And what Nan Zhubin was going to complete next with the visitor.
Is the fourth stage, which is also the final stage – reconstruction, and turning towards the future.
In this stage, the visitor has actually already completed a considerable part by themselves.
He has now redefined his relationship with his parents and predetermined a whole new way of interacting with them in the future – which is all part of his future.
As for the remaining part, Nan Zhubin plans to assign it in the form of homework.
Thinking about this, Nan Zhubin glanced at the clock on the wall.
Today's consultation indeed has reached the time to conclude.
Nan Zhubin turned to the visitor and said, "We still have a 'mourning ceremony' to hold, but before that, I have consultation homework to assign to you first."
Hearing Nan Zhubin say this, the visitor very adeptly straightened his posture, adjusted himself, and even asked Nan Zhubin for an A4 sheet and a pen to take notes.
"Although you have now adjusted your 'Id' and 'Super-Ego', it's only their 'degree' that has changed. Their fundamental 'nature' has not altered."
Nan Zhubin looked at the visitor and said, "After you stop craving familial affection from your parents, you still need good emotional experiences to fill the gap in your heart. Your base is not of an 'absolutely independent' person who can live well without emotional support from the outside."
This statement directly pointed to the most private and vulnerable part of the visitor's heart.
Though the visitor's face showed embarrassment, he still nodded, agreeing with Nan Zhubin's assessment.
Nan Zhubin smiled and said, "In fact, I also don't hope for you to become that kind of person, a good social support system is an important tool for maintaining psychological health. Those who appear 'absolutely independent' either secretly obtain emotional satisfaction elsewhere, or they have completely detached from the conventional social evaluation system, such that their mental health doesn't matter to them."
Hearing Nan Zhubin's joking words to lighten the mood, the visitor also curled his lips upwards.
"So, after you can no longer get what you want at home, your future task is – to create your own 'family'."
The visitor's hand, preparing to write on the paper, paused involuntarily.
These words sounded a bit strange.
"This 'family' is in quotes," Nan Zhubin explained with a smile, "it can be a 'family' in the traditional sense, you can seek a stable intimate relationship; or perhaps find true partners, close friends, with whom you can trustfully entrust your heart; it can also be a group, an organization, as long as it can bring you a sense of belonging that you can integrate into."
"You need to try to find it yourself, or even create it, and from it, obtain healthy, visible, and responsive relationship experiences."
This sentence, Nan Zhubin said with great solemnity.
The visitor took a moment to absorb the content of this sentence, nodded, and wrote it down.
Nan Zhubin then repeated the keywords once more, ensuring the visitor didn't misinterpret his meaning and avoid going astray in the future, becoming fanatic about relationships like a 'dependent personality' might.
Of course, with the visitor's foundational personality, such a complete transformation is also unlikely.
After watching the visitor carefully fold up the completed homework, Nan Zhubin reached for another A4 sheet and gently placed it in front of the visitor.
"Alright, now we're going to do the final wrap-up, conduct a 'mourning ceremony'."
...
Theoretically, this 'mourning ceremony' should be placed in the third stage, to help the visitor experience grief and reconcile.
You have to say goodbye to the past to look forward to the future.
But consultants have to adjust their consultation plans based on the visitor's situation.
The current situation of the visitor greatly deviates from the so-called 'theoretical' approach.
Generally, visitors are confused internally when they come for consultation, not knowing the direction to move forward, which is why they need consultants to lead them step-by-step through the healing process.
But the visitor in front of him has a strong subjective initiative, and through introspection, he has already muddled through the healing path once.
But somehow did not walk it steadily.
In the previous third stage, his emotional experience was incomplete, which is why he had the situation of "clearly making up his mind but still feeling uneasy inside."
Yet oddly enough, he already has a vision for the future and has actively engaged in communication with the consultant.
In this situation, inserting a 'mourning ceremony' midway, rigidly following the sequence of the book, would disrupt continuity, greatly reducing the healing effect.
Therefore, Nan Zhubin simply first had the future vision part perfected as a plan, letting the visitor take it back and work on it slowly.
Leaving the 'mourning ceremony' last, completing this step in retrospect, can also allow the visitor's emotional experience to be more complete.
The visitor took the A4 sheet handed over by Nan Zhubin, understanding that this would be the tool needed for the upcoming 'mourning ceremony'.
He couldn't help but ask curiously, "Teacher, how do we do this… mourning? And who are we mourning?"
"Mourning you," Nan Zhubin replied.
The visitor was taken aback.
"Or rather, mourning the past you," Nan Zhubin added.
The visitor blinked.
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