good things, they tell me not to be too proud; there's always someone better than me, and to take things one step at a time..."

The visitor shrugged, "It's just like those jokes online—share joy with family, joy disappears; share misfortune with family, misfortune doubles."

Nan Zhubin nodded.

The visitor's [Avoidant Attachment Style] has its root most directly found.

His heart yearns for parental care, and this longing is enduring.

But each time the visitor tries to show this longing, expecting to have it fulfilled, he receives negative feedback.

Under such circumstances, this unfulfilled longing becomes abnormally full, changing from 'requiring' to 'begging'; if remains unfulfilled over a longer period, this longing will cliff-dive downwards.

Simply put, it becomes numb.

This state can cause devastating damage to the visitor's social life.

Usually, two outcomes form:

—One is becoming [Dependent], found in common cases of a good girl being deceived by a yellow-haired boy. Having no warmth at home, a little kindness from outsiders is treated as a treasure, leading to a moth-to-a-flame scenario.

—The other is the current case of the visitor's [Avoidant] style. The visitor wishes to form relationships with others but fears feedback as negative as his parents', gradually becoming closed off, with an extremely monotonous social life, forming a twisted sense of "independence."

The difference between the two lies in that the latter's "independence" often receives positive external evaluations, causing the visitor not to realize this is a "problem," allowing it to escalate.

In a sense, this [Avoidant] guising as "independence" isn't a disorder but a genuine hidden danger. For example, after the visitor was scammed this time, he quickly slid into the depths of inner darkness.

If not for meeting Nan Zhubin, it might have evolved into extreme cases.

...

Nan Zhubin looked at the visitor, and the visitor also looked at Nan Zhubin.

The visitor shook his head, "But now, I feel I have no more expectations of my father."

Nan Zhubin followed up, "Why?"

The visitor pressed his lips, picked up the cup on the table, and gulped down half of it.

Not knowing if it was from talking too much and experiencing dry mouth or that what he was about to say instinctively required calming.

After drinking, the visitor let out a long sigh, "In our last conversation—regarding my father picking up a knife, trying to cut me, and hanging me upside down over the river—my emotions became uncontrollable."

The visitor gestured, "I slapped the table."

"Then, my mother immediately blamed me for speaking to my father that way."

"And my father..."

The visitor paused.

Nan Zhubin picked up the thread, "What was his reaction?"

The visitor first smiled, "He said..."

"He said he raised me well."

The visitor then laughed more and more loudly, even began uncontrollably slapping the sofa.

"Teacher, can you believe it? He thinks he's a qualified father, and the proof is that I'm considered 'excellent' now."

"I did well academically from childhood, never made him spend extra money for non-mandatory education, like tuition fees."

"I joined the military, fulfilling his childhood dream."

"I even got into graduate school, becoming the most educated person in our little village, with the neighbors all envying him."

"He... doesn't just think he's 'qualified'; he considers himself a 'model dad.'

Nan Zhubin could understand the absurdity in those words.

Like, when faced with an injured child, instead of putting a bandage, someone who says, 'The more the blood flows, the more vitality you show.'

"At that moment, right at that moment," the visitor pointed a finger at Nan Zhubin, "I even empathized with those rebellious characters in novels who rebel against their parents, descending into ruin—because the better I become, the more I prove them right, and my resentment towards the past is wrong."

The visitor was still laughing, eyes wide open, laughing.

Nan Zhubin didn't speak; the visitor's emotions had reached a peak, needing release.

At the same time, he was silently drafting what he would say next.

The visitor shared a lot, and the problem has become quite evident.

There are long-standing cognitive issues and significant traumas from childhood, even the past subconscious has been unearthed.

The better part is, the visitor attempted a rebellion against his parents in real life—he didn't follow them and attended the court trial.

As the subconscious desire for "parental love" gradually dissipates, this is the visitor's rebellion behavior driven by a new subconscious.

No, it can even be called a "survival behavior."

What Nan Zhubin has to do next is to let the visitor acknowledge this unconscious behavior and solidify this awareness into cognition.

Nan Zhubin waited as the visitor's laughter slowly faded, asking, "Is there anything about your parents that you can think of now?"

Emotional release needs to be thorough.

The visitor closed his eyes for two seconds, shook his head, "No."

Nan Zhubin nodded, "Then let's assume, if you were now to forgive your parents, to communicate and express with them more, could you do it?"

The visitor didn't hesitate, shaking his head outright, "I've thought about it... after all, I'm their child, the only child. They did give birth to and raise me, and I have an obligation to support them."

"I will fulfill my duty by taking care of and providing for them in their old age. If they have emotional needs and call, I won't ignore them, chat a little if needed."

"But if I have to communicate emotionally with them, share my life... I can't."

The visitor sighed, "Although I think this way, sometimes I still feel... uncomfortable, do you understand, teacher?"

"I don't even know why. It feels like my mind has figured it out, but other parts that I can't control still feel distressing, preventing me from doing things decisively."

"By talking about this today, I want you to help me analyze it, and then... make me not uncomfortable anymore."

Nan Zhubin nodded.

With those words, the goal is thoroughly clear.

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