"You weren't coming to any of the party meetings anymore," she went on, her voice now dripping with all this... concern. Crap. "And... I came by your house... I came by last time... and you just... you weren't even at home."

'Oh, shit,' he thought.

"And when I asked... your... your step-mother... she didn't seem to know where you went, either."

'Oh, double shit!'

"What... what happened, Alex?" she asked, her voice so soft and worried.

And then she did it. She tilted her head to the side.

That stupid, adorable, "I'm a super-cute and worried girl" head-tilt. It made her short brown hair fall perfectly over one eye. It was... it was like a weapon. A weapon of pure, 100% cuteness. It was aimed right at his heart. Or... probably... a little lower.

'Step-mom...' his brain repeated. 'She... she said... wait a minute! Wait... just... a... minute!'

An idea... a glorious, beautiful, perfect idea... struck him right in the brain. It was like a lightning bolt of pure genius.

'I... I could say that!! She just handed me the perfect excuse on a silver platter! Oh my god, I'm so smart!'

He was overjoyed! He was a total genius! This was it! This was the best excuse ever!

He immediately changed his entire face.

He took a huge, deep breath... and then let it all out in a long, sad, shaky sigh. He was a master actor. He was gonna win an Oscar for this.

He let his shoulders slump down. He looked down at the dirty, grimy sidewalk, like it was the most melancholic, most tragic piece of concrete in the entire world. He was pretty sure a single, heroic, fake tear was about to well up in his eye. He was that good.

"It's just..." he started, his voice all thick and broken-sounding. He sniffed, for extra effect. "...you know... the... the marriage."

He paused, letting the drama hang in the air. He slowly looked up, meeting her big, black, worried eyes.

"The wedding... between my father... and... and my step-mom..." he whispered, like it was the saddest thing in the world. "It... it just... it broke me, Julia."

Inside his head, he was screaming: 'Broke me with how unbelievably hot she is, maybe!'

"I... I thought... I thought he was... replacing my mother... you know? My real mom..."

"And... and in doing so... he was... replacing me. Replacing me... with... with her daughters..."

Inside his head: 'Those two other total baddies I haven't even seen yet! Oh, the horror! The tragedy! How could I ever cope with being replaced by more hot women?!'

He looked away again, shaking his head, like he was just... so overcome with fake grief.

"I... I was a fool, Julia. Such a... stupid... fool."

He nailed it. He fucking nailed it.

"Oh, Alex..."

Her voice was pure honey. It was dripping with pity, and sympathy, and all that 'awwww, you poor baby' stuff.

Hook, line, and sinker!

She... YES! She did it!

She placed a soft, warm, concerned little hand right on his shoulder. It felt so good.

And then... she gave him a hug.

She didn't just give him a side-hug. No! She moved right in and gave him a real, full-body, super-tight hug.

She wrapped her arms all the way around his back and squeezed him.

Oh. My. God.

This was... this was heaven. He was getting a full-on, body-to-body hug from this tiny, perfect, tsundere baddy. He buried his face in her hair. It smelled amazing. Like... like strawberries, or flowers, or just... girl. It was so good.

And... her boobs.

Those perfect, "medium-is-premium," perky, wonderful boobs... they were squished completely flat against his brand-new, expensive suit. He could feel them! All of them! They were so soft... but so firm... just... perfect.

'Yesssssss!' he screamed inside his head, which was now totally happy. 'HUG ME! HUG THE "SAD" ME! Comfort me, you hot little thing! Oh, this is so much better than money!'

Okay, maybe not better... but it was really, really close.

He "sadly" put his own arms around her tiny waist, patting her back in a "there, there" kind of way... all while secretly enjoying every single millisecond of it. He was a genius.

"You... you could have come to me, you know," she whispered. Her voice was all soft and fuzzy, and it made weird things happen in his stomach. "You could have come to me... to talk about it."

She was so... close. She was still in the hug-zone, and she smelled so good.

"There's nothing... absolutely nothing... we haven't shared with each other, right? We're best friends. So... why?" she asked, her voice full of... hurt? "Why didn't you come to me, you big dummy?"

And then... she pulled back. Finally.

...But also, sadly. Because the hug was awesome. His front was all warm and tingly where she had been squished against him.

She pulled back... but only a little bit. Just enough so she could look him right in the eyes. Her own big, black, serious eyes were so deep. And... wow... she was so pure. And so, so concerned about him.

She even... she lifted up her hand... her other hand, the one that wasn't a deadly weapon... and she brushed a strand of his blonde hair that had fallen onto his forehead. It was so... gentle. Her fingers were so soft. It was the kind of touch that... well... it made his... other parts... tingle, too.

'You... IDIOT, Alexander!'

He screamed inside his own head, cursing the "old" him.

'You stupid, blind, moron! Look! Just look at what you fumbled! You fumbled this insanely caring... this unbelievably hot... this... this fiery little baddy!'

'She's right here, and she cares! God, you were so stupid! I could be... man...'

Obviously, that warm, fuzzy, "awww, she's so sweet" feeling... was super short-lived.

Like, it lasted for about... one second.

Because her face... it changed. The "pure and concerned" look just... vanished.

"You could have," she said again, and her voice wasn't sweet and whispery anymore. It was... cold. And hard. "You could have come to me. But you didn't."

Her eyes got super narrow.

"Why?"

She asked that last question... and... she didn't even wait for him to answer.

He was just about to open his mouth. He was gonna spin so much more bullshit. He was gonna lay the "I was so sad" crap on so thick.

...And that's when she did it.

BAM!

Her hand... the other hand... the one he wasn't paying attention to... it didn't just move. It shot out. Like a cobra.

It didn't go for his face. It didn't go for his chest.

It went DOWN.

It went straight down... below his belt.

And she... she slammed her hand... right onto his junk.

WHAM-O!

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