"No."

That was Alex's answer. Just... no. It wasn't a "Hmm, let me think about it" no. It wasn't an "Aw, I can't, I'm sorry" no. It was a flat, hard, boring, one-word no. The kind of "no" you give when someone asks you if you want to eat a plate of poop.

Sure, the old Alexander, the loser Alexander, the big stupid nerd... he would have loved to go travel and fight stupid things with his "friends." He would have probably wet his little alchemist pants with excitement over a "mission."

But this new Alex, this upgraded Alex... he would much rather enjoy his new life in this fantastical world. And "enjoying" this world meant enjoying all the money and all the women in it.

It didn't mean putting himself in danger, or getting dirty, or getting tired, or sleeping on the ground, or getting stabbed by some cult weirdo.

He wanted to be rich, lazy, and buried in boobs. "Saving a village" sounded like a lot of work with zero pay and zero hot, naked ladies.

"W-what?"

For the first time ever, Juliana was the one who was totally taken back. She was the one who was speechless.

She just blinked her big, black eyes at him, like she was an owl who had just seen a fish learn to fly. Then she blinked again.

She looked at him, really looked at him, like she was trying to figure out if this was some kind of joke.

Was she hearing this right? Did the Alexander... the man who always talked about becoming the "world's greatest alchemist"... the nerdy guy who was obsessed with adventure and "doing the right thing"... was that guy really saying no to an adventure as big, as important, as this?

Her brain just... it couldn't compute. It was like he just told her the sky was bright green and full of purple pigs.

"Honey... poop," Alex said, his voice all low and smooth. He was enjoying this. He leaned down, getting right in her confused, shocked, little face. He gave her a slow, smug, sleazy smile. "I said... No." He said it real slow, drawing the word out, like he was talking to a very, very stupid child.

And then, before she could even answer, he turned around. He spun right on his heel, his new, expensive suit jacket twirling perfectly. He just started walking away. He was walking toward his real destination. His true love. The bank.

Juliana just stood there for one more full minute, just gathering her thoughts. She was so sure he would say "yes." He always said "yes."

He was the boring, predictable, "let's do the right thing" guy! But this... this arrogant, smiling, sleazy guy who said "no"... this was... new. She hurriedly ran behind him, her little legs pumping to catch up to his long, confident strides.

"But... but this is a big game, Alex! You can't just say no!" she yelled at his back. "There's a super-secret cult! They've been... they've been terrorizing a whole village!"

He didn't even slow down. She was getting desperate.

"A whole village, Alex! And they're... they're terrorizing them using MILK!"

That did it. Alex stopped. He stopped dead in his tracks.

He didn't turn his whole body around. He just... slowly... turned his head back toward her. His face was a perfect, beautiful, flawless mask of pure, uncut "what the actual fuck did you just say?"

"What?" he asked. The word was flat. Empty.

Juliana, thinking she finally had his interest, puffed up her chest. "A cult! A secret cult is terrorizing a whole village... with milk!"

Alex just stared. His brain was trying to put the words together. Cult. Terrorizing. Milk.

"Milk?" he repeated, his voice very, very quiet. "As in... as in... drinking milk? Like... from a cow? That milk?"

Alex was completely, totally, one-hundred-percent flabbergasted. His brain just... it broke. What the fuck was he hearing right now? A... a milk cult? Was this a joke? Was this the dumbest, most insane, most ridiculous thing he had ever, ever heard in his entire life?

"Y-YES! Yes!" Juliana said, all flustered and talking super fast. "I know it sounds completely crazy! I know it's weird! But that's really what's happening over at that village!

"The leaders... the cult leaders... they... they proclaimed themselves... they call themselves... the Lord of the Milkers! And... and... they... they changed... every single form of liquid in the whole entire village... into... milk!"

She said all of this in one giant, hurried rush, like she was afraid he'd just walk away again if she took a breath.

Alex just... stared at her.

'How... how in the world... can she say such a stupid, stupid, stupid thing... with such a completely serious face?!' he screamed inside his head. She wasn't laughing. She wasn't joking. She was 100% for real.

And then... it hit him. KA-THUNK.

Oh. Right.

This wasn't Earth. This was a world of magic. A stupid, crazy world with dragons and potions and... apparently... dairy-based terrorism.

Of course these kinds of stupid, stupid things were totally normal for these people. This was just... Tuesday... for them.

There must be some total fool out there... some magic nerd... who was just experimenting with his magic, just like those science dorks back on Earth in their labs.

Some idiot was probably in his basement, mixing glowing liquids and yelling "Eureka!"... and he accidentally created something super weird... and super, super... milky.

'But... then again,"' he thought, his brain finally starting to work again. "If it's... if it's just milk... then what's the big deal?'

'Can't these amazing 'adventure' people handle it themselves? Can't they just... I don't know... drink it all? Or... or make a lot of cheese? Why do they need his help for a milk problem? This is so dumb."

And then... the name... the name hit him.

'Hah... hah... Lord of the Milkers! Heh heh heh.' His brain went right into the gutter. 'What a... cultural name! Ha ha ha! I bet he's really good at... milking.'

He almost snorted out loud right there on the street. He was picturing some weird guy with giant... well... milkers.

Alex stopped laughing inside his own head. He looked at her. He looked straight in her big, black, serious eyes. He put on his own serious face. It was time to drop the new truth bomb on her.

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