Peace was a lie. There was only… feathers.

Reed sat at his stone desk in the Core Chamber, trying to review the ledger Maira had prepared. The dungeon was profitable. They had 500 gold coins, a surplus of mana, and a clean bill of health.

But he couldn't focus.

Because Riva was currently trying to braid his hair with her feet.

The harpy scout was perched on the back of his chair, her wings draped over his shoulders like a tawny cape. Her talons were surprisingly dexterous, gently combing through his hair, occasionally nipping at his ear with her beak-like nose.

"Bored," Riva groaned into his ear. "Booooored."

"Go scout," Reed suggested, turning a page.

"Scouted," Riva sighed, resting her chin on top of his head. "Saw rocks. Saw trees. Saw a squirrel. Ate the squirrel. Boring."

She tightened her grip on the chair.

"Need shiny," she whispered. "Need… hunt."

"Go help Grika," Reed said.

"Green-Thing is boring. She is waterproofing the bombs. No explosions allowed."

"Go bother Seraphine."

"Snake-Lady is sleeping on the hot rock. She tried to eat me when I poked her."

Riva flopped backward, hanging upside down from the chair back, staring at Reed with wide, golden eyes.

"Nest-Boss," she chirped. "Can I go to the Big Nest?"

Reed paused. "The Big Nest?"

"The Shiny Place," Riva pointed up. "Where the Metal-Men live. The place with the lights."

"Stonebridge?" Reed shook his head. "Absolutely not. You cannot go to town. If they see a harpy, they'll shoot you. Or worse, capture you."

Riva pouted. It was a powerful pout. Her lower lip wobbled, and her feathers puffed up, making her look like a sad, angry ball of fluff.

"I am stealth!" she argued. "I am the shadow!"

"No," Reed said firmly. "Stay in the dungeon."

Riva stared at him for a long moment. Then, her eyes narrowed. A mischievous, predatory glint sparked in the gold.

"Okay," she said sweetly. Too sweetly.

She hopped off the chair.

"I go… count rocks."

She walked toward the exit, hips swaying, wings tucked tight.

Reed watched her go. He felt a disturbance in the Force. Or rather, in the parenting instincts he had developed over the last week.

"System," he muttered. "Track Riva."

[TRACKING ACTIVE]

Target: Riva.

Location: Vertical Shaft.

Velocity: High.

Direction: Up.

"Riva!" Reed yelled, standing up.

He was too late.

WHOOSH.

The sound of wind rushing up the chimney echoed through the chamber.

"Maira!" Reed shouted. "Code Yellow! The bird has flown the coop!"

Two Hours Later

The mood in the Core Chamber was tense.

Maira was pacing, her tail lashing like a metronome. Grika was checking her watch. Seraphine had been woken up and was coiled around the dais, looking grumpy about the interruption to her nap.

"She's been gone too long," Reed said, pacing. "If she got caught…"

THUMP.

Something heavy hit the floor of the vertical shaft.

Then a flutter of wings.

Riva shot out of the chimney. She didn't land gracefully. She crashed onto Reed's bed, looking disheveled, wind-blown, and incredibly smug.

She was carrying a large sack made of rough burlap.

"I returned!" she crowed, spreading her wings. "I hunted! I brought tribute for the Nest-Boss!"

Reed rushed over. "Riva! Are you hurt? Did anyone see you?"

"I am the wind," Riva scoffed. "Metal-Men are blind. They look at ground. I look at sky."

She dragged the sack toward Reed. It clanked.

"Shiny," she whispered, eyes dilated. "Look."

She upended the sack.

Reed watched in horror as the items spilled out.

First, a pie. A blueberry pie, slightly smashed, but still warm.

"Food," Riva explained.

Second, a helmet. A Town Guard helmet, polished steel with a blue plume.

"Shiny hat," Riva nodded.

Third, a pair of silk boxers. White with little red hearts.

Maira picked them up with two fingers. "These are… Mayor Bumble's size. I recognize the tailoring."

"Under-fluff," Riva chirped.

And finally… the pièce de résistance.

A massive, heavy, wooden shield. It was painted blue and gold. It had chains attached to the back where it had clearly been ripped off a wall.

On the front, in bold gold letters, it read:

STONEBRIDGE ADVENTURER'S GUILD EST. 452

Reed stared at the sign.

