Alex landed just outside the crumbling exterior of Canada's Wonderland. The once clean entrance, now all cracked cobblestone crawling with weeds, sat under a stormlit sky. The giant parking lot behind him stretched empty save for the rusted out cars that had sat there for twenty years. Rain pelted down in sheets and soaked him through. The pizza box got wet, but Alex assumed Nina had some sort of magical dough rain protection. Nothing to do about that now, anyways. It felt sturdy enough. The faded "WONDERLAND" sign flickered above and beckoned him.

It had once been the most popular amusement park in all of Canada. Now it was a Silver ranked Dungeon. It's Boss? The self named Lord Loopy Looper? He was infamous, not just because most people died in the Dungeon, but because he was utterly unhinged. A bloated animatronic coaster mascot who never shut up about fun and loopdeloops. There just weren't available people who could take him on as there were bigger problems in the world, like the Japanese Octo Boss, the Indian Snake God, or the roaming Rhino Herd Boss. The overflow was usually beaten back by Adventurers brave or dumb enough to farm it on the regular.

Alex had never been in the Before Times. Never rode Behemoth, or Mindbuster, or The Fly. He'd only seen videos online, back when the world was normal and people had families. And parents. The closest he'd gotten was a half-collapsed parking lot carnival, where the orphanage forced him on a teacup ride that turned his insides out. He still remembered the sticky funnel cake and the heat and the laughter from the other kids when he puked his guts out. He didn't love rollercoasters. Not even a little. But he did love tips. And surely Lord Looper wouldn't kill someone bringing him pizza, right? He took a breath and started running toward the rusted turnstiles.

"Stupid rides. Stupid candy. Stupid lines. Who wants to stand in line to be flipped around, anyways?" Alex talked to himself and [Investigated] the rusty turnstile entrance.

[Wonderland - Silver Ranked Dungeon]

[Current Occupants: 0]

[Time Since Last Defeat: 13 Years, 4 Months, 29 Days]

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 50:18]

Just before pushing through the turnstiles, he decided to check his busted phone. This would hopefully be the last big delivery before his shift ended. Maybe a couple more local non Dungeon deliveries. He saw a flood of messages from Mary, mostly rants about how much fun she and Jemin were having at some bar with a mechanical spider bartender. Alex swiped through her notifications until he got to Snu's new message. He sent her a quick fun message back, but he definitely felt the tension in the air outside Wonderland.

Snu: You OK? Something doesn't feel right tonight. Stay safe. See u tn.

Alex: Safeish. Wet. Almost done but I have to run some stuff through some really terrible part of town to some crazy lady in a leather dungeon 😉.

Not bad, Alex. Not bad at all. Smooth? Kind of. Let's at least try and have fun running this one.

Alex stepped through the rusted turnstiles and into the abandoned amusement park. There were potted plants overflowing with mutated daylilies that twitched and reached, a flipped go-kart with spinning wheels, and a hot dog stand with a lit neon sign that hummed over the downpour. Two paths branched, one to the left, one to the right. Flanking everything were rusted lamp posts and dangling bulbs that were off. The left path had a crooked crudely hand-painted sign shoved through the cobblestone floor that read "THE FUN ZONE (we swear it's safe!)." The right said "NO REFUNDS. NO EXITS.". Beyond the paths in the distance, skeletal shadows of rollercoasters rose into the sky. They belonged to Lord Loopy now.

Which way? Which way? Alex pulled out his GoCoin and flipped it into the air. The coin shot into the air. Too high, way too high, in fact. There was no way he was that strong. It spun into the air higher and higher.

Then, all at once, the park woke up.

Lights exploded to life across the grounds. Flickering coloured bulbs, strobes, signs, string lights, they all blinked out of rhythm. Calliope music blared from the tinny speakers. A busted and falling apart ferris wheel screeched in the distance as its carts were flung around far too fast. Then Lord Loopy's animatronic voice came through the speakers. It cracked through the yellowed PA speaker. And Lord Loopy was way too cheerful and loud for such a rainy night. Maybe he really liked pizza?

