It went straight down... below his belt.

And she... she slammed her hand... right onto his junk.

WHAM-O!

She didn't just tap it. She didn't just pat it. She... she grabbed his entire package. His little brother. His dick-and-balls. All of it. In one, single, brutal, lightning-fast move.

And then... she gave it a tight squeeze.

A really, really, REALLY tight squeeze. Like she was trying to pop a stress ball.

"ARHGRKBLRGH!!!"

A noise that was not human... a sound that was half-gasp, half-scream, and half-dying-goat... just ripped out of Alex's throat.

[CRITICAL DANGER, BOSS! CRITICAL DANGER! YOUR MOST PRECIOUS TOOL IS GETTING CRUSHED!! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! THE CROWN JEWELS ARE UNDER ATTACK! REPEAT, THE CROWN JEWELS ARE—]

The system's stupid, panicked warning meant nothing. It was like a tiny fly buzzing in his ear while a bear was eating his crotch.

Alex's eyes bulged out of his head. He was sure they were about to pop right out of his skull. His whole world just exploded in a universe of pure, white-hot, agonizing PAIN.

He fumbled... he clawed... clamping both of his own hands... on top of her hand. He was trying to rip it off... but...

She was still grabbing it! She was still squeezing!

'I KNOW IT'S CRITICAL, YOU STUPID-ASS SYSTEM! SHUT UP!' he screamed inside his head, which was now just pure, static-filled agony.

'THIS BITCH! THIS... THIS PSYCHO! I... I... I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS THIS ROWDY!!! I THOUGHT SHE WAS CUTE! I THOUGHT SHE WAS A TSUNDERE! NOT... NOT... A... A BALL-BUSTING... NUT-CRACKING... DEMON!!!'

"That's... that is for tickling me, you little rascal!"

She chirped, her voice suddenly turning all evil and triumphant as she admired her work. She leaned in close, her eyes sparkling with pure, uncut mischief.

"And... hmm... what's that I felt down there? Fu fu~ Fu fu fu~"

The evil girl laughed right in his face, a deeply mocking sound that made his skin crawl.

"Don't tell me... did you get hard just from seeing me? Is little Alex that excited? Oh, fu fu fu~"

To punctuate her horrible, horrible words, she gave his poor, abused little brother one final, vicious squeeze before finally, mercifully, releasing her iron grip.

Alex just... clutched his little brother, finally getting his own hands on his poor, suffering, violated junk. He cupped it protectively, like he was trying to shield a tiny, priceless, and very broken bird from a storm.

He immediately crouched over, right there in the middle of the road, folding in half like a broken lawn chair.

A series of high-pitched, whimpering sounds escaped his throat as he started hopping up and down on the sidewalk. He couldn't help it, just hopping and grunting, "Agh! Agh! Agh!" trying to jiggle the horrible, throbbing, world-ending pain away.

But to add the purest, most uncut humiliation to this agonizing injury, his face exploded in color. It went from a normal shade to a stinging red and then all the way to a "I am a giant walking tomato" shade of crimson.

Her comment... her comment about him getting a boner... it was just too much.

'This is a disaster! This stupid body!'

He screamed inside his head, which was just a fuzzy mess of pure static from the pain and the unbelievable shame.

'It's him! It's that old bastard Alexander! He's the pervert! He's the one doing it! Not me!'

It was true; the old, original Alexander's stupid, wimpy, loser feelings were surging back up, making his body react in ways he couldn't control.

That wimpy "charming young man" was still in there, getting all flustered and blushing over a girl... and maybe... just maybe... getting a little excited before she tried to rip his parts off.

"HARD... HARD SEEING YOU?!"

Alex finally shrieked out, his voice cracking and going so high he sounded like a chipmunk on helium.

"Seeing you would make my boner go AWAY, you... you... bitch! This... This isn't a boner! This is just... just my NATURAL SIZE! It's always this big! You wouldn't even know! You... you... POOPY HEAD!"

It was the dumbest, most childish insult ever, but he was in agony and furious with embarrassment. He acted on pure, blind rage.

He slammed his fist... BONK!... right on the top of her head. He didn't punch her, just bopped her, a hard, fast, "you're stupid and I'm in pain" bop right on her cute brown hair.

"Owww-mph!" she yelped, the sudden impact making her bite her tongue. Just like that, the tables turned again, and she was the one going down, clutching her own head and whining, "My head! You jerk! That hurt!"

"Yeah, that's exactly what you get from now on!"

He was still sort of protecting his junk, but he managed to puff his chest out to look tough.

"That's the new rule! From now on, whatever you do to me... I'm going to give it right back to you, you... you dumb bitch! Hmpff!"

He even did the little "Hmpff" thing right back at her, crossing his own arms over his suit.

Alex and Julia just glared at each other for one long, hateful second.

Their faces were both bright red, one from agonizing pain and the other from getting bonked on the head. And then, like two volcanoes erupting at the same time, they just... exploded.

It wasn't a physical fight anymore. It was a full-blown, verbal insult-throwing poop party, right there in the middle of the street. They started screaming at each other, not caring who heard.

"You're just a big, stupid poopy-head!"

"Yeah? Well, you're a... a... fart-knocker!"

"Your whole face looks like a BUTT!"

"Oh yeah?! Well, your face... your face looks like two butts! And... and... they're POOPING!"

It was bad. It was so loud. It was so incredibly childish and so deeply embarrassing.

The normal, grown-up people who were just trying to walk by and go to their jobs... they just shook their heads in total disgust. You could see them actively steering far, far away from the "poopy couple."

They were giving them a very wide berth, like they were both covered in actual, literal poop and might splash them. Finally, after they both ran out of dumb, poop-related insults, they just stood there, panting.

They were both completely out of breath from all the yelling. Julia, taking a huge, angry sigh, seemed to calm down first. She jabbed a sharp, pointy finger right at his chest.

"I didn't come all the way here just to pick a stupid fight with a total dumbass like you," she growled, her voice still rough. "I have important matters to attend to."

Alex just shrieked with fake, mocking laughter.

"Oh, important matters? Really? Important matters like what? Taking a giant, super-important poop? Huhuhu!" He even wiggled his eyebrows up and down, trying to be as annoying as humanly possible.

Julia's face, which had just started to cool down, went bright, bright red all over again. She looked furious.

'This... this guy!' she screamed inside her own head, her mind reeling. 'He... he's somehow gotten even more shameless! He's more shameless than me!'

This was a disaster.

'I... I can't let that happen! I can't let him be the one on top! I'm supposed to be the shameless one! Hmpfff... but... but not right now. Sigh. Business first.'

She had to ignore his stupid, childish poop comment, because she did have a more important matter to speak about. She took one last, angry breath and let it all out in a huff.

"I came here to invite you to the party meeting, you... you... dumb, snot-nose bastard!"

She finally spat out.

"We... we finally got an important mission. A really important one! It's... it's so important that the... the fate... of a whole village... is in our hands!"

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