He looked at Riva.

She was beaming, chest puffed out, waiting for praise.

"I stole their name!" she cheered. "Now they are nobody! And we are the Guild!"

Reed sank to his knees.

"You stole the sign," he whispered. "You stole the Guild sign."

"It has gold paint," Riva defended. "It is shiny."

"This is an act of war," Maira announced calmly. "Theft of official Guild property is a Class A felony. If they track the mana signature on this sign back to us… they will send a crusade."

"She's right, Boss," Grika said, poking the sign with her wrench. "You can't just steal the sign. That's like… walking into a tavern and stealing the beer taps. It's personal."

Reed looked at Riva. She looked confused. She thought she did good.

"Riva," Reed said gently. "This is… a very impressive hunt. But we have to give it back."

Riva hissed. She hopped onto the sign, digging her talons into the wood.

"MINE!" she screeched. "My shiny! I flew fast! I carried heavy! No give back!"

"If we keep it," Reed said, "the Metal-Men will come. All of them. And they won't play nice. They will break the Core."

Riva froze. She looked at the Core. She looked at Reed.

"Break… the Nest?"

"Yes."

She wilted. Her wings drooped.

"Okay," she whispered. "But… it's heavy. I can't carry it back. Tired wings."

She flopped onto the bed.

"We have to return it," Reed said. "Tonight. Before sunrise."

"How?" Seraphine asked. "I cannot sneak. I am twenty feet of snake."

"I can't fly," Grika said.

"I can't leave the dungeon radius," Reed said. "Or… can I?"

He looked at the System.

[CORE LEVEL 2 PERK UNLOCKED]

Ability: [Astral Drone]

Description: Allows the Avatar to possess a small, inorganic construct within a 5-mile radius.

Cost: 5 Mana / Hour.

Reed grinned.

"Grika," he said. "I need a body. Something small. Something stone. Something Riva can carry."

Grika cracked her knuckles. "I'm on it. One 'Mini-Boss' coming up."

Operation: Walk of Shame

An hour later, Reed was staring at himself.

Or rather, staring at the vessel Grika had carved. It was a crude stone doll, roughly two feet tall. It looked like a chibi version of Reed, but with a square head and very stubby legs. It had "Boss" written on the chest in grease paint.

"It's… adorable," Luma squealed.

"It's aerodynamic," Grika corrected.

Reed sat on his bed. "Okay. System, initiate transfer."

[TRANSFERRING CONSCIOUSNESS…]

The world went black. Then, it snapped back into focus.

But everything was huge.

Grika looked like a giant. Seraphine was a mountain.

Reed tried to move his arm. The stone limb moved with a grinding sound. Grrr-clack.

"I am stone," Reed's voice echoed, sounding tinny and small. "I am… heavy."

"Cute!" Riva chirped. She scooped him up.

"Whoa!" Reed flailed his stubby stone arms.

Riva hugged the stone doll to her chest.

"Pocket-Boss!" she cooed. She rubbed her cheek against his stone head. "Hard. Cold. Like it."

"Okay," Reed-Doll said. "Riva. Grab the sign. We fly. I guide."

Riva grabbed the Guild Sign in her talons. She held Reed in her arms.

She launched up the chimney.

The Flight

Being carried by a harpy was terrifying.

Being carried by a harpy while you were a two-foot-tall stone doll was nauseating.

Riva didn't fly straight. She banked, swooped, and rode thermals. The wind roared past Reed's stone ears.

"Higher!" Riva laughed. "Touch the moon!"

"Riva! Stealth!" Reed shouted. "Stay low!"

Below them, the forest was a blur of shadows.

Reed looked up at Riva. From this angle, pressed against her chest, he had a very… direct view.

"Riva," Reed said. "You are squishing me."

"Safety hold!" she argued, pressing him tighter against her softness. "Don't drop the Boss. Boss is heavy."

She looked down at him, her golden eyes glowing in the moonlight.

"You vibrate," she noted. "Even as stone. I like it."

She shifted her grip, sliding one of her hands lower on his stone torso.

"Riva! Focus on the town!"

"Fine," she huffed.

She banked left. The lights of Stonebridge appeared below.

It was quiet. Most of the town was asleep. The Guild Hall stood near the square, looking noticeably naked without its sign.