"WELCOME!"

The voice echoed across the park. No birds squawked. There weren't any birds or pigeons in Wonderland any longer.

"You must be the Pizza Delivery Boy! How wonderful! You're just in time for our EVENING FUN SESSION. HAHA! We've got thrills! We've got chills! We've got rides! And we've got candy!" The speaker squealed again, and Loopy mumbled, "Damnit. Really gotta fix that. One sec—" There was a sharp unplug-replug pop. Then his voice returned as cheerful as ever.

"THERE we go! Much better! Now, where was I? Ah yes! DO YOU LIKE FUN, ALEX? EVERYONE LIKES FUN! Don't be a party pooper! Ride the rides! Ignore the employees!. Or don't. They were people once. Bring me the pizza and maaaybe you won't die. Maybe! Hahaha!"

His laughter sputtered into static. And… something else in his voice. Softer and almost wistful.

"Nobody plays anymore. Not like they used to. Nobody screams for fun." There was a long, aching pause. "I know you need fun, Alex."

The voice sharpened again, manic and loud.

"AND I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU ENJOY YOUR STAY!!!"

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Definitely not the Fun Zone then.

The GoCoin pinged against the cobblestones at his feet. It spun once, twice, and settled with the scratched arrow pointing directly at the Fun Zone. He snatched it up and gave the GoCoin a squeeze and a look before pocketing it. He exchanged it for his Stone Sword, which was still a pebble, but figured it would be good to have in hand just in case.

"Absolutely wonderful. Just what I was hoping for. Dungeon Carnival fun," he said to himself. From somewhere deeper in the park, Lord Loopy had begun singing a jingle that crackled out through the speakers. It was definitely off key.

Zipp-zap-zoom and around you go,

On woobly boobilys and rides of woe!

Scream your lungs out, and don't delay,

Wonderland fun is here to stay!

Alex cracked his neck and planted his feet. "Okay, Lord Loopy. You're getting your damn pizza. I'm getting my damn tip. It's showtime."

He kicked forward. [Blazing Hot] activated beneath his soles with a burst of fire. He hated rollercoasters. He was definitely not going to indulge in any candy. But he did like running. And he had to give it to Lord Loopy credit where it was due, the carousel music and his song had a decent beat to stride to.

Alex whizzed past a half-collapsed cotton candy booth where machines sprayed sticky threads into the rain and failed to touch him. He jumped over a ring toss stand where giant hula hoops launched at his neck. A hammer swinging stand swung wildly at him as he passed. Two battered mallets ended up beating each other instead. He had to use the old one-two shuffle plus a clever [Phantom Step] to dodge the big one, and the hammer missed and cracked into an arcade game. As he peeled away, he heard the hammer beating the machine again and again into submission.

He skidded around a corner, flames shooting out, and was greeted by a spinning ride churning in an endless loop. A tilt-a-whirl. Dozens of skeletons were strapped into the seats wearing fresh-ish shirts that read "I Survived Wonderland!". One of them waved at him with someone else's arm. Then came the next surprise. From behind the spinning ride, something moved. Nope. Those were definitely several somethings.

"God I hate mascots. Stinky bastards."

They sprinted on all fours then lurched up to two legs. Their soggy, rotted suits looked ancient and Alex wasn't sure what was inside. There was a bear with a torn snout,, a mouse with missing ears, and a weird yellow bird thing with skinny legs and a big torso. All of them held something sharp, rusty, and in the extremely heavy powertool category. One of them shouted: "Don't you want to be strapped in?" while another added "Safety first, fun second!".

"Nope. Definitely nope." Alex pivoted hard and bolted right toward the nearest path, but not before [Investigating] the trio that was alarmingly fast for Monsters wearing soggy suits.

