After the purification ritual Rivi and I wanted to get some air, so we decided to fly out to a hill a few kilometers from the town where patches of moss had grown wide and thick enough to provide for comfortable seating.

Rivi pulled out some provisions we had brought along, which we turned into sandwiches, enjoying the quiet afternoon moment above the town.

"Hey, what's your like…goal in all this?" I asked after having finished most of my sandwich in silence. "Like you're the one who decided to put Melphinoe's blessing on me, you snagged me on the Floor of Gluttony when I was having a moment, you conspired against your sisters with me, were you just kinda acting out or did you have some deeper reason in mind?"

I turned to look at her searchingly. I had followed this girl nearly instinctually ever since she'd shown so much care and devotion to me in the midst of all of the mental upheaval I went through in the Goddess' dungeon, but I never really understood what she saw in me, why she was doing all she was doing seemingly for my sake.

"Hmmm," Rivi turned to me in response, putting a hand to her chin. "Would you be very upset with me if I said it was because I thought you were cute?" She fluttered her eyelashes at me.

"Wh—?" I recoiled in confusion. "But…what about before I resurrected, I was just some random guy the gods didn't like."

"Hehe," Rivi chuckled. "You wanna see something?"

I looked at her confused. "Um…what?"

She opened her spatial artefact and then pulled out some kind of crystal. "This is me before I died, when I was still a Water Fairy." A projection appeared in the air of a grinning Rivi with bright blue hair, splashing another girl in a river.

"?? You look the same." I turned to her confused.

She grinned. "Exactly. Night Mistress reincarnation is rather special. Perhaps because it's a pathway so intimately tied with desires, our form is shaped around the deepest longings of our hearts, or perhaps another way of saying it would be the shape of our souls. A Lich or a Phantom can appear as any kind of human, but it's essentially an illusion and can be changed at will. Only Night Mistresses have true living forms, because they grow from the power of our souls and are only mildly changed by the beast that nourishes our growth."

"But, I… Wait, what?" I summoned my ice magic, though it took me a couple tries before I could get a flat enough surface for a true reflection. I looked at my crimson eyes, doll-like features, the beautiful silver hair and the pointed elf ears. "But I wasn't a girl in my past life, not to mention an elf! Wha-does, does it only let you be a female version of yourself!? I don't understand."

Rivi pulled her knees up to her chest, giggling as if she thought my reactions were adorable. "You're right, only certain souls are compatible with Night Mistress reincarnation. Generally about…" She giggled again. "Half the population…"

"What? So why would I…? Wait!" I turned to her eyes wide. "No, no, that's not possible."

"You know, it's not so uncommon over here. Some people who are born male specifically seek us out because—"

"No!" Tears started welling in my eyes and a hint of anger crossed my voice. "It can't be."

Rivi's teasing expression softened. "I'm sorry, Silvie I—" She bit her lip, trying to choose her words carefully. "I didn't realize this might still be a sore topic for you. You've been adjusting so well since…well since your resurrection."

"I know, but…" tears started streaming down my cheeks and I had to choke back a sob. "I haven't really thought about it, I've just been kind of going with the flow. I think…there's something I hadn't really given up…about being a guy. I mean…I was resigned for the future, but now it feels like…it feels like you're trying to take my past too." I sobbed, breaking down as I could hold back no longer.

"Oh Silvie," Rivi moved to my side, and started rubbing my back gently. "You've been through so much this past month haven't you?" She wrapped her arms around me, and I let myself sink into her chest, sobbing as I clung to her.

We held onto eachother up there on that mossy hill for a while before I finally started calling down. But by the time I did, a drowsiness started wafting over me so powerful that I fell asleep before I even had the chance to think about it.

When I woke the sun was still out, though the shadows had grown longer. "Wha…?" I got up slowly, rubbing my eyes as the disorientation of sleep slowly left me. "Where's…?" I looked around for Rivi, only to find her right behind me…right where I had just been laying down. "Did I…?" I pointed at Rivi's lap, and she laughed.

"Yep, don't worry about it, it was quite enjoyable having a little sleeping wraith on my lap."

"Oh," my face flushed, and I turned away. What do I say now…? I looked towards the village as the silence between us grew. What the hell do I say now!? The memories of what happened before I fell asleep trickled through my brain causing a continual red flush at the tips of my ears.

"Did you have a good nap?" Rivi asked at last.

I turned to her and nodded, giving her a half-smile. Somehow I really didn't feel in the mood to talk after what had just happened before I went to sleep. Instead I thought about putting on women's underwear for the first time in Moira's warehouse, about the first time I saw my new face at the beginning of Floor of Envy in an ice mirror, about trying on dresses with Rivi.

And then also I thought about the memories that came before, the memories I found myself more and more reluctant to revisit ever since I arrived in this world. The punishments from my Father, the lonely days drifting from place to place as we moved around for his job.

The starting days at the school in Japan, where I'd always been so quiet and in the background, so terrified of any connection. I only really barely started hanging out with Kelichi, and even then it was more that we were quieter than everyone else and felt a distant sense of kinship in that solitude…

Was I really so unlikable, or was it something else driving me away from people? Also, why did I think of Ella back when I was trying on dresses? Was there something hidden there, that I'd forgotten about after all these years? Why did becoming a girl feel so right and wrong all at the same time? Why did Rivi's words make me so happy and scared and sad and angry, all tangled together? I hugged my knees up to my chest, and rested my chin against them. "I don't know…" I whispered into the half-chilled summer air. "I just don't know..."

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