"Drop down there," Reed directed. "On the roof."

Riva folded her wings and dove.

The Infiltration

They landed on the slate roof of the Guild Hall with a soft clatter.

Riva dropped the sign. THUD.

"Shhh!" Reed hissed.

"Heavy," Riva complained, shaking her legs.

Reed waddled over to the edge of the roof. He looked down. The hooks where the sign used to hang were just below the eaves.

"Okay," Reed whispered. "I'll hold the rope. You fly down and hook it back on."

"Why me?" Riva whispered.

"Because I have stone nubbins for hands," Reed said, waving his stumps.

Riva sighed. She grabbed the sign. She fluttered down.

Reed stood on the edge of the roof, watching.

Riva struggled with the heavy wood. She hovered, trying to align the chains.

Creak.

A window opened right below her.

Riva froze. Reed froze (which was easy, being stone).

Mira, the Guild Receptionist, leaned out the window. She was wearing a nightgown, her hair loose. She looked tired. She held a mug of tea.

She looked up.

She stared right at Riva.

Riva stared right at her.

Riva was hovering mid-air, holding a massive sign that said ADVENTURER'S GUILD.

Silence stretched for a solid five seconds.

"I need to stop drinking," Mira whispered.

She rubbed her eyes.

"Just… put it back," Mira said softly to the harpy. "Please. I don't want to file the paperwork for a stolen sign."

Riva blinked. She hurriedly hooked the sign onto the brackets. Clank. Clank.

She gave Mira a thumbs up (with her wing-claw).

Then she shot upward.

Reed watched as Riva scrambled back onto the roof.

"Did she see you?" Reed hissed.

"She told me to put it back," Riva whispered, eyes wide. "She… helped?"

"Go," Reed said. "Go now."

Riva grabbed Reed.

But as she lifted him, Reed slipped.

"Oops."

Reed-Doll tumbled off the roof.

"BOSS!" Riva screeched.

Reed fell past the window.

Mira was still leaning out, sipping her tea.

She watched a two-foot-tall stone golem that looked vaguely like a handsome man fall past her face.

As he fell, the golem's eyes met hers.

"Evening," Reed said (or tried to, but stone lips were slow).

THUD.

He hit the flowerbed below.

"Ow."

Riva dive-bombed, snatched him out of the azaleas, and rocketed into the sky before Mira could blink.

Mira stood at the window. She looked at the re-hung sign. She looked at the crushed flowerbed.

"Benevolent Aberrant," she muttered to herself. "Or just a circus."

She closed the window.

The Aftermath

Back in the Core Chamber, Reed disconnected from the doll. He gasped, waking up in his real body.

"Mission accomplished," he wheezed. "We returned the asset. And the underwear. And the pie."

Riva was sitting on the floor, looking dejected.

"No shiny," she sniffled. "Empty nest."

Maira walked over. She held a small, shiny object.

It was a medal. A cheap, tin medal Grika had stamped out of scrap. It read: #1 SPY.

"Here," Maira said, tossing it to the harpy. "For… not starting a war."

Riva caught it. Her eyes went wide.

"SHINY!"

She pinned it to her chest instantly. She preened.

"I am the best spy!" she crowed.

She flew over to Reed and landed on his lap.

"Boss!" she chirped. "I did good? I returned the heavy wood?"

"You did good," Reed sighed, stroking her feathers. "But never do it again."

"Maybe," she teased, nuzzling his neck. "But the stone body was fun. Hard. Vibration good."

She looked at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Real Boss is soft. Squishy."

She bit his ear lightly.

"Punishment?" she asked hopefully. "Preen me?"

Reed looked at the clock. It was 3 AM.

"Fine," he said. "Ten minutes. Then bed."

Riva purred, a sound like a chainsaw in a bucket of feathers, and melted against him.

"I love this dungeon," she mumbled.

Reed looked at the stone doll sitting on the shelf, covered in dirt and azalea petals.

"Yeah," he smiled. "It's never boring."

[QUEST COMPLETE: THE HEIST]

Reward: Crisis Averted.

Skill Upgrade: [Astral Drone] – Duration increased.

Guild Status: Confused but grateful.

Reed closed his eyes, accepting his fate as a harpy scratching post.

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