[GrumbleSnout - Smile Enthusiast]

[Nibbles - Warranty Inspector]

[Peepums - Flight Risk Operator]

"You need to be fit for a new smile!" GrumbleSnout the friendly bear dragged a rusty jackhammer and chortled as he sprinted after Alex.

"My smile's just fine, thank you!" Alex called over his shoulder.

GrumbleSnout and his pals tore after him, snarling and laughing as they dragged their tools. Alex vaulted a fallen popcorn machine and slid under a metal stanchion that had once kept eager kids in line. As he righted, lightning ripped across the sky and just for a second the world turned white. A giant wooden sign lit up. It was the oldest dang ride at Wonderland, ancient even before Alex had been born. Lashed together with wood and maintained for years to throw people around at speeds that should have been illegal. It was aptly named.

MINDBUSTER

- Head Banging Guaranteed! -

Lord Loopy boomed over the the megaphones in the park. "Alex, you're not having fun! You need to have fun! Do it for me, Alex!"

The mascots were getting closer. They were too damn fast. The only way out was in. He dashed under the sagging sign and into the broken ride entrance. Rotting boards creaked under his feet. Somewhere deeper inside he heard a heavy mechanical thunk thunk thunk through the abandoned rider station. He'd never been on a real rollercoaster, but Alex would have to be pretty dumb to not know what that sound was. It was the sound of the coaster carts returning. Alex skidded across the warped boards of the Mindbuster platform, looking for a way out.

I can lose them through the wood.

The planks were rotted and sagging, easy enough for someone with his build to scurry into. Then it was back to the park and a GoCoin flip to find Lord Loopy. He sprinted toward the edge…only to stop short. Beyond the railing and down in the rollercoaster's guts churned a writhing mass of shattered bones, rusted ride parts, and broken helmets bobbing like severed heads in a sea of rotting stuffed animals. Waterlogged plushies twitched in the dark. The whole pit seemed to breathe. Whatever was down there, it was alive.

"Yep. Definitely not going in there. Shit."

He gripped the pizza box and pivoted just in time to see the three Musketeers storm onto the platform dragging their power tools behind them. Nibbles the mouse gave a friendly wave. "Time for your inspection, buddy! When was the last time you were properly bolted down?" Then the mouse whizzed his concrete drill.

Alex whipped his head left and right. No exits. Only one path. Path might have been a strong word.

A rollercoaster is definitely a path, right?

"You want fun? Let's have some fun then!"

He vaulted over the platform gap while keeping the pizza aloft. He landed on the slick wooden rollercoaster track. It wobbled under his weight, but held. He sprinted up the slippery hill of the first drop while his shoes blazed steaks of flames. Behind him, he heard the crackle of the PA System. Lord Loopy had finished his song and turned up the music.

"ETERNAL GUESTS! Our new attendee has entered the track! Riders, please buckle up your seatbelts tightly!" A pause and then a scolding. "Yes, YOU too, Nibbles." Alex risked a glance over his shoulder.

The mascots were getting into the rollercoaster cart. GrumbleSnout was already buckled in and gave him a thumbs up while jamming his jackhammer into the tiny seat next to him.

"RIders, ENJOY YOUR RIDE! Alex, you better get moving….Can't be late with that pizza! I can assure you…" His voice dipped lower. "...dealing with Nina if you're late is much, much worse than anything I would ever do to you."

"Shit, shit, shit," Alex pumped his legs and checked the time remaining for the delivery. He still had a ton of energy from the lasagna, and his legs felt good. But the wooden hill he ran up sure was sharp.

[Deliver the Pizza to the Customer - Time Remaining - 29:02]

The coaster behind him gave a metallic shriek. The cart holding the Monsters had started moving.

"Fricken hate rollercoasters. I just wanna go back to the cute succubus Dungeon." Alex said and got moving. The Monsters cheered in excitement.

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